Author's Notes:

Hi all! I am anime trash and here is my first fanfiction ever. I hope you enjoy.

There are a lot of ships here, primarily SwissAus (don't like don't read), and a one major gender change only because I loved picturing Portugal as a beautiful, badass lady before the character became canon.

There is a post battle flash back, and while I don't think it is particularly gruesome, I will warn all of you ahead of time anyway: battlefield/blood warning.

I hope you enjoy my story! Please review, I can't improve without commentary.

DISCLAIMER

I do not own any of the characters in this story. I do not own Hetalia. All rights reserved for their creator and others that hold the copyright.

Normally Switzerland wasn't one to get distracted during world meetings. He was always taking notes, listening attentively, speaking when appropriate, and covering Lily's ears when France or Romano can't censor themselves. Not today. Today was the anniversary of the Battle of Morgarten, the end of his relationship with his first friend. His best friend. And now, that man sat directly across from him chatting excitedly with Hungary.

'So it is true. You forgot everything. You forgot…me.'

The Swiss man looked back down at his notepad, the words, numbers, and symbols blurring together. He hoped that his neutral expression hadn't faltered, revealing emotions deeper than anyone in this room thought he was capable of feeling. And if his emotions were written all over his face, he hoped no one would mention it to him more for their safety than for his current mental state. He just wanted to go home and take care of sweet little Liechtenstein who was sick in bed. He was so lost in thought, he didn't hear Germany tell everyone to go to lunch. Vash sat motionless as the other nations filed out of the conference room. That is until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Vash, you look pale. You must be starving. Come eat with us," Portugal said gently. Standing behind her was her boyfriend Holland and his sister Belgium. Vash just stared at her a moment before nodding. Mariana Carrido Silvia was the closest friend he had since Austria. Probably one of the few good things that came from World War II. The Swiss followed them, and he would come to see that this was the start of the rest of his life as it should have always been.

"You want me to what?"

"Write him a song. Or a poem or a letter. I don't care just express your feelings," said Portugal. "You don't even have to send it to him. Just write it down."

"Expressed words can lessen the burden on one's heart," Holland added in his monotone voice. The man was intimidating and seemed cold, but he occasionally showed his inner romantic who had a higher understanding of words than any other nation. It must be that love of poetry.

"Tim you are sweet!" giggled Belgium. A sweet girl, much like his own sister, and curious. Her emerald eyes searching anything and everything they see. Holland simply looked away from his sister, cheeks growing pink.

"...I'll take your advice under consideration. But don't be shocked if I consider it useless," Vash replied a bit more harshly than he intended. His companions seemed not to care. Portugal smiled knowingly at him.

"You never change my old friend."

Dear Au...Roderich,

You may not be aware of this, but we were friends once. I know I've denied it for centuries, and for that I am sorry, but I have a secret. A secret I have spent that last 600 years keeping all to myself. Not wanting anyone to know my weakness. Not wanting anyone to know the one thing I've wanted and I've never been able to have it.

Why you may ask? Because he's been unattainable. Either when he's actually taken away by someone else or just too fucking stupid to notice me there for him whenever he really needed me there…..please excuse my language. I gave up on chasing him for now because I just can't continue hurting myself since causes Liechten to worry about me. That is something truly unforgivable.

So here I am, writing something I thought I would keep to myself to the grave for the happiness of others. I am completely terrified. Which I guess doesn't shock me, considering everything about you drives me mentally insane.

I want you. More than anything and I wish I could have you, but based on where we are now, it may not be wise to continue with my course of actions.

I am in love with you, Roderich Edelstein. I love you you stingy, stupid, beautiful, infuriating, charming, spiteful, intoxicating, irritating, wonderful aristocrat. I don't know whether you were too stubborn or too stupid to see it.

I've basically been begging for you for years without any recognition from you even once. I just want to know that you've always have and always will be the only one for me. You're the only one who really ever got to understand me and see me for who a can be. I...I want to be that man again. I wish I could be him. I feel like I've been sub par for so long that I don't know if I can go back. But I am willing to try. I do anything for you, if you'd let me. Just like I did all of those years ago.

Yours if you'll ever want me,

Vash Zwingli

The blond male set down his pen and stared at the page in front of him. 'This is so stupid,' he thought. Vash pinched the bridge of his nose. There was no way in hell he was going to send this to Roderich. It was just too embarrassing. He closed his leather padfolio and joined the other nations when he noticed them filing back into the conference room. He tried taking his seat without looking at the bespectacled brunette across from him, but failed and came in instant contact with those violet eyes. He pulled away from the Austrian's gaze with the faintest of blushes forming on his cheeks. Best thing to do in this situation: focus on the meeting and worry about his love life, or lack thereof, later. Since it was back to America's discussion about wanting to change his national food to officially be hamburgers, Vash let his mind wander again.

Exactly when did he fall for Austria? The Swiss only recently determined what he felt for his best friend turned enemy turned nuisance turned "frienemy" was in fact love. But when did that feeling start? In that stupid letter he eluded that he loved Austria shortly after meeting him, but was that true? He didn't was to be a liar. 'Wait...you're not even sending the letter you idiot. What does it matter?' he thought.

