This is How We Are
Summary: Corruption within the Grey Warden ranks pushes Wardens Alistair and Solana Amell to seek the aid of the Inquisition. Reunited with the old object of his infatuation, Commander Cullen must come to terms with his feelings for his old charge and the realization that she may be taken by another. [CullenxF!AmellxAlistair triangle] [CassandraxInquistor] Implied [F!MageHawkexAnders].
Author's Note: Slightly AU (Obviously) but in general, follows the Inquisition storyline with a few changes. This is a romance story, so milestone events occurring within this world state will be touched upon and mentioned, but not explicitly copied and repeated (assuming we've all played the game and seen those already). Default first names will be used for the "player characters" (Hawke, Inquisitor, HoF). I hope you guys enjoy, if you like it, please review. The more feedback I get, the more likely I am to write more and update quicker.
Warnings: None this chapter, but this story is M. I will warn if there is anything NSFW in a chapter.
...
…
Chapter 1
Crestwood. It has to be one of my least favorite places in all of Fereldan, and that's saying something. Rough terrain, harsh weather, and apparently particularly frequent invasions of the undead. I sighed, wiping the newly formed droplets of rain off of my forehead.
At least there weren't any undead today.
It was dark, the light from the moon peeking through the clouds and reflecting off of Lake Calenhad. The lake was quite possibly the only thing that is even remotely beautiful about this place. Why the meeting location was chosen to be in the bowels of Fereldan was beyond me.
"I still can't believe it, I mean seriously? Swords and Shields? How did you find that serial? Scrape it off the bottom of a barrel in Dust Town?" Varric exclaimed in a combination of disbelief and mirth. I felt small grin creep onto my face, he still hasn't quite gotten over the fact that Cassandra reads his books.
"It was research!" Cassandra blurted out, obviously flustered. "I… thought it might help me learn more about the Champion!"
Cute. It baffled me as well that behind that tough exterior, Cassandra was a true romantic… not that I minded. It is something I plan to keep in mind for the future.
I spared a quick glance behind me at my traveling companions. Cassandra was keeping pace with me, falling only slightly behind my lead. She was followed closely by Varric, his short legs moving quickly to keep up with her as he relentlessly teased her about her newly discovered hobby. Dorian was keeping a few paces behind them, an amused smirk playing on his face as he silently listened to his comrades banter.
"I did write a book about the Champion. You might remember it, had your knife stuck through it last I saw."
"I'd already read that one. Twice." Cassandra responded in a matter of fact tone, crossing her arms.
"I can't believe you picked the absolute worst of my books to read." Varric replied "Why not Hard in Hightown?"
Hard in Hightown. Now there's a title worthy of some truly smutty content.
"I have enough mysteries and investigations of my own."
"What? You don't want to solve more in your spare time?"
"Then you killed my favorite character in chapter three! So I threw the book across the room!" Cassandra exclaimed, throwing her hands up in expression.
Varric scoffed. "A critic. Say no more."
Cassandra simply replied with an annoyed grunt, a moment of silence befalling the group before she spoke again "How much longer? How far away is this cave supposed to be?"
"I believe the Champion said it was only a few miles south of Crestwood village. Shouldn't be too much further" I responded, although it certainly felt like we've been walking longer than a few miles. I guess Hawke isn't one for exact estimations.
But Hawke did say it was important that we come here. Varric had gotten in contact with the beloved Champion of Kirkwall not long after the emergence of Corypheus. To say the least, Hawke was shocked to hear that Corypheus still lived, as she and Varric thought they had killed him a few years back. In attempt to learn more about this Corypheus, Hawke put us in contact with an acquaintance of hers; a Grey Warden named Alistair who is apparently currently holed up in Crestwood. Why? I did not know. I thought it to be pretty bizarre, but stranger things have happened.
At the very least, I hope this Alistair has answers.
"Seriously, how on earth do people live in this country." Dorian piped up in his usual dramatic tone. "Fereldan smells like wet dog. And I'm getting mud all over my newly washed robes, disgusting."
Can't say I disagreed with him. Well, except for worrying about dirtying my armor, unlike Dorian, that's at the bottom of my concerns.
"Yes. I agree. It smells dreadful here." Cassandra said, scrunching her nose in disgust.
"Coming from you, that's saying something."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Cassandra responded defensively.
"Nothing, nothing, I jest." Dorian smirked, a small laugh escaping him.
