Author's Note: Okay, so I've had this story sitting on my computer for nearly a year now (my goal was to post it last Valentine's Day) and I figured it was about time I posted it somewhere. It's not my best piece of writing (of course, every writer says that), and could probably do with some more editting but since I'm bad at all that stuff...here you go.

Valentine

"Fullmetal, you're becoming an irritant," Mustang finally said, putting down his pen. If Hawkeye got angry at him for not doing his paperwork it certainly wasn't his fault.

Because when he'd said Edward was becoming an irritant, what he'd really meant was there was a 'fucking little brat who kept picking everyone's ass' around today.

"I am not an irritant! I'm irritated!" the blond ranted as he paced the room and the man wondered why he'd voiced his complaint in the first place. He should have known that it would only make the blond more annoying. "If you had a treacherous little brother like I do, you'd feel the fucking same!"

"Language, Fullmetal," Mustang sighed. This could take a while. His remaining subordinates had already slipped out of the office a long time ago, predicting the blond's actions. If it weren't for the fact that he needed to finish his paperwork, he would've gone with them. "And I don't see how going on a date is so 'treacherous' as you put it."

"That's 'cuz you're not me!" Ed growled in frustration before throwing himself onto the couch that was in the office. "Argh! He didn't even tell me until I caught him sneaking around with some flowers! Fucking Valentine's Day!" He ranted crossing his arms and frowned at the ceiling.

"Why don't you get yourself a date then?" the colonel asked, rolling his eyes. He really didn't want to have to deal with this. "It's not like it's hard or anything."

The blond alchemist on the couch glared at him. "Says you, womanizer extraordinaire! I don't do dates! I don't buy flowers and chocolates for some nasty girl who'll just giggle, bat her eyes at me, and spew some weird poetic shit! I do alchemy and research. I find out stuff about the philosopher's stone! There's no time for valentine bullshit!"

"If that's what you think it's all about, Fullmetal, then you are seriously mistaken," Mustang said and picked up his pen, doodling on a stray piece of blank paper in case Hawkeye happened to come in. "Girls aren't nearly as irritating as you make them out to be. And sometimes they give you presents back. Besides, it's possible that there is a girl out there who's interested in alchemy."

"I seriously doubt that," Ed snorted. He sat up on the couch, facing the desk.

There was just no way of winning with this brat sometimes.

"Well, if you hate women so much, go for men!" Roy began in exasperation hardly believing that he actually said it. In the last year or so, he had started to find the young alchemist to be quite attractive. Unfortunately the interest seemed one-side and he didn't want to give himself away so he back-tracked as much as he could. "It doesn't matter what you do, I'm only making suggestions!"

"Well, your suggestions suck like hell," the blond huffed. Sure it was easy for Roy to talk. He had everything charm, looks, experience, confidence. Who wouldn't go for him? In fact that was all that Edward had been thinking of lately. But there was no way he could let the smug bastard know. "I don't want to date anyone. I want to do my research. Think that I can do that? No, 'cause Al decided he'd leave me to go off and see some loser girl! Why's he on a date anyway? To get some experience with women or something? He's a freaking suit of armor!"

Mustang's pen paused on the doodle he was working on. "Experience with women?" He looked up at the youth. "You mean-?"

"N-not like that!" Ed said, suddenly blushing. "I mean, he's getting to know about women. Learning their ways. It has nothing to do with…with that kind of pervy stuff!"

"It sounded like you were implying it."

"N-no, I wasn't!" the blond protested and started to pace the office.

"Then why did you make a remark about him being a suit of armor right after the mention of 'experience with women'?"

"I mean, he won't be able to really enjoy it!" Ed said with a quick couple nods of his head as though he were convincing himself rather than Mustang. "He won't be able to feel the atmosphere or the touch of her hand, stuff like that! Not… There's no point for him to do anything like that! He doesn't get anything out of it!"

Mustang rolled his eyes. Dirty little, perverted, teenage minds. The only reason that Edward was pointing all of this out was because he was trying to convince himself that none of the above would happen.

"He'll be just fine," the man reassured. "I'm sure Alphonse will have a lovely time and when he comes back the two of you will be absorbed your research again. It's only a date."

Ed let out a groan, sitting back down on the couch, obviously not reassured at all. "You don't know that. What if he falls in love with her? Then what? He'll want to be with her tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that until suddenly he's saying 'forget the philosopher stone, brother! I'm getting married!' Then I'll never see him again and he'll never get his body back!"

Roy couldn't help but chuckle a little at that. "I think he'll be wanting his body back if he's going to be getting married, Fullmetal."

"Oh, sure! Give him his body back so he can run off and get hitched! That would be just great!" the blond said, sounding indignant. "That'd really just make my day! Or should I say life? Grrrr!"

"Well, if he was going to get married he'd need a body to enjoy the many pleasures of it all," Mustang said and instantly regretted it.

"Ew! Stop bringing up stuff like that!" Ed reprimanded him with an odd look. "You're just a big fucking pervert aren't you?"

