Disclaimer: I do not own The Secret Life of The American Teenager or anything. It is the property of its respective producers and writers, and are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.

*This is based on the TV series The Secret Life of The American Teenager. This is my point of view of its future, after the series finale on TV*

This fan-fiction is based in all events of the TV show and it starts a month after the 5th season finale. It has a mature and detailed narrative of the events that happened after Amy left to go to New York, and plus Amy's point of view through her Journal's Entries.

**From ideas and inspiration I had after watching the whole series, since I wasn't satisfied with the end. English is not my first language, please excuse my grammar mistakes. I'm still learning =) **

*Time: Summer 2013, after high school graduation* Journal's Entries

Welcome to your New E-Journal

Password: *********

Dear Diary,

It's me again. This is a brand new piece of my life, a brand new place, a brand new diary.

It has been a month since I left California, I miss John every second and I hope I can make this situation worthy, after all this pain which is punishing all of us. We constantly see each other using the computer but with their schedule off mine, it's really a challenge to connect.

I might have found a part-time job, which is a great start. I was looking for an opportunity since my second day here. Even though my mom is helping me with most of my bills, I still need and want to provide to my son. I think I will call Ricky as soon as I get this job, I don't want him to think I am not supporting my son too.

Ricky is distant and his behavior is reasonable. I can see he's trying his best at the moment to keep my relationship with John constant and warm. After everything, we need to be friends, we're friends.

I don't' want to talk about my family right now. My dad stills criticizes me for leaving. My mom supports me but sometimes I think that deep down there, she's just projecting her life or the life she didn't have, on me. And Ashley is being Ashley…

I don't' know yet if I can say this out loud but there's someone that has been really my sister in the last weeks. Grace is my half-sister and even though I didn't consider it for a while, she's kind of my family now. She is the closest friend and family I have. She will study at NYU, starting this Fall Term, and she's spending the summer here to get to know New York. We had really good conversations in the past week, which helped me to keep motivated.

Hudson University is an amazing institution. I'm flattered after every class. There's only one thing that is annoying me right now. Ben started this summer too, and he is following me around. He's trying to take me to lunch, dinners, to study, to anything he has the chance to ask, he's so immature. He forgot everything that happened in the past year. I don't want to get involved with anyone right now. I just want to have a chance to come to my own rescue this time.. Only me, Amy Juergens.

Logging off…

California

Life goes on. It was something that kept repeating itself on Ricky's head, at least for the first few weeks. He invested so much on changing and being a better person and now he felt broken, shattered. This abstract and angst feeling was taking over himself. He knew it was time to go meet a good friend, he was ready for a long talk to Dr. Fields.

"Hello Ricky, how are you doing?" Said Dr. Fields while opening the door.

"Hi Dr. Fields, it's good to see you. Thanks for making time for me."

"Don't worry, Ricky, I'll always have time for you."

They both got comfortable and even though the section had already started for a while, the silence was overwhelming. Then Ricky decided to vent about everything that just happened. All his frustrations, how much he had changed to be a great guy and the feeling of betrayal were spilled over his countenance.

He told Dr. Fields what had happened on that night. He told about the discussion, about love and Amy leaving. Ricky wanted now to understand the whole situation and ended the section with the most hurtful questions.

"I really love Amy, she is the mother of my son. She cares about me, she gave me so much. She was the first person that really trusted me, cheered for me. She is the person I care most after John, even though she left in that way. I want to understand what we did wrong, why is so important to her 'to be in love'? Isn't my love for her enough? What difference that makes? Is this some girly thing or what? She said I was going to marry her because she is John's mother. " Ricky blurted.

Before he could gasp and continue, Dr. Fields gave him some thoughts to think about:

"Do you remember when you were younger and used to come here every week saying that you were in love with ?some high school girl? - Ricky nodded while looking down to his feet - And you remember what I always told you about love? You will only be able to fully love someone when you love yourself. I'm not talking about father-son love, mother-son love, family love, I'm talking about romance, loving someone that you want to spend your entire life with. When you stop to be so worried about others think about your life, your family and you, then you'll know that you're not here in this life to please people, you are here to please yourself and consequently please people. So, by saying that, do you love yourself at this point, Ricky? Does Amy love herself? Were you marrying Amy because of John only? Do you think you can fall in love considering those questions?"

After a few minutes on silence, Dr. Fields could see a spark on Ricky's eyes and then he decided to conclude that section with a final thought.

"I will give you an assignment, Ricky." Dr. Fields had this half smile on his face. "I want you to go home and reflect a little about what we just talked. I want you to find yourself, discover yourself. Find something meaningful, or some hobby or something that pleases you and you don't need anyone else to do it. Just learn how to enjoy yourself and next time when you decide to call me at last minute again, we'll talk about it and will see if you can give me answers for those questions".