"Fereldans certainly do value their dogs." Varric replied simply as he readjusted the position of Bianca on his back. "Hey look, I think I see Hawke." He said, pointing towards the familiar dark haired woman standing outside an especially unwelcoming looking cave.
"Champion!" I exclaimed in greeting, moving forward to meet the familiar woman.
"There you are. I've been waiting for hours." Hawke said upon spotting them, pushing herself off the tree she was leaning against.
"You've been standing outside this cave in the rain for hours? What on earth for? I know you love your crazy adventures Hawke, but that's just silly. You could have just traveled with us you know." Varric said, huffing out a small laugh while shaking his head at his longtime friend.
I was definitely in agreeance with Varric there. I really had no idea how Hawke had made it here so quickly, but it would have been nice to get in on that secret.
"Yes, well, someone has to get things done around here. Come on, it's just through here." Hawke waved her hand, prompting the group to follow her.
I watched with peaking fascination as Hawke delicately waved her hand over an unlit torch, a burst of flame materializing out of thin air, bringing life to the torch and illuminating the cave. It must be so convenient to be a mage at times. I always prided myself on my proficiency with a sword, but I could never deny a bit of jealousy for my magically gifted friends.
I stared at the back of Hawke's head as she led the way further into the cave, her jet black hair only long enough to barely conceal her ears. "Champion, is there anything more you can tell me about this Alistair before we meet?"
I was genuinely curious. Aside from knowledge that a Grey Warden named Alistair was one of the two Wardens that helped end the Fifth Blight, I knew nothing about the man that Hawke was bringing me to meet.
Sometimes I was a bit too trustworthy for my own good, but I believed that Hawke wouldn't purposefully lead us into danger. But still, I wondered, was it the same Alistair? The same Grey Warden? Thinking about it brought on lingering thoughts about the Hero of Fereldan, who was supposedly close to the Warden bastard prince.
"Everything will be explained when we meet them. They're good people, I promise, we can trust them." Hawke said.
"They? Who's they?" I blurted out in response. So Hawke was hiding something.
"My thoughts exactly" Cassandra remarked.
"Oh, yes, that" Hawke spoke casually, stopping and turning to face the group. "I couldn't say it when we were still at Skyhold for reasons of privacy, but I confess that I haven't been entirely honest with you."
"What do you mean? We are actually going to meet a Grey Warden named Alistair right?" I asked.
"Yes, I didn't lie about that. It's just… there's someone else too." Hawke replied, rubbing her temple. "You know, I have a cousin in the Grey Wardens... you might have heard of her… Warden Commander Solana Amell, the Hero of Fereldan"
"What?" Cassandra blurted out before I could react. "The Hero of Fereldan is here?"
Hawke nodded. "Yes. She values her privacy… rather highly. I didn't want to mention her in Skyhold where anyone could overhear us."
"I had heard rumors about your relation to the Hero of Fereldan back in Kirkwall, Hawke" Varric spoke with some amusement. "Heh, had no idea you actually contacted her."
I felt a rush of excitement flow through me, now even more eager to reach the meeting location. What better way to stop Corypheus than to have help from the two heroes that ended the Fifth Blight? Without a word, I sped ahead of the group, following the glinting light at the end of the tunnel.
It wasn't long before he reached the opening. It was dark and dank, illuminated only by the faint torch secured to the cave wall. A table that appeared older than myself sat in the middle of the room with multiple old maps spread over top of it. I approached the table, glancing down at the cryptic maps that laid before me. These must belong to the Grey Wardens, but where are they?
Just then I faintly heard the familiar sound of a sword being unsheathed behind me, my hand jolting down in defense to the hilt of my own weapon as I turned to face my assailant. He was roughly my height, had dirty blonde hair pushed back across his head and an obviously athletic build. The Grey Warden seal painted on his armor quickly gave away his identity; this must be one of the Wardens Hawke was referring to. Alistair perhaps?
Before I had a chance speak, Hawke rushed into the room with the remainder of the group. "It's just us!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up as if trying to calm the situation. "I brought the Inquisitor."
Hawke gestured towards me, which encouraged the man to relax his stance before finally lowering his sword. "I'm Alistair. It's an honor to meet you, Inquisitor." He said, the corner of his mouth twitching in a small smile. "Though I wish it were someplace a bit nicer."
"Alistair? Is everything alright? I heard- oh" An unfamiliar voice spoke, a woman's voice.
