This is just a promotional one shot for The Snarky Sidekick Contest (starting in early May) hosted by Sassyvampmama and Tracee40. Please check out the details of the contest by going to thesnarkysidekickcontest (at) gmail (dot) net (remove the spaces and use the symbols) or do an author search on FF for The Snarky Sidekick Contest.

This story was inspired by an episode of Glee; yes, I am a total Glee Geek! Pam is definitely OOC in this story, but hey, even Pam is allowed to let loose sometimes. Hope you enjoy, and of course, thanks to my friend Sassyvampmama for being not only a wonderful friend but the best beta a girl could have. Please check out the contest and put your Snark to the test! Pam is such a great character that it would be wonderful to read more stories about her. Thanks.

Blood Goggles

Pam rose that night not knowing where she was at first and felt more than a little disoriented. The previous nights' events were a complete fog, and that had never happened to her in her entire undead life. Before she even opened her eyes she knew she was in a bed. She took a deep breath to calm herself and the smell that surrounded her made her pause. If she'd still had a beating heart she knew it would've stopped at that moment.

No, she thought, this isn't happening to me. This kind of thing does not happen to vampires, let alone a vampire like me.

She knew it could not be true, yet when she turned her body and saw who was lying in the bed next to her she was rendered completely speechless. More to the point, she was shocked to the core. She could smell him everywhere throughout the room, and she could practically taste the sex in the air, the stench was so strong. The only thoughts running through her mind at that moment was a repeating track of 'Oh My Fucking God!'

She was sitting in Bill Compton's bed, naked as the day she was born. She searched her mind trying to remember last night's events and quickly realized that her vault had been breached. All she could recall were barely there glimpses of images of being in Bill's bed last night, him asking her if this was what she really wanted, and her telling him that 'yes, she wanted him'. She also recalled that she was practically begging him to take her, but that couldn't be right. Pamela Ravenscroft begged for no man, certainly not for Bill "I'm mainstreaming" Compton.

She had to stop the images and the snippets of half remembered conversations from running through her mind before they drove her insane. Every one of her instincts told her to get the hell out of his bed and as far away from him as possible, and that is exactly what she went about doing.

Pam was more than a little thankful at that moment that she was older than Bill, as it gave her the advantage of waking before him. However, she wasn't that much older and knew Bill would be rising soon. She needed to find her clothes fast.

'Oh please , please let my clothes be somewhere in this room,' she was thinking as she leaned forward and spotted them on the floor in front of the bed. She picked up her dress and thanked every deity in the world she could think of that it was still in one piece and immediately pulled it on. She then slid her feet into her latest pair of Jimmy Choo's and got the hell out of his bedroom and out of his house. The sun's last rays had barely disappeared when Pam began to run back to Shreveport faster than she had ever run before.

She wasn't going home. No, she had to go back to where she last remembered being. She was going to Fangtasia, back to where it all started to go wrong.

She practically flew through the back entrance of the club and went directly to Eric's office. She felt him there and was very anxious to find out what the hell had happened to her the night before. She opened his office door and shouted anxiously, "What the fuck happened to me last night?"

Pam stopped in his doorway, gripping either side of the frame to keep herself grounded. She was sure she must look as if she had just run a marathon. She was actually taking deep breaths in and exhaling out loudly while staring at Eric, who had been sitting at his desk with his laptop open in front of him. Eric hit a button on his laptop, staring at her with an amused glint in his eyes, and his mouth began to curve into the biggest smirk that she had ever seen. He started to shake his head back and forth slowly and began chuckling. His chuckling got louder and his body started to convulse and rather quickly it became a full-out fit of laughter.

"Oh, Pam, this is… just too… good," he said, laughing in between each word, "I think… I will be able... to blackmail you... well into the 23rd century."

Eric's words were barely audible through all his laughter, however being a vampire, Pam heard every word he spoke and she was not happy. Her eyes started to squint, staring at her maker as she began to scream at Eric.

