A/N okay so this was just a little something I wanted to write after becoming slightly obsessed with teen wolf lately and just finishing watching season 1 online (can't believe i only discovered it now) I've never actually read any teen wolf fanfiction at all yet, I mainly stick to Harry Potter ones so please review and tell me how I did.
It's a bit rougish but feedback would be great. I adore Stiles and this idea just kind of came to me- enjoy :)x
I'm sitting in Economics class, my head resting against the desk completely zoning out on the lecture. It felt like this day was never going to end. Finstock didn't say anything surprisingly so I guess even he is prone to special treatment as well as angry sarcastic rants. He must know what day it is, God knows its not one I'd ever be able to forget in a hurry.
I start to wonder why I'm even in school right now; Dad would have understood if I stayed at home but there'd be too many memories surrounding me there, too much time to think and not enough company. Yes I like being on my own but not today, not when my mind has a capability of its own, a dangerous one at that too.
That's what I thought this morning and now I just realise no matter where I am weather it's at home in bed propped up with a king size box of tissues or weather its here at school acting like a walking zombie, that mind of mine will be over thinking anyways. I seem to over think things a lot theese days.
That's when I decide to look up, and rejoin the class… and the world.
Stiles Stilinski shoots me a look from across the classroom.
His intense brown eyes boring into my own hazel pair, he flashes a small sad smile in my direction and what I presume is suppose to be a comforting nod.
If I were like any other teenage girls I'd probably be dancing inside right now, considering he occupies about 30percent of my thoughts, with the remaining 70 being dedicated to 'her'. But no, this basically only adds to my gloom, especially since when after he turned away from me he continued to stare at the back of Lydia Martin's head.
I knew Stiles was only being kind under his Dad's instructions, and his secret very big heart and I suppose in a way he is one of the only people who knows what I'm going through, us both having lost our mothers.
I wish I didn't feel this way. I don't get crushes, never did. Not until after Mom died last year anyways. Which is ironic in a way because you'd think her death would vanquish all my petty emotions but it turns out it did the complete opposite.
I remember that night clearer than anything, as I stood outside my house in the pouring rain, my tears running faster than the droplets themselves, as the lights of the ambulance and cop cars flashed blindingly in my distraught face.
Sheriff Stilinski was talking to my Dad with a grave expression, and that's when I noticed his son sitting in the passenger seat drumming his fingers on the dash board.
I barely knew Stiles but I had a class or two with him and he always seemed nice enough not that I'd ever taken much notice of him.
He looked up at me and something, some unknown emotion flashed across his face, and before I could register it, he was getting out of the car, sneaking past his father and walking over to me.
He didn't say a word just looked at me in a very puzzling way. Then he extended his arms and pulled me into a he noticed that nobody else around here seemed to be doing that, taking care of me, he was the only one that knew exactly what I needed at the moment, besides from my Mom. She would have known.
He patted my back consolingly and kept repeating that he was 'so sorry' and by the way he held me I could tell he meant it. So yeah I basically just cried my heart out into Stile's shoulder, until it was time for him to leave. I smiled up at him gratefully through my water soaked eyes "thanks" I managed to croak out; my throat was dry and my voice strained and rough.
"Take care of yourself" was all he whispered before doing something I'll always remember. It was just a slight action, so brief and meaningless but it brought a shiver to my skin and seemed to spark the tiniest ounce of electricity inside me, a flame I thought had been burned out for good and left me just as my mother had.
He gently brushed my auburn locks from my face, before walking away.
I mentally cursed myself for the skip in my heart, at my moment of heart consuming grief. I never to it was possible to be torn between two such strong emotions at the same time. When he was gone however I broke down.
After that however I began to notice Stiles Stilinski a whole lot more.
I've become a much more observant person than I used to be. Before I was too busy socialising with my group of friends to notice other people, but now I much prefer my own company, and quiet. It's not that I've become a social recluse or anything, definitely not. I still hang around with Jess, Andrea, Maia and Madison. We still do normal teenage girl things like go to the movies and stuff but my hearts just not in them as much anymore that's all.
My hearts not into anything much at times, except my comic collection. It's something I've had since I was a little girl and I don't plan on stopping adding additions anytime soon. Maia says it's geeky and I can't disagree, so what if I am a geek. At least I'm being honest to myself and I'd much rather be geeky then a complete girly girl like her.
Don't get me wrong I love my friend, I even put up with her going on about virtually unimportant topics such as make up and boys and what fashions are in this season just to keep her happy but when she tries to tell me what to wear that is where I draw the line.
A very thick dark line let me tell you.
I do have my own style though, mainly consisting of denim jackets and Doc Martin boots but it passes as style I think. Maia says boys would be more interested in me if I showed a little more interest in myself to which Jess told her to shut up because I'm a lot prettier than her…and she did. Shut up I mean. I just love Jess's intolerance to people.
Besides I replied defensively that I didn't want boys to be interested in me.
Maia shook her head in disbelief and that one but Madison showed a kinder technique in getting me to confess. "Surely there has to be somebody you like?" She asked kindly, because the way Maddie operates she's simply a girl full of overwhelming kindness.
"We know you like to consider yourself a strong girl who doesn't need guys and all but that doesn't mean you don't have to have zero thoughts about any one in particular?"
