A/N: This was inspired by something Lisa Edelstein said in an interview on the House Season 2 special features. If you haven't seen it, I would recommend it. They are all hilarious, Lisa especially.
What's Goin' On in That Office?
It was only Tuesday and Cameron was already fed up with House's antics on the case that they were working. She decided that it was time that she speak with Cuddy about House's actions; the man was out of control. Cameron knew that House was a good doctor, phenomenal really, but there was a line. It annoyed Cameron to no end that House saw himself as above everyone else, as if the line did not to him—acting as if it didn't even exist. Whenever Cameron thought about House's morals, or lack thereof a quote came to mind: "There are moral boundaries that divide those who mean well from those who should be drowned in a well." House never respected those boundaries; he didn't even acknowledge their existence. Cameron was so frustrated with the man that she was surprised that she could see straight.
It seemed to Cameron that recently House had been even more abrasive and rude than usual—particularly to her. He had been more sarcastic and degrading than general when it came to killing all of Cameron's theories. He had already called her an idiot four times that day, with a couple morons thrown in for variety. He even told her that she should give up medicine and become an exotic dancer, but then took it back, saying that she didn't have the body for it, after all. Just thinking about it made Cameron shake with anger.
It was a combination of House's treatment of her, and Cameron's growing concern for the way House was treating the patient that made her decide to talk to Cuddy. She knew that in the end House would just tell her that she was a teacher's pet and make fun of her more for telling the "scary boss lady" on him.
In any case, Cameron was now at Cuddy's door and was about to turn the knob when she heard a familiar voice. Looking up, she saw that House and Cuddy were in the middle of a pretty heated argument. Their voices were muffled so Cameron could not hear what they were discussing, but judging by the volume level and the shear amount of violent hand gesturing going on, Cameron could tell it was not a happy topic. Not wanting to be caught in the middle, Cameron left the entryway and headed to the nurses station to wait it out.
"What's going on in that office?" Cameron asked one of the nurses who was working on a computer. The woman looked up at Cameron and then in the direction of Cuddy's office. Even from that distance you could tell there was something major going on. House was pacing the room as best as he could with his limp and Cuddy looked livid.
"Your guess is as good as mine, Doctor. They've been at it for at least twenty minutes now," the nurse informed her.
"Maybe Cuddy is finally knocking some sense into him," Cuddy wondered aloud. One of the nurses nearby gave a short laugh. "What?" Cameron asked her. "It could happen."
"Look here Doctor… Cameron, is it? I have been here a long time, much longer than you. And no one has ever knocked anything into Gregory House that he didn't want there to begin with." Cameron silently agreed with the older nurse. It had been a long shot anyway.
Cameron took another glance at Cuddy's office. It didn't look like they were reaching any sort of compromise so she decided to make herself useful. She picked up a chart for a clinic patient and went of in the direction of exam room three. Twenty minutes later she reemerged with a little less faith in the human race. One would think that it was not necessary to put a "Warning: Do not spray in eyes" label on a can of spray on deodorant…
House and Cuddy were still at each other's throats, so rather than treating another patient Cameron decided just to wait it out. They had to stop some time, didn't they? She began picking at her nail polish to pass the time. She had no idea why she bothered doing her nails—It took her forever, almost always looked terrible to begin with, and looked like hell by the end of the day because she always chipped it off. When she looked up again she noticed that Chase was heading her way. She tried to find a way to gracefully exit, but there was nothing. Chase was like a kicked puppy dog these days—definitely not a very attractive proposition for a girl.
"Hey, Cameron. What're you doing here? I thought House sent you to get some test results."
"He did. They weren't finished yet," she said simply, hoping that he would get the hint and leave her alone.
"Well, what're you doing down here?" He asked her. Chase looked around for something that she could be waiting for and then noticed the commotion that was going on in Cuddy's office. "You aren't waiting for Cuddy to be free, are you?" he asked with a smile. She didn't respond, just gave him an angry glare. "You know, you are costing me an inordinate amount of money" he said with a slight laugh.
"Excuse me?" Cameron asked angrily. She really didn't have the patience for this now.
"You are costing me…" he paused looking up as if in deep concentration. "I don't even know how much it is by now." Cameron glared at Chase, hoping that he would get to the point some time. "Every time you go blabbing to Cuddy, I owe Foreman twenty dollars," he said shaking his head, clearly annoyed at himself for ever making such a bet. But Chase had noticed lately that he had been giving Foreman significantly less twenties than at the onset of the bet. Chase smiled at Cameron, thinking the situation rather funny, but she didn't see the humor. She made an angry noise and left him standing at the nurses' station.
