A/N: As promised, a new Valkubus story. Takes place after the end of the show (if you haven't watched it, don't read on), completely ignoring the flash-forward. It's going to be a slow burn and it is going to hurt. This first chapter was really difficult to write, totally kicked my ass on an emotional level. But I did promise to write it, so here it is. Let me know what you think. Enjoy.
It had taken 14 lifetimes for Tamsin to finally be happy. 14 lifetimes to for her to finally understand the true meaning of family, of love, of friendship. Most Valkyrie's got 7, but Tamsin was never most Valkyries. She had always been different. Thanks to Acacia, she had never settled for the path she was told to follow, always striving to be who she wanted to be, who she was born to be. Tamsin had been born to lead, never to follow. If she had listened to Freyja instead of Acacia all those lifetimes ago her life would have been very different. She would never have ended up a bounty hunter, she would never have taken Hades' job, and she would never have met Bo. The list of things that would never have happened to her had grown longer over the few years she had known the Succubus. It was crazy to think that it had only been a few years, so much had changed in Tamsin's life in such a small amount of time.
She had never been afraid of dying, though she had often felt a cold shudder when she thought about what came afterwards, what would happen when she finally ran out of time. The obvious answer for most Valkyrie's was Valhalla. An eternity spent doing just about whatever you could think of, though Tamsin had always thought, if she did finally end up in Valhalla, she probably wouldn't get past the bar. But she never thought for one moment that she would actually end up in Valhalla. Her existence hadn't been one that lent itself to a happy ending. She had done nothing in her 14 lives that would make her worthy of a peaceful eternity. But then she met Bo.
The unaligned Succubus, the baby-Fae who had taken everything that Tamsin knew about the world and turned it on its head. She'd hated her to start with, she couldn't stand that sunshine and puppy's view that she had. Over time she realised that hate that strong was only a precursor to something else. Something a lot more dangerous. Tamsin knew the exact moment she fell for Bo, the exact moment where her life seemed to stop making any kind of sense yet started to make perfect sense all at the same time. Kenzi, Bo's irritating human pet, had managed to get herself kidnapped by a Kitsune. No one had believed Bo, everyone thought she was going crazy. Tamsin believed her, she had no idea why, maybe it had something to do with 'Kenzi' trying to eat metal, which was strange even for the human. So Tamsin did the only thing she could do, she broke Bo out and they went on a rescue the pet mission. Once they had found the real Kenzi, the way that Bo hugged the human, that had been the moment for Tamsin. The moment she realised that she was well and truly screwed.
Now, after everything, she was sitting in Valhalla. She had finally run out of time. She had never seen her life ending in the back of Vex's motorised caravan. She had never for one second thought that having a child would be the thing that finally killed her. Children and Tamsin never really mixed, the closest she got to kids was spending time with Dyson and Kenzi. The memories of how her baby, Dagny, had come about were images that she forced from her mind. It wasn't her daughters fault, it wasn't her choice that she was conceived in a moment of pure hate, mistrust and violation. The option to not see the pregnancy through had been talked about, well mentioned by Lauren, and for a fleeting second Tamsin had considered it. Then she thought about the way she had lived her life, she had always believed that fate had a plan, a reason for everything. Though she may never understand it, nor would she live long enough to see it, she had to believe that there was a reason. A reason that didn't involve Dagny being Hades' back-up plan. He had been the dark shadow that Tamsin feared for more years than she cared to remember, there was no way she was going to allow her daughter to become a pawn in his game. She deserved so much better than that, better than anything Tamsin could ever give her.
The one thing that Tamsin knew, when she finally did depart the world, after hearing Bo's promise to protect Dagny, she knew that her daughter would be safe. As she couldn't be there herself, she couldn't have asked for better people to watch over her child. People who had changed Tamsin's life in so many ways, more ways than she could remember. Her daughter would have the best possible start to her life, which was more than enough for Tamsin.
