It was his first battlefield and he woke up in the infirmary by the half of the second day. It wasn't even a real war (not that he hoped it was) but minor skirmish with Armes borderlands, which was supposed to be a simulation had a full fledged war did occur.
A nasty headache attacked him as he tried to sit, by which he fell to the bed once again. A set of rushed footsteps approached him, and he heard someone said rather crossly,"You aren't supposed to wake up so soon. It wasn't any light concussion you've got." Right. All he remembered was Zahhak yelling at him and a boulder thrown by enemy's catapult...That explained the throbbing pain right away. He gave up any attempt to sit again and instead turned around to face the medic who talked earlier.
She was already gone by then, attending other patients. He could only catch sight of her jet black hair, framing her petite stature. A young one unlike all he had seen prior to that day, so he assumed she was also new to the army.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
It was ridiculous and he must already break the record. Two hours after he was discharged and now he was sitting in medical camp for being stabbed on the back. Well, better him than the commander, he thought. The girl attending him earlier was assigned to him again. She wasn't happy.
"Do you have a knack for serving your life on a silver platter and give it away whenever you can?" This time he had more time to observe her, as she cleaned and bandaged him without much fuss, only annoyed look.
A tough woman functioning more on her logic than her heart, it seemed.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
When she met him for the third time, she shook her head and sighed, reaching for the desinfectant rather angrily. "I swear, after all these, you better not dying on me." He chuckled, spending more time than he should admiring her attitude. "Then you should teach me how to do first aid. I might need it again later and I'll feel bad troubling you again."
She gritted her teeth. "Don't you understand? It's not me. You're the problem. Before you throw your life away so carelessly, please remember how those you left would feel. You might think you're dying a honorable death, but if you died before your master, who would protect him?"
"Why do you become a doctor?"
"Any problem?"
"No. Just..." He wasn't sure what to say without hurting her feelings.
"I think that I should do something for this country too rather than just waiting. I'm not going to be damsel in distress."
He smiled. Somehow he knew she wouldn't. She was way too strong for that.
"But if every soldier is as suicidal as you, I'm going to consider another job. I'm not going to spend my time worrying for people who don't think their lives are anything worthy."
"If I survive this battle, will you go out with me?"
She rolled her eyes but didn't comment.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Several months passed and the battle was over, their regiment marched towards the plain by the Feitas to reach the wharf. Coming home was surprisingly refreshing, though his heart sank a little bit that he might not get to see the medic again. Silva was her name; he got to know her a little bit by the time he spent in the infirmary.
World is full of surprises. She was also from Lordlake. He visited her every now and then. She didn't look too happy, but since she didn't directly object, he figured that she at least accepted his presence. Two weeks passed before he was sent to another camp. Silva, on the other hand, liked to work in various places, rotating between active barracks so their meeting was inevitable. To Galleon, it was as if they were met not by sheer chance.
She never actually said anything pleasant. She was blunt, never the one to beat around the bush. She was one of the best doctors he ever met, and he had met many since he started his military career. And he found that she's surprisingly kind, accidentally hearing her fulfilling some soldiers' wishes, helping them writing letters to their families, staying up late to check on her patients' conditions.
So he foolishly thought that perhaps getting injured wouldn't be so bad. He would punish soldiers under his wing had they ever thought like that many years after, but he was young and naive. She wasn't impressed.
"So I suppose I was talking to a brick wall before. How many times I should tell you I don't wish to see you in the infirmary again?"
He realized he would remained weak and strayed from his initial intentions to join the knights: protecting Falena, if he kept on entertaining his heart. So he gathered his determination. "Teach me how to do first aid." She smirked, the very first time he saw her getting close to a smile. "You think you can keep up?"
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
"Why don't you like Rune? It's much more convenient."
"It isn't natural. If your body keeps clinging to Rune's power, it'll eventually lose its ability to heal wounds naturally. Then you have to use Rune to close even the smallest cut, because your body can't do it itself. It's supposed to be for emergency."
She snorted. "Oh, but people nowadays use the word emergency like a throwaway. Never think of long-term effects, and look at what happened."
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
She was like the sun. Bright and brave and scorching and it didn't take long until he thought he'd find someone to spend the rest of his life with. There wasn't better time. He just climbed the ranks in Sol-Falena's most prestigious knights, and he was sure he was able to afford one more people.
Asking her to start a family with him was one of the scariest moments in his life, yet he wanted to see that smile again and again. She mocked him, of course.
But everything went downhill afterwards. As he became busier, he left Lordlake for days, weeks, even months. At last he decided to remain on permanent post at the castle, starting his career as a Queen's Knight.
It was the right thing to do. He convinced his mind it was what he supposed to do. Besides, Silva used to remind him of his duties and dreams.
Growing up has never been so painful. She changed. He changed. They talked, they laughed, they saw each other but everything was different. They tried to ignore the growing distance between them only to ignite more fire. When he looked back after many years, he wished he had asked her to stay. What was the point of becoming strong if the one you wanted to protect the most was gone?
Yet in the foolishness of his youthful days he failed to see his mistake, and regrets always came later. He grew to be wiser, and younger knights would ask for his advices in subsequent years. No one ever knows how much he should pay for the lesson.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
They survived the war. Only three Queen's Knights made it through including the Commander. He was at the brink of life and death when Ferid brought him back to the castle, and the last memory he remembered was his own blood seeping through Ferid's tattered armour.
