Disclaimer: I obviously did not create these characters. I obviously write this stuff myself, only a single twisted mind could deliver such trash.
Personal Disclaimer: I am a graduate student, I spend 90% of my time reading and proofreading important papers for my like, you know, um, future, so don't count on a lot of proofreading of my fanfics. As a matter of fact a good bet would be at least four spelling errors and an abominable lack of punctuation.
Oh, also, I love feedback, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but mostly the good. :)
Broken Part 4
Cordelia awoke several hours later, the effects of the drugs were beginning to wear off but she still felt glued to the hospital bed. At some point someone had changed her into a hospital gown, and Angel reflected, she looked even smaller and more frail somehow, but he still refused to leave her bedside.
They were sitting in comfortable silence, trying to ignore the fact that there were so many issues they had yet to deal with, it was almost working when an older man in a doctors coat and a hospital chart came in.
Are you the psych consult he asked.
Her name is Cordelia, Angel responded for her.
he glanced at his chart, attempted suicide?
Um, Cordelia sat up and stared at her hands, I guess that's me.
I'll need you to leave now sir, the doctor said.
I'm family Angel answered.
That may be, but this is between the consult and myself.
She is not a psych consult Angel said, she is a person, a good person.
Yes of course, but the fact remains that this consultation must take place in privacy.
I'm okay now Cordelia said quietly, picking at the blanket that covered her lap, I'm fine really I just need to go home.
That's for me to decide the doctor said, now sir, he glared at Angel, if you will give us some privacy.
Angel walked out of the room, but not before he saw Cordelia curl herself up into the now habitual position of arms around her legs, head resting on her knees, he knew she was scared.
I'll be right outside he said.
Sir, if you could go wait in the lounge that would be best, the patient really needs to feel safe.
Um, it's okay Angel, I'll be okay.
Cordelia wanted to scream at the pretentious doctor, did he think for a minute that Angel being farther away would make her feel safe, the only time she'd felt safe in the past two years was the past three days she had spent back with him. She said nothing.
So, what was so bad that you though killing yourself was the only answer the doctor asked sharply.
Cordelia couldn't hold back a laugh, she imagined telling the doctor the truth, my husband beats me, but that's not the problem, my best, and maybe only friend is a vampire, but that's not the problem, an evil firm of lawyers wants to use my head to divine information regarding the whereabouts of demons, and that IS the problem. No, the truth would not work here.
It all seemed hopeless she said quietly.
Hopeless, the Dr. Said.
Yeah, but it's okay now, Angel talked to me.
Angel, does he have anything to do with this rather long history of accidents you have, or perhaps with the black eye you are sporting the doctor asked, raising an eyebrow.
Only in the sense that he made me leave the guy who was hurting me, she replied.
Made you, he asked.
Well, convinced me to.
I see, and you were so grateful that you washed down a bottle of secanol with vodka?
It's a little more complicated than that. I um, didn't want to be a burden to him.
And he made you feel as if you were a burden?
No, no, not at all, he made me feel um....safe, she said again staring at her hands.
And you need him to feel safe?
Well, I guess but it really is kinda complicated, but it's okay now, we talked and I'm fine see, not crazy or suicidal or anything.
Hmm, the doctor said, writing something in her chart.
And when was the last time you tried something like this?
no, never, I've never tried this before.
So it's just recently, since you've been with, Angel is it, that these feelings of worthlessness and suicide have come to you?
You're getting it all wrong, she said, it's not like that, we had a meeting this morning, well yesterday, time is kinda a blur at the moment, with me and Angel and my ex, and well, um, well, us and it went badly.
I see you getting very worked up he replied, obviously not listening to her, why don't we try some relaxation techniques.
I'm actually very relaxed, kinda sleepy she yawned, can we be finished now?
Just give it a try, for me, he asked cajolingly.
Okay she said, turning on her 100 watt smile, ignoring the pain it caused on her split lip, hoping this routine would work better on getting rid of the doctor then it ever had in getting Angel off her back.
With that he smiled and pulled up a rolling stool, now, if you'll just close your eyes and repeat after me, and with that the doctor closed his eyes and began a nonsensical chant. Cordelia held back her laughter and followed his lead,
good he said very good, now continue, they began chanting together.
Cordelia began to feel a little more relaxed when a loud crash broke her out of her fledgling reverie.
she opened her eyes to see Angel at the door, a tray of medical instruments strewn all over the floor. The doctor looked up startled.
Cordelia, Angel said. Cordelia, are you okay?
She stared at him blankly. The doctor and I were practicing relaxation techniques.
Oh, Angel looked slightly embarrassed, I um heard the chanting I thought he might be from, um, he glanced meaningfully, Lindsay's office.
She smiled, I'm fine Angel, why don't you go get something to eat, this time it was her who was doing the meaningful look thing, I'm SURE they have something around here that you can stomach.
Angel almost smiled, true to old form Cordelia was more worried about him than she was about herself. Yeah, I'll do that, wes just got here, he'll be outside the door if you need anything, anything at all, and I'll be back soon.
The doctor took in the entire encounter but was not sure what to make of it. There was definitely an undercurrent of tension between the two, but was this tall and brooding man trying to control her, or intimidate her to keep her from talking, or was he just concerned, he was not yet sure.
Cordelia, I am going to put you on Paxil, it's a relatively new antidepressant, and I would like to monitor your progress so we are going to keep you here for a few days longer. There are a couple of groups I would like you to attend as well.
Are you admitting me as a Psychiatric patient she asked.