Ricky left feeling somehow full and enlighten, maybe even inspired. He decided to switch between angst to curiosity and see how it goes. At first time in a month, he felt hope, he felt relief.

New York

Tick Tock, Rush, Rush. This was Amy's New York. Amy was trying to finish as many classes she could. She was willing to graduate earlier so she would not spend so many years apart from John. She was determined and focused, very busy all the time and trying to not feel overwhelmed.

It was a quite Thursday afternoon and Amy was going back to her apartment. Leo kept his promise to Ricky and is somehow helping Amy to have her chance and also be able to have her family in New York, even though that had changed. In the middle of her way, her phone rang.

"Hello, who's this?"

"Is this Amy Juergens?"

"Yes, that's she."

"I would like to congratulate you on your application, you're hired! This is from Manhattan Mocha Coffee Shop."

"Oh My GOD! That is amazing! Thank you so much for your call! I'll drop by to get my schedule."

Amy was so happy. She finally accomplished a milestone on her plan. She wanted to tell someone and without thinking she just dialed her number one speed dial.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice answered.

"Hey Ricky."

"Amy?"

"Yeah, how is John? I've missed my boys…" Amy gasped.

"What?" Ricky said still sounding sleepy.

"I've missed John" Amy corrected and hope he didn't notice. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, no, I'm just tired and I took a nap with John, I guess." They both giggled.

"Hmm, I'm sorry I didn't call before, I just need some time. But what I really want to tell you is that I got a job!"

"Really? That is nice Amy, that is good. I'm happy for you, where is it?"

"Remember that coffee shop we had breakfast here? And I used to go every day on my music program? So, I dropped by and the guys recognized me, We talked and I decided to apply since they were hiring and I like that place anyway. "

"Hmm I see." Ricky seems a little worried about it, but tried to not show it on his voice. He congratulates her again, tells her to call when John is awake and hung up.

Amy puts her phone down and start to think about what just happened. She feels astonished and nostalgic perhaps.

"What did I just do? I called my ex-fiancé, who I just left to live across the country, to tell him I got a job? " She asked herself perplexed. "Was that the course of habit or what? " She walked home thinking about it, she just want to get home, take a shower and put her head over a fluffy pillow.

Journal's Entries

Dear Diary,

It has been two weeks since I got my job and six weeks since I moved to New York. The life in The Big Apple is amazing and exhausting too. I'm glad that I moved but my heart still crushed because of John and even Ricky.

I want to give you an updated on everything I accomplished recently. Well, you know I got a job and I love work at the coffee shop. They are awesome, flexible and always let me call John because of the time difference. I am working in early morning shifts and then going to classes in the afternoons. Mrs. Walter, my counselor at Hudson University, has helped me so much. I was able to start more classes than I actually could so I can try to finish my degree earlier than expected, considering my situation. She also gave me a 2-week break since I am doing so well on my exams! Can you believe it?! It's perfect to see John!

There is one new thing I started to do once a week that is making me feel so much better and helping me understand myself and what I've been through. Remember the music program for teen moms? So, I came back there and they let me participate in regular meetings and seminars there! And for the first time, they invited me to host one meeting next month! I'm so proud of it!

Talking about proud, ha ha. I managed to learn so many things about hiding and avoiding people, and in this case by people I mean Ben, the stalker. The situation is so immature and unbelievable that I started to laugh about it already.

Well, I finally found enough courage to go back for the first time. At this point, I need to see John and my insecurities were not stopping it anymore. I was afraid. Afraid of facing people, people I care, people I love, people I've disappointed.

Ricky and I, are managing a stable relationship, as friends and John's parents. We don't talk as much as before, text is our thing now, and it's understandable. I did hurt him more than the other way around. He calls when I ask, I call when it's time to talk to John.

Tonight I started to pack my things to go back and spend almost 2 weeks in California. I will see my family! John must be talking non-stop and how much I miss them.. I still feel bad about leaving for so long and being a mom by distance is not working so well as my mom assumed. I really don't know where should I stay there. My dad's and Kathleen's place? My old family house which is practically abandoned? My mom's place in Palm Springs? Well, I think I'm not invited for The Apartment above the Butcher Shop..

I think I'll meet Grace in the morning and see what she thinks about it.. I texted Madison and Lauren but I can't wait their replies..

Amy Juergens

Logging off…

New York

"Hey Grace! How are you? Thanks for coming!" Amy was nervous and excited to see a familiar face again.

"Hey Amy! I'm fine and you? You look great! No problem sis, anytime!" Grace looked so nice, she improved her style, she was using heels and more make up than usual.

