I Said I'd Never Abandon Him

by PyroChilde

Summary: Spoilers for 3x19! Roy is shocked by Oliver's reaction the events at the end of this episode. He's never really had a family, never had anyone to look out for him or be concerned about his wellbeing. He never could have imagined Oliver's reaction and he never could have imagined going back to how his life was before joining Team Arrow. Roy/Oliver friendship only. Probably just a one-shot. Also, I'm disregarding the final scene and the beginning of season 4.

Chapter 1

Roy watched from the shadows of the foundry as Felicity and Dig approached Oliver. He was crouched in the middle of what remained of their base of operations, what Felicity affectionately referred to as the "Arrow Cave." As Oliver reached out and lifted a broken arrow from ground, examining it as if it held the secrets of what was to come, his hand shook slightly. Guilt, anger, despair, all these emotions swelled up inside him. His mentor was far from perfect. He was stubborn to a fault, constantly shutting people out and trying to do everything alone. That was the primary reason for this whole plan of theirs, of keeping Oliver in the dark while they did everything in their power to keep him safe. Still, Roy never really understood how much they all counted on him to be that strong, unmovable force of nature until now. Seeing him there all hunched and defeated, hands shaking and he seemed to sort through the ruins of all he had worked so hard to build here, it broke something inside of Roy. All they had done to keep Oliver's world from crashing down around his ears seemed to have been for naught. He had still lost so much. He could never be The Arrow again and now Roy felt like they, for all their efforts, had only succeeded in stealing something vital from him. Oliver Queen was a free man but…did that matter if everything he had worked for, everything he had sacrificed to build here was gone? Lance wouldn't stop looking for a way to punish him, if not for his actions as the vigilante then for keeping the truth of his daughter's death from him. He would be forever looking for a way to come after him again. Oliver Queen was a broke, former billionaire playboy with nothing else in his life. The Arrow wasn't just a disguise Roy realized. The Arrow was everything real, everything important to Oliver and their plan had taken that away forever.

Just as Roy was about to turn and leave, unable to face the man that had saved his life in every way that mattered after he'd stolen his whole identity from him, Oliver turned towards them. Felicity and Dig shared a look, probably coming to all of the same conclusions Roy himself had come to. They too looked taken aback by the state they'd found their friend in. Seeing his face made everything worse. His face was a mask of despair, eyes shining with tears he tried valiantly to keep from falling. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion, his words confused Roy.

"I never should have listened to either of you." Felicity and Dig seemed to understand. Felicity stopped ringing her hands and stood up straighter. It was as if she finally knew how to fix this. Dig looked surprised and somewhat ashamed. He looked at Felicity, seemed to decide to let her handle things, and his eyes shifted away from his friend to survey the damage done to the foundry once more.

"Oliver…" She whispered. It was the voice that said 'I'm sorry' and 'Let me explain' and 'Let me help you.' It was the voice he had always soothed his ruffled feathers, had always broken though to him. Her expression was equal parts apology and determination. None of them expected his reaction, a rush of fury burning through the despair and he leapt to his feet and spun to fully face them. Felicity took an involuntary step back while Dig moved forward taking a defensive stance in front of the blonde. Roy moved forward, muscles bunching in anticipation even as he forced himself to remain out of sight for the time being.

"NO Felicity, don't! Don't you act like…just don't." As quickly as the rage had come it slipped away again and everyone relaxed just a little. The tears Oliver had been holding at bay finally spilled over, a few traitorous drops finding their way down his cheeks. Roy felt like he'd been punched, the pain worse than the stab wound he'd taken that morning. If he had known that stealing his life from Oliver would have broken him like this, broken him in a way that even losing Sara has not, he never would have suggested it. He never would have convinced Dig or Felicity that killing off "The Arrow" was their only move if he'd realized it would hurt Oliver like this. The mask, the hood, the crusade…they stole it all and they had left Oliver with…what?

"Oliver, this isn't her fault. I know that you might never forgive us for this but-" Dig spoke up at last only to be interrupted.

