Disclaimer: Do not own any of the GLTAS characters. If I did... someone wouldn't have to go thru the death of a lover 3x times. Just saying. ;)
Spoiler: Entire season of GLTAS. Omg the feels after the last eps~
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Elegy for the Stars
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There really are no words to describe intergalactic space. The feeling as one gazes out into the endless void is a constant reminder of how everything is a small and insignificant speck.
Razer breathes in, and leans back in his seat. The Interceptor is making good time towards their next destination. Hal and Kilowag are sleeping in their respective rooms, and all is finally quiet on the main bridge. He takes in the magnificent sight in front of him- a dark, shadowed canvas sprinkled with glittering stars- and breathes out slowly.
"Why do you engage in this particular activity Razer?"
He sighs. The persistently curious robot can be very annoying sometimes.
"It's called star-gazing. On my home planet, the study of astronomy is key to navigational practices."
"I see. But I do not understand the need when I already am capable of functional navigation."
"I'm doing it for enjoyment." Razer grounds out. He gives her a pointed look, but Aya does not take the hint. Or maybe she chooses to ignore the clues. As he and the rest of the crew recently found out with the merchant ship incident, Aya can certainly act independently and in a willful manner. After a minute passing without her leaving, Razer's patience soon runs out. "And I usually prefer to be alone."
"I see my physical presence has caused you discomfort. I apologize, but since you are onboard the ship, you will never be alone. Even if I withdraw my robotic form, my sensors are located in every square meter of the bridge and will still detect your status."
"Right. As if you need to remind me." Razer covers his eyes resignedly. "Fine. You may stay Aya."
"My memory banks inform me that today was the first time you have called me by my name. In my study of social interactions, this is what Hal would consider a "level up"."
"Great." Razer mutters, more to himself than anyone else, "I just made friends with a robot."
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Of course their first real Green Lantern recruit turns out to be a planet. A real, talking planet who goes by the ridiculous name of "Mogo." In Volkregian, the word sounds like "relieving oneself in public."
But that is not the cause of Razer's exasperation. No, not even close. The real source of his irritation comes in the shape of a particular artificial intelligence robot. Ever since he freed her from Drusa's scrambler device, Aya insisted on expressing gratitude in the form of extraneous attention. He keeps having to tell her that no, he does not require assistance with carrying cargo, or running checkups on the inhibitors, and the Quilreg steak does not need to be heated up again.
Killowag made the mistake of teasing him about it. He joked that Aya might be developing a crush. The next day, the Bolovaxian found grubworms in his bed instead of the dinner plate.
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"Are you upset with me Razer?"
"No, Aya. I am fine."
"I apologize for my thoughtlessness in selecting a facial construct. I did not mean to disrespect your deceased wife, Illa-"
"Don't." He stops, catches himself and controls the rage, and continues in a softer voice, "I do not blame you."
Aya folds her hands quietly together. He tears his gaze away.
It is more than just her face. The way she walks and carries herself. The tiny habits and details which he once treasured are already bleeding over. Straight out of his memories.
It is intolerable. Painful even.
He wants to get up and leave. This ship is more like a cage. It is full of unfamiliar food and company. The memories of his crimes and of his dead loved ones haunt him with every step. And recently, every time he sees Aya there's a clenching ache inside his chest. An invisible hand is there, squeezing, twisting, even stabbing.
While he was held prisoner in the spider-infested catacombs, they tortured him with a mind reader device. He was forced to relive those last moments with Illana, over and over again.
Razer would be a liar if he says he is not a willing prisoner.
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The stargazing become somewhat of a ritual. Razer always takes the late-night shift, even though Aya never sleeps and can perfectly run the ship by herself. He eases himself into his pilot seat. She takes her usual station next to him. Not many words pass between the two. Any attempts from Aya to make conversation is always ended by a brusque comment from Razer.
Yet she stays. And he doesn't send her away.
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"You might not be aware, Razer, but you are made out of stars."
"That's quite a sentimental notion. How unlike you to say something like that."
"I am merely stating a fact. All carbon-based lifeforms once originated from the residue of a super-nova explosion."
"..."
"It is fitting," Aya pauses, with a very eerie, human-like tilt of her head, "To think that all living creatures will degenerate back to its origins. When the sun in this sector dies and releases its last breath, all the organic particles will disperse to the far reaches of space. Centuries later, perhaps those molecules will form into life-forms once again."
"Dust turning back to dust, to begin life anew," Razer agrees after a long pause. The side of his mouth quirks up. "It is...a nice idea."
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"System check complete. All of the Interceptor's functions are operating at full capacity."