Well he said, technically yes, but only for a few days.
You can't do that she said, getting slightly hysterical, I can't stay here, I need to go home.
And where is home the doctor asked.
Back to Angel's she said without thinking, I will be fine there, I will take whatever medication you give me, but I can't stay here. She began to panic, the security here was less than ideal, she would never be able to sleep knowing that Greg or Wolfram and Hart could get to her at any minute, and she was pretty sure that they didn't let people sleep outside a psych patients door.
I am not crazy she said.
No-one is implying that you are Ms. Brighton.
It's Chase-Brighton she said absently.
Yes of course, may I call you Cordelia,
yeah sure, whatever, you can also call me a cab, I am outta her.
Cordelia, Ms Chase-Brighton, I can and will commit you if you do not go voluntarily. You made a very serious attempt on your life last night, and I cannot risk it happening again.
But it won't she said plaintively, you have my word.
I am afraid that is not good enough under the circumstances. If all goes well it will only be for a few days.
I will make a deal with you she said.
Yes, he responded, he was not in the habit of making deals with patients but if it would calm her down he would hear her out.
I will go to your groups, and take your pills, and do whatever you say as long as you don't put me in the psych ward. Leave me here in a room where I can have visitors and everything else will be your call.
The doctor seemed to consider it for a moment, the paperwork to commit her was mountainous, and he could always convince her later, after she had seen the unit that she would be safe there, in the meantime, he could require checks on her every half hour here. He reluctantly agreed.
Angel returned to find Wesley pacing in front of her room.
Do you think she told the psychiatrist the truth he asked?
No, Angel said, Cordelia isn't stupid.
Well, I didn't think so either, but after what she tried...
Angel cut him off, she was desperate, not stupid, give her a little credit wes, she's gonna be okay.
Yes yes of course, I was just wondering what the doctor was going to do I mean if she were to tell him...
Wesley stopped his sentence short as the doctor came out, studying the chart in his hands.
He looked up, she will be with us for a few more days and then you can take her home, in the meantime, for her sake, please try not to distress her, she is in a very fragile state.
Angel almost laughed at that. He wondered if the doctor had any idea how fragile her state really was, or how strong she really was. He simply nodded, glanced at Wesley and the two of them entered her room.
Well, Angel asked?
He's putting me on pills, that's ironic or something right, Angel almost smiled.
Angel they wanted to lock me up in the psych ward. I told them I would stay...voluntarily, for a couple more days as long as they let me stay in a normal room. Angel, I don't know what to say, you've already done so much, but could you or Wesley stay for awhile.
Cordelia, Angel said, we will stay for as long as you are here, there are, well...
Angel recalled what the doctor had said and decided not to bring up the issue of Wolfram and Hart at the moment.
I know Cordelia said, the bad guys could come and get me, good thing I didn't tell the Doc that huh, I'd be put away for longer than a couple of days.
Some people just don't know what's out there.
But I do, we do.
Yes, Wesley said, but we have a plan, and the knowledge to keep you safe.
You have a plan Cordelia asked?
I was getting to that Angel said, it starts with this, and he handed her a piece of leather tied around a bag that smelled like lavender and matches.
What is this?
I called Willow, she overnighted it to me, it's a talisman for safety, she put a spell on it, it should be able to keep you safe.
But,
Cordelia don't worry we're not going anywhere, It's just added protection.
No I was going to say it clashes with my hospital gown.
Angel smiled, good to have you back he said.
Speaking of my back, Cordelia said, could you get me a pair of pajamas or something, this gown leaves a lot to be desired in fashion and even more to be desired in comfort, for the love of god, my entire back is exposed, and for those of us with a heartbeat, it's cold.
Angel looked at her, she was getting her sense of humor back, the healing was beginning.
No problem he said, I'll get you something a little more you to wear.
Thanks she said smiling.
Did you eat yet Angel said, glancing over at a covered tray.
She wrinkled her nose, hospital food, I don't think so. Wes will bring you some food then too, what do you want?
Nothing she said, I'm not hungry.
Cordelia, I think that yogurt was the last thing you ate, you have to eat something.
I will when I can, but I can't right now.
Fine wes, bring her something that will keep, in the meantime I'll keep an eye on her.
Cordelia smiled. Quietly she said, thank you.
You don't have to thank me Angel said,
yes I do Angel, you saved my life. If it hadn't been for you...
you wouldn't have been at the meeting, and none of this would have happened.
No Angel, this isn't the first time I've thought about it. If it hadn't been for you, I probably would have tried it anyway, or worse, Wolfram and Hart would have convinced me I was doing good.
Cordelia Angel said, his cool hand holding her warm one,
Angel I'm tired now, I'm gonna go to sleep, okay.
Yeah sure he said in a soft voice and he let go of her hand but rested his next to hers on the bed, allowing his thumb to brush over the back of her hand periodically.
This is the position the Lindsay found them in several hours later.
Angel heard the click of the hospital door and glanced towards it expecting to see Wesley, he stood immediately when he saw who it was.
You're not welcome here he said.
Hey, Angel, come on, I just wanted to talk to our little patient.
Angel walked menacingly towards the smaller man, get out.
Angel, I have as much right as you do to be here, I mean, neither one of us is actually family now are they?
You told them you were family?
No, no a family friend, and I am now, aren't eye.
You're nobody's friend.
Angel, you are not giving me a chance, I could be your friend, I can give her, he said, gesturing toward Cordelia, her powers back, you could have contact with the Powers That Be again.