But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough, not really. She had finally had everything that she never believed that she could. A family, a home, a reason to exist. Bo. It had taken every single bit of strength that she had left in her final moments not to let Bo save her. She had cheated death once before, making a deal with Trick for 7 extra lives, a deal that she couldn't bring herself to fully regret. If she hadn't made that deal with Trick, if she hadn't taken Rainer's soul to the Death Train, she would never have met Bo. She would never have felt that feeling of true peace, of not needing to run. She had always feared love, believing that it was nothing more than weakness. Acacia had told her that once. Acacia had told her a lot of things, most of it she ignored, but that was one thing that stuck. It wasn't until after she had fallen completely in love with the Succubus that Acacia told her something different. Love was strength. Love was that one thing that pushed Tamsin to be the person she should always have been.
Now she was sitting in Valhalla. Acacia had left her alone since she arrived, everyone had. Even Stacy had kept her distance. Her former mentor, now the over-seer of Valhalla, had said that Tamsin needed to settle in, adjust. There was nothing to adjust to. This was her life now, well death would be more of an appropriate word for it.
Leaving her room she knew she wouldn't be bothered by anyone. Valhalla hadn't changed much since the last time she had been there. She had expected some changes since Acacia took charge after it was revealed that Freyja was a fraud, something that hadn't really surprised Tamsin in the slightest. She had been the one who had chosen Acacia to become the over-seer, she couldn't think of a better person for the job.
There was a small room that nobody knew about, other than the Valkyrie's, a room that was off limits to most people. Tamsin wasn't sure if she would count as most people now, but at that moment she didn't care. The room was unlocked. As she walked in she could tell that nobody had used this room in years. She turned the light on and saw that it hadn't changed. The deep red of the walls remained, the dark curtains which blocked out the light still hung closed as they always had. The lights themselves were in the form of old style candles at regular intervals along the walls, though the light coming from them was anything other than simple candle light. At the centre of the room sat a silver bowl, water glittering inside it. The bowl sat on a solid silver pedestal. Closing her eyes she slowly made her way over to it. The water within the bowl wasn't regular water, it was more like a portal to Earth, it was a viewing pool. It would allow the person to see whatever they wanted to, Valkyrie's usually used it to check in on old friends from time to time, to witness the lives of the people who they were to collect and bring to Valhalla. In times past it had also been used to watch over battles. Tamsin wanted to use it to check in on her family. She needed to see that everything was okay, that everyone was safe. As she reached the centre of the room she heard the door open and close. She didn't need to look to see who it was.
"What are you doing in here kid?" Acacia asked, her voice betraying the feelings that she felt, she understood the pain Tamsin was in.
"I need…" Tamsin said, not turning around, her hands gripped into fists at her side, "I need to know…"
"She's safe Tamsin," Acacia replied, "you know that. You left her in the best possible hands. The Succubus…"
"Bo…" Tamsin said quietly, "her name is Bo."
"Bo… isn't going to let anything happen to your daughter," Acacia continued, "you know that."
"Knowing it and seeing it are two very different things." Tamsin replied, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly, "I need to see it."
"It's not going to help you," the older woman said, walking up behind Tamsin and placing a hand softly on her shoulder, "there's nothing that can be done to change what happened. It's our way Tamsin, you know that."
"It's stupid," Tamsin replied, tears starting to burn her eyes, "we go through all that, for what? To just die…? To lose it all?"
"It's a connection that Valkyrie's are never meant to have," Acacia said softly, "we bring them into the world, we're not supposed to watch them grow, that isn't our…"
"It isn't our way, I know, I get it," Tamsin said, sniffing and bringing her arm up to wipe the falling tears on her sleeve, "Our way seriously sucks sometimes. Most of the time actually."
Acacia laughed a little, she knew Tamsin was right. She knew that Tamsin felt a sense of loss that may never go away. Most Valkyrie's, if they are going to have children, don't wait until their last life to do it. Most will spend lifetimes watching over their children. Tamsin had never been one to do anything the easy way, so it shouldn't have surprised Acacia that everything had happened this way. If she was being honest, she never saw Tamsin having kids. She knew, if it hadn't been for Hades, Tamsin probably never would have. But it happened, and there was a new baby Valkyrie in the world because of it. Part of Acacia hoped that Dagny wouldn't grow up like Tamsin, but the other part of her really hoped she would. Knowing the people that the young baby Valkyrie had around her, Acacia knew that Dagny would grow up to be whoever she wanted to be.