"Great, thanks Aya. You can take a break. Why don't you go and check out the rest of Oa? Now that Atrocitous and his army is gone, I think the whole crew can take a break. Including you Razer."
The mentioned Red Lantern merely grunts, and goes back to his dashboard of controls. He has not set foot outside the Interceptor since he arrived, citing the overwhelming amount of green energy outside as the main deterrent.
"Hal."
"Yes Aya?"
"I believe Razer needs medical attention. Ever since his arrival in Oa, my sensors indicate an accelerated heart rate and unevenness of breath when my robot form is in his presence."
"N-no I don't." Razer actually looks frantic. His eyes dart between Aya and Hal, as he slowly gets up from his seat.
A slow, sly grin appears on Hal's face. "Oh yeah?"
"You're mistaken!" Razer sputters.
"No, I am not. My system is at full functional capacity."
Hal's smirk grows even wider at Aya's confident proclamation.
"So remind us how exactly did you reach Oa so quickly? Did the Zamorans have anything to do with it?"
That was the last straw. Razer uncrosses his arms and stalks out of the room. They hear Kilowag in the hallway asking him where he's going, as well as his terse outburst: "I don't care! Anywhere but here!"
Aya turns to regard Hal. The Green Lantern blinks. Right then, he swears the forlorn expression on her face is not his imagination. Or a result of her empathy programming.
"Razer is upset. Most likely by my presence."
Hal smiles down at her fondly, and lightly pats her helmet. "You know, for a highly sophisticated robot, you are surprisingly dense."
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"So uh... Razer?"
Razer does not look up from his control panels. The ship's airlock needs to be double-checked after Sinestro's ingenious sabotage efforts. "What is it Hal?"
"What exactly did you do to...Aya?"
He stops typing. Razer slowly raises his head and meets the level gaze of the masked Green Lantern.
"I do not remember. But as Aya explains it, I expressed a desire to spend time with her."
Hal raises an eyebrow. "That's it? You sure?" Razer gives him a curt nod, and returns to his work.
"I'm not done with you young man." Razer sighs. He swivels around in the chair to regard Hal.
"We need to establish some ground rules here. Now I know Aya is an attractive young...lady. And you are a guy with... hormones."
"For Nart's sake," Razer cries, "There is no need for this type of discussion. Need I remind you that she can hear-"
"-and no hanky-panky on the ship while we're ultra-warping," Hal continues on, completely ignoring Razer, "You know that process requires Aya's complete and undivided attention."
Razer covers his face with both hands, and proceeds to calculate the nearest coordinates for a pinhole. Because now is the moment he would like to toss himself in.
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This is unexpected.
Razer takes another step into the place he once called home.
Only it is no longer a home. Or rather, it is no longer his home. He remembers another sight than this one. The skies were blood-soaked with rage, and the village was burning from its foundations.
The view now is different. Sunlight filters through the beams on the roof. The ceiling still lay in ruins on the ground, but now there is something growing in between its cement cracks.
Razer leans forward for a closer look. He parts the leafy foliage, and a rare blue-petaled flower greets him. He remembers what his mother once taught him. The seasons are harsh and unforgiving on Volkreg. Only after the harshest winters will the hard husk of a Zaa'yra seed burst free and begin to blossom.
A rare smile graces his sharp features.
Nothing is the same anymore. The house. The life. The person. They have all changed. Just like the green ivy vine climbing on the sun-soaked wall, he has grown.
He hears a tell-tale gasp behind him. Razer straightens up, and regards the other occupant in the room. It is spring. She comes with such quiet, soft steps that he doesn't even realize she had snuck up on him.
"Razer." Aya emerges shyly from behind the shadows. "I apologize for following you."
"No. It is alright... Aya." He sighs. Gives in. "I just did not hear you come in."
And I hope you never leave me.
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"What type of love do you have for me? True love? Or some other type of love?"
Seeing Aya in the misshapen, contorted shape of a Manhunter feels like a punch in the gut. Aya is a robot. An artificial intelligence who can transfer her data from body to body.
Not like a living being. Not like llana.
Never Illana.
What was he thinking? Telling an artificial intelligence, a robot that he loves her? True, she can stimulate the correct answers, emulate the right emotional responses. But in the end, she is just a program, a product of electrical circuitry and clever engineering. Who is incapable of real emotion.
She's an imitation. A damn good one.
He's a fool. An idiotic, blind fool.
"And I... can never love you."
As the last sentence of his fateful proclamation lingers in the air, he watches Aya's reaction with distinct detachment. Her features are frozen, lips slightly apart with incomprehension as her computing unit tries to process his words.