Chase had no idea what he had done to make Cameron so angry with him. He hadn't even had a chance to remind her that it was Tuesday and he still liked her. She had been snapping at him for almost a week now and Chase had no clue why. He was still wondering when he saw Foreman coming down the stairs. Her took out his wallet and found a twenty to give to his co-worker. Chase held out the bill to Foreman as he walked up . Foreman gave him a questioning glance.
"The bet. Cameron ran to Cuddy again," Chase explained. Foreman looked over to Cuddy's office.
"Looks like House didn't take it to well," Foreman said.
"No, Cameron hasn't actually talked to Cuddy yet. She was waiting for whatever is going on in there to be over before she talked to her. They've been going at it for a while now."
"Keep your twenty then," Foreman said.
"Seriously?" Chase was surprised at his co-worker's generosity.
"Well it doesn't count if I was going to go to her anyway. If Cameron hadn't talked to Cuddy, I would have. House is out of control on this one," Foreman stated simply. "What's going on in that office, anyway?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," Chase said. "I've got to go check on some labs. You going to wait for Cuddy?" Foreman nodded. "Good luck," Chase said before walking away.
Foreman had nothing to do but wait for House to leave Cuddy's office. He turned to grab a chart when he noticed a particularly attractive nurse typing something into the computer. She looked up when she noticed him looking at her.
"Hey, how's it going?" Foreman asked in his most charming voice. All he received in response was a cold glare. "Okay," he said in an undertone as he turned his back to the counter. Foreman saw Wilson headed towards Cuddy's office, his face buried in a rather large file. He didn't eve look up when he reached for the door handle.
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Foreman called to Wilson.
"Huh?" Wilson asked, confused as to who was talking to him. "What'd you say?" he asked when he saw Foreman.
"The office. I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Foreman said nodding towards the door. Wilson turned to look at the office he had nearly entered and his eyebrows went up in shock.
"Thanks."
"No problem," Foreman said.
"I wonder what that's all about," Wilson said, gesturing towards Cuddy's office.
"Your guess is as good as mine," Foreman said with a shrug. "What do you need to see Cuddy for?"
"A patient. I need her okay on a treatment that isn't exactly traditional." Wilson explained to Foreman what it was that he wanted to do and mentioned that the patient had a rare brain tumor, a fact that greatly interested Foreman. The two doctors discussed the patient and treatment options while they waited for their boss to finish with House.
After about twenty minutes Chase joined the two doctors at the nurses' station.
"I can't believe they are still at it," Chase said, astonished.
"Yep. And you would think that we would have something better to do," Wilson said. "But I can't seem to tear myself away," he said, smiling at the thought of House getting reemed out by Cuddy. "Why are you here anyway?"
"Have to talk to House," Chase shrugged. "This is mildly amusing isn't it?"
"Yeah, why don't you go cook up some popcorn?" Foreman asked sarcastically.
"I don't see you leaving, Foreman," Chase argued.
"I need to see Cuddy."
"You could come back later, do something productive in the mean time…"
None of the three men made any move to leave their post. They all were watching attentively, secretly wishing that they could read lips. None of them noticed Cameron storming towards them. If they had, they surely would have seen steam coming from her ears. She looked from the men to the office and back, making another angry noise to make her presence known. None of them looked over at her. Finally, the frustration from the past few days broke.
"What the HELL is going on in that office!?!"
Her shout shocked the men into motion. They all walked away in different directions. Chase back to the lab, Foreman to the diagnostics department, and Wilson back to his office.
Cameron was left all alone to silently stew until given the opportunity to lash out at someone else. After a few minutes of watching the flailing arms and red faces in Cuddy's office she released a growl-like noise and stalked off.
::Inside the Office::
"DINNER LAST NIGHT WAS FANTASTIC," Cuddy shouted, trying to keep a smile off her face.
"THANK YOU. YOU SHOULD BE THANKING WILSON. I STOLE HIS RECIPE."
"BUT YOU COOKED," she said in a falsely angry voice. In reality she was very impressed.
"I AM A MAN OF MANY TALENTS!"
"YES, YOU SHOWED ME AS MUCH LAST NIGHT…" she trailed off, barely able to keep a straight face.
"SO, YOUR PLACE AT EIGHT?"
"FINE!" Cuddy shouted.
"FINE!" House shouted back. He walked over to the door opened it, and then turned back. "I'LL MAKE SURE TO BRING MY HANDCUFFS AND WHIP!" Cuddy had to hide her face in faux-anger to hide her smile and stifle a laugh.
If everyone only knew what went on in the Dean of Medicine's office on a daily basis…
A/N: So that's it, just a little bit of fun. Let me know what you think and I'll love you forever!