"If you want to see your daughter, Bo or anyone else, you know what to do," Acacia said, squeezing Tamsin's shoulder a little, "my advice would be not to, but when did you ever listen to anything I said."
With that Acacia turned and left the room, leaving Tamsin alone once more. The decision was hers alone, as it should be. She was never going to be able to let go, that wasn't ever going to be an option for her. She could never stop thinking about her daughter, she would never be able to stop thinking about Bo. She needed to see that everything was okay, she needed it.
She raised her hand, moving it over the bowl from left to right, before dropping it back to her side and the water started to shimmer.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Kenzi quietly closed the door to the bedroom behind her as she walked out into the hallway. They were staying with Evony for a while, in her country house outside the city. Kenzi never believed that she would have anything to thank the older woman for, but her family were together at that moment, well what was left of them, and for that she could never say thank you enough. They needed time to try and heal, to try and come to terms with what had happened. She never thought that she would outlive Tamsin, the two of them had often joked about what kind of music Tamsin would pick for Kenzi's funeral. She had honestly never considered the bond that would develop between them, when Tamsin first arrived in the colony Kenzi dreaded even talking to her. But that all changed, and now she wouldn't change any of it for the world. Well apart from the end to their story. That part she would change. If Kenzi had her way, Tamsin would still be with them, Dagny would still have her mom and Bo would still have her Valkyrie. But as it now stood the world around them had changed in ways that they were yet to fully understand.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to steady her heart, to stop the tears which had been falling since the moment Tamsin did her gold dust and disappear trick. Dyson was standing a little further down the hallway, she was sure that he'd been there since Bo closed herself away. They all had no idea what to say, what to do to help. They had all lost Tamsin, all of them were grieving in their own way. Even Lauren. Kenzi laughed a little and shook her head as she thought about the two women actually becoming friends. They had both fallen for the same woman, both loved Bo unconditionally and without question, and in another place and time it could have turned out very differently. Kenzi had never thought that the two women would ever be able to be civil with each other, without one or both of them making some snide remark or underhand comment, but they were more than civil in the end. They were friends.
"How is she?" Dyson asked quietly as Kenzi walked over to him.
"I've got no idea," Kenzi replied, shaking her head a little, "she's sleeping right now, which is good, I guess…"
"And…" Dyson started to say, stopping himself by taking a deep breath before he continued, "Dagny?"
"Also fast asleep," Kenzi said with a nod, "the little thing hasn't made a peep all day, no crying, nothing. It's weird."
"Well she is Tamsin's daughter." Dyson said with a small laugh, "she's going to be a nightmare when she grows up isn't she…"
"As long as we keep her away from pointy things, I'm sure we'll be okay," Kenzi replied with a laugh of her own, "it's certainly going to be an adventure. One that we shouldn't be taking without Tamsin…"
"I know…" he said, pulling the small human into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her as she buried her head in his chest, "but we have to, we have no choice. We're all Dagny has, and we have to honour Tamsin by doing the best we can with her."
Neither of them heard Lauren walking up behind Dyson.
"Everything okay?" Lauren asked taking in the sight that met her.
"Yeah doc," Kenzi said, pulling back from Dyson and quickly wiping her eyes, "everything's okay. Bo and baby are sleeping, finally…"
"It's not a good idea for the baby to be sleeping in the same bed as Bo," Lauren said, her head going into professional mode, "she moves a lot in her sleep and…"
"If you want to go in there and take Dagny from her, then be my guest," Kenzi said with a little laugh, "but I don't see you leaving the room in one piece."
"I don't want to take Dagny from her, I would just prefer somewhere safer for her to sleep." Lauren replied.