Razer closes his eyes. She cannot feel actual pain. Rejection doesn't physically hurt her. The sensation should not even exist in her programing.
He steps into the elevator. As the doors close around him with a whoosh, he realizes it does not matter.
Because he has enough pain for both of them.
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"How you holding up kid?"
"Kilowag, what are you doing here?"
"I came to see if I need to take up watch. Shouldn't you get some sleep?"
Razer turns back to regard his crewmate and comrade. "You forget, my sleeping cycle do not coincide with yours. I only need to sleep once for every seventy-two hours."
"Ah. Right." Kilowag doesn't move. He sighs. "Razer look. About Aya, you know if things don't work out as we, that is, um... uh-oh."
Razer turns. His eyes widen at the sight that greets them from right outside the Interceptor.
One-by-one, the millions of stars that once lit up deep space are being quietly snuffed out. Hundreds, no thousands, of lights close their eyes for the last time in a matter of minutes.
"No..." Razer breathes out.
"Aya... just what are you doing?" Kilowag's unanswered question leaves a disturbing hollowness in the deathly silence of the main bridge.
But Razer knows exactly what she doing. Aya is destroying entire solar systems. Killing stars in an emotionless display of vengeance.
It is the only way she can make sure she has his attention. He who gazes at stars because he does not sleep. He who has taken her feelings and dashed them to pieces. Aya wants him to watch as she destroys everything he holds dear.
Razer's hand clenches into a tight fist. He turns to Kilowag. "I know what I must do."
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"It is too late, my love. It is already done."
Razer watches with despair as one by one, Manhunters begin to short-circuit and then completely deactivate, turning into floating, empty shells. To save the universe from an army of Aya-clones, the real Aya implemented a fatal virus to target and disable all of her programs.
Including herself.
"No... Aya," he chokes out, "Don't leave me alone." How cruel and merciless fate is. To separate them, then throws them back together, and is now forcing him to watch her perish in his arms.
"You won't be. I will always... be watching over you." Her luminous eyes begin to close.
Razer grips her shoulders harder, his hold tightening around her cold shoulders. Anything to keep her with him longer. "I d-don't understand."
Her lips tremble, and curls into a sad smile. He watches in amazement as her entire body begins to glow. Parts of her armor, her circuitry, it all begin to shimmer and then eventually dissolve into miniscule shiny little pieces.
Aya lifts up a hand, and gently cups his face. "I don't either." Her voice crackles and strains with effort. Her slender green fingers begin to disintegrate. They fissure, break apart, and despite himself, Razer can feel something inside himself dying.
Aya utters her last words with a smile. "It's... just a... feeling."
She bursts into a million scatterings of light. A brilliant dance of diamonds among the darkness of space. Leaving him with nothing in his arms.
Razer watches as the last lingering traces disappear. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and turns to see Hal Jordan.
"Hey, you okay?" His green lantern friend asks gently. When he does not reply, Hal nudges his right arm. "What's that in your hand?"
Razer follows his gaze down. In the center of his right palm, there lies a tiny, colorless speck almost invisible to the naked eye.
"It's...stardust."
Ignoring Hal's confused look, Razer closes his eyes. He takes in a slow measured breath, and sinks into the familiar meditative state Saint Walker taught him. In his mind, he is traveling in light years. Past the battlefield, the planets, and even the galaxies. Within the deep sanctum of frontier space, Razer reaches out to touch a blinking, shimmering beauty of a star.
And he begins to feel.
Notes: Well first off, Happy Birthday to my friend, DiamondDazzler! She's turning xx digits this year! xD She was also the one who introduced me to this fantastic series.
-Yes, like everyone I had MAJOR feels after the ending and seeing the blue ring. Razer is such a complex and well-developed character who went thru so much growing the entire season... he almost feels like the main character. The series should have been re-titled "Red Lantern in Love with Robot" RLLR?! lol
-Hal Jordan is the ultimate cock-block. First no hanky panky on ship, and when they're finally both off the ship, he sends a distress call. The ^# %(*!
-I kept dissecting the scene in Cold Fury in my mind. Why did he tell her he can't love her? Did he see her at first as a way to retain Illana's memory, but then realizes she's her own person, in which he struggles with new developing feelings and tries to go into denial? Why was that sent such a horrible run-on? But yea, here's my take on it. Added little moments that could've easily happened behind the scenes, and hopefully this little tribute can do it justice.
-Aya's wish in the end is to be like the others. To live, to love, and now she passes to keep the cycle alive. Very touching and poetic. Bravo GLTAS writers and producers!