The woman with short black hair emerged from the cave's back entrance, carefully approaching the group before finally stopping at Alistair's side. If I had to estimate, she only came up to my shoulders, she was surprisingly short. She was a mage, evident by her robes that also bore the Grey Warden seal. Was this the fabled Hero of Fereldan?
"And this, is Warden Commander Amell" Alistair said, smiling fondly at the woman as she moved up to stand next to him. "Also known as the Hero of Fereldan"
"Although I rarely use those titles nowadays, it has been sometime since I have set foot in Vigil's Keep" The Hero of Fereldan said, tilting her head and offering a small smile. "You may just call me Solona, or Warden Amell if you must use a title."
"Inquisitor Maxwell Trevelyan" I said in greeting. "It is an honor to meet you Warden Amell."
It was an honor indeed to meet her. Here I stood, speaking with the two Grey Warden heroes from the Fifth Blight and the Champion of Kirkwall. Cassandra must be absolutely star struck, considering her reaction to just meeting Hawke. I felt a small grin creep onto my face at the thought.
Solana dipped her head in a quick, respectful bow. "I'm glad to finally meet you Inquisitor. When Hawke said she could obtain us the help of the Inquisition, I wasn't completely certain you would actually come."
"I'll take all the help I can get for the Inquisition." I replied "Especially that of the two heroes from the Fifth Blight."
"Yes, of course we will help" Solana replied with a subtle nod of her head. "The threat of Corypheus is just as much of a threat to the Warden's as it is the Inquisition. However, we will need to resolve the unrest in the heart of the Wardens first."
"Ah, yes. The Champion had mentioned that the Grey Wardens were having troubles of their own" I said "I was wondering, though, might those troubles have something to do with Corypheus?"
My suspicions proved to be correct as the two fabled Grey Wardens enlightened me with the events that had led them up to this point. The fake Calling created by Corypheus, the paranoia of the remaining Grey Wardens regarding their possible deaths, the summoning of demons and use of blood magic in a last ditch effort to protect the land they had devoted their lives too.
I couldn't pretend to understand what Grey Wardens go through, although I have always held a great deal of respect for them. But what they are doing is dangerous beyond imagination. Blood magic is always the last resort for all desperate mages, but that doesn't mean that it is right.
The Wardens must be stopped.
I chose to invite the rogue Wardens Alistair and Solana back to Skyhold to continue their investigations with the help of the Inquisition. Some might see it as foolish, considering their susceptibility to Corypheus as Grey Wardens, but I trusted them.
Perhaps I am too trustworthy. But if anyone can help the Inquisition solve unrest within the Grey Warden ranks, it's them.
...
Solana
I wasn't prepared for the sheer size of Skyhold, it put Vigil's Keep to shame for sure and the Keep was by no means a bad stronghold. I had to admit, I'm impressed that the Inquisition was able to establish such an imposing fortress. It certainly would have been nice to have something like that during the Fifth Blight.
Inquisitor Maxwell Trevelyan had been kind to offer them space at Skyhold to continue their investigations. I had no complaints; it was certainly preferable to a dingy cave. However, I didn't know what to expect of the people here, I only know that my old friend Leliana is among them. The Inquisition is, and always has been, a chantry-central organization. It made me wonder what the people here would think of a Grey Warden mage, especially in light of the current popularity of blood magic amongst other Grey Warden magi. Would they be welcoming? Would they be suspicious of us?
I glanced around at the growing number of onlookers as Maxwell led us through Skyhold's entrance, attempting to ignore the all too familiar song that was almost screaming in her head. The song of the taint, the song of the Calling. It became even louder during times of stress. I scrunched my eyes, shaking my head as if hoping the music would fall out of my ears and leave me. I felt a familiar warmth as Alistair placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, a reassuring smile on his face.
"It's okay… I hear it too" He said in a whisper "We'll make it through this in one piece, I promise."
I nodded, returning his smile. "I know, we'll win, I know we will" I replied equally quietly. "Then maybe things won't be completely crazy for once. Who knows, maybe we can even settle down. Some place nice hopefully."
Alistair let out a quiet chuckle in response. "I think we'll die of old age before that happens, given our track record."
"Certainly wouldn't be a surprise." I replied, flashing him an amused smile. "A girl can dream though."
"Well I hope I can give you that one day" Alistair replied, snaking his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in for a quick hug.