But in truth it meant everything.

-flashback-

"Austria! Hey Austria! Where are you?" a much younger Swiss nation scurried across the battlefield. The soil soaked in blood and the air stale with death. He ignored it all; he had to find that idiot. 'There is no way you're dead. I'm not getting in trouble with your house keeper again because you went and did something stupid.'

Vash heard a groan and noticed a tell tale brown curl sticking up. There he was, hidden under the bodies of his soldiers. Vash's tiny hands grasped at the chainmail, breastplate, and belt of every soldier on top of that bratty kid he was forced to teach how to use a blade. Well attempted to teach. Someone who actually learned something wouldn't be in this condition now. Once the last soldier was moved aside, Vash knelt by the Austrian's head. "Hey idiot. You can't sleep here."

"Begone plebeian trash. Can't you just leave me to die without rubbing it in my face?" Violet eyes looked to the emerald ones through narrow lids. Roderich wasn't injured enough to die, but the tear stains on his cheeks was enough to tell Vash he was in enough pain to think he was. It was like looking at a little bird who fell out of its nest and broke its wing. Vash sighed.

"I'm not leaving you. Cordelia is worried sick about you. I'm here to bring you home," Vash spoke just above a whisper, a kind voice he never thought he was capable of.

The brunette's eyes grew wide. "R-really?"

Instead of answering the Swiss hulled the Austrian onto his back, and carried him back home to his human caretaker.

-flashback end-

"Switzerland...Switzerland...SWITZERLAND!"

The emerald-eyed man jumped about three feet when the German yelled, hand reaching for a gun he kept in the waistband of his pants. After a second, he regained his composure and gave Germany a look. Everyone was staring, waiting for the next move.

"Switzerland, it is your turn to speak," said Germany, eyes focused on Switzerland's hand at his back.

Vash moved his hand away from his back and cleared his throat before sorting through his notes. "Forgive me I haven't been sleeping much."

Everyone settled down after that. Holland was the first to speak. "Take your time, but not too much." Swiss gave him an appreciative nod before starting his speech about how to handle world debt.

'He really never changes,' Roderich thought as he watched Va-er-Switzerland give his presentation. Switzerland was surprisingly an amazing public speaker. Perfect posture, good projection, and clear enunciation was perfected after centuries of practice; however, what really made his presentations was natural talent. Whether Switzerland was aware of it or not, he had an uncanny talent to blend in with the crowd one minute and command it with his presence the next. And that's exactly what happened today. Roderich could barely register Va - er - Switzerland was there at all today. 'Everyone is right. He is a hedgehog.'

Something about him seems off today to say the least. Granted Liechtenstein was ill, but it seemed more than that. What could throw him off -this- much? 'Should I ask him about it?' No. That was a bad idea. Switzerland truly hated him.

-Flashback-

Austria had just treated Switzerland and Liechtenstein to lunch at one of his favorite restaurants, and persuaded them to allow him to give them a ride home. Switzerland sat Liechtenstein and himself very far away from Austria, which made Austria incredibly irritated. They should be more grateful.

"Thank you for the ride Mr. Austria," Liechtenstein pipes up from under her brother's arm. She clearly wanted to dispel the tension from the back of this limousine.

"You are quite welcome Liechtenstein," Austria replied with a dignified bow of his head. Of course, Switzerland being Switzerland, he just had to attack defensively. Really, the aristocrat was not the power-hungry nation he once was. There was no need to react that way to everything he said.

"We were more than capable of walking back home."

"There is no need for that. You know as well as I do that proper young ladies shouldn't have to walk home, nor wear such cheap plebeian male outfits."

"First of all," Swiss' eyes holding as much venom as his word. "It is a military uniform. And secondly, I-"

Sweet Liechtenstein cleared her throat, forced to play the part of the diplomat once more. "Pardon Mr. Austria, but I chose to wear this. Big Bruder's clothes are practical for running errands and surprisingly very comfortable."

Dear Big Bruder resorted to looking away as his cheeks grew crimson. Austria looked at the siblings for a moment before putting on a smile. "I do apologize, Miss Liechtenstein. I meant no offense. So long as you are happy that is what matters."

"I am glad you feel that way, Mr. Austria. Oh! Big Bruder, we're home," Liechtenstein exclaimed. "Thank you again for the ride Mr. Austria!" The petite nation climbing gracefully out of the limo once the door was opened. Switzerland silently began following the young female without a second look at the Austrian. Roderich's temper got the best of him.

"Not even a thank you from you, you unrefined swine." Switzerland spun around and stared at Austria.

"Oh it's a 'thank you' you want, yes?" the venom spewed from Switzerland's lips. "Please allow me to thank you. Thank you for betraying everyone you ever cared about. Thank you so so much for failing to do the one thing I asked of you and caring of my little sister when I couldn't. Thank you for leaving her on the street to die. Thank you especially for butting in on her life now. I am protecting her now and capable of doing so. Therefore,…" he leaned in close, lips close to Austria's ear. Switzerland spoke just below a whisper. "GET LOST."