"There's more to getting married than sex, Fullmetal. There's more to almost any relationship than sex. Look at your relationship with Alphonse. He can't fully enjoy that and it isn't like either of you are planning to sleep with each o-"

"Sick! Sick! Sick! Wrong! Don't wanna think about it! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!" Ed said loudly, plugging his ears. "Mustang's a sick twisted fuck who's spewing shit! Gross! Gross! Gross!"

Mustang watched the blond's childish behavior and shook his head.

When Ed finally seemed to be willing to listen to him, Mustang spoke again. "What I meant was that there is commonly more to a relationship than sex, alright?"

"Yeah, I got that part," Ed said bitterly. "It's like our relationship. You're a bastard and I hate your guts. No sex there. I couldn't possibly imagine there ever being any. The thought makes me sick." He wondered if having Mustang's strong warm arms wrapped around him would feel as good as he imagined. Not that it mattered. It was just something else that was unattainable.

"No, I expected you to jump me any second," the man said sarcastically. "It's not like there could be anything between us in any case. You're my subordinate not to mention a bit too young for my taste. It's for the best that there's no attraction."

Only that was a slight lie.

Edward really had no idea how sexy he was and weren't for the few facts he'd mentioned, he would have already asked the blond out on a date. In fact, he'd flirted with him dozens of times but Ed's responses were always enough to make it innocent teasing. He was lucky.

But then, Mustang wasn't about to make any irrational decisions after all it wasn't as if he was madly in love. He just enjoyed seeing that perfect leather clad ass once in a while.

"Yeah," Ed agreed faintly. "'Course it's best."

Except it wasn't. If he admitted the truth he liked Mustang. A lot.

But Roy had a good point. He was about twice his age and Ed was his subordinate. It was just one of those relationships that wouldn't be able to work without screwing up – meaning it wouldn't work at all. Besides, Roy had already said he wasn't into him.

But one could dream.

"It still pisses me off!" Ed hissed. Quickly adding, "I mean, Al and his dating does! Why'd he have to go and be with some stupid girl rather than research the stone with me? I don't get it! It's like he's not giving me a chance."

'Why is it always me who can't have what I want? Why am I the one stuck wanting what I can't have? It's stupid!' Ed found himself thinking. 'I'm going in circles headed nowhere like always!'

"Fullmetal, you're starting to sound obsessive," Mustang said. "Just let him do what he wants and relax."

"He's my brother! How can I relax?" Ed responded. "The second I relax, something weird and/or crazy will happen and we'll end up back at square one. For all we know, this could be another ploy made up by the homunculi!"

"Now that just plain overreacting," the man said shaking his head. "It's just a date. If I didn't know any better, I would have to think you were jealous."

Oh, shit. Mustang had him.

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous?" Ed snorted. Maybe because Al was attracted to someone he was allowed to be attracted to? Maybe because Ed himself liked someone that he couldn't have?

The man looked at him with a smirk. "Maybe it's because he's dating before you. Does that really bother you so much?"

"No," Ed began. Roy missed the mark that time. "I'm not into dating. I already told you that."

"The only reason you're saying that is because you've never been on one before, isn't that right? I bet the girls don't like you because you're so short."

"Bullshit!" Ed said, jumping to his feet. How dare he insult his height and pick at the fact that he'd never been on a date before. That was none of Mustang's business anyway! "I'm not an infinitesimal, atom-sized midget who's so small that girls overlook him! Of course I've dated! I just don't make it public like you do!"

"You're lying," the man said, giving him that Colonel Bastard look. "It's so obvious. I bet you've never even kissed anyone before."

Ed felt his cheeks go hot. Right again, Roy. Or at least, sort of right.

"Yeah, I have!" The blond said loudly, trying to defend himself. "So!? Kissing's no big deal!"

The man chuckled and Ed grit his teeth. "Mother's don't count, Fullmetal."

Ed was pissed. That bastard! How dare he!?

"I've kissed other people, you goddamn, smug bastard!" He spat.

"Brother's don't count either."

Ed stomped over to the man's desk, glaring. He slammed his hands down onto it to look Roy in the eye. "I have so kissed other people!"

"Who then?" Mustang asked, standing up and towering over him. How Ed just detested that!

"None of your fucking business," Ed snapped back.

"Meaning that you're lying."

"I am not!" the blond began, raising his voice and stomping a foot in frustration. "I have so kissed girls before! I just don't feel like telling you who! They might get embarrassed."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire," the man said lowering his voice a tad, only annoying Ed even more.

"I'm not lying!" he growled, eyes flashing dangerously. Fucking bastard Mustang!

"Yes, you are," Mustang continued to taunt, leaning in a bit closer to Ed so that their noses were almost touching. "I bet you kiss worse than a dog. Bet you have worse breath too."

Ed couldn't stand it! He did not have bad breath and no one could possibly kiss that fucking bad! The man was just so…argh! Ed wanted to punch him or strangle him or…

All rational thought left him and Ed closed the distance between the two of them, smushing their lips together. That would teach him! That would show the bastard that he could ki-

…

Oh.

