Author's Note: Is this enough? After I write this Ketsuno Ana will marry me, right? That's what you promised, so keep your end of the deal!
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. Gintama doesn't belong to me, it goes to the Gorilla. Except, it kind of belongs to me because it depends on me to run the show!
Summary: The handsome and earnest Gin-san gives a deep and meaningful insight on life.
Title: Life Does Not Give You Lemons, Take a Crap Damn It!

As you can see from the title (if you can't, I won't even bother explaining it), this is a story about life. You ever heard of the famous quote about life? What was it again… "Life gives you lemons, so make lemonade out of it".

To hell with that.

It doesn't give you lemons at all! It throws shit at you like how those cursed monkeys throw their poop at me! Don't make it sound so easy! What happens when you give hope to a person who, after hearing that, is prepared to receive lemons in life and make lemonade? Oi, oi. Sir, they're not lemons. So what do you want to make now, poopade? Don't think by adding a 'ade' behind you'll get away with everything! It's not funny! Sometimes you get shit thrown at you all the time and it's not just limited to monkeys!

Because sometimes, you think you can trust the things someone says because they're close to you, but that's not the case! In fact, that's hardly the case! Those scums are great at getting close to you and taking advantage of your pure and innocent heart! Yeah, I'm talking about you Zura! You're the one who deserves to have poop thrown at them – I let you come and hide in my house and this is how you repay me?! By drinking my strawberry milk?

Go to hell you W-I-G! (*)

TO EVERYBODY WHO'S READING THIS, ZURA IS REALLY THE MOST DANGEROUS AND CUNNING BASTARD, DON'T BE FOOLED BY HIS LOOKS! HE SECRETLY SNIFFS ELIZABETH'S

.

.

.

.

Sakata Gintoki's essay ends here.

.

.

.

.

.

PS. Look who's back. Yeah, it's the ever kind and pitiful Gin-san. I've calmed down a little more now and all I want to say is just. Don't trust lemons; don't trust life.

Ah, no more. I can't go on like this anymore. Strawberry milk's the only friend I have with me now. Gin-san will end this here because he's suffering from the aftermath of having his only companion stolen, along with his soul.

Everybody who's anticipating Gintama, there will be no more Gintama. Sunrise isn't going to animate Gintama anymore. They've become Sunfall, like how Gin-san's soul fell. It'll only be Gin from now on, because the soul is gone. (**) Your screen will be filled with a canvas filled with silver using the Paint program. I'm not Gin-san anymore, without my strawberry milk. I'll be nothing but an empty case of Gin.

There is an an advertisement taped to the essay.

Fighting to Replenish Strawberry Milk in Yorozuya

Join this meaningful campaign and prevent Strawberry milk from being stolen in Yorozuya. We fight for a good cause. This campaign helps to save a particular individual named Sakata Gintoki, who has recently lost his will and his soul. Please help the sugar-hungry child in Edo, all donations are welcome as long as they're sweet. (If it's not a sweet donation, please place them in the alley way beside Yorozuya so that the rubbish truck can come and collect the trash.)

Thank you for participating in a good cause, the silver soul will be resurrected slowly with your efforts.

(***)

* This joke refers to how Zura actually means wig in Japanese, if I'm not mistaken.
** Gintama = Silver Soul. Soul = tama, so with no soul there'll only be Gin (silver) left.
***A campaign parody on campaigns that are usually put up to end Child Hunger.

AN: Hello! This is my new drabble series that will consist of essays written by the Gintama characters – they can talk about anything and everything! Of course, all of them were promised things if they wrote an essay which was what pushed them to do it (there's no guarantee that they got what they were promised, though).

The first essay is written by the main character of the show, Gintoki, of course! How did you find it? I do hope you had a good time laughing since this series will be comedy-centric. There will be no pairings here, though it's hinted if you squint. Let me know what you think! Any comments are appreciated. Till then!