The day never seemed darker and the night never seemed longer any night before. To Hell and to Connecticut he had been dragged with much disdain but at least he knew where he had been. Right now he didn't know much of anything.
Numb.
Frozen.
Drifting.
All he was doing was drifting. From his hotel to the church to the arena the blind led the blind. But he could hardly blame any of them. They couldn't do any more than he could. Everyone was just waiting --- standing, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Inside he was screaming, ripping the wallpaper down, raising hell. On the outside he stood in the empty corner of his dressing room, the only thing he could manage being the mechanical adjusting of his tie. Everything was falling down on him.
What the hell was wrong with him?
Perhaps he himself would have posed that very same question but that would be asking for too much. Even his robotic motions were beginning to overwhelm him. The more he moved the warmer his skin became, the more his cheeks began to flush, the more his eyes began to water. By the time the door opened and Stephanie placed her hand on his shoulder, like she often did when he needed it the most, the dams had burst. Tears were streaming down his solemn face.
"You don't have to go out there."
Her voice was soft and warm, surprising for the depth it carried and the rasp attached to every sound she made. For the monster she was made out to be, her touch couldn't have been gentler. Maybe it was her maternal instinct kicking in, maybe it was because she was in mourning too or maybe it was just what normal people did when they loved someone.
"No, I do. I just...I'm having some trouble right now. I mean. Things happen. Things have happened but this. This –"
His voice was cracking and Stephanie's heart was breaking. Gently she slid her hand from his shoulder, down to the small of his back. Her lips pressed against his spine and for a moment, everything was calm despite the chaos that had intruded upon their lives.
"I'm sorry, Steph. I know I told you that before, but I want you to know that I mean it. I swear I do."
And with a heavy sigh, he turned her around until he could lock her in an embrace, burying his face into the safety of her blonde locks. With one breath he submerged himself into his thoughts. With one breath he contemplated as if it had been his last. He wouldn't think like this forever but it was what he needed in that moment. He needed to pull her as close as he could.
With his arms locked around Stephanie, and his eyes closed, the world was transformed. He could see his cocky smirk, his treasured tresses and her face painted like the most daring piece of art he had ever seen. In her eyes was a hunger that could not be matched, in her soul the confidence that she was in the heart of every man she had ever met. She knew everything there was to know.
"Damn it, Sherri. Why couldn't you stay for me?"
Even in death, she knew she was responsible for the undoing of Shawn Michaels, and for that reason he could smile…eventually.