And she smiled sweetly up at me, her perfect blonde curls framing her heart shaped face to finish off her angelic look perfectly.
"Nah there's honestly nobody" I answered dismissively but for some crazy unknown reason Stile's face popped into my head, and lately it has showed any signs of leaving. The girls dropped the topic after that but I noticed Andrea, who's closest to me, raise her eyebrow in a questioning fashion.
Its not as if I don't trust my friends or their opinions on Stiles if I told them about him. I don't care about the fact he appears to be nothing special to anybody but me, in fact that might just be the reason I like him. The girls wouldn't judge me, especially not Maddie who not only is the least judgemental girl I know but since she has pined after his best friend Scott since kindergarten.
I've come close to admitting it to Andrea but I really wouldn't know where to begin. Why I like him is no mystery but it's a combination of many things, including some reasons that don't make sense to even myself, but I've heard Jess say something once 'Love doesn't make sense' and that sort of helped me come to terms with it all, even though she finished her sentence with 'it sucks'.
Over the last 12 months of becoming a queen of observation I've noticed a few things about Stiles. Firstly he has to be the most loyal friend I've ever encountered. It's not like my own friends aren't great, and they were a super system of support last year but seriously, Scott rushes out of the classroom without warning and of course Stiles will follow. Maia thinks they are like a weird pair of Siamese twins but I disagree, I think its great how he's always there for his friend. Especially as there is clearly something big going on with Scott, it's just pretty damn hard to figure out what exactly that is.
Secondly I've gather that Stiles thinks he is a very below average guy, which in my book makes him above average. He doesn't realise how great he is, and I'm not sure why but modesty is highly attractive to me. Especially considering he is clearly beyond average intelligence and one of the funniest ever people to be around.
His awesome use of sarcasm would make even Jess and myself jealous.
I also noticed that, like almost every guy at Beacon Hills high school, he is big into Lacrosse and I see him at every game. Even if it is just on the bench cheering enthusiastically. Actually something happened last week that intrigued me, I'd heard Stile's had been moved up to first line but then never showed up for the game. It was confusing because he'd seemed really excited when I had talked to him about it.
"Congratulations that's brilliant" I told him at Lunch smiling brightly.
"Thanks Riley, it's awesome" He replied "Oh and if you ever want to talk just call me some time"
Yes this may sound promising to you but believe me it wasn't. When Stiles said 'talk' I'd known by the sympathetic look on his face he meant to actually literally talk.
Unfortunately for me he hadn't meant it in the way other guys would, which is to not mean it all. It's like when guys who date Maia and the like tell her they'd love to go out to the mall and 'talk' to her for the day to get to know her but really they mean they'd just love to get into her pants.
Not that that is the way I'd actually want him to mean it all anyways.
Stiles is the type of I guy I'd like to have a cute yet laid back relationship with where he could make me laugh despite my pain, the type of guy I could be comfortable showing my geeky side around and he could possibly borrow my comics. If he played nicely. Which knowing Stiles he definitely would. He was a genuine sweetheart.
Andrea had pointedly told me one night to just confess my feelings to my 'mystery guy' and I literally nearly had a heart attack. How did she know there even was a guy I wondered?
I hated my self then for being so easy to read.
However I think the idea of confessing is definitely a no-go.
Not because I'm afraid of rejection or anything, because I'm not really afraid of anything. Except the extent of my own uncontrollable feelings perhaps.
I think Stiles is the type of guy that would be way too nice to even say no if I asked him on a date and then I'd be lead on, even if unintentionally.
The whole world, well the whole of Beacon high school that knows of Stiles' existence is aware that he is completely mad about Lydia Martins.
Beautiful bitchy popular Lydia. I couldn't compete- not that I'd actually want to compare myself to her.
I prize the fact I still have my individuality left over everything else I have lost during the past year and if he started to like me because I was more like Lydia then I'd be more dissatisfied than ever. Because like Jess I agree that love does suck, if your not loved for being yourself at least.
I've also come to the realisation that loving somebody who doesn't love you back is in fact perfectly acceptable. Back in the day I would have argued that unrequited love was the most pointless waste of affection but now I realise if they deserve it, it's worth it.
And with all the minimal facts I actually know for sure about Stiles Stilinski I know that he is definitely worth it. That's what makes it all bearable even if it means I have to loose him to Lydia and her luscious strawberry blonde curls in order to make him happy.
Because if one thing my utterly confused and over- thinking mind is certain of it is that Stiles deserves to be happy.
All this talk about boys and love really goes against everything I once believed in. I used to think being dependent on something or some one would ruin my strong, unique independent tough girl image but now I know that I've probably been kidding myself all along if I thought It wasn't going to come and hit me unexpectedly in the head full force like it does with so many other teenage girls before me. Honestly Love is a sneaking predator in my opinion.
Aswell as that Love is contradiction but maybe it's also Inevitable. And unstoppable once it starts.
Because even though I now sound like the biggest babbling idiot to walk the face of the earth, I have to admit something to myself. I am in love with Stiles Stilinski and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I've learnt though, from my own previous experience, a much more tragic one than loving somebody who will never return the feelings in fact, that life goes on. It always does, despite the fact that I, Riley Reeds sometimes wishes it never had to.
Life is most likely laughing it's cruel little ass off at me right now but some day i'll feel good again and perhaps i'll learn to laugh right back at it.