-Flashback ends-

"And that is how we can reduce the worldwide debt crisis. Thank you," Switzerland finished to polite applause, and had began answering nations questions. All the while, the Austrian watched him. The other nations bombarded the blond man with endless questions that they wouldn't let them answer. Behind the stoic expression, Austria could tell Switzerland was holding back the urge to riddle his audience with bullets. Germany thankfully came to his rescue.

"Quiet everyone. Alright America…," Germany said with a sense of dread. "Your turn."

"Thanks bro! So everyone listen, I want to change my national food from apple pie to hamburgers!"

The entire afternoon was filled with arguments, strangulations, and endless groans before the meeting was over. Germany, with Italy attached to his arm, led the nations who didn't live nearby back to his home.

'Leave it to this group to extend the meeting till tomorrow," Austria thought. He stood to pack his bag.

"Mr. Austria it is hard when you get all the nations of the world in one room," said Hungary by his side. "Many of us don't agree on much."

Austria smiled at her. "You are right Elizabeta. I can't believe America monopolized most of the meeting."

"I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy watching Denmark flick these paper football things America taught him how to make at Greece while he was sleeping. Then Norway—" Hungary animatedly told him how Denmark got in trouble with Norway which resulted in the crazy-haired viking to be choked with his own necktie. Austria watched her retell the tale. He loved her so, his ex-wife. And he still did, only not the same way as back then. Since their divorce and the disillusion of their empire, Hungary and Austria had become best friends. As much as Austria missed the old days, Austria couldn't be happier. Well, except one thing…

That's when his thoughts were interrupted by an arm around his shoulders.

"Hey Specs! And Liz," Prussia bends down to kiss Hungary's cheek. "Looking good."

Hungary cheeks grew slightly pink. Austria rolled his eyes and smiled warmly. "Hello Gilbert. I trust you're here picking my Elizabeta up for a date?"

The Prussian proceeded to poke Austia's nose and rant how Elizabeta wasn't his any longer. Austria would never tire of teasing the albino. He made it too easy when it came to the Hungarian beauty.

Austria gave Hungary a quick kiss on the hand. "Have fun Eliza. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Hungary chuckled and dragged the still ranting Prussian from the conference room. "See you tomorrow, Roddy!"

He couldn't help but cringe at the nickname. His name was wonderful as is, why did he need a nickname? Looking around the room, he noticed some nations still lingering. Denmark was trying to get Norway to agree to a formal date, which Norway was protesting with forced down smile. After a number of years together, you'd think they would stop with these silly habits. Iceland and Hong Kong were waiting for their respective family members, discussing…..animu? Anime? Anima? The Austrian aristocrat didn't bother to learn what that was let alone what it was actually called.

The Lady Portugal was dealing with her overly affectionate little brother Spain, while Bella was catching up with Romano; and finally, Holland and Japan discussed Va-Switzerland's presentation with the man in question, asking the questions they couldn't before.

'After all of these years, I am still in awe of him. He overcame so many struggles to get to his point - a powerful nation in the center of Europe who no longer needs the help of others,' he thought. 'I should know how hard that is - I was afraid of being alone for so long I ruined some of the best relationships I ever had to try and keep them by my side.'

Austria shakes his head and then realizes he left his keys in the conference room. He turns on his heel and makes his way back.

Switzerland was making his way back to his car with a heavy sigh. It had been a long day, but at least his presentation went off without a hitch. He fished his keys from his pocket and unlocked his car settling in the driver's seat. In the process, he dropped his padfolio on the pavement. With a groan, he climbed out of the car, and began picking up his papers. As he looked through them, he noticed something was missing.

'That stupid letter…where is it?'

He surveyed the parking lot quickly, and upon not finding it, he ran back toward the building.

'No one better find it. It's so embarrassing.'

Austria's hands were shaking as he finished reading the paper in his hands, eyes wide in shock.

'Yours if you'll ever want me?…Vash. All this time, you…'

Austria's eyes were filling with tears, from joy his old friend felt the same or sadness they spend so much time hating each other he did not know. The letter was beautifully sweet in its own awkward and angry way. 'So like him though.' Knowing Switzerland, he wouldn't want a typical confrontation, especially with so many nations still hanging around. Austria smiled and took out his pen from his breast pocket.

Switzerland burst into the empty conference room and instantly began searching. He found the folded up letter on the table right where he was earlier today, and sighed in relief. 'Good. No one found it.'

He quickly picked it up and walked slowly back to his car. Time to finally head home. When he walked into the bright sunlight, he noticed a blue ink standing out against his own black ink. He then lifted the paper and read the elegant cursive writing.

Tonight 8:30 p.m. Mohrenkopf in Zurich. I'll be waiting.

Switzerland smiled at the familiar handwriting.

"I better call Lily and let her know I'll be home late tonight."