He vaguely thought he would be happy to die right then, because he had succeeded. Falena was safe and in the hands of Queen Arshtat and Commander Ferid, nothing could be wrong. He had fought valiantly and was able to come home (even if he had no place to return to). He wondered, what would Silva say if they could meet before he closed his eyes?
But he didn't die. He woke up three days after the bloody aftermath to find empty bed and a too-clean room. She wasn't anywhere and he comforted himself with the thought that she'd be alive and well somewhere. The war was over. They had won.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
That week was the worst nightmare he ever had. The Queen's wrath. The punishment to Lordlake. Ferid repeatedly asked him if he wanted to go, and he declined because he wasn't sure he was strong enough to see what remained from his glorious hometown. The details in his memory were so perfect that they crumbled that very second.
Most importantly, he didn't know what to say to her. It was cowardly. He hated himself for being such a hypocrite. Years of telling the knights to face the problems straight, and he was avoiding the entire thing. Report said a woman opened medical practice despite the Queen's order. He had no doubt it was her. She was the courage he never reached. Silva was alive and well. She lost her license, but she was afraid.
He might not be able to live if she lost her life in the incident. Guilt nagging his heart. How could he? Even if he had lost his right to act as his husband, he could go and help her, going through the heavy times together. He checked her condition from afar, with nothing but prayer. What a shameful excuse of a knight.
He shouldn't be surprised to see she was in the Prince's army. She would never ignore someone who needed help. The early knowledge didn't make the meeting less awkward, though they made a point not to bring anything up publicly. Some people figured it out. They both acted indifferent towards each other, but he guesses how much words were waiting to be said.
It pained him that their meeting should happen in such circumstances. More than twenty years had passed since then. He kept silent.
In rare moments when he felt like they should talk and tried to smooth their relationships, he refrained as he saw she was as afraid as him. They shouldn't make it harder than it already had.
Why should they always wait until the very end?
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
"I see that you're in my infirmary again."
"You don't need to do this. I can take care of this myself, Silva, you should attend someone else. Lyon's wounds were worse than mine."
He saw her lips reduced into thin lines, and her face hardened. "You're my patient and as long as you're in this room, you should play by my rules. I accept no refusal. You're not going to be discharged anytime soon." With that, she went to get a roll of bandage and a tub of salve, adding,"And as much as I disapprove of Runes, Dawn seems to do a pretty good job on Lyon. She has been much better last time I checked."
When she turned to face him again, he saw creases on her face and her white hair, and beyond all, a young medic he met all those years ago. An aching deja vu, it was, as if their meeting was just yesterday. Albeit much older, she was as meticulous and careful and observant, as grumpy and as caring. That was when he was reminded at how much time had passed between the two of them and that day. Perhaps, if things had gone a little bit differently... he dismissed the thoughts in instant. Neither he nor Silva had the tendency to dwell in 'what-ifs'. They were too old, knew too much to be eluded in such fantasy.
It was as if twenty years were condensed into that small room that he was so suffocated to even speak. They had lost their easy communication a long time ago, and along with it, all words unsaid, now no longer needed. He watched her work the same way he did in the army. When the prince had introduced him to the castle's doctor, he had the slightest expectation to work with her again. To see everything unfolded like before. Silva was a professional. Whatever she felt about him, she would never let it cloud her judgement.
Yet somehow it was easier if she could just yell at him just so they could work this out, figuring where they had been all these years. He wondered how much of their relationship could still be salvaged.
Old flames? He hardly could call it that. It had always been there, buried under duties and responsibilities, under titles and hierarchies. Love had never been on the top of priority list if you're a soldier. For twenty years it was dormant, and now stirring awake in its dusty throne.
"What would you do after this?" she asked, breaking the silence as she bent over him to apply the salve. Comforting coolness washed over him in instant, pain slowly subsiding as they talked.
"Retire." People would want him to stay. The Prince had personally asked him to become an advisor once they got things up and running, to which he declined. He would be around for a while to help, but after that it would fall to new leaves, as the sun shone over the land once more. His time was up. Besides, he had done a pretty long service.
Old man needs to rest, huh?
Never been one for idle chatter, Silva didn't actually respond his answer, so he continued; voicing what was in the back of his mind, gnawing him over and over again. "Retire. Go home, if there's still a place I can call as one." That having said, the rest seemed easy. She raised her eyebrows, but if she was surprised, that was as far as she went. She stood up and walked away.
"Where are you going?"
She shrugged. "Getting you stitched. If you're really planning to go back, then you must at least look presentable." He was stunned for a while, realizing the implication of her words. She acted nonchalant, but his face softened. It put his mind at ease; his eyes caught a ghost of smile as the world faded into darkness.
In his sleep he saw the people of Lordlake, and their home, with her waiting for him at the end of the day.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
A/N: This is way harder than I thought. Another Suikoden Day submission went over the word count. Sorry if it's less fluid than you might expect (might go back and edit it later). I have hard time writing Galleon so he doesn't appear as wimpy as he gets older, and I'm not sure with the end result. Kudos to anyone who could explain why I chose the title as such. Anyway, good luck on your exams for those who have them. In fact, I should be studying Biology right now. Well then...