"How the hell did I end up in Bill Compton's bed?" As soon as those words left her mouth her body jerked forward, her mouth opened up and she felt her stomach clench in dry heaves. She had never before needed to purge her stomach since becoming a vampire, but the mere thought of what had taken place the previous night once again brought on the urge to gag. She wondered about what could have happened to make her want him so much last night?

"You seriously don't remember anything from last night?" Eric asked incredulously as he got his laughter under control. It took him a moment, but when he did, it was clear he could realize that Pam was truly upset; she knew he could feel her anxiety through their bond.

Pam simply shook her head and said, "I can't remember much at all, just little glimpses of being in Bill's bedroom, and well, I can't even say what I agreed to do with him." Pam was still trying to wrap her mind around the whole 'I fucked Bill Compton' thing.

"What was the last thing you remember?" Eric was obviously trying to contain his amusement. He was doing a decent job of physically concealing his emotions, but Pam could still feel them.

"The last thing I can remember clearly is Sookie handing me the vile that held a drop of her Cousin Claude's blood. You told me it was a gift for all the hard work that I had done throughout the transition of the monarchies. I remember you telling me that I deserved to have some fun and a 'good release'." Pam lifted her hands and curled her fingers in quotations as she said those last two words. She was disgusted just thinking of the kind of release she had actually gotten last night.

"So you do remember taking the vile and drinking the drop of fairy blood?" Eric quirked one eye brow as he asked her, waiting for her conformation.

"Yes, but that is also the last coherent memory I have, though I have a few foggy and fleeting images of being at Bill's." Pam couldn't even get the words 'in Bill's bed' out without feeling the need to vomit. She knew her Master didn't need her to tell him she'd had sex with Bill. He could smell that, so she wasn't even going there; she couldn't. She wanted to deny it, but it was impossible to do so with Eric. For the first time in her vampire existence, Pam was at a loss. So many questions and emotions were running through her mind, and before she could examine them all she needed some answers.

"Well, I could tell you what you did or I could show you what you did. How would like to find out?" She could see that it was killing Eric not to start laughing at her once again.

"Fuck a zombie! Jesus Eric, just tell me what the hell happened." Pam spat out. She really didn't want to see what she already knew Eric had. She and Eric had sat in his office many nights when they were bored, pulling out old surveillance videos of their patrons making complete fools of themselves after drinking way more than they should have. If Eric had been watching a video of her, then she was royally fucked and they both knew it.

Eric told Pam to grab a chair and bring around to the back of his desk so they could view the footage together.

"I haven't had a chance to watch the whole thing yet. I kind of skipped through to certain parts, because some were so much better than others." Eric started to chuckle again as he told her this.

Pam just sat in her chair; her body leaned towards the screen while her finger began to nervously strum the edge of the desk. She had no idea what the hell she was in store for. Eric tapped on the key pad and in a few short seconds Pam began to observe the footage. The screen showed Sookie, Eric, Bill and herself all sitting in Eric's favorite booth. All three vampires had bottles of True Blood in front of them while Sookie had her usual Gin and Tonic.

Eric had turned the sound off on the computer, but she clearly saw the four of them talking. She observed Sookie pulling out a small vile from her purse and handing it to her. Pam saw that she thanked Eric and Sookie and immediately swallowed the contents of the vile. She observed them interacting for a few minutes and then she noticed that her body started to sway, and then started to bounce up and down in the booth while her hands were flailing around excitedly. It looked as though she was telling the group some kind of story. She was very animated and was shocked to see the expressions on the others faces. Sookie, Eric and Bill's eyes were all darting back and forth between themselves with the biggest, yet confused, grins on their faces, obviously trying to hold in their laughter while she was talking.

"Let me turn the sound on, you must hear this." Eric told Pam, still chuckling.