Angel's blank stare revealed nothing, if Lindsay believed that he no longer got any messages from the powers that be, Angel certainly wasn't going to be the one to correct him.
Lindsay get out of here, before I call security.
Hey, I was just leaving, I just wanted to deliver these flowers personally, they're from her husband.
He's not welcome here either Angel said.
We'll talk Lindsay said, sauntering out of the room, leaving the flowers on the tray next to Cordelia's untouched meal.
Can I see the card Cordelia asked.
Cordelia, I didn't know you were awake.
She was curled up again, Angel now knew enough to know that this is what she did when the world seemed to much for her. you don't need to see the card.
I want to.
It probably doesn't say anything.
I want to.
Cordelia, it's not going to help anything.
I want to.
He handed her the card and she opened it with trembling fingers. She stared at it for a moment and then the tears came. Angel stepped forward, prepared to comfort her, to hold her, but she wouldn't let him, she curled up on her side, clutching the card to her chest, crying silently, the sobs wracking her entire body, he could count her vertebrae, due to the revealing nature of the hospital gown, he was again startled at how thin she had gotten. The sobs seemed to go all the way through her, her entire body given over to a grief Angel couldn't fix. He stood there next to her, helplessly trying to comfort her but each time he reached a hand to touch her hair, or her shoulder she shrugged him away, and continued her strangely silent, but powerful show of pain. Angel swore again that he would never make the mistake of letting her be hurt, but he was beginning to realize that the pain was a part of her now, and he couldn't stop it, not yet, there would be things, seemingly simple things like a card on a bunch of flowers, that might set her off. Angel had never felt so helpless.
Wesley walked down the hospital corridor whistling to himself, all was improving, Cordelia was feeling better, Angel was beginning to face the human world again, and he himself was glad to see Cordy back. he had missed her. He was reflecting on how much he had missed her when he saw Lindsay, a smirk on his face pass him in the hall. Lindsay nodded a greeting to him, but Wesley ignored it and hurried down the hallway to Cordelia's room. Thoughts raced through his head.
Had Angel been there when Lindsay had come, or had he gotten to Cordelia alone. Had Cordelia been awake? Perhaps Angel had handled it without Cordelia having to know. He sped past the nurse who was trying to tell him that visiting hours were almost over, but he ignored her and headed to Cordelia's room, he was not comforted by what he found.
Angel was brooding and standing over Cordelia's small frame, she was silent but her body was shaking violently,
Angel, what happened, is she having convulsions, did Lindsay do something to her?
In a whisper, she's crying Wes, the flowers, he gestured with his head, they were from Greg, she insisted on reading the card, and I let her, it set her off, she's been like this for a half hour, she won't let me talk to her, won't let me touch her, won't let me help. She's hurting Wesley, and I don't know what to do.
Wesley was at a loss, but he tried to remain calm, a difficult thing to do when someone he cared about so dearly was in so much pain. Perhaps we should call a nurse, have her sedated, he asked?
I don't know Angel said, sitting now, head in hands, I just don't know.
No-one did, but that would not comfort Angel who had a need to be in control at all times.
Take me home she cried, her first words since she had read the card, Angel, just take me home.
He didn't need to be asked again, glad to finally have something concrete he could do to help he picked up her fragile frame, said, Wesley, you go and divert the nurses attention, I'll take her home through the tunnels and meet you there, and with that, he was off, Cordelia in arms, coat billowing behind him like the black cloud of emotions he was feeling, and he headed towards the safety of his apartment, home.
Cordelia clung to Angel, the card crumpled in her hand. She was upset with herself for letting a few simple words get to her, but she couldn't think about that now, all she could think about was the safety that Angel's apartment represented.
Once they got to the sewer entrance to his apartment he had to put her down so that she could climb up the ladder, he discretely turned his back so in order to give her some sense of decorum in the flimsy hospital gown she still wore.
He followed her into the kitchen where she immediately grabbed a kitchen knife.
Cordelia, he said, moving towards her quickly, afraid of what she was planning as she angled the knife towards her wrist. He was relived when she cut through the hospital wrist band and looked up at him, her big red rimmed eyes questioning his response.
Angel sighed, just put the knife down please. She did. Angel, I'm not going to hurt myself again, I think I've learned my lesson. With that she walked past him and into her room. Cordelia sat on the bed, the now limp and crumpled card still in her hand, the tears began again, silently. She felt as if they were being fed from a bottomless well of pain in her chest. She could not foresee a time when she would stop crying. The few words blurred before her eyes, and the ink smeared a little with her tears, but she couldn't tear her gaze away.
Angel knocked lightly and poked his head in, seeing her sitting there, body shaking with tears again he felt as useless as he had in the hospital. He sat on the bed next to her, and put his arm around her. he put his hand on the card tentatively to see if she would allow him to take it, to read it, to destroy it. She said nothing, she did not respond at all as he slipped the small florists card now damp with tears out of her hand and glanced at it.
The message was short, Thank You for your help, a grateful client. It looked vaguely familiar to Angel, but the couldn't' place the sentiment, or the exact reason it had hit Cordelia so hard.
He placed the card on the bed next to him and held her to his chest until her tears ran out. She exhausted herself crying, each sob causing a now familiar throbbing pain around her broken rib, but the pain around her broken heart was worse. Eventually she cried herself to sleep resting against Angel's strong cool chest.
Wesley returned to the apartment to find Angel pacing, no surprise there, and Cordelia asleep, not a new situation either. He didn't ask questions this time, he was beyond caring about he specifics.