"It's so good to see you! I really appreciate you taking some time and coming over to talk" Perhaps this was the first time that Amy looked to Grace as some kind of family. She feel relief and she knew she had someone to lean on. "So, I'm going back home, I miss John, I miss my family. But I'm feeling so insecure and I don't know where I should go and spend this time, what should I do first. I'm feeling lost like an exchange student… I don't know".

"Own, really? Do you want I go with you? It would be nice to see mom and Tom and even George again. And then you could stay with me at the guest house! At least for the first couple days, until you decide.." Grace was feeling nostalgic and happy for bonding with Amy.

"Would you do that for me? Because Grace, that would be such a relief, not arriving there by myself and having some company too". Amy smiles back to Grace.

"Of course! And I'm a little curious too.. How will it be see Ricky for the first time? Come on Amy, tell me! I know that you still care about him, but.. Do you still love him?. Grace's eyes were sparkling her excitement.

"Hmm Ah.." Amy gasps heavily while she decides to tell Grace something she wasn't ready to hear from herself. "Well Grace, I do care, and I think I can say that I love Ricky. I mean, I think I'll always love him. He is the father of my son, he was my first of everything. We grew up so much together. He became a great guy, so caring… so hot" They both looked at each other and giggled.

"I've missed him so much, but I don't think we ever felt in love with each other and that's something I want, for both of us. I know he loves me, loves me as John's mother and friend I think.. But.. I don't' think both of us ever felt in love with someone, not even when I was with Ben".

She breathes slowly and continues with teary eyes. "I've kept myself so busy here because I'm trying to avoid thinking about us, me and Ricky. I want to give one last chance to myself, for my dream. I need to prove to myself that I'm capable of something like that. So that's what I'm doing with my feelings, I'm being Amy, hiding as much as I can to avoid get hurt and trying to please everyone in the meanwhile". A tear rolled over her cheek.

Grace hugged Amy and didn't let her go for a few minutes. "Look Amy, don't fear your feelings. Even though they hurt you and you left Ricky, if it's meant to be, it will! If this love is meant to be yours, it will find you just give it some time! Some freedom! It sounds silly but sometimes people need to lose something or someone to really understand their feelings towards it". Grace peacefully had her hand on Amy's head while holding her towards her shoulder. "Well, just give it time.. What did time bring you about Ben? Tell me, it's good to talk it off"

They both chuckled and Amy had the courage to tell Grace. "I've always thought that Ben was my first love, my angel that rescued me in a difficult time. I thought I would marry him and we would be happily ever after.. Then time showed me that I used Ben, I leaned on him with my problems. He was there for me, rescuing me and I think it's mature to say that, I assume that I was in love, but I was actually in love with the idea of not being alone in that nightmare of problems"

She wiped out her tears, had a sip of her latte and continued. "Ben is a friend, he was there sticking by my side when nobody would, or at least when I thought nobody would. I tricked myself when I saw that as love. He's so immature, all that time he was around me but in the beginning he tried to get you. And then, I think we both just pushed all that mess back and forth because we actually loved the idea of have that bond, that I would call now, friendship..?! I can see that now, he still can't. I realized all that a couple of weeks ago and it took a heavy weight from my shoulders.. I only feel pity now, what he became because of this obsession. Stealing my rings, hacking my journal.."

"See sis?! Time came around and is making you grow up. I'm proud of you".

"Thanks Grac.. Sis" They laugh. "I really appreciate what you're doing for me, I think that's how it feels to have a sister"

"Anytime, Amy!"

They spent the morning talking and planning the trip back home. Grace went back to her dorm to pack and Amy went back to the apartment. Amy was feeling better after the long talk with Grace. She was feeling less guilt, and less worried, but most important of all, she felt for the first time in a long time, confidence in herself and hope.

"Taxi!" Grace screamed over the pathway of Amy's apartment. They were both ready to leave and trying to get a ride to the airport. "It's unbelievable! Taxi!"

"Welcome to New York" Amy laugh while bringing her luggage in front of the building.

"Amy, I'm so excited! I have a plan and it's perfect! I know what you can do in the first time you meet your boys!" Grace said squeaking her voice.

"What?" Amy was curious and at the same time, afraid about what she might hear from Grace.

"I bought you a gift! It's an outfit that you'll use when you knock on Ricky's door for the first time.. Now that you're single, well, you need to wear to impress, and you're going to impress your boys! Specially Ricky!"

"Ahh, I don-don't know"

"Amy, trust me! You will show them you came back but you grow up a little too, you've improved.. Come on! It will be so romantic! You'll never know, it might cause a spark! And it will be fun too! We will do your nails and your hair, and let's get you some heels.."

"Ok, Ok, Ok!" Amy interrupted Grace and agreed. "I'll give a try! Since we didn't tell anyone that we're on our way back to visit, it might be fun!".

After a while, they finally got to the airport. Now just a few more hours, they kept repeating to themselves. They were a little nervous after all, they were coming back for the first time.