Chapter One

Helga woke up after an hour of sleep. An hour or two was all she could really get nowadays. She couldn't shut her brain off. It had become tradition in her life to think about Arnold until 4 a.m. on school nights.

She was in high school; it was her junior year. She knew she didn't have a lot of time left in her high school career, but she didn't really care. She found it stupid to care about dances and pep rallies; she found everything pointless without Arnold with her.

Arnold had gone on a mission trip to San Lorenzo with his parents, who had recently returned back to Hillwood after Arnold's fifth grade class went there to rescue them. Everyone was very excited for Arnold. He finally had his parents back. A few years later, Arnold's last two weeks of tenth grade, his parents had gotten a letter that once again their services were needed in San Lorenzo. Helga didn't know all the details, but of course Arnold had let her know that he was leaving.

He came over to her house two weeks before they were supposed to head to San Lorenzo. They had gotten quite close after he found out she suggested the writing contest to some of the school's administration.

"Y-you're leaving?" Helga asked, tears straining her eyes.

"Y-yes, Helga. I know it's not exactly a great situation, but I can't let my parents go without me. I have already missed so much time with them and I can't let them go alone. I'm sure nothing bad will happen and we'll be back as soon as possible. I really am sor-" Arnold was interrupted by Helga's lips crashing into his. Arnold was taken back. He closed his eyes and reciprocated back. He then pulled away slightly.

"I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to-"

"Stop. It's okay, Helga."

"I love you!" Helga screamed. She started breathing heavily and tears began to stream down her now rosy face.

"I...I...love...I can't do this. Helga, I have to go and if we say these things, it's going to make it harder for me to leave," Arnold said as he let his arms drop to his sides.

Helga looked up at him with droopy, tired eyes. She sat down on the floor, wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them to her chest, all the while crying silently. Arnold could not take her looking like this. He had never seen her so sad and vulnerable. "I'm sorry, Helga," Arnold stated, breaking the sullen silence.

"Just go."

"What?"

"I said just go, football head! I never want to see you again! Have fun in the jungle with your parents," Helga yelled at Arnold, making him frown and tears begin to form in his eyes.

"I know you don't mean that, Helga. I want you to know that," Arnold cut himself short, not wanting to make this harder by saying he loved her back. "I want you to know that I care about you so much, and I'll try to be back as soon as I can...for everyone...for you."

Helga looked up, but by then Arnold had began to leave, shutting the door behind him. Helga began to sob uncontrollably.

How could you say that? He just wanted to be a kind hearted soul, the soul you fell in love with! You've ruined everything and he'll never love you! How could you do this? You've ruined everything...you always ruin everything.

Helga replayed this moment so many times in her mind. She felt like an idiot. What was the point of all this? What was the point of school, of life, of anything? There seemed to be no point in anything without Arnold by her side. All she wanted was for him to return safe and sound to Hillwood. She wanted to see him again. She wanted so many things to happen, but she knew it was just another schoolgirl fantasy that she had.

She didn't want to think about how Arnold was doing or if he was even alive. Thinking those things only broke her heart more. She wanted to desperately to have hope but she couldn't. She had lost hope and most of her happiness. The only time she was even a little happy was when she was with her best friend, Phoebe, who had been helping her through this entire situation.

"Helga, I know it's hard, but you are amazing. You are going to be able to be happy again, and I'll be with you every step of the way," Phoebe had explained, trying to comfort a sniffling Helga.

Helga had called her an hour after Arnold had left her house. She was trying so hard to stay calm but she couldn't. She heard what Phoebe had said, and it made her feel a little bit better that someone was willing to help her and stay with her, but the surge of pain and panic she felt would not go away. She thanked Phoebe and then hung up straight away. She didn't want her best friend to hear her scream in heartbreak.

As many months passed, Helga knew she had to get on with life. She did so, but as a very slow pace. She continued to do her best in school and to not think about Arnold, but it was difficult, as Helga knew it would be. She was tired and drained of her energy constantly. She didn't bully as much as she did in her younger years, for her lack of caring.

Her parents were not any help to her constant depression. They didn't even know she was upset half the time; the rest of the time, they didn't seem to care much. Helga rarely talked to them anymore and didn't try to tell them what was going on because she knew damn well that they wouldn't understand and wouldn't care.

Helga went about her life, depressed and heartbroken. Nobody but Phoebe really cared about her. All her classmates were too absorbed in their own universes to care about what was going on in Helga's.