Angel, he started, she is in so much pain, we must stop them.
Who? Angel asked? Wolfram and Hart, he snorted his derisive laughter.
Well, um, yes, actually they must be stopped.
And then what Wesley, does her pain go away, I don't think this is something that a fight is going to solve.
No, no, of course not, but surely it is a start.
Angel seemed to consider this for a moment. Yes Wesley, you're right it is, and with that he threw on his black coat and headed out the door.
Wesley had no idea where exactly he was headed but he knew he had to stay with Cordelia, ensure her safety. He slipped a blade into his belt and took Angel's usual place on the stool across from her bed to watch over the small sleeping form. She cried in her sleep, and when he attempted to wake her or brush the hair from her face her reaction was involuntary and violent. He backed off and remained on the stool/
Angel had had enough of this sitting and waiting, enough of the cat and mouse games, and enough of trying to fight invisible personal demons of Cordelia's, it was time for some action.
He walked into the Wolfram and Hart building ignoring both the security personnel and the alarms, he headed up towards Lindsay's office where he locked the door behind him. Now it was only Angel and the snide young man who thought he had it all figured out.
Angel didn't wait for him to say anything, he walked towards him menacingly, and Lindsay backed away, trying not to lose the cocksure look on his face, but Angel could smell his fear, and saw it in his eyes.
You're afraid of me, Angel said, it was a statement, not a question.
Well, Lindsay began.
No talk Angel said, and he grabbed his shirt and twisted the expensive material around his fist as he drew the shorter man up on his toes so that they were eye to eye.
Good, be afraid, because as of now, I am your worst enemy, wherever you go, and whatever you and your little lawyer minions try, I will be sure to stop it. Oh, and if you come near me, my staff, my friends again, you will be dead. With that he let go of Lindsay and headed towards the door.
Lindsay relived that there would be no violence from the enraged vampire gulped air to compensate for the asphyxiation he had almost suffered at Angel's hands. He was beginning to calm down a little when Angel turned back around and punched him squarely in the jaw. Lindsay fell backwards onto the floor and Angel picked him up again by the shirt and administered three left hooks in quick succession. He left the bloodied young man on the floor and walked out of the office, feeling a little better.
Greg stepped out from behind a hidden door in Lindsay's office. Geez, he asked, are you okay.
Yeah Lindsay said, wiping the blood from his nose as he stood up, I'm fine, it's all going as planned.
Planned? You planned for Angel to beat you up?
Well, no but I knew he would come to me, he is getting desperate, he will do anything to protect the girl, and that gives us leverage.
But, you wouldn't really hurt Cordelia right, you promised me, I am only doing this for her, for us.
Yeah, I know Lindsay said, pulling out a fresh shirt from his desk drawer and using the old one to clean up his face at the wet bar. I'm not going to hurt her, he said, but Angel doesn't know that now does he?
Greg looked uneasy but said nothing.
By the time Angel returned to his apartment the few marks on his knuckles had healed completely, he was again his stoic self. Cordelia was sitting, in a pair of pajamas, hair wet, and hanging limply down her back, curled in a ball on the chair, across from the TV, she was staring blankly at a video from some lame artist. There was a half empty bottle of vodka next to the chair, Wesley was sitting on the couch, looking intently at the florists card.
Angel picked up the bottle and gave Cordelia a disapproving glance. She cast her head downwards apologetically and picked at an invisible piece of lint on her knee.
Angel, this card, Wesley said, we've received flowers and plants with this same message before.
Not we Cordelia cut in, still staring at her knees, me.
Both men looked at her.
when Greg and I were dating, before, well, before everything, he knew I didn't want you to know I was seeing anyone. I gave him some lame story about not being allowed to receive personal items or deliveries at work, so we had this code, Thank your for your help, meant I love you, and a grateful client. Well that was Greg. I'm sorry I broke down like that, it's just to see something that reminded me so much of when it was all good, and safe and fun, it just hurt.
Cordelia, you didn't have to hide him from me.
Angel, do you remember the overprotective thing you used to do.
Yeah, he said, and it was so unnecessary.
She looked up at him, I'm sorry, really sorry, please don't hate me, I won't lie to you anymore.
Cordelia what's past is past, there is no need to apologize, or to keep paying for mistakes you have made. It's over now.
But it isn't over, is it? I mean, we have to find a way to stop the end of days, and Greg, well, I don't know what I'm gonna do about him.
Angel looked at her questioningly, was she thinking of going back to him?
Angel, it's not about love anymore, not with me and Greg, but still, he's not so deep in it with Lindsay that he can't get out, get some help.
God, he thought, Cordelia was still trying to save the bastard.
No, he can probably still be saved, Angel said.
Right, Cordelia said, and I have a plan, about the Powers That Be, but it might require you to do something that, well, last time I checked, bothered you and never came out well.
Angel raised his eyebrows and waited.
I think we have to go back to the hellmouth, back to sunnydale.
Angel tried to keep his expression blank, but the words hit him like solid rock to the chest. He hadn't been back in over a year, had only seen Buffy once since then, but Cordelia was right, the resources, the hellmouth, the answers, a lot of them lay in sunnydale, not to mention that Wolfram and Hart would be very unlikely to find them there. Safety.
He nodded silently, fine, but not for a few days. Cordelia, you need to rest, and heal.
Okay she said.
Oh and Cordelia,
yes Angel?
No more vodka, okay?
She smiled, I'll try.
Feedback please.
