The Other Story: chapter 1

This story starts off in a room, where there are blue walls with white painted clouds. It's quiet. There are piles of boxes that make a small town. One of the boxes has a wanted poster of a potato head, with a reward of $0.05, mostly because it is useless. The silence is peaceful until a potato shaped head appears out of nowhere, with a gun in the hand. A young boy named Andy, who is playing cops and robbers with toys, holds the head.

"Alright," he started. "This is a stick up. Don't anybody move."

As soon as this first sentence is said to a bunch of unmoving toys, a toy soldier gets tipped over. Immediately, the head goes over to the fallen toy and shoots it. The gun is made out of real bullets and the soldier is in smithereens.

"What did I just tell you idiots?" he screams. "Now empty that safe."

A piggy bank had been hung upside-down with all the money it contained in it coming out of the floor, exactly $0.02.

"Oh, boy!" he exclaimed. "Money, money, money!" he kisses the two pennies that lay on the floor.

Suddenly, Little Ho Peep exclaims, "Why are you doing this?"

"Quiet, Ho Peep," he started. "Or your sheep get run over." He gestures outside the window, where at the driveway there are three toy sheep.

"Uh oh," they scream. "Baaahhh! Help..." They didn't finish because they get run over by an 18-wheel truck.

"OH NO!" Ho Peep screams, even though she's unaware that her sheep have been killed. "NOT MY SHEEP! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!"

There is a pause.

Ho Peep starts again. "I said, SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!"

Suddenly, a toy walks lazily on the bed. It is a cowboy but not a regular one. This cowboy had a beer bottle in one hand and a lighted cigarette in the other. Its eyes were red and it looked hung over. The clothes were rugged and the hat was backwards. There is a badge on a piece of clothing that read the name, Hardon. Hardon than jumps from the bed to the box town but he falls flat on his face. He gets back up, and throws up.

Andy pulls the string from Hardon's back and there is a voice in him that says, "I WILL FUCK YOU UP!"

Potato Head is surprised. "Oh no! Hillbilly Hardon!"

Hardon nods his head. "That's right, you bastard."

At this point, Hardon drinks more alcohol and his vision begins to blur. He takes out his gun, tries to aim at Potato Head but ends up shooting a Dick Cheney action figure. Hardon tries again, aiming at Potato Head. Letting out a loud burp, his arm flies up and the gun fires at a Kurt Cobain doll. Hardon tries once more and finally hits Potato Head.

"You're going to jail now," Hardon says, as Potato Head is picked up and thrown in jail, which is actually a crib. "Say hello to Princess Arsonist." The crib has been occupied by Andy's baby brother, who than puts the toy into his ass.

Andy pulls the string on Hardon, which makes Hardon say, "You're my favorite bitch."

While the theme song, You Got An Enemy In Me, is playing, Andy and Hardon play hillbilly. Andy starts playing the banjo, quite terribly, and drinks a beer. After passing out for twelve minutes, the twosome goes out of the room.

Andy slides Hardon down the staircase when they get to the top of the stairs. Andy pulls out a match, lights it and tosses it on the staircase. Hardon's shirt and the flammable staircase unexpectedly blow up and Andy, who is down the stairs by this time, watches the amazement. Hardon flies through the air and Andy catches him.

They are in the living room and spin around the chair. After throwing up, Andy laughs and, due to the alcohol, takes a knife and slashes Hardon's wrists. Blood is coming out of them.

Andy leaves Hardon bleeding on the couch as he goes to his mother in the kitchen.

"How do you like the cake?" she asks.

"It sucks, Mom!"

"Well, I'm glad you like it."

"There is nothing here that I've asked for!" Andy throws the cake at his Mom and jumps around. "Oh my gosh, gosh."

Mom thinks. "Yeah, I think that's going to be enough."

"Can I have a cigarette before we go?"

"Sure. Now go get your adopted retarded brother."

"Great." Andy goes to Hardon and picks him up. "It's Hammer Time, Hardon." They run upstairs to Andy's room.

As they get in, Andy sees that his brother is masturbating in the potato head.

"Howdy, little lady?" Andy says to him. The boy stops masturbating, laughs and throws Potato Head to the ground.

Andy puts Hardon on his bed and pulls his string. "SOMEBODY SHIT IN THE WATERHOLE!"

Andy takes his brother out of his crib. "Come on, little bro." The baby puts his hand down his pants. "No, you retard."

"See you later, Hardon." Andy calls out, as he leaves the room.