The young alchemist closed his eyes and felt himself relax. The feeling of their mouths pressed together felt unimaginably wonderful. Roy's lips were hot and moist. It was the sense of touching another living human in an intimate way and Ed found that he was really enjoying it.

Just when Ed thought Mustang was going to pull away, he felt the sensation of the man's tongue slipping across his lips. He parted them a little, allowing the man to slip his tongue into the blond's mouth.

Ed let out a small noise. It was wet, warm and had a slick, velvety feel. Without thinking, Ed slipped his own tongue past Roy's and into the man's mouth. The movements and feelings of their mouths pressed together was more than enough to make Ed's pants feel way too tight for him.

Then, all too soon, they pulled apart. Ed looked at Mustang uncertainly. He half expected the man to start going on about how they couldn't have a relationship like this or something. Instead, he found a pair of dark eyes staring at him intently with a lustful look.

Ed knew he should say something but as to what he didn't know. He didn't get a chance to collect his thoughts before Mustang reached over, grasped the front of his shirt and pulled him into another heated kiss. Ed moved to grab the front of the colonel's shirt.

This kiss was rougher and deeper then the last one and Roy seemed to be doing most of the work. Ed let out a sound that came close to a moan. It was like the two of them were burning up. No wonder women flocked to the man constantly.

As Ed tried pressing himself closer to Roy to deepen the kiss, he bumped against the desk. He had half a mind to transmute it out of their way but then stopped, attempting to think.

He wasn't… He and Roy couldn't…

Mustang had a dream. He wanted to be Fuhrer. If he and Edward started having a sexual relationship that dream might not be possible. Ed's grip on Mustang's uniform tightened. He couldn't ruin that.

Ed suddenly gave the man a slight push and the two of them broke apart. Roy looked confused.

"What?" He asked. "Is something wrong? Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"No," the blond began. His stomach twisted uncomfortably. He was throwing away the perfect chance. "Colonel…"

"Call me Roy," the man urged only making Ed feel more uncomfortable.

"Colonel," he repeated this time more firmly. "We can't do this."

The man seemed taken aback by his words. Ed regretted them but it was for the best.

"Why not?" Roy asked.

"It's unprofessional."

Ed had never seen Mustang look so dumfounded in his life. The man recovered with a slight chuckle. "You're starting to sound like Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"I mean it," Ed snapped. This golden opportunity was quickly slipping away between his fingers like water. "What would happen if someone found out? We'd be screwed. I thought you wanted…I thought you wanted to be Fuhrer."

"I do."

"Future Fuhrer's don't go sleeping around with their subordinates. If I had some other random occupation I might go along with it but I don't and I can't let you screw yourself over. We both have too much to risk."

The man looked totally bewildered for a minute before his expression changed to concern. "No one needs to know," Roy suggested. "I'm sure we could figure something out."

"Alphonse would see through me," Ed responded. "He'd be okay with it but he'd be reminding me it was wrong every two minutes." He managed a weak smile. "Besides, wasn't it you who said we couldn't have a relationship because I was too young and your subordinate?"

"I didn't know how you felt," Mustang protested.

"I feel horny, Roy. It happens a lot to us teenagers, you know."

The man looked down, pausing for a minute. "You... You really don't want to?"

"Want?" Ed asked. "Oh, I want to. Wanting isn't the issue. There are a lot of things we want. This is just one of the things that we can't have."

Mustang cleared his throat and straightened his uniform a little before sitting down again. The man looked up at him with a blank expression. "That's unexpectedly mature of you, Fullmetal."

"I guess…we don't know each other all that well either," Ed said with a bit of a chuckle. "I mean, I've always been mature."

"I've never noticed."

"Maybe you never tried to."

"Leather pants are distracting you know."

Ed raised an eyebrow and the man smiled.

"Perverted bastard," Ed snorted, scratching the back of his head. "You would think you'd be more distracted by my tantrums than the kind of pants I wear."

Mustang picked up his pen and twirled it around in his fingers. "Why do you think I permit you to wander around without a uniform like everyone else? And did you just admit that you act like a two year old?"

"No!"

"You have the height of one."

"Are you callin' me an ultra-hyper, microscopic bean boy!?"

Mustang chuckled and Ed relaxed. Their relationship was back to normal. That was a relief.

"Anyway," Ed began with a sigh. "I should go back. Al will be getting home soon."

"I suppose I'll be seeing you later," Mustang said and Ed shrugged.

"Yeah," He headed for the door but paused and turned to look back at Roy curiously. "Hey?"

"Yes?" the man asked smoothly.

"Did you get any valentines?"

The man looked at him thoughtfully. "A few."

"Womanizer!"

"It's not my fault they love me. Anyway, what about it?"

"Nothing," Ed said. "I'll see you later."

"Same to you."

Ed closed the door and leaned on it, thinking. Maybe he'd send the man a Valentine's Day card…or some hate mail. Just for the sake of the holiday. He shook his head slightly and began to walk off down the hall.

Ha! He'd never seen any of those expressions cross Mustang's face before. It had been worth a kiss. Ed smiled as a thought came to him.

'I wonder what Mustang will look like when Al's fixed and I quit this job?'