Chapter 1

Stephanie sat on the cheap fold out chair in the hallway and tried to clear her thoughts. She wasn't sure why she agreed to come on national television, but she knew she regretted her decision. Tank and Lester had tried to talk her out of it, and Mary Lou had been very suspicious of Joe's intentions. She said it was too out of character for him. Lula, on the other hand, had been very excited about Stephanie's impending appearance.

"He's gonna pop the question White Girl. He knows the only way you'll say yes is if he surprises you in front of an audience, and he knows what kind of pressure you'll be under from those nosy ass old biddies in the Burg once they see you say yes. I even heard the cops betting on your answer when I took a FTA in to the PD. The last I heard the pot was up to $500 that you would tell him where to shove his cheap ass diamond."

Lula had managed to impart all this wisdom while dropping gobs of filling from her jelly doughnut on to her neon yellow spandex tube top.

"You'll be even more famous than you are now! Instead of just making the local papers, you'll be on t.v.'s all over the country. Can I be your agent? You can't just handle all that new attention by yourself. You got to have Lula to handle all your public personality shit. I'll even give you a discount for my services."

"Miss Plum…Miss Plum! Katie is almost ready for your segment. I need you to come with me." The pushy assistant producer brought Stephanie out of her daydream by snapping her fingers in front of her face. "I'll give you a little push when she's ready for you to go out on the set. Take a deep breath. Oh, and remember not to hug her. She hates it when people do that."

Stephanie gave the assistant a small nod and tried to channel her inner Ranger. She tried to calm her thoughts and put on her blank face. Who was she kidding? Ranger wouldn't be caught dead on national television, much less with no idea why he was here.

Before she knew it, the bitchy assistant was giving her a less-than-gentle nudge towards the stage. With a smile plastered on her face, praying that she wouldn't trip in her four-inch FMP's, Stephanie stumbled forward to shake the hosts' hand.

Stephanie had to fight the urge to giggle. Katie had on so much makeup that she looked like a clown, and the suit she wore was ill-fitting to the point it looked uncomfortable to sit in. Joe was already seated on the beige couch, a look of smug satisfaction on his face.

"Welcome Miss Plum. We've already met your boyfriend, Detective Morelli. He wrote to us a couple of months ago telling us about the remarkable hardships you have overcome in your career as a bounty hunter in Trenton, New Jersey. Let's take a look…"

Steph could feel her face growing pink as the highlight reel began. It covered all her most memorable and embarrassing moments as a BEA, including the funeral home fire, her many car explosions, when she was kidnapped by the Slayers, and her personal favorite, bringing in Morelli when he was FTA as her first capture. She couldn't help the small smile that showed on her face at that last tidbit.

"You've had a remarkable career, and I'm sure if the producers of a certain bounty hunting show had known about you, Dog wouldn't have stood a chance," Katie said with a sickening sweet smile at the camera.

"Now, I'm sure you're wondering why Detective Morelli wanted to bring you here. Joe?"

Joe took her hand as he gave her a simpering smile. "Cupcake, you know how much I love you. We've had our differences, but I'm sure we can work past them if you'll just learn to see how much I want to keep you safe and give you a happy home. Will you make me the happiest man in Trenton and be my wife?"

Stephanie looked down at the ring sitting in the black box on Joe's open palm. Since he wanted to make her a public spectacle, she would gladly help him along.

"Joe, I'm going to say this once, and since you decided to drag me on to national t.v. to embarrass me, you'll be able to replay it if you ever forget what I'm about to say. I said no to you two months ago, and I meant it. You're a selfish, overbearing, pig-headed, chauvinistic jackass that I wouldn't marry if you were the last man on Earth and civilization needed us to reproduce to continue the species. Don't bother contacting me again, and if you do, I'll run you over with the Buick again and break your other leg." Stephanie stood up so fast it looked like a spring had boosted her off the couch, spun on her heel, and stalked off the stage.

What a moron, she thought as she bypassed the asinine assistant and the dozen other people who tried to stop her retreat, and slammed her dressing room door shut on the camera that followed her. She quickly stripped off her microphone, changed back into the jeans and black tank top she had shown up in, grabbed her bag, and flung open the door only to run into a wall of black that was Tank.

"You look like your ready to blow this joint, Little Girl," Tank grinned down at her.

"Tank, you're a mind reader. Get me the hell out of here!"

"OMG Steph! I can't believe the nerve of that hairy-assed pig! After what he did, it would have served him right if you had ripped his head off. And I'm not talking about the one on his shoulders!" Stephanie held the phone a few inches from her ear as Mary Lou continued to rant. "Everybody is talking about it. I had to take the house phone off the hook. Valerie called right before I yanked the phone cord out of the wall and said your mom is ironing the socks and tippling already, and the Burg gossip hasn't even really gotten started yet. She's going to start ironing the toilet paper soon."

Steph groaned at the thought of all the voice messages she would have on her phone, not only from her mom, but all the other gossip mongers in the Burg. An image of her answering machine in her apartment blowing up came to mind.

"Lou, I can't wait to get the hell out of here, but I may have to enter the witness protection plan to keep my mother off my case after I turned down what she thinks is my last chance at happiness…and on national TV! I'll never hear the end of this as long as I live. 'Why me? Madge Smenkoski's daughter never embarrasses her family by turning down a perfectly good marriage proposal from a wonderful man like Joseph.' If she really knew what happened two months ago I doubt she'd still think of him as the Burg's golden boy."

"I know Steph. Just keep your head up and all this will eventually blow over. I've got to go. It's almost time for the boys' parent-teacher conference. Call me when you get back."

Stephanie glanced over at Lester as she disconnected the call. The smirk on his face almost hid the concern he felt for her. She knew that she would eventually have to come out of Denial Land, but it was the only way she had of dealing with such a gigantic clusterfuck right now. She'd let the sky fall when she was home, in the relative safety of her own apartment.

"Look at the bright side, Beautiful. At least you've still got my handsome face to look at."

"I don't know if I'd consider that a bright side or not, Les. I still have to put up with the personality to go with the handsome face."

Lester put his hand over his heart. "You wound me, Steph. Many women have fallen victim to the Santos charm."

"More like they had pity on you," Tank said from the doorway as he watched Steph throw her things into her suitcase. "Our flight leaves in 2 hours. They didn't have seats in coach, so I booked us first class."

"Thanks, big guy. I'm almost done packing."

Two hours later Stephanie was sitting next to Lester, digging her fingernails into his arm as the plane took off from the runway. Even though Lester's offer to distract her while they were taking off was tempting, she felt that the champagne was a safer bet.

After she had unpacked her suitcase and said hello to Rex, Steph parked herself in front of the TV with Ghostbusters playing and a pint of Ben & Jerry's in hand. Lester had tried to stick around when he dropped her off, but she had insisted she needed time alone. Now she wondered if that was really the best idea. Before she knew it, her cell phone was in her hand and Lester was picking up.

"Miss me already, Beautiful?"

"You want to watch Ghostbusters with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Pino's or Chinese?"

"Pino's."