Part five is coming, be patient, It might take a couple of days.
Personal Disclaimer: I am a graduate student, I spend 90% of my time reading and proofreading important papers for my like, you know, um, future, so don't count on a lot of proofreading of my fanfics. As a matter of fact a good bet would be at least four spelling errors and an abominable lack of punctuation.
Oh, also, I love feedback, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but mostly the good. :)
Broken Part 4
Cordelia awoke several hours later, the effects of the drugs were beginning to wear off but she still felt glued to the hospital bed. At some point someone had changed her into a hospital gown, and Angel reflected, she looked even smaller and more frail somehow, but he still refused to leave her bedside.
They were sitting in comfortable silence, trying to ignore the fact that there were so many issues they had yet to deal with, it was almost working when an older man in a doctors coat and a hospital chart came in.
Are you the psych consult he asked.
Her name is Cordelia, Angel responded for her.
he glanced at his chart, attempted suicide?
Um, Cordelia sat up and stared at her hands, I guess that's me.
I'll need you to leave now sir, the doctor said.
I'm family Angel answered.
That may be, but this is between the consult and myself.
She is not a psych consult Angel said, she is a person, a good person.
Yes of course, but the fact remains that this consultation must take place in privacy.
I'm okay now Cordelia said quietly, picking at the blanket that covered her lap, I'm fine really I just need to go home.
That's for me to decide the doctor said, now sir, he glared at Angel, if you will give us some privacy.
Angel walked out of the room, but not before he saw Cordelia curl herself up into the now habitual position of arms around her legs, head resting on her knees, he knew she was scared.
I'll be right outside he said.
Sir, if you could go wait in the lounge that would be best, the patient really needs to feel safe.
Um, it's okay Angel, I'll be okay.
Cordelia wanted to scream at the pretentious doctor, did he think for a minute that Angel being farther away would make her feel safe, the only time she'd felt safe in the past two years was the past three days she had spent back with him. She said nothing.
So, what was so bad that you though killing yourself was the only answer the doctor asked sharply.
Cordelia couldn't hold back a laugh, she imagined telling the doctor the truth, my husband beats me, but that's not the problem, my best, and maybe only friend is a vampire, but that's not the problem, an evil firm of lawyers wants to use my head to divine information regarding the whereabouts of demons, and that IS the problem. No, the truth would not work here.
It all seemed hopeless she said quietly.
Hopeless, the Dr. Said.
Yeah, but it's okay now, Angel talked to me.
Angel, does he have anything to do with this rather long history of accidents you have, or perhaps with the black eye you are sporting the doctor asked, raising an eyebrow.
Only in the sense that he made me leave the guy who was hurting me, she replied.
Made you, he asked.
Well, convinced me to.
I see, and you were so grateful that you washed down a bottle of secanol with vodka?
It's a little more complicated than that. I um, didn't want to be a burden to him.
And he made you feel as if you were a burden?
No, no, not at all, he made me feel um....safe, she said again staring at her hands.
And you need him to feel safe?
Well, I guess but it really is kinda complicated, but it's okay now, we talked and I'm fine see, not crazy or suicidal or anything.
Hmm, the doctor said, writing something in her chart.
And when was the last time you tried something like this?
no, never, I've never tried this before.
So it's just recently, since you've been with, Angel is it, that these feelings of worthlessness and suicide have come to you?
You're getting it all wrong, she said, it's not like that, we had a meeting this morning, well yesterday, time is kinda a blur at the moment, with me and Angel and my ex, and well, um, well, us and it went badly.
I see you getting very worked up he replied, obviously not listening to her, why don't we try some relaxation techniques.
I'm actually very relaxed, kinda sleepy she yawned, can we be finished now?
Just give it a try, for me, he asked cajolingly.
Okay she said, turning on her 100 watt smile, ignoring the pain it caused on her split lip, hoping this routine would work better on getting rid of the doctor then it ever had in getting Angel off her back.
With that he smiled and pulled up a rolling stool, now, if you'll just close your eyes and repeat after me, and with that the doctor closed his eyes and began a nonsensical chant. Cordelia held back her laughter and followed his lead,
good he said very good, now continue, they began chanting together.
Cordelia began to feel a little more relaxed when a loud crash broke her out of her fledgling reverie.
she opened her eyes to see Angel at the door, a tray of medical instruments strewn all over the floor. The doctor looked up startled.
Cordelia, Angel said. Cordelia, are you okay?
She stared at him blankly. The doctor and I were practicing relaxation techniques.
Oh, Angel looked slightly embarrassed, I um heard the chanting I thought he might be from, um, he glanced meaningfully, Lindsay's office.
She smiled, I'm fine Angel, why don't you go get something to eat, this time it was her who was doing the meaningful look thing, I'm SURE they have something around here that you can stomach.
Angel almost smiled, true to old form Cordelia was more worried about him than she was about herself. Yeah, I'll do that, wes just got here, he'll be outside the door if you need anything, anything at all, and I'll be back soon.
The doctor took in the entire encounter but was not sure what to make of it. There was definitely an undercurrent of tension between the two, but was this tall and brooding man trying to control her, or intimidate her to keep her from talking, or was he just concerned, he was not yet sure.
Cordelia, I am going to put you on Paxil, it's a relatively new antidepressant, and I would like to monitor your progress so we are going to keep you here for a few days longer. There are a couple of groups I would like you to attend as well.
Are you admitting me as a Psychiatric patient she asked.
Well he said, technically yes, but only for a few days.
