Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own any of these characters. They're all the sole property of Hajime Isayama. I simply laugh maniacally while putting them in awkward situations. Author's Note:
Second of all, I haven't written in awhile, so please be gentle with me. This particular story should run between 15 - 20 chapters, and I'd love to write some more stuff for you guys in the future. I have a pretty long list of ideas and a girlfriend who's constantly telling me to write more. Less Skyrim, more typing I guess. C'est la vie.
Chapter 1: Princess Leia
To say Ymir was a dating savant wouldn't exactly be the truth. In fact, to say she was the least bit suave at all would have been a flat-out, blatant lie. Her seduction skills were nil, fucking nonexistent, and would have in fact run into the negatives if at all possible. Like the weight set Armin's father bought him for his last birthday, Ymir's dating life got no action, whatsoever.
Her school bag thumped against her leg like a metronome as the freckled brunette darted across the school quad, careful not to trip over her own feet. She'd already managed to do that twice the previous week in front of the majority of the student body, and didn't think her pride could handle a third incident.
As Ymir came to a stop at the bench at the farthest corner of the quad, she tried to catch her breath. She was met by four familiar faces, three of which were scowling. The fourth was grinning despite the piece of bread hanging out of her mouth, which wasn't exactly an uncommon sight.
"Pay up, mother suckers." Sasha, her brunette friend who nursed an unhealthy food obsession, began accepting crisp dollar bills from her complaining comrades.
"I really thought she was gonna eat pavement this time," Eren grumbled. He glared at Ymir as his money disappeared from his hand. "Of all days for you to not face-plant. Now I'm out five bucks."
"Serves you right for betting against me," Ymir mused.
"In our defense," Armin, the gangly blond sitting next to Eren interjected, "your past relationship with falling flat on your face would have lead anyone to the same conclusion."
Ymir's final friend, Mikasa, remained silent. Talking would've most likely been pointless for the raven-haired girl. The red scarf she always wore tightly around her neck and mouth made anything she said difficult to understand, but Ymir and Sasha were starting to get the hang of it. It was kinda like trying to understand the incomprehensible gibberish Sasha spouted out when attempting to talk with her mouth stuffed with food.
"I need new friends. It's time to trade you guys in. Next time I'll go with ones that aren't traitorous bastards." Ymir sat at the bench next to her ravenous friend and across from the two boys.
"I didn't betray you," Sasha declared. "I believed in you until the bitter end, and that's saying a lot, considering how grace-impaired you tend to be."
"Screw you." Ymir was not amused. To accent how fucking unamused she was, she pulled out a breakfast bar from her back pocket and began eating it in front of the other brunette, who watched in horror as it slowly disappeared.
"Why were you running anyways?" Eren seemed more interested in throwing a wadded up piece of paper at Mikasa than hearing the answer to his question. Mikasa easily snatched the projectile mid-flight, and hurled it back at her brother, pegging him between the eyes.
"I was in a hurry," Ymir replied with a loud yawn. She clasped her hands and reached her palms to the sky, stretching out her back.
"Wake up late again?" Armin asked.
"Yep, stayed up 'til 4 fighting titans." Her explanation was met with a round of understanding nods.
Ymir and her friends were obsessed with "Attack on Titan." The online game had the freckled girl and her nerd friends playing as soldiers who fought massive, man-eating giants in a post-apocalyptic setting. Pretty much she got to run around and kill things from the comfort of her own room while eating brown sugar cinnamon Pop-tarts.
They all started playing it together three years ago, after Eren came to school with a crazed look in his eye, muttering about a smiling titan that ate his virtual mother. At first Ymir thought it sounded lame, but that day they went over to her friend's house and all made accounts. Ymir got hooked. While some kids couldn't get through the day without sneaking behind the cafeteria and lighting up, Ymir's thoughts were almost constantly on the game.
"I think we can all relate. It's just too damn addicti-," Sasha grabbed Ymir's wrist. She leaned in, her voice hushed. "We have a code seraphim at the school office. I repeat, a code seraphim at the school office."
Before Sasha could even finish speaking, Ymir's head whipped towards the given location. The freckled nerd's eyes fell on the most beautiful creature she'd ever seen.
Every time Ymir saw Krista was like the first time. The tiny blonde's beauty never faded, and Ymir was actually surprised to find that she looked even prettier than the day before.
The brunette would be lying if she said the reason she was in a rush this morning was solely because she didn't want to be late to class. No, the real reason she ran all the way from home nonstop was so she wouldn't miss her morning routine. Seeing Krista while she walked to her class early in the morning just made the rest of her day better.
"You're creeping again," Sasha warned.
"No, I'm just appreciating the view and have good taste."
"That's what all the creepers say."
Krista, who was talking to the same girl Ymir usually saw her with, walked across the school's courtyard. Ymir's eyes never left her.
Her golden hair gently bounced as she walked, and though she couldn't make out the details from so far away, Ymir knew the girl's blue eyes were sparkling in that irresistible way they tended to do. The blonde gently tucked a misbehaving lock of hair behind her ear, and Ymir couldn't help but imagine what it'd be like had she been able to do it for her.
Even though Krista was a year older than Ymir and her friends, they were all easily taller than the tiny blonde. In fact, Ymir was fairly certain Krista was the shortest person in the entire high school. The freckled girl had no qualms with that. In fact, it was just one of the things that made Krista all the more endearing.
