Disclaimer- I do not own the characters that i have not created obviously the ones i have created i do own unless you owned them first in which case i would like proof of ownership :D Anyway thats out of the way lets press on shall we ?.

CHAPTER ONE

"Another afternoon another funeral" My colleague Monty said as we gathered around the Baudelaire graves.
"how long before its one of us under there.?" the words formed a bitter question leaving my mouth

"I don't know old friend i don't know" Monty answered my question repeating himself, I suppose if your name is a repetition, repeating things is all you know, still if it had been me in his position i wouldn't have had the answer either the truth is no one knows when we are gonna go, I mean take the Baudelaire's for example they had no idea that the end was near till they smelt the smoke wafting up from underneath the doors but by then it was too late.

All this thinking of smoke had got me craving so i took my pack of Marlboro out of my pocket and got one out and lit it i stood there over the graves of my two comrades in arms and as i breathed the anger out of my lungs with the potent mix of chemicals a voice caught me off guard
"I thought you had given up for good this time" Rebecca's sweet voice floated through my eardrums like she'd spoke it straight into my ear i shuddered slightly and answered her with the best comeback i could think of " so did i". "thats a terrible comeback and you know it" she said moving closer to me she took out her own pack and stuck a cancer stick in her own mouth i offered her my light and asked her the same question her comeback was just as pathetic as mine. "I said id give up when you did, You didn't".

She had a way with words that made them sound better to the ears i could understand why she worked in the theater After my first run in with the man with a beard but no hair who's name i cant bring myself to pronounce Becky sat with me while my car was towed i didn't know her too well the but after a close run in with a man with a beard but no hair ended with me taking a bullet and Becky having to ingeniously use a hairpin to escape (a trick taught by Beatrice i believe) she left town so i still don't know her that well and i didn't hear from her again, That was until today.

"Why did you come back" i asked her throwing my butt into the dirt We were standing in the car park now The funeral was over and i was standing by my car.
"Beatrice was... special to me like a sister" She elegantly threw her butt next to mine for a second they burnt simultaneously then they went out.

"Can i give you a lift" the words exited my mouth and i regretted saying them before they'd got halfway out. "sure" came the exact reply i didn't want to hear I found myself opening the door for her. I almost laughed at myself... always the goddamn gentleman even now when all was lost and the quietest places on earth were slowly being destroyed. I got in the front seat and started driving.

"whats happening with the children" she asked me and for once i didn't have a clever response it was the last question on who wants to be a millionaire and id used all my lifelines.

"All is lost Becky Olaf has them he was apparently the closet by location now he has them and we are all screwed" was my eventual answer after that we didn't speak i kept my eyes on the road.