You can't do that she said, getting slightly hysterical, I can't stay here, I need to go home.
And where is home the doctor asked.
Back to Angel's she said without thinking, I will be fine there, I will take whatever medication you give me, but I can't stay here. She began to panic, the security here was less than ideal, she would never be able to sleep knowing that Greg or Wolfram and Hart could get to her at any minute, and she was pretty sure that they didn't let people sleep outside a psych patients door.
I am not crazy she said.
No-one is implying that you are Ms. Brighton.
It's Chase-Brighton she said absently.
Yes of course, may I call you Cordelia,
yeah sure, whatever, you can also call me a cab, I am outta her.
Cordelia, Ms Chase-Brighton, I can and will commit you if you do not go voluntarily. You made a very serious attempt on your life last night, and I cannot risk it happening again.
But it won't she said plaintively, you have my word.
I am afraid that is not good enough under the circumstances. If all goes well it will only be for a few days.
I will make a deal with you she said.
Yes, he responded, he was not in the habit of making deals with patients but if it would calm her down he would hear her out.
I will go to your groups, and take your pills, and do whatever you say as long as you don't put me in the psych ward. Leave me here in a room where I can have visitors and everything else will be your call.
The doctor seemed to consider it for a moment, the paperwork to commit her was mountainous, and he could always convince her later, after she had seen the unit that she would be safe there, in the meantime, he could require checks on her every half hour here. He reluctantly agreed.
Angel returned to find Wesley pacing in front of her room.
Do you think she told the psychiatrist the truth he asked?
No, Angel said, Cordelia isn't stupid.
Well, I didn't think so either, but after what she tried...
Angel cut him off, she was desperate, not stupid, give her a little credit wes, she's gonna be okay.
Yes yes of course, I was just wondering what the doctor was going to do I mean if she were to tell him...
Wesley stopped his sentence short as the doctor came out, studying the chart in his hands.
He looked up, she will be with us for a few more days and then you can take her home, in the meantime, for her sake, please try not to distress her, she is in a very fragile state.
Angel almost laughed at that. He wondered if the doctor had any idea how fragile her state really was, or how strong she really was. He simply nodded, glanced at Wesley and the two of them entered her room.
Well, Angel asked?
He's putting me on pills, that's ironic or something right, Angel almost smiled.
Angel they wanted to lock me up in the psych ward. I told them I would stay...voluntarily, for a couple more days as long as they let me stay in a normal room. Angel, I don't know what to say, you've already done so much, but could you or Wesley stay for awhile.
Cordelia, Angel said, we will stay for as long as you are here, there are, well...
Angel recalled what the doctor had said and decided not to bring up the issue of Wolfram and Hart at the moment.
I know Cordelia said, the bad guys could come and get me, good thing I didn't tell the Doc that huh, I'd be put away for longer than a couple of days.
Some people just don't know what's out there.
But I do, we do.
Yes, Wesley said, but we have a plan, and the knowledge to keep you safe.
You have a plan Cordelia asked?
I was getting to that Angel said, it starts with this, and he handed her a piece of leather tied around a bag that smelled like lavender and matches.
What is this?
I called Willow, she overnighted it to me, it's a talisman for safety, she put a spell on it, it should be able to keep you safe.
But,
Cordelia don't worry we're not going anywhere, It's just added protection.
No I was going to say it clashes with my hospital gown.
Angel smiled, good to have you back he said.
Speaking of my back, Cordelia said, could you get me a pair of pajamas or something, this gown leaves a lot to be desired in fashion and even more to be desired in comfort, for the love of god, my entire back is exposed, and for those of us with a heartbeat, it's cold.
Angel looked at her, she was getting her sense of humor back, the healing was beginning.
No problem he said, I'll get you something a little more you to wear.
Thanks she said smiling.
Did you eat yet Angel said, glancing over at a covered tray.
She wrinkled her nose, hospital food, I don't think so. Wes will bring you some food then too, what do you want?
Nothing she said, I'm not hungry.
Cordelia, I think that yogurt was the last thing you ate, you have to eat something.
I will when I can, but I can't right now.
Fine wes, bring her something that will keep, in the meantime I'll keep an eye on her.
Cordelia smiled. Quietly she said, thank you.
You don't have to thank me Angel said,
yes I do Angel, you saved my life. If it hadn't been for you...
you wouldn't have been at the meeting, and none of this would have happened.
No Angel, this isn't the first time I've thought about it. If it hadn't been for you, I probably would have tried it anyway, or worse, Wolfram and Hart would have convinced me I was doing good.
Cordelia Angel said, his cool hand holding her warm one,
Angel I'm tired now, I'm gonna go to sleep, okay.
Yeah sure he said in a soft voice and he let go of her hand but rested his next to hers on the bed, allowing his thumb to brush over the back of her hand periodically.
This is the position the Lindsay found them in several hours later.
Angel heard the click of the hospital door and glanced towards it expecting to see Wesley, he stood immediately when he saw who it was.
You're not welcome here he said.
Hey, Angel, come on, I just wanted to talk to our little patient.
Angel walked menacingly towards the smaller man, get out.
Angel, I have as much right as you do to be here, I mean, neither one of us is actually family now are they?
You told them you were family?
No, no a family friend, and I am now, aren't eye.
You're nobody's friend.
Angel, you are not giving me a chance, I could be your friend, I can give her, he said, gesturing toward Cordelia, her powers back, you could have contact with the Powers That Be again.