"Can't get safer than Bo's arms doc, you know that." The small human replied with a small smile.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Tamsin stood staring into the water, her hands gripping the side of the bowl, her jaw clenched as tears fell freely from her eyes. She struggled to breathe as she took in the sight before her. Bo was asleep, Dagny resting protectively in the crook of her arm, Bo's other hand on the baby's stomach. Tamsin had no idea where they were, the bed and the room were completely alien to her, but she knew they were safe. A feeling of calm washed over her as her heart yet again ripped apart. She should be there with them.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Slowly Bo opened her eyes, she didn't remember falling asleep. A small sad smile spread across her lips as she looked down at the baby sleeping next to her. She softly placed a kiss on Dagny's head, breathing in the scent that met her. It was that new baby smell, mixed with something else. A smell that belonged to only one other person she had met in her life. Tamsin. She felt Dagny start to stir in her arms, ice green eyes looking up at her.
"Hey baby girl…" Bo said quietly with a small smile, "you seriously have your momma's eyes… I'm Bo… and I'm going to take care of you."
She shook her head a little as she was sure she could see a small smile grow on the baby's lips.
"Your mom was one of the strongest people I've ever met…" Bo continued, "and I know she wanted to be here, but she couldn't be. So, you're stuck with me. You've got a family who already love you so much. There's Kenzi, she's probably going to teach you to pick locks before you can walk, always a good skill to have. Then there's Dyson, he's the one who is going to scare away every boy you ever meet until you turn 18, or maybe 30 I haven't decided yet… There's Lauren, she's going to make sure you're healthy, and she's super smart. Vex is… well he's Vex, great taste in shoes… And you have no idea what I'm talking about do you…"
Bo laughed a little as Dagny just blinked at her. She softly kissed the baby's head before taking a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling fighting back the tears which again threatened to fall.
"I miss you Tamsin…" she said quietly.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Tamsin closed her eyes as she moved her hand over the top of the water again, when she looked back the only thing she could see was the water.
"Should have listened to Acacia…" she mumbled to herself as she turned and walked from the room.
She made her way to the bar, wanting nothing more at that moment than to drown herself in alcohol. Sitting down on one of the bar stools she lifted her hand a little, sending a wave in Joan of Arc's direction.
"That is never not going to be weird…" she said quietly to herself as a drink was put down in front of her, "thanks…"
"Looked like you could use it." a very familiar voice said.
Tamsin's head snapped up as she heard the voice.
"Trick?" she said, the shock very evident on her face.
"All that worrying about not getting in here…" he said with a small smile.
"Yeah," she said with a little laugh as she nodded, "there's been a change of management since then."
"And a long time has passed," he replied, "did she do it?"
"Was there ever any doubt…" Tamsin said, "she's fine, she's… good. Nice touch leaving wolf man the Dal by the way."
"If Dyson isn't busy taking care of people, it leaves him too much time to think," Trick said with a nod, "and Dyson and thinking don't really mix. Is everyone else…?"
"As far as I know, yeah, they're all okay." Tamsin said, "the Elders all popped it for a little while, but that was nothing that Bo couldn't fix."
"And Hades?" he asked.
"Gone…" she replied, looking down at the glass she held in her hands, "for now, though something tells me he'll be back at some point. Assholes like him just don't know how to stay dead."
"Acacia didn't mention how you…" Trick said, picking up a glass and starting to clean it, "I mean…"
"Having a baby kind of does that to a Valkyrie." Tamsin replied, realising that Trick had no idea what had gone on, "So, Acacia put you to work already huh?"
"My choice," he said with a smile, "it's something I'm good at…"
Tamsin nodded a little as Trick reached across and placed his hand softly over hers.
"I'm sorry Tamsin." He said.
"Yeah…" she said with a nod, blinking quickly to stop the tears, "keep the drinks coming…"
Trick nodded a little and left Tamsin to her thoughts.
"There she is." Tamsin heard a cheery voice say as she downed the drink in front of her.
"Asshole time at the bar," Tamsin said turning around on her stool and smiling, "Hey Stacy."
"Couldn't stay away huh?" The other blonde asked as she sat next to Tamsin.
"I missed you too much." Tamsin said with a small smirk, "how's everything here with Acacia running the show?"
"Better," Stacy replied with a nod as Trick poured them both a drink, "a lot more relaxed, I mean obviously, or you wouldn't have got in."
"I'm a warrior, where else would I go?" Tamsin asked with a small shake of her head.
