1.
His heart was breaking, shattering, his mind was being ripped into too many pieces to count and it felt like someone had lit his soul on fire.
Above him, he saw an octagonal symbol, floating in the air, and the coldness within him reached up, grabbed him, pulled him in. There was no voice, no barrier this time to stop his fall.
There was only Fai.
And a magic he needed to possess.
2.
The village was burning, and people were screaming in pain. He silenced them, sword stroke after sword stroke, leaving their throats yawning, their voices nothing but watery gurgles.
Something radiated warmth into his hand, and it was the only heat he felt. Not even the hellfire roaring around him could warm him.
3.
"Kill her."
No.
"Kill her!"
No!
"Kill her!"
And the beautiful young woman with silvery hair and strikingly familiar green eyes was on the ground in an expanding puddle of her own blood.
4.
"Syaoran-kun stop! If you kill him, everything will come to an end! Even you and me!"
She was bleeding and pleading with him and who had stabbed her? He was going to kill the-...
It was him.
Something hurt inside him, something ached in the bottom of his chest and it made his hands feel numb. Was it the knowledge that he was the one who had hurt her? Or was it the fact he was watching her cling to the one who wasn't him?
He needed the warmth.
And the other him had it.
5.
"Syaoran is Xiao Lang."
Who had said that to him?
He was Syaoran, but he wasn't Xiao Lang.
... but then, who was he?
He was Syaoran right?
I am...
Syaoran is Xiao Lang.
I... am...
Then who was Xiao Lang?
I...
Who was... Syaoran?
Am...
Who was he?
I...
... am...
... I am I.
6.
This world was just like he was. It was cold and dark and violently unpredictable. He could sense a feather, and though he walked through the empty city, he didn't seem to be getting any closer to it.
Magic behind him, and suddenly there it was there. Mismatched eyes landed on twin electric blue and the blonde girl tilted her head back, staring down her nose at him.
"You are one of us."
He stared back, and realized there was nothing in her eyes. There was nothing in her eyes, there was nothing in his eyes. There was nothing in this world.
Nothing.
They were...
"Give me the feather."
"This?" She twirled it between thumb and forefinger.
"I collect the feathers, and I kill any who get in my way."
"Kind of hard to kill a monster that's the same as you are."
"I'm..."not a monster. I am not a monster, you're the only monster. You have no emotions, you have no soul you have no
Heart.
He had no heart.
"Look at the blood on you, and tell me that again."
"I... am..."
"A heartless monster."
"No! I am...!"
"Monster."
"I... am..."
"You are nothing. Nobody. You are a monster."
She handed him the feather, and darkness poured from the ground, swallowing her.
7.
His chest hurt. Why did his chest hurt? He wasn't injured, he couldn't feel pain, and yet it felt as though someone was trying to squeeze him to death, to milk out his blood. His right eye hurt, but he could ignore that. He couldn't feel that if he didn't think about it.
He was...
8.
He knew her face, her hair, her eyes. He knew her, he knew her, she was Sakura. But she wasn't Sakura. Just like he wasn't...
Who wasn't he...?
She didn't smell the same, she didn't taste the same, she didn't feel the same, much more muscular and yet so weak against his own power. It seemed like she'd given up, been completely overwhelmed. And that wasn't the same.
Sakura would have fought back. Sakura would've broken free. Sakura wouldn't have allowed herself to be trapped under his grip, to be stripped.
And Sakura wouldn't have screamed so loud, so panicked, when he finally claimed her.
9.
What was his name again...?
10.
A monster.
A monster.
He was a monster.
A monster with no name, no soul, no heart.
A monster who had no purpose but to try to reclaim the warmth he'd once held so close to himself.
A monster, watching from the shadows as a girl he thought he once knew held tight to a boy who he thought might have looked like him once upon a time. Not any more though.
Because he was a monster.
And he would never be anything different.
-
A/N: I swear I'm not a sadist.
I don't own the characters, Tsubasa, etc. etc.