Note: No idea if I'm going to continue this. I'm lazy. Nevertheless, going to post this. Unedited.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. :(
Solemn Hour
When Sasuke had left for Sound, Sakura got sick. And not just the normal cold that would go away in days, but a fever that lasted for a whole week. Tsunade said the trigger for her ailment was over exposure to the cold night because some asshole had knocked her out and left her on the bench, out in open air, at some ungodly hour of the night with no warmth of cover or whatsoever. (However, Sakura believed it was because of Sasuke's defection.)
Saukra recovered from it eventually with Shizune overseeing her condition, Kakashi's constant visits and Naruto's booming voice when he came back from the failed retrieval mission. The blond swore to bring the Bastard back and give him a good punch in the gut for making his Sakura-chan (love) sick.
When Sasuke came to know of this information six years later from a certain loud-mouthed idiot, who knocked him in the stomach on his way to the market, he gave Naruto a quizzical look before providing him the same beating. Afterwards, he went straight to the hospital, expecting to catch particular medic, and asked her about it.
Of course, he didn't really ask as it was not his expertise. He more of blurted it out without much thought, striding towards the seated medic-nin, whose attention was currently stuck on forms she needed to pass to Shizune before her shift ends. She heard him come in but made no effort to acknowledge his presence.
"I heard you got sick."
Sakura didn't answer immediately, which annoyed Sasuke greatly, though his impassive face says otherwise. He didn't like dwelling on things that reminded him of That Night and talking about it made him uncomfortable. If he could get his way, this was something he would rather forget.
"Sakura," Sasuke patiently tried calling her attention again.
"Huh?" Sakura finally lifted her eyes from those goddamned papers and the last Uchiha could clearly see the black lines forming under her already swollen eyes and the usual vibrant of her it gone, only to be replaced by a dull light. Her rosy cheeks were pale and hollow, cheekbones sharp and more prominent. He wondered when she had gotten any proper meal or sleep and noted how the room was uncharacteristically messy. Doubtless, his pink-haired teammate had been pulling double shifts again.
When she continued to stare at him dumbly, Sasuke sighed exasperatedly and repeated slowly, as if he was talking to a kid.
Furrowing her brows, Sakura answered warily, "Uh, I'm not sick."
Clearly, she was not getting it and Sasuke—no matter how he despised it—elaborated, "That night… when I had gone. Naruto told me you got…"
"Oh. You mean… oh." She confirmed casually and shrugged, "Yeah. I got sick No biggie though."
"He said you almost died."
Sakura rolled her eyes, reminded of the blond. Trust Naruto to take things on another level. Getting back to her work, she replied, "What? No. He was just exaggerating. As usual. You know how he is."
Sasuke was not perturbed and made to settle his thoughts about it. "He said you were in the hospital for a week."
Even without looking up from her work, Sakura could hear the accusation and desperation on Sasuke's voice. She dared to glance on him and was not surprised to meet his shoulders tense and rigid fists clenched at side, body taut and ready for an attack. She couldn't see his eyes as his head faced downwards but was sure that it was full of guilt. An exhausted sigh escaped her lips while she let her body sag back on her chair, fingers rubbing her temples comfortingly.
Sasuke was at it again. He was looking for another reason to blame and hate himself, add another unwarranted reason to his ever-building pile of shit called regrets. Lately, all he had been doing was moping around, trying to find faults and guilt tripping himself for no cause. He thought no one could see past his folly, but Sakura had (and maybe even Naruto; Kakashi had been out on a long mission), and she was really tired of looking out for him all the time, in case he dared to do something drastic. With Sasuke, you could never know.
"I recovered. I was fine. I'm fine." She assured him.
"Good," he retorted but the female knew she was too late encouraging him. He was already tormenting himself from the inside, slowly and meticulously destroying what was left of his sanity. If Sasuke could feel ashamed, he would have been dead from drowning on remorse a long time ago. Unfortunately his pride was too gigantic to swallow it; hence, it showed on his actions. Sasuke could be easy to read through his dealings. Naruto would often send an unconscious Sasuke to the hospital at some random hour and explain that the bastard had been training for twelve hours with no rest or he'd been starving himself for two days, Sakura-chan! Can you believe it?
No, Sakura could not believe it. If the Uchiha heir deemed that by hurting and stressing his body would atone his sins, then his beliefs were messed up (as well as his common sense).
This made Sakura's heart swell with grief. Always, always he would deal with this alone. She couldn't take it! Could he not forgive himself for what he had done? No matter how heavy the weights of his actions were? He was sorry and even when he spoke nothing of it, she knew and Naruto knew and Kakashi too, still the Hokage understood! Perhaps he should let the ghosts of his past go in order to be happy.
But he wouldn't and that was the problem.
"Sasuke-kun, I'm really so—"
"Don't Sakura," Sasuke finally looked straight at her, anger flashing on his eyes. "Do not apologize."
Breaking her resolve of keeping calm and leveling the glare she was receiving, Sakura stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "No Sasuke, you don't. Stop this. Stop thinking that everything is all your fault and ifs and maybes. What's done is done. Just please, please forget about it, can you?"
"I can't," he answered sadly, breaking off the eye contact and settling his attention on some far off space.
"You won't. I understa—"
Interrupting her, he gave the coldest stare he had given her. "You don't."
The pink-haired medic resignedly, pissed. Of course, she was going to be treated like some dimwit and weak fan girl he knew before. Like she doesn't know pain and blood and shit. She was a medic-nin for Kami's sake! She had a high tolerance for pain and experienced death on a daily basis. Sometimes it was as if her teammate never saw the change that had occurred to her when he had defiled for that snake man. Always stuck in the past.
"You're right. I don't," Sakura said evenly, walking around her desk and standing up in front of him. Her emerald orbs softened when it landed on him and she smiled sincerely. "But I'm here now and alive right?" She touched his forearm with a gentle hand and Sasuke finally turned to her again. "Doesn't that matter?" Her hands itched to touch his face but she knew she was already close to popping his personal bubble. "Sasuke?"
Black eyes slid to his teammate's petite form, full of rage and guilt and what if you didn't recover because I was fucking stupid and selfish and I hate myself for doing what I did? Sasuke wanted to tell her a lot of things but he found no words, no assertion. He made to turn and run away from this room, from this conversation, from everyone, from her and coop up inside his dark lit house alone forever. However, Sakura knew he would bolt out, as he always did, and she quickly grasped his arm firmly and pulled him to her. She was taken aback by the strength she had put into it and she and Sasuke stumbled down, until she had brushed her shoulder on one of the corner of her desk and fuck that was going to leave a bruise and she had to support her body as well as his and somehow, they ended up on the floor, with him on top of her, his nose buried on the curve of Sakura's neck. He could smell her sweat and apples and bitter medicine. Sakura stayed still, not knowing what to do, waiting for Sasuke to peel himself off her but he didn't and for the next minute, they remained in the same position until someone had walked inside Sakura's office with a loud,
"Hey Sakura, I was wondering if—" Tenten blinked and stared at the couple sprawled on the floor awkwardly. A beat passed. "I'll come back later."
With the speed of bullet, he was off her in a second, pushing past the dumbstruck brown-haired weapon mistress and not even sparing a glance back at Sakura. Silence ensued between the two girls. Sakura broke it by standing up from her previous position and asking nervously, "What is it you want again?"
Half-heartedly, Sakura listened to her friend talk about spars and chakra control but her mind was somewhere far, far away, centered around on a certain raven-haired avenger. Their talk may have been interrupted but Sakura swore resolutely, it would not be delayed any further.
It was time for Sasuke to face his greatest fears.