"This is where you were telling us the story of the time when you met the Artist Formerly Known as Prince. Remember when you went through that "Prince" stage back in the 80's? You must have made me watch "Purple Rain" a thousand times." While Eric was saying this, she was remembering how he couldn't stomach hearing Prince during the entire 90's after that.

"Honestly Eric, you should be happy I made you watch it. That movie just so happens to be one of the best movies ever made, and certainly blows any modern day movies that they try to call a musical away." Pam spat at Eric.

"Please, that is what you said about Grease in the seventies, Pamela. I happen to recall that you insisted Olivia Newton-John was one of the most talented female artists of all time." Eric countered her.

"I still stand by that sentiment, and you have to admit Eric, you were singing her praises that night we both got to taste her at that Hollywood party at John Travolta's house." Pam replied snarkily.

"Enough; just listen and watch." It was obvious to Pam that Eric was in no mood to rehash those tired arguments.

As Pam watched and listened to the surveillance video, she heard herself reciting her Prince stories in a voice which was at least 5 decibels higher than her normal voice. She was practically screaming while bobbing up and down in her seat, regaling them with story after story about the times she spent with the singer, and just how fashion-forward he was. She also told them that it was her idea to have his name become a symbol. After all, every god had a symbol, and he needed his own too.

She watched as video-Eric started to laugh and clearly video-Sookie must have kicked him under the table because he turned to her and asked why the heck she did that. Video-Pam totally ignored them and continued to carry on with her tales.

"Eric, what made me even bring up Prince in the first place?" Pam hadn't discussed the 80's in a while, though she did fondly remember Eric sporting a pair of pink lycra pants many of nights when they would go clubbing.

"The DJ started to play the Jordan Sparks remake of "Love is a Battlefield", and you immediately started saying how Pat Benetar sang it better in the 80's. Then Sookie started to reminisce about a little dance her and her friend Tara did when we were in Jackson at Club Dead to another Pat Benetar song, however, you jumped into her story and insisted on telling us about your 80's musical obsessions."

'Oh," was all that Pam could say. She watched and listened and thought she looked and sounded like that damn "Tickle Me Elmo" doll that shook and screeched back in the 90's. She remembered how she had to find one herself just to see what all the fuss was about when she had read one too many Dear Abby stories of parents who berated themselves because they couldn't get a hold of one for Christmas for their offspring. Those idiotic humans seriously thought they were going to emotionally scar their children because Elmo wouldn't be under the Christmas tree that year.

Video-Pam had not stopped talking, but then her eyes seem to have caught something off camera. In the footage she saw herself scream in excitement like some 13 year old girl who had just seen Justin Bieber walk through the door. Video-Bill, Sookie and Eric actually looked stunned and turned to where Pam was pointing to. She waited anxiously for whoever or whatever it was to be revealed to her.

It was video-Quinn, who appeared to have walked into the frame, and came to stand in front of their booth. He asked Eric if he could have a few moments of his time, but before Eric could reply, Pam jumped into the conversation and asked him if he liked the artist formerly known as Prince. Quinn looked confused and asked her "What"?

Video-Pam repeated what she had said very slowly, "Do you like Prince, you know; Purple Rain, Let's go Crazy, Raspberry Beret, you know?"

Quinn looked at Eric, Sookie and Bill as if he was hoping they would give him the correct answer. He was completely bewildered by Pam and it was clear that he and everyone else, patrons included, had never seen Eric's second like this. It was no secret that Quinn thought Pam was a complete bitch and now she appeared to be looking at Quinn like he held the answer to all mysteries of the world.

"Well, do you?" Video-Pam practically screamed the question to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I dig some of his songs." Quinn replied, barely getting out his answer and almost looking frightened as to what Pam would do if he hadn't answered correctly.

With that reply, Pam shoved Bill, who was sitting next to her, completely out of the booth. Bill landed ass down on the floor and seemed shocked. Pam shouted, "YES!" triumphantly and threw herself out of the booth, stomping her four inch heel right on Bill's hand, not giving him a second glance at what she just had done, and grabbed ahold of Quinn's hand.