I smiled to myself. I really could not have asked for a better partner, a better lover. Alistair always knew just what to say and do to make me feel better, I only wish we were alone right now instead of displaying our affection in front of a hundred onlookers. I felt my face flush red when I noticed a young woman move to whisper to another in reaction to Alistair's gesture.
"This way" Maxwell said, leading them up an impressive set of stairs that led to what appeared to be the main building of the stronghold. "I hope I can introduce you to the rest of my companions at some point, but first I think you should meet my advisors. They are the driving force of the Inquisition."
"I've heard that Leliana is part of the Inqusition. Is she here?" I asked. I hadn't seen her since we parted ways after the Blight had ended.
"Yes, she is our spymaster. Quite good at it too, I might add." Maxwell responded "She has spoken fondly of you and Alistair, I'm sure she'll be happy to see you again."
Maxwell pushed open the large doors leading into the building, revealing an impressively decorated throne room. A luxurious red carpet paved the way leading to a rather modest throne at the head of the room. Chattering Orelesian nobles lined the sides¸ gossiping amongst themselves, a few sparing us curious glances as we passed.
They were finally led into a smaller room that was completely empty save for two women chatting near a rather well decorated desk. One was dressed in clothing that seemed excessive even compared to the gaggle of Orlesians in the main hall, a fancy gold and blue dress, adorned in jewelry and ruffles. The other wore more fitting, practical clothing, her face cloaked by a dark purple hood.
"Leliana, Josephine" Maxwell acknowledged the two women casually.
"Leliana?" I echoed. Is it really her?
The cloaked woman turned towards them at the mention of the name, revealing a familiar face framed by short, red locks. No doubt about it, that was her. Initially stern, recognition caused Leliana's face to gradually soften, mouth curving into a warm smile as she moved towards them.
"Solana, Alistair. It's so good to see you again." Leliana said, offering them both a platonic hug in greeting.
"Leliana! How have you been?" Alistair said, smiling warmly at his old friend.
The warm expression on Leliana's suddenly face dropped in a more serious one, she tilted her head downward, her hood obscuring her eyes. "Not good. Things have not been… as they should be, but we will talk more about it later."
No doubt the years have not been kind to her. It was easy to see that she wasn't the same woman she was ten years ago, the Divine's death must have weight heavily on her. Regardless of the circumstances, it was difficult to see the once kind and always smiling Leliana like this. But then again, things haven't exactly been sunshine and roses for her and Alistair either. I suppose we all change in times of desperation.
"Obviously you and Leliana already know each other. I'd also like you to meet our Ambassador and Diplomat, Josephine" Maxwell said, gesturing toward the woman wearing the extravagant dress.
"It is an honor to meet you Grey Wardens" Josephine greeted respectfully, her Antivan heritage plainly showing in her accent. "Your heroism during the last Blight remains inspiring to the masses, even here in the Inquisition."
"And… let's see… where is Cullen?" Maxwell asked "I thought I sent for him, it's important for him to be here."
Wait what? Did I hear that correctly? Images of the young, inexperienced Templar that used to watch over me at the circle tower came flooding back. The one that was so shy that he stuttered every time we spoke, the one we found trapped within the Circle Tower after I became a Warden, where he deliriously confessed something to me that I would have rather not heard.
I felt myself tense up at the prospect that he might be here, the song of the Calling echoing so loudly in my head it was nearly impossible to ignore.
"I had a messenger send for him not too long ago" Josephine said. "He must be running late."
"I'm sorry, but did you say Cullen?" I sputtered out, still in a state of disbelief.
I wasn't certain that I was interested in seeing him again considering the circumstances under which we last spoke, nor do I bet he was eager to see me again. His hatred of myself and all mages was made clear that day.
"Yes. Do you know him? I understand he used to be a Templar at the Circle you came from." Maxwell asked.
I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and nodded. "Uh, yes, we spoke a few times when I was still an Apprentice mage at the Circle… He was the Templar that was chosen to kill me if I failed my harrowing actually."
"Oh… well that's a bit awkward" Maxwell responded, shifting the weight on his feet slightly "I hope there is no bad blood between you two. He is no longer a Templar, so you have nothing to fear from him."
"It's not that… it's just… nevermind."
I decided to keep my mouth shut. What happened at the Circle Tower happened over ten years ago, it no longer matters. The Inquisitor has no need to know about the intricacies of our relationship. But Maxwell said that he was no longer a Templar, I couldn't help but be curious of the circumstances that led up to this.
"So-" Alistair began before he was cut off by the slam of a door being thrown open.