"There are 6 other levels, and at least 2 of them would've welcomed you with open arms," Stacy said, bumping Tamsin's shoulder a little, "I'm sure there's a space for you in Hel."
"Ouch," Tamsin said, mock hurt on her face, "I'm hurt…"
"No you're not." Stacy said with a laugh, before she looked at Tamsin seriously, "how you doing, really?"
"I don't know…" Tamsin replied, shaking her head a little, "I just… don't know."
"You'll figure it out T…" Stacy said, "you always do."
"I'm thinking if I piss Acacia off enough she'll send me back…" Tamsin said with a little laugh, "just to get rid of me."
"Have you asked her?" the other blonde asked.
"It doesn't work that way Stacy, you know that…" Tamsin said with a sigh.
"We could try and break you out…" Stacy said with a laugh, "jail break, Valhalla style."
"Now I remember why you weren't the one who came up with the awesome ideas." Tamsin replied with a laugh of her own.
"Well we don't have to get you out, maybe we could get her in…" the other blonde said, "she's a Valkyrie right?"
"She's a baby Stacy," Tamsin said, "what do you plan to do, waltz down there and ask Bo if you can borrow her for karaoke nights with Joan… Is that still a thing?"
"Every Thursday." Stacy said with a nod, "you left her with Bo?"
"Who else was I going to leave her with…" Tamsin said quietly.
"But Bo," Stacy said, "as in daughter of the dark lord, and no I'm not talking about Voldemort."
"Who do you think Dagny's father is Stacy…" Tamsin said, looking at the other blonde in disbelief.
"Well, I know who… right, yeah." Stacy said with a nod, "that's a whole other reason not to, I mean if she goes all Dark Queen fire breathing horse again…"
"She won't." Tamsin replied, "she's the only person I could trust to protect Dagny."
"Is that human still around?" Stacy asked.
"Which one?" Tamsin said with a small laugh, "there were a couple…"
"Kenzi." The other blonde replied.
"Yep, yeah… Kenzi is still around," Tamsin said, finding a small smile tugging at her lips, "Bo thinks she'll be teaching Dagny to pick locks before she can walk."
"Good skill to have… you used the viewing pool didn't you." Stacy replied, her tone letting Tamsin know that she didn't approve.
"Yeah…" Tamsin said with a nod, "And I know, not a very smart idea, but I needed to see that she was safe…"
x-x-x-x-x-x
As the hours passed Tamsin was pretty sure she drank nearly her body weight in Vodka, and still she felt empty. She made her way back to her room and dropped down on the bed, picking up the phone she called down to reception.
"Do you want to do something about this view," she said as the phone was answered, "some of us don't want clear starry nights."
As she hung up the phone she watched as the view changed outside her window, lightening filled the skies.
"Better…" she said to herself as she lay back on the bed, her hands behind her head.
Just as she was drifting off to sleep there was a knock at the door, she grumbled as she got off the bed and walked over to see who it was. Opening it she found Acacia.
"You got anything you want taking Earth side?" she asked, "Stacy is on a pick-up tomorrow, in the colony."
"You do long distance mail here now?" Tamsin asked.
"Not as a general rule, no," Acacia replied, "but I figured you may want to write a note or something…"
"Oh what a great idea," Tamsin said, the sarcasm dripping from every word she said, "Dear Bo, sorry for skipping out on you and leaving you with a shitstorm of a mess, oh BTdubs your grandfather is minding the bar here in Valhalla, see you in about 2000 years…"
"It was a simple question," Acacia said, not letting herself get drawn into Tamsin's downward spiral, "and one I won't ask again."
"It was a stupid question." Tamsin said, "and you know it."
Tamsin watched as Acacia shook her head a little and walked away. Taking a deep breath she shut the door, attempting to slam it, before remembering that the doors in Valhalla just didn't work that way.
"Can't have any one getting disturbed by a bad mood now can we," Tamsin said to herself as she dropped back onto the bed, "no, because everything here is supposed to be perfect… yeah, really perfect…"
After lying there looking at the ceiling for a while she drifted off to sleep. Her mind taking her back to happier times.