She told Quinn she was so happy to be around someone who appreciated good music, "because the rest of these bozo's," she said pointing to Eric, Sookie and Bill, "had Zero taste." Video-Pam had cupped her hands in the form of a Zero when she said that. She then told Quinn that they needed to dance. She turned towards the group and told them they were a bunch of big losers, and using her hand to illustrate once her wide-ranging knowledge of sign language again, formed her fingers into the shape of an 'L' on her forehead at them. She then took off and disappeared to the dance floor, dragging a very confused Quinn behind her.

"Eric OMG, please, stop this video now. I think I have seen enough." Pam could not believe that was her and wondered what the fuck was she doing with the Tiger? She thought him to be a complete douche bag. She used to tease Eric relentlessly when Sookie was dating Quinn. She rubbed that relationship in Eric's face every time she had a chance in countless different ways.

It was bad enough knowing she slept with Bill, but what the hell possessed her to throw herself at the tiger? She started to get that sick feeling her stomach again; the one she felt when she rose in Bill's bed.

Eric stopped the video at her request, but she knew that this was only the tip of the iceberg of how out of hand she had behaved last night.

"Fine, I will stop it, however this is really when you got started in your antics for the night." Eric raised his eyebrow, obviously waiting for Pam to ask him to tell her about her behavior. She was mortified and knew not only did all her fellow vampires witness her behavior, but the human clientele as well. Never in her entire living or dead life had she been so utterly embarrassed by her actions, but she knew while she needed to know everything, she certainly didn't have to see it.

"Just tell me, I don't want to see anymore." Pam knew she sounded totally defeated.

"Well, you and the tiger put on quite an act on the dance floor. I have to admit Pam; the two of you really can cut a rug together. You kept on shouting out to everyone that "you'd never met a pussy you didn't like," and you were rubbing yourself all over Quinn. You were really happy until Quinn had to leave, and that is when you went from Happy Drunk Girl to Mad Drunk Girl." Eric paused, waiting to give Pam a chance to speak.

Pam was staring at Eric, so lost in thought it was almost as though she was in downtime, so he continued describing her odd evening.

"It was like someone had hit a switch; your mood changed that quickly. Actually, all night it was as if someone was playing with that switch; you went from one mood to the next instantly." Pam could feel Eric's bewilderment and wondered why Claude's one drop of blood did this to her. It dawned on her that magic may have been involved, but she knew Sookie's friend the witch wasn't living with her anymore, and she knew of no other witches in the area. Could this have been fairy magic? She would need to talk to both Eric and Sookie, and may have to make a visit to Claude to get to the bottom of this.

"Why did I get mad and what other moods did I display? Pam asked, her eyes blinking rapidly while the rest of her body remained dead still.

"Well, it started out that you were pissed that the Tiger had to leave. I am pretty sure that you ripped him a new asshole, but then you stomped over to the booth and pleaded until we all agreed to join you on the dance floor. Sookie felt partly responsible for your behavior and made me go with her, then you turned you attention towards Bill."

Pam thought this was simply not adding up, but wanted to know everything before she could figure out the 'why's' and 'how come's' of the previous night. Throughout her entire vampire life Eric had taught her to always stay in control, and her behavior last night went against everything she strived for.

"Go on, I need to hear the rest." Pam, resolute in her hearing about her behavior, pushed Eric to finish.

"Well, as I said, you were pacified that we all danced with you, but then you started to focus all of your attention on Bill. You were doing dance moves that I had not seen you do since you dragged me to that dance class in the 80's, 'How to be a Solid Gold Dancer in One Night'. Remember that class?" he asked her with a smirk, "You were having a great time until the music changed to a slow song, and that's when you got all maudlin. It was like that switch was flipped again and you suddenly became Sad Drunk Girl."

"Well shit Eric, no one thought to remove me from Bill's arms while I was falling apart? Instead, you all decided to continue to watch, point and laugh?" she accused, "What else did I say?"