A man entered the room, he was tall with curly, strawberry blonde hair, clad in armor decorated with rich red fur in a fashion that almost reminded me of a lion's mane. He looked different in many ways, but there was no doubt about it, it was him. "Inquisitor, I'm sorry I'm…" Cullen paused upon spotting us, I felt his dark brown eyes bore into me as they came to rest on me. "Apprentice Amell…"
"I… I haven't been called that since I left the Circle Tower… Please, just Solana."
Facing a High Dragon by myself would have been preferable at this point. I've never been good with people, especially those that I have a less than appealing past with.
"R-right" Cullen stuttered out, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "… It's good to see you again Solana, I'm… I'm glad you are well."
I felt Alistair shift uncomfortably next to me. He had been present when we freed the Circle Tower, he heard Cullen's confession and along with the other crazy nonsense he was spouting. We never spoke about Cullen after the events at the tower; all I know is that Alistair had pitied him when we found him in that state. Even to this day, he has never breathed a word about the young Templar's supposed feelings for me. Not that those feelings of his existed anymore.
"Hi¸ I'm Alistair" he finally spoke, jabbing out his hand in an offered greeting. "I don't believe we've met, uh, properly"
I watched Cullen's jaw tighten in slight discomfort, hesitating for a moment before moving forward and firmly shaking Alistair's hand. "An honor to meet you Warden Alistair" he said with a small degree of disdain.
Maxwell shifted awkwardly, seemingly sensing the growing discomfort in the room. "Commander Cullen manages the Inquisition's forces." He finally spoke, moving to stand by the Commander. "If you discover any leads on the actions of the Grey Wardens, please do address it with us. We are here to help."
"On the morrow', I will be calling a War Council meeting to discuss the current situation with Corypheus and the Grey Wardens." Maxwell continued, his tone piquing with professionalism. I found myself a bit jealous of the way he commanded with such confidence. "But for now, I believe you two have had a long day. Leliana, would you mind showing Warden Alistair and Warden Amell to their quarters?"
"It would be my pleasure, Inquisitor" Leliana nodded, casually walking in-between myself and Alistair, I felt her briefly brush her hand across my shoulder in a subtle invitation to follow.
"Thank you Inquisitor. I hope we can help the Inquisition resolve this issue quickly." I spoke, turning briefly to face Maxwell.
Maxwell offered a small smile, nodding reassuringly at me before turning to face Josephine. My gaze met Cullen's briefly, his dark brown eyes boring into my own with an unreadable expression. I quickly broke eye contact, turning away and hurriedly following Leliana out of the room.
I have far too many problems right now. This Templar from my past cannot be one of them.
...
Cullen
Nervous.
I was so nervous.
I had not been a true Templar for long; it was a scarce few months ago that I started taking the precious Lyrium that gave me my abilities.
Not long after that, the Revered Mother determined that I was ready to begin serving for real. I had not been in training for long, but I was told that I picked up the techniques quickly and no further training was necessary. It was an honor, a true compliment. I was ready to serve the Chantry, but I was nervous.
I was given a position amongst the Templar ranks at the Circle of Magi in Fereldan. The Circle came off as rather ominous at first; a tall, black spire sitting in the middle of the cold waters of Lake Calenhad. But the insides were not nearly as bad, and the Templars of the Circle were kind and welcoming. They were truly devoted to their duty. I hope I can do the same.
All new Templars like myself were assigned night patrols. An initiation process I suppose. Once you have seniority, you may opt to take the daytime shifts if you prefer. I was still on night duty myself.
I didn't mind it though. The nights were calm and quiet, and I rarely saw any mages save for Senior Enchanters out at night. Apprentices were not allowed to leave their quarters during the night. It was easy work.
My patrol tonight started out like any other, calm and quiet. I was patrolling the Apprentice floor and had yet to see another soul in the hallways. How surprised I was when I felt the Lyrium flare up in my veins indicating that magic was being used nearby. It was an odd feeling, not one I had felt much as of yet. It wasn't painful, but not comfortable either. It was, however, useful, and an important ability for any good Templar.
My senses led me to the Apprentices library where I quickly spotted the culprit. A young woman around the same age as myself crouched in the corner, a small ball of flame alit in her hand to illuminate the book she was reading.
I approached her. "Apprentice" I called out as gently as possible.