Ymir stood from the bench and leaned forward, planting her palms against the table.
"She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes," Ymir recited, entranced.
"Okay Shakespeare." Eren rolled his eyes.
Mikasa used a slim finger to tug her scarf down. "It's Byron."
"Same difference," he countered. "Isn't it easier to say she has a nice ass?"
"Don't you talk about her like that!" Ymir hissed.
"Oh, like you weren't looking!"
"Not with pervy eyes! I was simply admiring." Once the blonde was out of eye-sight the freckled girl sighed and slumped back down in her seat. As much as seeing her elated Ymir, watching Krista disappear from sight brought her back to the cold reality of her situation.
"There's no need to get depressed," Sasha reassured, rubbing her friend's back. "Why don't you ask her out?"
Ymir rolled her eyes, a cold, empty laugh escaping her lips. "There's no point. She doesn't even know I exist. Even if she did, she's way out of my league. Laughably out of my league. I'm not sure people like me even get a league. I'm like, the water boy of the dating scene. Not even that, I'm the water boy's water boy."
"Why? Because she's bright and happy while you're sarcastic and mopey?" Armin asked. "Kinda like Kylo Ren would be if a storm trooper stole his favorite Vader onesie."
"Yes, thank you, Armin. Your gentle words warm my heart. Knowing I'm a depressing, evil bitch really helps."
"Don't listen to him," Sasha waved the boy off. "Of course she'd go out with you, you're Ymir! You're nice... occasionally, you're super smart, and you can defeat the entire "Super Mario Bros" game without using your hands."
"Those aren't exactly selling points to a girl like Krista," Ymir tried to explain. "It's like... well, if she was Princess Leia, I'd be Chewbacca. If she was Black Widow, I'd be some random shield member who's accidentally squashed by the hulk's left ass cheek. She's the Buffy to my Xander, the Princess Peach to my Yoshi, and the Cinnamon Toast Crunch to my random generic brand that tastes suspiciously like frosted cardboard. If this was a movie, she'd be the romantic lead who like... fights mutant ninja assassins, and I'd be the derpy person in the background who pines for her and probably dies off-screen within the first five minutes."
"Well," Mikasa sighed, unimpressed, "If you've given up on her, why're you still whining?"
Ymir rubbed her hand against her tired eyes. She bit her lip and shrugged. "Because I just want to be her fucking Han Solo, damn it."
Ymir continued to mope until the bell rang, then she slunk off to History class with Mikasa and Sasha. The teacher was going over a bunch of dates that she already knew, so Ymir laid her head down on her desk and closed her eyes. She sighed in pleasure, wishing she was back in bed. Within ten minutes, she managed to fall into a deep slumber. The class continued on. The only ones aware of Ymir's unconscious state were her friends.
Once class was finished, the entire classroom was empty, save for Mikasa and the snoozing Ymir. Sasha had already managed to escape, siting an urgent need to eat between classes.
The girl with the red scarf poked her friend a couple times and called her name. When that didn't work, she tried shaking her, but was still unsuccessful. As students for the next class began trickling in, Ymir's friend grew more impatient.
When a familiar face walked in, a wicked smile tugged at Mikasa's lips, hidden beneath her scarf. Picking up her bag, she slipped past the newcomer and left, leaving behind a puzzled blonde wondering why there was an underclassman sleeping at her desk.
"Ymir?"
The brunette was so tired she could barely process the gentle touch that was rubbing her back and the warm voice beckoning her. It felt so right.
"Hey, it's time to wake up. Are you alright?"
Since when was Mikasa ever this gentle? Something's wrong here. Maybe she's been possessed by someone slightly less evil.
Ymir groaned, too tired to open her eyes. The soft touch moved from her back and she felt fingers delicately glide over her hair.
As nice as it felt, Mikasa was really starting to creep the brunette out.
"Look, I'm too tired for kinky times right now. If you're gonna do something, don't expect me to stay awake for it."
There was a pregnant silence for a beat, followed by a giggle... a magical, musical giggle.
What the fuck? Mikasa Ackerman doesn't giggle.
When Ymir's gold eyes flew open, they were met by the kind of blue eyes that made her heart flutter. She reeled back so quickly she nearly fell out of her chair.
"Oh, believe me," Krista smirked, "you'd stay awake."
Ymir jumped to her feet and froze in shock. The tiny blonde seemed very amused. The small smirk on her lips seemed to taunt the brunette.
The Goddess was standing in front of her, looking at her, saying pervy things to her.
"I, uhm, I-I have to go!" Ymir grabbed her bag from under her desk and backed out of the room, repeating "I'm sorry" over and over until she finally managed to reach the doors.
Once out of the dreaded room, Ymir leaned back against a locker. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears and was certain she was blushing so hard the red tinge would never leave. She took a moment to calm her ragged breathing.
She just told Krista, the Goddess, frickin' Aphrodite in human form, that she could sleep-sex her up. She groaned and buried her face in her hands, wishing the earth would just open up and swallow her, putting her out of her misery.
Wait, she called me Ymir. She knew my name! She... she knew my name?
Utterly confused and dazed, Ymir barely heard the bell go off, informing her that she was now late for English class.