Disclaimed.
Yeah it's been forever…I know. Please don't hate me!!!
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So here she is again. Breaking another rule, lying to another patient. Doing everything falling just short of selling her soul, just to please him. Sure she could qualify her actions with his brilliance, after all he couldn't possibly ever be wrong., but everything came down to how much his approval meant to her. How desperate she was to find a way to make someone love her. To make him love her. This wasn't a secret to anyone. Especially not to him, and he used it to his advantage.
"I take your word like it was gospel
I'm so eager to please
Yeah I like it when
You talk to me."
The boys walk in well-rested and awake again, only to find her frail body slumped over the microscope, looking for what she must have missed, even though there was nothing to find. The smugness they felt for their revolt against his orders to stay all night flitted away as they took in her pale face and the heavy bags beneath her tired eyes. Feeling like schoolboys who kicked a puppy until it cried, they offered their apologies and gratitude, but she just brushed their words aside. She didn't do this for them. Hell, she didn't even do it for the patient. With another swig of coffee, she brushed the hair from her eyes and set her opinion in front of the firing squad.
"It feels so good inside your shadow
It's the place I need to be
Yeah you know I need to climb you
Like a tree."
As they dissected the pros and cons of each possible disease, she refilled his red mug and started a fresh pot of coffee. He gave no thanks, no nod of appreciation. He hardly looked up to accept the coffee. She was past expecting anything. All she wanted was to give him what he needed. All she wanted was to be needed by him.
"There is this place inside
Where all the good things die
Sometimes I feel like a whore
Sometimes I feel like a whore."
Wrapping her slender arms around herself, she let her gaze drift out the window. Although she kept up with the differential, she let her mind wander. She thought about all she did for him and how he treated her. She hated herself sometimes. He didn't want her, why couldn't she just get over it? Get over him! He clearly didn't think she was worth it. Oh, if her husband could see her now…
"Cameron!" She jumped and they all stared at her. House continued, "I understand you 'Ladies of the Night' don't get a lot of shut eye, but at least pretend to keep up." She didn't even have it in her to reply. She simply nodded and turned away from the window.
"I hate the way I am around you
I'm so nervous and weird
Sometime I feel like I'm
Breathing underwater."
And with some simple order, Foreman and Chase were gone and she had missed her directions. She sat there startled for a moment recalling the last few minutes to see if she could remember any clues as to what she needed to do. He just looked at her like she had lost her mind. Slowly, raising his cane, he pointed to the door. Running off to find her coworkers, she tried to hide the blush chasing her scalp.
"You treat me like I am on fire
Like I'm something to eat
You make me hate what I see
When I see me."
Case solved and patient resting comfortably, Cameron finally got to go home. Staring at her haggard reflection with her oily hair she sighed. This isn't right. There is nothing about him that should make me want him…but I just can't stop. Worthless. Sitting down to her, scratch that, his pile of case reports, Cameron poured another cup of coffee and settled in for another long night. Herself neglected once again just to please the man she loved. The man who could not possibly care less. Maybe one day she could just…
"Yeah I dream of the day
When I learn to make you pay
Someday I'll teach you to beg
Someday, someday
Yes I live for the day
When I can hear you say
You make me feel like a whore."
Walking into work the next day Cameron was determined it would be different. From here on out he would pour his own coffee, neglect his own case reports and lie to the patients himself. She was her own woman and no longer his puppet dangling from strings and working impossible hours on little to no food or sleep. She was well rested, well fed and after her hot shower where she used her special soaps reserved for special occasions, she was ready to begin the new chapter in her life. Her life. Not his.
Gone forever was that weary, tired looking Cameron. This was Allison. Hair curled and down her back, lips glossed and stilettos clicking on the linoleum. Her feet would pay later, but the look on his face would be well worth it. Today was the day her would want her for once.
"Yes I dream of the time
When I can make you mine
Maybe then I'll feel half alive,
More alive, so alive."
"Cameron. You're late." For a split second, the smile started to fall. But with a shake of her head, the confidence was back in her step and it didn't matter. She was done being his punch line. As she walked past him to the coffee pot, he held out his red mug to her. With a private smirk to herself, she didn't even look at him. His eyes raised from the file to look at her. His eyebrows arched and his jaw dropped. This was new. She had never done that before.
Sitting down, Cameron crossed her legs and glanced at the chart. Licking her lips she turned the page and pretended not to notice the coffee cup House still had extended in her direction. Today would be a good day.
"There is this place inside
Where all the good things die.
You make me feel like a whore."
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The song is You Make Me Feel Like a Whore by Everclear.