Having only done night patrols as of yet, I have little experience dealing with mages outside of the First Enchanter and Senior Enchanters. This is the first time I have spoken to an Apprentice. I was told I was supposed to be firm with them, that I should not let them get away with any rule breaking. I had no plans to let her continue her obvious violation of the Circle's rules, but I saw no reason to be harsh. Mages are people, just like any normal civilian or Templar.
She jumped at the sound of my voice, dropping her book and quickly extinguishing the ball of flame in her hand. "Ser!" She squeaked out in surprise, hurriedly standing up and turning to face me.
"Apprentice, you know you are not supposed to be out of your quarters after hours."
She said nothing, making no motion to move out of the corner, the pale glow of her skin the only thing visible without the help of her fire. I grabbed the torch sitting in the holder near the door, moving towards her.
"What are you doing in here?" I asked, the light from the torch illuminating the corner, bringing her into full view.
I felt my breath hitch in my throat. She was beautiful. Long dark hair framed her youthful face, falling a few inches below her shoulders. Light blue eyes peered up nervously at me from behind her bangs. She shuffled nervously before lifting her head to make eye contact with me.
"I'm so sorry Ser." She spoke quickly in obvious attempt to defend her actions. "I couldn't sleep, but I didn't want to disturb the other Apprentices so I thought to come out here and read. I know it's against the rules, I just really wanted to finish this book."
I moved the torch downwards, bringing the book she was reading into full view. "The History of Elven Magic." Interesting, she wasn't even an elf herself yet she appears to have an interest in this stuff. I couldn't help but admire her apparently studious nature. A mage that seeks to control and master their abilities is the best kind. It's the weak ones you have to watch out for.
I found myself growing increasingly curious about this young mage.
"I-I see…" Why did I stutter? I must look foolish to her.
I began unofficial training with the Templars when I was 13. Due to being within the chantry for most of my teenage and adult life, I had little dealings with women who had not taken vows. Talking to women was not my strong suit.
But I am her leader, her boss. One of them at least. And she is one of my charges. I have to remain professional.
She remained quiet, shuffling in place and staring awkwardly down at her feet.
"What is your name, Apprentice?" I asked with a failed attempt at sounding authoritative.
She hesitated for a moment before responding, blue eyes looking back up at me. "Amell… Solana Amell"
Solana Amell. I'll remember that.
"Are you going to report me to the First Enchanter? I'd understand if you had to…" she spoke wistfully, eyes downcast.
"No" I spoke quickly without thinking. By not reporting her, I risk getting reprimanded myself, but I couldn't bring myself to get someone so seemingly innocent in trouble. Where was the harm in what she was doing?
I reached down and grabbed the book she was reading, staring at it briefly before moving to hand it to her. She hesitantly took it from me. "Come, I'll… I'll take you back to your quarters. You… can continue reading in there if you wish… I won't report you this time, I promise… just-just don't do it again"
Stuttering again. Why can't I speak normally? She must think I'm an idiot.
I motioned for her to follow me, which she quickly complied to. She walked silently beside me, clutching the book closely to her chest as I led her back to the Apprentice quarters.
"Thank you Ser" She spoke quickly, her head dipping into a small, yet respectful bow, blue eyes peering up at me from under her bangs.
I felt my heart flutter slightly at the motion. Stop. This is not okay.
"… Don't worry about it" I whispered as she entered her quarters, shutting the door behind her. I don't know why I said that, there was no way she could have heard me.
I found my thoughts drifting to her throughout the night as I continued the rest of my patrol uninterrupted. Stop. I can't be thinking about a mage this way. Mages and Templars are not allowed to fraternize, that was made very clear to us. I cannot get attached to one of my charges.
She's just attractive, that's all. I'm not used to dealing with women, let alone young, good looking ones. These feelings will pass.
They will.
I paced around the top of the battlements, fidgeting uncomfortably with the hilt of my sword.
The first time I met Solana Amell, she had looked at me with fear. Fear of getting in trouble, like an abused puppy expecting to be kicked.
I suppose I should be honored that I had been successful in scaring the fabled Hero of Fereldan at one point, even if she was just an inexperienced Apprentice at that time.
Of all the places I expected to encounter her again, it was not here. Most definitely not today.
I was not sure if I wanted to see her again or not.
Because this time she looked at me with an expression that could be mistaken as fear too, but a different kind this time. Her light blue orbs had swirled with distrust, discomfort the moment she laid eyes on me. But this time, she held herself with confidence. There was no fear of punishment.
I was not certain how to react.
