I do not own anything.
Setting/summary: This is set sometime in episode 219 (which is yet to air as I write this). Based on previews, with Elena going off with Elijah. This is set after she returns home, maybe that night. With Elena now living in the Salvatore house, I am desperate for a scene with Damon and Elena having a late night conversation. That's what this is, my hope for what is to come :)
A/N: This is my very first fanfic. I am not a writer by trade, but I was laying in bed last night and this idea would not leave me alone. I literally jumped out of bed and started writing this all down (my husband thought I was crazy). Sorry if my punctuation and writing style is in correct, but again I am a doctor, not a writer :)
Also, I am a passionate Delena shipper. I don't directly bash Stefan in this, and I actually do like Stefan most of the time on TVD, just not necessarily with Elena. I may indirectly say things against Stefan in this story. So if you can't handle that, you may want to stop reading now, or continue reading to educate yourself on why Damon might actually be a better choice for Elena...again just my opinions/ideas :)
Reviews would be much appreciated :)
I find him in the library, sipping on his ever present bourbon, staring into the fire.
"Can't sleep?" he asks. I shrug and give him a small smile while I take a sit on the other end of the couch.
Silence fills the room for what feels like minutes, he still has yet to look at me.
"I'm sorry about today, about Elijah" I finally say.
"I understand why you did it, I hate it but I understand it. I'd be a hypocrite if I berated you for going behind my back with your plan, especially after what Bonnie and I did at the dance" he answers.
Before I could respond, he continues, "I need to say something though, and it might be selfish, but I need to say it none the less"
He pauses, as if to prepare himself for what he is about to say to me.
"I need you to stay alive. I have never cared for someone the way I care about you. I've never had someone affect me the way you do."
He pauses to take another sip of bourbon.
"After Stefan betrayed me and got Katherine caught, after he forced me to turn, after my own father shot and killed me, after Katherine abandoned me, I had no one. All the love that I gave so strongly back then, all turned to hate and anger. Finally I threw away all my feelings, buried them deep inside, allowed my humanity to disappear into my darkness."
He continues to stare into the fire, as if it is too painful to look at me as he tells me this.
"Then you came along. You saw a small speck of humanity in me that I thought was gone forever. You remind that there is still hope. I hate the monster that I am. I hate that I love to kill, to hunt, that I relish in the taste of human blood. But it is who I am and I hate it. I would give anything to be human again, to not have to have these urges, this thirst. Before you came along I gave up all hope of ever being human again, of having my humanity back. You seeing that small speck within me lets me know that all hope is not lost."
He finally turns and looks straight into my eyes, my soul.
"If you die, I'm scared that the small shred of humanity that you see, that you help to grow within me, will be lost into the abyss of my darkness, never to be found again. I need you Elena, more than I've ever needed anyone in my entire life. "
Silence fills the room as we stare into each other's eyes. I start to feel tears forming in my eyes, but I hold them back.
I inch closer to him on the couch, trying to offer him comfort, but also to comfort myself.
"I need you too Damon". I move even closer so that we are facing each other on the couch, legs touching.
"You know when I need a time out from life when I don't even realize I need one. You make me smile and laugh in the most dire of circumstances. You see a strength in me that no one else sees, not even myself. You don't coddle me and tell me that everything is going to be ok, when I know damn well that it's not. You don't hold back with me. You don't lie to me. You tell me the truth even when you know it might hurt me."
I pause and steal a drink of his bourbon. "I should hate you for it, for constantly challenging me. But I think I …."
I pause when realization hits me. A warmth encompasses my body, envelops my heart, my soul, as feelings I had long denied begin to surface. All the jumbled puzzle pieces of my life begin to fall into place. I see a glimpse of the picture of what my life should look like, who I should be with, who I should love. It scares me how different this picture is from reality.
I must have been staring into Damon's eyes for several minutes. "Elena?" he asks, tearing me out of my haze of realization.
"I should hate you for it, but I think I love you for it". I finally finish. "I know I love you for it. I love you." I say the last bit as a whisper, but I know he hears me.
A thousand emotions cross Damon's face in that moment as we continue to stare into each others' eyes, into our souls. I've never seen that look on his face before.
No, I have seen that look before, only once. The first time he came for dinner, as we were cleaning up and folding the napkins, I told him I was sorry that he lost Katherine. He looked at me with pure vulnerability on his face, all his walls had come crashing down in that moment and he looked at me with his purely human face. That's the face that I saw now, pure human Damon, the man I knew was hiding somewhere deep inside of him, the man only I seemed to be able to see, the man I love.
My hand goes to his neck, my thumb brushes over his cheek bone, along his jaw. All I want is to feel his touch, hold onto this moment forever.
I lean in, but Damon gently takes my hands into his own and pushes me away. "You should go to bed Elena"
I look at him with pleading eyes. "Why?"
"If you stay I can't promise I won't do something that we shouldn't do while you are still with my brother"
I realize he is right. Our foreheads touch and he continues to hold my hands in his. He leans back and places a kiss on my forehead. "God, I love you Elena"
A brief sense of déjà vue runs through me, but I brush it off.
I lean into him, my head resting on his chest. "I shouldn't be with him, should I?"
"I can't answer that for you Elena"
He pauses for a minute before continuing.
"Whatever this is between us, whatever is about to happen, whether it is friendship or something more, I want it to be real, I need it to be real"
He wants it to be real, not sprinkled with the deceit and guilt of hurting Stefan. It's what he's always wanted, a real love, a true love. And it's what I've always wanted too.
I lie against his chest for several minutes, his arms tightly embracing me, the only sound the crackling of the fire.
I finally rise and head to bed, to lay next to my boyfriend, even though the man I truly need to be holding me is downstairs.
Sleep eludes me. I stare at the ceiling, thinking about what the day will bring. My eyes finally close and I await the inevitable dawn of The Last Day of Stefan and I, and the first day of the rest of my life.