Title: Accepting Reality

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to own Veronica Mars, it won't happen.

The sun seemed dull today. Not as if I was in a halo of shadows but just... dull. As much bad news as I hear on a daily basis this one struck me like a bat... GOD! I can't believe I just made a pun out of this situation. Wait, why not? Sheriff Lamb is... not here. Any other day this would've been the happiest news I received in a long time but the day it happens I'm mad at myself for turning it into a joke.

The more I rehearsed the same blank words in my lingering head, the more it dawned upon me that it just wouldn't process. Lamb is... absent. I find myself substituting the correct words of the situation for some less harsh and the reality still isn't there. Maybe because I know deep down inside it's for a reason. I know Sheriff Lamb isn't gone, he can't be. It's Lamb. A bat swing to the head is a practice for a guy like him. He faked his death and I know he did. There's no other way...

So as the days passed, I spent most of my time trying to think of possible ways how he faked his death. Not because Lamb is worth a second of my free time, but mostly because I can't resist a good case. The car was only a few block away from the church where his "funeral" is held. I couldn't help but fill that word with air quotes in my mind. Regardless, I can bet my life the casket it going to be closed. They'll probably use rough external bruises as an excuse... unless they want a reenactment of Emmett Tills, of course.

I entered the church forcing a sad look on my face. If only this funeral was real I don't think I'd be able to control my happiness. Of course, the only reason I'm here right now it to "pay my respect". I seriously hate him now more than I ever did. For what reason did he have to escape? This is just his way to get everyone in Neptune to feel sorrow for the loss of a pathetic person like him. I hate him for that. I always hated him but this is a new low.

I looked around in the church and everyone was soaking in tears. There were a few "significant others" and even more cops walking around with tissues permanently attached to their hand. The building had more people than I expected. I knew I was the only one who hated him as much as I did, but this is different. Even my dad looked as if he lost a friend. Technically, he lost Sheriff Lamb as a friend long before this day. As much as I wanted to feel pity for them, I couldn't. Sheriff Lamb isn't...

"Here is the last day we say our good-byes to Don Lamb." One of the officers said, motioning the sniffling crowd to stand and walk past his casket. My dad and I were only on the fourth row and there were already 6 women who would passionately kiss him on the forehead or place their palms on his pale skin or run their fingers through the little hair he had left after surgery. It seemed like even at his funeral I found more reasons to hate him. I never pictured him as a faithful guy but he seemed to have no feelings at all for these women.

Now it was my dad's turn to say his good-byes. His back was turned to me but when you have a father like him, you can tell when he's crying. He hunched his back slightly as he studied Lamb for the last time and then his hand was placed in front of his eyes. Was my dad seriously crying over Lamb? The guy who arrested me only days before he died? Then slowly, my dad walked off. Now it was my turn to say good-bye. It was hard to look at him. Probably because I didn't want to admit I was wrong. Or probably because I wanted to spit in his face for everything he put me through. I glanced over for a second and looked away. He was so pale for that moment my eyes rested on him. I only slightly caressed his chest and walked along.

As the service went on, cries became louder. These poor, sick, stupid, pathetic women were all crying over a man. Can't they all look around and notice one another. It's sick! The man whom I hate is probably the male whore of Neptune and not enough words can describe how much I felt like I was the one who swung the bat the moment he died. The louder the cries got, the angrier I grew. In that instant I left my legs rise up and my voice projected every single word I felt in my mind at that moment.

"Shut up! Sheriff Lamb is a sadistic, pathetic, narcissistic asshole! I hate his him and I hope he burns in hell for everything he's done to me. Can't you girls see... all of you are here. He used you like sex dummies and you're making what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life the worst! Open your eyes!"

In an instant I marched out the church house with numb tears falling out my eyes. I can feel my hand grasping for something it couldn't reach. Answers. What was it that I'm feeling? I slammed my car door and started the engine. Before I can get out I heard knocking on my window. One of those pathetic women who were sitting in the church stood by the window.

"I just wanted to tell you... I knew Sheriff Lamb wasn't perfect. In fact, I pretty much hated him. But I loved him. In his eyes I can see a small glint of blue innocence-" I had to cut the woman off.

"Sorry, but Sheriff Lamb never fucked me, so don't compare me to the rest of the stupid groupies in there."

"Listen. I'm not trying to justify what I did but who the hell are you to tell me how to feel about someone? 'Open your eyes?!' Next time you want to give advice, remember to practice what you preach!"

She walked off back into the church and I continued to drive off. I have no idea what she meant. I meant every single word I said. I hate him and I wish I was the one who killed him! I wish I could choke him by his tie and hang him by his neck. I hate him so much. I wish he were still here so I can make him regret ever turning me away. I wish he were still here so I can tell him how much he hurt me. I wish he was still here because... I miss him. I hate everything about him but I miss him so much.

But it doesn't matter anymore because Sheriff Don Lamb is...