But I did not blame her. Last we met… was not under pleasant circumstances. I told her things that I would never say to a person I cared about had I been in my right mind. And at the time, I did care about her, more than I would have liked to.
No doubt she has not forgiven me.
She hardly looked like she had aged a day since I last saw here 11 years ago, but she definitely looked different. Her once long, black hair was now cut above her shoulders, only hanging a few inches below her ears. And while she was by no means "fat" by proper definition when she was at the Circle, she was definitely thinner now. Her once curvaceous body now had the appearance of a rough adventurer, slim muscle lining her arms and legs. Her face, which used to be constantly bright and full of life now held a tired and worn look. No doubt a result of the pressures of Grey Warden life.
Yet somehow, I still found her attractive, even despite the changes in her person. At the circle she was young and innocent, her appearance catering to a more elegant style. Now she held the look of a tough and battle-worn, yet uniquely good looking individual.
I paused, halting my pacing, roughly gripping the hilt of my sword. I was thinking about her visage a bit too much. Did I still have feelings for this woman?
It has been so long, I truly believed that I had forsaken these feelings. At the very least, I hadn't thought about it much over the past several years… until now.
We are no longer bound by the rules of the Circle. She is no longer a Circle mage, and I no longer a Templar. Fraternization… would be permitted now. Yet this time, there appear to be other boundaries in place instead.
Aside from the fact that it is very likely that she hates me now, she came here with another. Her fellow Grey Warden, Alistair.
I heard many tales over the years regaling the adventures of the Grey Wardens Solana Amell and Alistair Theirin on their quest to end the Fifth Blight. Some had even said they were lovers.
For them to have remained together all this time, and then show up at Skyhold together, it appears the rumors hold true.
Not that I would attempt to court her even if they were not together. Considering our positions and past, that would be…. Inappropriate.
But, we will have to work together. This was unavoidable.
I stood at the edge of the battlements, gazing past Skyhold towards the mountains in the distance. The bright light of the moon illuminated the clear night sky, reflecting off of the snowcapped mountaintops below.
Next time I see her, I will get her alone and apologize for the things I said to her. There can be no bad blood between us that might disrupt the goals of the Inquisition.
My crush was a youthful infatuation. Nothing more. I need to ensure it stays that way.
...
Solana
"Ah, a bed. This is nice." Alistair sighed out, falling backwards onto the soft, feather-filled cushion below him.
I peeked over my shoulder at him and smiled. I'm sure I will share the same sentiment once I lied down. It had been some time since we slept in an actual bed. We had been on the run for the past month before we were contacted by Hawke and the Inquisition.
Leliana had spoken with us briefly before retiring to her own quarters about the events surrounding the formation of the Inquisition. The cause of the Divine's death, the attempts to close the Breach, and the destruction of Haven by the supposed ancient-Darkspawn Magister, Corypheus.
Without a doubt, these events had hit Leliana hard. She was still a wonderful person, but no longer the sweet, devoted girl that had helped us stop the Blight. In her place was a hardened spy, no doubt a great asset to the Inquisition, but I do miss the once permanently kind look in her eyes that appears to be absent now. I wonder if this is what she was like in her Bardic days?
I moved over to the old, worn fireplace that accommodated our room, leaning down and conjuring a small ball of fire in my hand to set it aflame. The old pieces of wood burst to life with flame, illuminating the room with ease.
I held out my hands, savoring the warmth that the fire brought. I was always a cold-sensitive person; I had a small glimmering hope that the Inquisition's base would be somewhere warm. Instead, it sat within the crook of the Frostback mountains. Just my luck.
But I suppose there are worse things. Cold climates are certainly the least of my problems right now.
I felt two soft hands snake around my waist, pulling me into a warm body. Alistair rested his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes and sighing in contentment. I smiled and leaned into him.
"So, what do you think of this Inquisition?" He asked me. I watched with minor fascination as light from the fire danced on the muscles of his arms.
"They seem to have a noble purpose. As you know, I'm not horribly religious, but they are our best bet for an ally right now and have the power to help restore order to the Wardens." I spoke honestly. "I'm glad Leliana is here too."
"Indeed, it was good to see her again. Did she seem a bit different to you though?" It's like he read my mind.
I nodded. "Yeah, I suppose time and circumstances change a person. I know I'm hardly the same person I was when I was in the Circle of Magi."
He chuckled lightly. "Nope. You're a beautiful and deadly young woman… although I reckon you were always beautiful."