Angel's blank stare revealed nothing, if Lindsay believed that he no longer got any messages from the powers that be, Angel certainly wasn't going to be the one to correct him.
Lindsay get out of here, before I call security.
Hey, I was just leaving, I just wanted to deliver these flowers personally, they're from her husband.
He's not welcome here either Angel said.
We'll talk Lindsay said, sauntering out of the room, leaving the flowers on the tray next to Cordelia's untouched meal.
Can I see the card Cordelia asked.
Cordelia, I didn't know you were awake.
She was curled up again, Angel now knew enough to know that this is what she did when the world seemed to much for her. you don't need to see the card.
I want to.
It probably doesn't say anything.
I want to.
Cordelia, it's not going to help anything.
I want to.
He handed her the card and she opened it with trembling fingers. She stared at it for a moment and then the tears came. Angel stepped forward, prepared to comfort her, to hold her, but she wouldn't let him, she curled up on her side, clutching the card to her chest, crying silently, the sobs wracking her entire body, he could count her vertebrae, due to the revealing nature of the hospital gown, he was again startled at how thin she had gotten. The sobs seemed to go all the way through her, her entire body given over to a grief Angel couldn't fix. He stood there next to her, helplessly trying to comfort her but each time he reached a hand to touch her hair, or her shoulder she shrugged him away, and continued her strangely silent, but powerful show of pain. Angel swore again that he would never make the mistake of letting her be hurt, but he was beginning to realize that the pain was a part of her now, and he couldn't stop it, not yet, there would be things, seemingly simple things like a card on a bunch of flowers, that might set her off. Angel had never felt so helpless.
Wesley walked down the hospital corridor whistling to himself, all was improving, Cordelia was feeling better, Angel was beginning to face the human world again, and he himself was glad to see Cordy back. he had missed her. He was reflecting on how much he had missed her when he saw Lindsay, a smirk on his face pass him in the hall. Lindsay nodded a greeting to him, but Wesley ignored it and hurried down the hallway to Cordelia's room. Thoughts raced through his head.
Had Angel been there when Lindsay had come, or had he gotten to Cordelia alone. Had Cordelia been awake? Perhaps Angel had handled it without Cordelia having to know. He sped past the nurse who was trying to tell him that visiting hours were almost over, but he ignored her and headed to Cordelia's room, he was not comforted by what he found.
Angel was brooding and standing over Cordelia's small frame, she was silent but her body was shaking violently,
Angel, what happened, is she having convulsions, did Lindsay do something to her?
In a whisper, she's crying Wes, the flowers, he gestured with his head, they were from Greg, she insisted on reading the card, and I let her, it set her off, she's been like this for a half hour, she won't let me talk to her, won't let me touch her, won't let me help. She's hurting Wesley, and I don't know what to do.
Wesley was at a loss, but he tried to remain calm, a difficult thing to do when someone he cared about so dearly was in so much pain. Perhaps we should call a nurse, have her sedated, he asked?
I don't know Angel said, sitting now, head in hands, I just don't know.
No-one did, but that would not comfort Angel who had a need to be in control at all times.
Take me home she cried, her first words since she had read the card, Angel, just take me home.
He didn't need to be asked again, glad to finally have something concrete he could do to help he picked up her fragile frame, said, Wesley, you go and divert the nurses attention, I'll take her home through the tunnels and meet you there, and with that, he was off, Cordelia in arms, coat billowing behind him like the black cloud of emotions he was feeling, and he headed towards the safety of his apartment, home.
Cordelia clung to Angel, the card crumpled in her hand. She was upset with herself for letting a few simple words get to her, but she couldn't think about that now, all she could think about was the safety that Angel's apartment represented.
Once they got to the sewer entrance to his apartment he had to put her down so that she could climb up the ladder, he discretely turned his back so in order to give her some sense of decorum in the flimsy hospital gown she still wore.
He followed her into the kitchen where she immediately grabbed a kitchen knife.
Cordelia, he said, moving towards her quickly, afraid of what she was planning as she angled the knife towards her wrist. He was relived when she cut through the hospital wrist band and looked up at him, her big red rimmed eyes questioning his response.
Angel sighed, just put the knife down please. She did. Angel, I'm not going to hurt myself again, I think I've learned my lesson. With that she walked past him and into her room. Cordelia sat on the bed, the now limp and crumpled card still in her hand, the tears began again, silently. She felt as if they were being fed from a bottomless well of pain in her chest. She could not foresee a time when she would stop crying. The few words blurred before her eyes, and the ink smeared a little with her tears, but she couldn't tear her gaze away.
Angel knocked lightly and poked his head in, seeing her sitting there, body shaking with tears again he felt as useless as he had in the hospital. He sat on the bed next to her, and put his arm around her. he put his hand on the card tentatively to see if she would allow him to take it, to read it, to destroy it. She said nothing, she did not respond at all as he slipped the small florists card now damp with tears out of her hand and glanced at it.
The message was short, Thank You for your help, a grateful client. It looked vaguely familiar to Angel, but the couldn't' place the sentiment, or the exact reason it had hit Cordelia so hard.
He placed the card on the bed next to him and held her to his chest until her tears ran out. She exhausted herself crying, each sob causing a now familiar throbbing pain around her broken rib, but the pain around her broken heart was worse. Eventually she cried herself to sleep resting against Angel's strong cool chest.
Wesley returned to the apartment to find Angel pacing, no surprise there, and Cordelia asleep, not a new situation either. He didn't ask questions this time, he was beyond caring about he specifics.