"No Dig, it's my fault. I make my own choices and I made this one…and now I have to figure out how to live with it. I- Maybe I couldn't have saved Roy but I didn't. God Dig, I didn't even try. He was our family and we…I-I just left him there alone and unprotected." Oliver looked at Dig and Felicity, Roy looking on from the shadows, and Felicity smiled her sad little smile. Dig looked guiltily back and forth from the two members of their original trio. It was clear he didn't know how to proceed.

His feet moved without him consciously deciding to step forward. His mind raced a million miles per hour. All this time, standing there looking at his mentor, his friend, he was so sure that he understood what he was seeing. He'd been sure he was looking at a man that had his purpose stolen, his identity robbed, all he worked for scattered in the ruins of what used to be his safe haven. He saw the grief and the despair and it made sense that Oliver had been wrecked by the loss of his alter-ego. The idea that any of that pain could have been for his own supposed death had never even crossed his mind. Roy thought back to the night on that train what seemed like a lifetime ago. He hadn't been lying or being melodramatic when he'd said that no one would miss him. He hadn't been looking for sympathy when he echoed Thea's earlier words. He truly believed, always had, that his life meant nothing. There had never been anyone that worried about him, no one that cared whether he lived or died.

Oliver Queen, The Arrow, was a hero. He had family and friends that would willingly lay down their lives for him. Oliver was someone that would be missed in his own right and his vigilante persona would be mourned across the city. It was something that Roy had felt guilty in taking away from his mentor when he faked his death as The Arrow. When making the plan, he had made sure that Thea would know the truth and Dig and Felicity had been in on the plan all along. He'd expected to come back to the Foundry and find Oliver irritated at their ruse. Never would he have expected grief. This desolation could not possibly be for him and yet the man's words were echoing in his ears and he stumbled forward. He was our family.

"Oh Oliver." Felicity said gently, looking over at Roy, almost in Oliver's line of sight now. Oliver was staring down at the broken arrow in his shaking hand. It was one just like those he'd used to communicate with Roy in the alleyway. Roy, still weak from the drugs and blood loss he'd had to endure to escape, felt like the air had been ripped from his lungs. He stumbled into Felicity and Dig caught his arm and helped to steady him as Oliver continued to bare his heart unaware that the object of his grief was in fact alive and well.

"How do I survive losing another brother Felicity? First Tommy and….I said I'd never abandon him. How could I have left him to bleed out alone in a prison cell? He was just a kid Felicity. I was supposed to be looking out for him. I was supposed to protect him and I let him die for me!" He stood there, shoulders hunched forward hands clenching and unclenching around that broken arrow and tried to fight back tears, tried to hold himself together when he was so close to breaking down completely. He'd lost so much, so many people, and he didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He had worked so hard to build up the walls and keep everyone out but Roy has snuck in under his defenses just like Dig and Felicity. This was the same gaping hole in his chest he'd felt losing his father and Tommy and his mother. It was the same feeling he'd taken Ra's sword through his chest to avoid feeling again when Thea had been threatened. He didn't know how to deal with this again, to survive a loss like this again.

"You don't have to Oliver. That's what we've been trying to tell you." Felicity nudged Roy gently as she spoke. Oliver dragged his eyes upward as Roy finally stepped towards the man that had save his life, given him a mission and a purpose, the man that he had secretly idolized. He hadn't realized it until he heard Oliver say the words, family, brother, but it was true. Somehow, somewhere along the way, he'd managed to do something right with his life. He'd managed to truly find himself a family and, for the first time in his life, someone out there cared about him. He could see that as clear as day in the way Oliver sucked in a startled gasp and seemed to unconsciously reach forward.

"How?" Oliver choked out and both men moved forward to close the gap until the stood directly in front of one another.