I smiled to myself, feeling my cheeks flush slightly. Even after all these years, Alistair still threw in those almost excessively sappy, romantic comments. Not that I minded, but it was slightly embarrassing that they still continue to make me blush.
Romance was never my strong suit. I was always on the shy side, and while becoming a Grey Warden strengthened my confidence in many areas, I still remained inexperienced in the ways of relationships. Although Alistair has helped with that quite a bit. I never thought becoming a Grey Warden would lead me to someone as wonderful as him.
"Although I do have to ask…" he spoke again, somewhat warily. "The Commander… Cullen, was it?"
I felt a sinking feeling in my chest. He was going to bring up Cullen, of course he was. Way to ruin the mood Alistair.
"I remember him, back at the Circle Tower. He was the Templar we found in that magical, barrier thingy cage right?"
I swallowed and nodded, a feeling of dread rising in my stomach. He's really going to ask about this. "Yes"
"I recall him saying some pretty crazy things about mages, including a declaration of infatuation for a certain special mage…" He continued. "You."
"Ah… y-yes… I suppose he did…" I replied, struggling to form the words with my mouth.
I really, really didn't want to talk about this right now.
"Not that I blame him" Alistair said quickly, a slight bit of mirth evident in his voice. "You are a very special mage." I could almost hear that cheeky grin of his. "But I was just wondering what you thought of it… him…?"
I exhaled the bulk of air I had been holding in my lungs. Alistair was never the jealous type… not that there was anything to be jealous of; there was never anything between Cullen and I. It's possible it wasn't even true jealousy, perhaps just curiosity. Either way, there's no reason not to be truthful.
"I met him in the circle tower, obviously… we had spoken a few times during the time I was there, but not much." I responded slowly. "He was also the Templar that observed my Harrowing, as you heard before."
I felt Alistair nod behind me. "Yeah"
"I don't know… he was one of the nicer Templars at the tower, but I didn't think much of him then. We weren't encouraged to speak with the Templars, so I never truly got to know him." I continued with a bit more confidence. "I truly had no idea that he had those feelings for me."
Perhaps that was a bit of a lie. There were rumors within the tower about a Templar that had fallen for a mage Apprentice. When someone mentioned that that mage was me, I quickly dismissed it as a lie. I guess the rumor rang true in the end.
"Yeah… I understood that much based on your reaction back then. I just never said anything about it, figured it wasn't worth bringing up something that was in the past." Alistair said in a neutral tone. "But what do you think about him being here…now? … especially considering all those things he said back then."
"I… I don't know. I guess it makes me a little uncomfortable." That was a slight lie too - it makes me a great deal uncomfortable, but Alistair doesn't need to know that. "I don't believe the Inquisition would have given him a position of command if he was still acting as crazy as he was back then… What's in the past is in the past and I'd like to leave it like that. As we talked about before, people change."
Alistair nodded. "True." He responded. "I was just curious as to what you thought. It doesn't bother me."
I felt one of his hands move to rest suggestively on my thigh, the other gently stroking my stomach. "But, forget all that." He said. "We made good progress in the right direction today by allying with the Inquisition… and we have a nice warm bed now to boot…"
He leaned in closer to my ear, nipping my lobe slightly. I suppressed a light shudder that sought to ripple through my body. "What do you say to a little celebrating?" He said huskily.
I smiled, detaching myself briefly from his hands and turning to face him. It had been some time for us; caves weren't exactly the best places for intimacy. I tilted my head up and captured his lips in a kiss, my hands tangling in his hair. I felt his hands roam down to my backside as he walked backwards, urging me to follow him to the bed.
Even in times like these, the whispering song of the pseudo-Calling continued to play over and over in my head. I ignored it.
I tumbled down on top of him as he landed on the bed and he immediately rolled us to position himself on top of me. He bent his head downward into the crook of my neck, softly sucking on the skin there. I felt myself visibly shudder, my hands wandering to his back and tugging at his remaining clothing. He was wearing far too much for this, as was I.
Taking my queue, he stopped briefly to remove the undershirt he was wearing, his briefs quickly following. He then moved to tug at the ties of my robes which I assisted him in shedding from my body. I felt a small sigh escape me as my bare skin came into contact with the cool air. He quickly leaned in to capture my lips in another kiss, which I gleefully responded to.
It had been some time for us indeed, but I couldn't help but sense a bit of possessiveness in the way Alistair made love to me tonight.
...
End Chapter 1