Angel, he started, she is in so much pain, we must stop them.
Who? Angel asked? Wolfram and Hart, he snorted his derisive laughter.
Well, um, yes, actually they must be stopped.
And then what Wesley, does her pain go away, I don't think this is something that a fight is going to solve.
No, no, of course not, but surely it is a start.
Angel seemed to consider this for a moment. Yes Wesley, you're right it is, and with that he threw on his black coat and headed out the door.
Wesley had no idea where exactly he was headed but he knew he had to stay with Cordelia, ensure her safety. He slipped a blade into his belt and took Angel's usual place on the stool across from her bed to watch over the small sleeping form. She cried in her sleep, and when he attempted to wake her or brush the hair from her face her reaction was involuntary and violent. He backed off and remained on the stool/
Angel had had enough of this sitting and waiting, enough of the cat and mouse games, and enough of trying to fight invisible personal demons of Cordelia's, it was time for some action.
He walked into the Wolfram and Hart building ignoring both the security personnel and the alarms, he headed up towards Lindsay's office where he locked the door behind him. Now it was only Angel and the snide young man who thought he had it all figured out.
Angel didn't wait for him to say anything, he walked towards him menacingly, and Lindsay backed away, trying not to lose the cocksure look on his face, but Angel could smell his fear, and saw it in his eyes.
You're afraid of me, Angel said, it was a statement, not a question.
Well, Lindsay began.
No talk Angel said, and he grabbed his shirt and twisted the expensive material around his fist as he drew the shorter man up on his toes so that they were eye to eye.
Good, be afraid, because as of now, I am your worst enemy, wherever you go, and whatever you and your little lawyer minions try, I will be sure to stop it. Oh, and if you come near me, my staff, my friends again, you will be dead. With that he let go of Lindsay and headed towards the door.
Lindsay relived that there would be no violence from the enraged vampire gulped air to compensate for the asphyxiation he had almost suffered at Angel's hands. He was beginning to calm down a little when Angel turned back around and punched him squarely in the jaw. Lindsay fell backwards onto the floor and Angel picked him up again by the shirt and administered three left hooks in quick succession. He left the bloodied young man on the floor and walked out of the office, feeling a little better.
Greg stepped out from behind a hidden door in Lindsay's office. Geez, he asked, are you okay.
Yeah Lindsay said, wiping the blood from his nose as he stood up, I'm fine, it's all going as planned.
Planned? You planned for Angel to beat you up?
Well, no but I knew he would come to me, he is getting desperate, he will do anything to protect the girl, and that gives us leverage.
But, you wouldn't really hurt Cordelia right, you promised me, I am only doing this for her, for us.
Yeah, I know Lindsay said, pulling out a fresh shirt from his desk drawer and using the old one to clean up his face at the wet bar. I'm not going to hurt her, he said, but Angel doesn't know that now does he?
Greg looked uneasy but said nothing.
By the time Angel returned to his apartment the few marks on his knuckles had healed completely, he was again his stoic self. Cordelia was sitting, in a pair of pajamas, hair wet, and hanging limply down her back, curled in a ball on the chair, across from the TV, she was staring blankly at a video from some lame artist. There was a half empty bottle of vodka next to the chair, Wesley was sitting on the couch, looking intently at the florists card.
Angel picked up the bottle and gave Cordelia a disapproving glance. She cast her head downwards apologetically and picked at an invisible piece of lint on her knee.
Angel, this card, Wesley said, we've received flowers and plants with this same message before.
Not we Cordelia cut in, still staring at her knees, me.
Both men looked at her.
when Greg and I were dating, before, well, before everything, he knew I didn't want you to know I was seeing anyone. I gave him some lame story about not being allowed to receive personal items or deliveries at work, so we had this code, Thank your for your help, meant I love you, and a grateful client. Well that was Greg. I'm sorry I broke down like that, it's just to see something that reminded me so much of when it was all good, and safe and fun, it just hurt.
Cordelia, you didn't have to hide him from me.
Angel, do you remember the overprotective thing you used to do.
Yeah, he said, and it was so unnecessary.
She looked up at him, I'm sorry, really sorry, please don't hate me, I won't lie to you anymore.
Cordelia what's past is past, there is no need to apologize, or to keep paying for mistakes you have made. It's over now.
But it isn't over, is it? I mean, we have to find a way to stop the end of days, and Greg, well, I don't know what I'm gonna do about him.
Angel looked at her questioningly, was she thinking of going back to him?
Angel, it's not about love anymore, not with me and Greg, but still, he's not so deep in it with Lindsay that he can't get out, get some help.
God, he thought, Cordelia was still trying to save the bastard.
No, he can probably still be saved, Angel said.
Right, Cordelia said, and I have a plan, about the Powers That Be, but it might require you to do something that, well, last time I checked, bothered you and never came out well.
Angel raised his eyebrows and waited.
I think we have to go back to the hellmouth, back to sunnydale.
Angel tried to keep his expression blank, but the words hit him like solid rock to the chest. He hadn't been back in over a year, had only seen Buffy once since then, but Cordelia was right, the resources, the hellmouth, the answers, a lot of them lay in sunnydale, not to mention that Wolfram and Hart would be very unlikely to find them there. Safety.
He nodded silently, fine, but not for a few days. Cordelia, you need to rest, and heal.
Okay she said.
Oh and Cordelia,
yes Angel?
No more vodka, okay?
She smiled, I'll try.
Feedback please.
Part five is coming, be patient, It might take a couple of days.