"You told Bill how you missed your witch friend and you hoped that someday you could get back together again, that you could have been forever happy with her. You were asking Bill for relationship advice, which is pretty comical in itself, knowing his past track record. Then you broke down and started crying. As soon as the tears came, we got you off the dance floor and back into my office so fast that no one saw."

Pam was relieved to know that they got her out of everyone's site before they saw her crying. When the hell was the last time she shed a tear, she couldn't recall.

"Why didn't you just take me home and get me the hell out of there Eric?" Pam starting pacing back in forth in the confines of Eric's office, clearly annoyed at Eric for allowing this whole scene to have taken place at all.

"Well, your crying stopped immediately. It was like that switch got hit again. Suddenly you were all over Bill and you become Needy Drunk Girl. You kept on telling us how grateful and lucky you were to have your 'Little Willy'; that is what you began calling Bill. It was "my Willy, this, my Willy that." Honestly Pam, it was all Sookie and I could do to keep a straight face with the two of you acting so needy for each other. I have never seen you as relaxed and content as I did when you were sitting all snuggled in Bill's lap with his arms wrapped around you. But more importantly Pam, I felt your ease with him. I have not felt such contentment from you since you were dating the witch."

"Oh my God Eric, do you think I really wanted Bill?" Pam almost whispered her question to Eric, taking a swallow and appearing about as unsure as Eric had ever seen her. Then, gaining her confidence back, she said, "What the fuck Eric, it's as if I was drunk. You run a bar, and you didn't think to send me home or to take me there yourself? How the hell did I end up in Compton's bed?"

"Well both Sookie and I suggested that we take you home, but you insisted that your "Little Willy" would take good care of you. You said not to worry, that you were going to get your "Willy-Wonker" on." Eric started to laugh remembering that one. "Both Sookie and I were speechless at that point, and Bill did not seem the least bit phased at all by his new name. He told us to go on home and that he would take you home. I told him if any harm came to you, I would be sharpening a stake for him, though I never dreamed in a million years that you two would end up having sex ."

"Oh Hell No! Just no," Pam said to herself, a shiver running down her spine. She refused to believe she had actually wanted Bill Compton last night, but then she remembered asking him to take her home. Another shiver caused her to shudder once again, bringing more nausea with it.

"Fucking Fairy blood! How the hell could one frigging drop of blood do that to me? You told me it should just give me a slight buzz, you never said I would have a complete personality change. I blame this on you Eric." Pam practically shouted and stamped her foot, completely beside herself at this information. How the hell was she ever going to look Bill Compton in the eye again?

Pam needed to go home; she reeked of Bill and sex. She wanted to shower, to scrub every last trace of last night away, and to reflect. She seriously needed to think about everything that she saw and heard tonight regarding last night's activities. She also needed to examine any feelings that she'd had last night for Bill.

If she was being honest with herself, she could remember almost everything that happened when they got back to Bill's place. She, for lack of a better term, had sobered up from the fairy blood and had control of most of her faculties. She had actually wanted Bill last night. He did not force her and she remembered clearly that he was very hesitant and that she was the one that insisted that they do the deed. (end paragraph)

To tell the truth, she was curious about why Sookie had continued to fuck him for months when it was clear that Eric wanted her. She had wanted to see what kept Sookie coming back for more Bill lovin', and truth be told; he wasn't half bad, for a male.

God help her, but could she see herself with him? The thought that initially made her want to throw up earlier in the evening didn't seem so bad now. It was a bit tame compared to what she was used to, and of course he was a male, but it was something she hadn't tried for a while. Maybe…

"Ugh, what the hell am I thinking?" she said aloud to herself, still scrubbing the smell of stale sex off of herself, "It's Bill Fucking Compton."

These thoughts were becoming overwhelming for her. She decided to take a page out of a book of Sookie's favorite fictional character from Gone with the Wind; she would think about all this tomorrow.