"Don't be mad at them, this was my idea." Roy urged quickly. He could only imagine how furious he would be if someone had done this to him, made him believe someone he cared about was dead like they had done. He quickly explained, about Lyla's ARGUS contact, the beta blocker, everything. He expected anger, questions, or maybe a punch thrown his way. He would have expected just about anything other than Oliver reaching out and pulling him forward in a tight embrace. The pressure on his wound hurt but Roy could do nothing but return the embrace.

"I'm sorry Oliver, I…" Roy began and then trailed off. What do you say to someone after making them think you had, how did Oliver put it? Bled out on in a prison cell?

"No Roy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you went through this for me. I'm sorry I didn't come for you like I should have. I said that I would never abandon you and I just left you in there. You could have been killed for real…and now everyone thinks that you're dead. What are we going to do now?" Felicity, Diggle, and Roy looked uncomfortably back and forth amongst one another. It was Diggle that finally explained the rest of the plan. Roy would be leaving Starling City tonight. Felicity would be using her hacking abilities to build him a new identity along with some documentation from another of Lyla's people. He would be starting a new life far away from Starling. It had all seemed like such a brilliant plan and they had all been so relieved at the idea of finally having a way to save Oliver. Now, leaving seemed so much harder.

The stress of the last several hours were catching up with Roy. Though it was not fatal, the gut wound was still incredibly painful and he was drained from the unexpectedly emotional scene with his mentor. He looked around at the destroyed "Arrow Cave" and thought about all he would be leaving behind. For the first time since making the suggestion, no longer having Oliver's freedom and safety hanging over their heads, he allowed himself to think about all he would be leaving behind. Thea, the first person that he had ever loved, the first one to ever take a chance on him and see him as something other than some street thug was out there somewhere still believing he had been killed in prison. If her brother had reacted so strongly, surely Thea would be similarly devastated? How had he thought it would be alright to put her through that and then not even say goodbye in person? How was he going to walk away and leave her behind forever? Felicity had somehow become his closest friend. She knew all that he had done and though she had hidden things from him, she truly did it in an effort to spare him pain. No one in his life had ever gone out of their way to avoid causing him pain. She was the most intelligent person he had ever known and yet she spoke to him as an equal. He couldn't imagine going through a day without hearing her babble endlessly about one thing or another. How was he going to go through his days without her shining light to distract him and chase away the demons that haunted him? Dig had become an anchor for them all. He was the steady, secure place in the storm of all their lives. He grounded all of them, reminded them not to be so reckless, helped them reign in the violence when it threatened to go too far and drag them over the edge. What would he do without that steadying presence in his life? Finally there was Oliver, the man he had just learned thought of him as so much more than "another weapon in his arsenal" as he'd once been described. In his most unguarded moment, vulnerable from pain and grief, Oliver called him family, called him brother for reasons that had nothing to do with his relationship with Thea. How was he meant to walk away from that?

Unbidden, Roy felt his own eyes mist up. He looked up at Oliver, eyes pleading with him that same way they had when he asked not to be abandoned. His strength all but gone, he stumbled to the side needing to sit down before he fell down and was no longer surprised when strong arms caught him around the waist and helped him to a nearby chair. Oliver knelt before him, Felicity and Dig standing over him with concern written clearly on their faces.

"You aren't going anywhere Roy. This is your home. Not just this city but these people. We are a family, the four of us, and I'm not losing anymore family. I don't know how we're going to fix this yet…but letting you stumble off into the night hurt and alone is not happening. I told you once that I would never abandon you and that hasn't changed." Taking in a shaking breath, Roy nodded. Oliver turned to Felicity and Dig and one look said that they agreed wholeheartedly with him. There seemed to be a collective sigh of relief and even though everything was uncertain, they knew that they would get through it somehow. They were together and in the end that's all that really mattered

END?

Author's Note:

Alright so this is my first fic in several years and it's probably more than a little rough. It's arguably quite out of character but I wanted more emotion so here it is! Let me know if I completely over did it. :) Constructive criticism is appreciated. I may go back and do some polishing or who knows, maybe I'll continue with Thea's reaction or some fix for the whole Roy being "dead" thing. :) Thanks for reading!