Rimmer was in one of those moods again. The one where he decided to tidy out unnecessary files. He already knew which ones could go. Personal files that were still there with in five years of death, unless they are currently holographic and mission logs from over ten years ago. He'd gotten half way though the last time he was in this mood. He was also on the lookout for interesting files and this one had caught his eye. 'Three steps to love.'
"Hmm," he thought, "That could be useful." "Holly," he called, "Could you print the file titled 'Three steps to love' out for me please?"
"Sure Arnold," Holly smiled. The document came out of the printer at the side of Rimmer.
"Oh Holly please don't mention that to any one," Rimmer pleaded.
"Sure."
He looked at the paper in his hand.
'Step one:' he read, 'Come a little closer.'
"Okay," he pondered in his mind, "I'll try it."
Rimmer had been getting a 'little closer' to Lister and Lister was noticing.
"Rimmer," Lister said, "What's up wi' you?"
"What? Nothing's up. Why would you thing that something is up?" Rimmer babbled.
"You've been gettin' closer t' me all week. If you wannin' t' be close t' me ain't odd I dunno what is," Lister declared.
"Have I? I hadn't noticed," Rimmer insisted. his mind however was thinking differently. "Brilliant," he thought, "I may be in with a chance."
He decided that step two could now be acted on. When Lister wasn't looking he consulted the list again. 'Step two: Rest upon their shoulder.'
Rimmer had made up his mind. "Hmm, that could be difficult but I shall try."
"Lister," Rimmer shouted down the hall at his bunkmate," Would you like to go for a drink?"
"You're askin' me out for a drink?" Lister questioned.
"Yes," Rimmer stated.
"I wa' right. There is summet wrong wi' you," Lister decided, "But a drink sounds nice, m''be you'll relax."
They headed to the bar on that deck and poured themselves drinks. They sat on a bench seat next to each other in silence for a while.
"Soooo," Lister drew out the o for a while, "Krytes' nearly ran out a clothes t' wash."
"Yeah," Rimmer sighed, "They'll be a fresh batch tomorrow though. There always is."
"How's 'e do it?" Lister asked.
"Do what?" Rimmer requestioned.
"Ger a batch a dirty clothes ev'ry day? Keep 'imself busy? Loads a stuff really," Lister answered.
"Oh that I don't know," Rimmer replied.
They'd finished their first drinks and Lister refilled them. He decided to add a little extra alcohol to Rimmer's than usual.
"Cheers and thanks," Rimmer said as Lister handed him the glass, blissfully unaware of the extra alcohol it contained.
"Ditto," Lister smiled. That smile that Rimmer had come to love. Rimmer smiled back. "See."
"See what?" Rimmer asked looking round.
"I said you'd relax after a drink," Lister told him.
"Oh right that," Rimmer smiled again. "Now's my chance," he thought as he rested his head on Lister's shoulder. "Lister," he said, "D'you ever think about what our lives'd be like if we hadn't come into space?"
"Sometimes, yeah," Lister replied ignoring the head balanced on his shoulder, "I think I'd jus' be one a them benefit bums. Space wa' one a best things tha' happened t' me."
"I think I'd probably end up in a run down job that's rubbish with my parents still disapproving of me. Whereas here I may be second from the bottom rank but my parents can't be disapproving of me. I got further than my dad. At least I got to space."
They both laughed.
"Rimmer."
"Yes."
"You d' realise ya heads on me shoulder."
"Yes."
"Oh ok. I'm not even gonna ask."
"Good."
They had a few more drinks and went to the bunks for bed.
'Step three:' Rimmer read 'Calling them baby.'
"Never," Rimmer mumbled. "I will never call him that," he thought, "Prehaps Davey will be fine."
At that moment Lister jumped off of the bunk above Rimmer.
"Morning Davey," Rimmer called.
"Mornin' Rimmer," Lister replied automatically, "Wait. What?"
"Morning Davey," Rimmer repeated.
"Are you sure there's nothin' wrong wi' you?" Lister asked.
"Yes. I'm totally fine Davey," Rimmer smiled.
"Okay Arnie. If you insist," Dave replied.
"Great it's working," Rimmer thought.
Rimmer had got to the end of the list now so he stopped carrying it around with him.
"I'm going to the drive room so you'll find me there if you need me Davey," Rimmer announced before walking out.
"Ok," Lister answered before grabbing Rimmer's paper.
When Rimmer got to the drive room he realised the list was still in the bunk where Lister was. He ran back as fast as he could but as he turned into the room he noticed Lister already had the list. He stopped dead. "Oh no," he thought, "Mind you, he may not work it out."
At that moment though Lister was piecing it all together. 'Step one: Come a little closer.' Rimmer had been getting closer to him for the past fortnight. 'Step two: Rest upon their shoulder.' Rimmer had done that too, on the night in the bar. 'Step three: Calling them baby.' Hmm Rimmer hadn't done that yet but he had been calling him Davey all morning. "Crap," he mumbled.
"Damn," Rimmer thought, "He's done it."
Lister still hadn't noticed Rimmer standing in the door. "Right," he said aloud to no-one, "Rimsy said he'd be in the drive room, right?"
"Wrong," Rimmer said from the door way, taking another step, "Well I did say I'd be there but I'm not. I came back here for my list."
"What? This one," Lister questioned, holding up the list.
"Yeah, that one," Rimmer replied.
"Why've you been tryin' this out on me?" Lister asked.
"Because..." Rimmer started, he couldn't think of what to say. "Urm... I... Er... Oh why bother. Because I like you."
"Oh I like ya too mate," Lister smiled.
"Really, I always thought you hated me. Wait this isn't a joke and you're pulling leg is it?"
"Nope, I like you. Totally honest an' ev'rythin' I've always liked ya but I thought ya hated me so I di'n't say owt," Lister admitted.
"Davey."
"Yeah."
I like you a bit more than usual liking friends."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Right well just so ya know. Ditto."
"You what?"
"Ditto. Same t' you. I like ya more than usual, friendly likin'"
"Right," Rimmer thought, "It's now or never." He walked up to Lister and kissed him, just a little kiss on the check, but enough for now.
"That much more?" He asked.
"Yeah," Lister smiled, before kissing Rimmer. This time a longer kiss that they'd had before and on the lips.
"Get a room you two," Holly called off his monitor.
Rimmer broke the kiss. "Last time I looked we had one. It was called our bunk and it happens to be where we are standing. So I kindly request you smeg off." He went back to kissing Lister.
Before they knew it they'd sat on floor smiling. They'd been kissing for what seemed like forever and their legs had began to ache.
Holly popped up on the screen. "You two love birds done then?"
"What's it to you?" Rimmer asked.
"Just need to know whether to change it in your records," Holly declared.
"Change our records?" Lister questioned.
"Yeah. You have to note all crew member relationships on their records. So I need to know if your two's records will need changing," Holly explained.
"Oh right. Well I know about records I'll sort it if need be. Don't worry," Rimmer told him, "Don't mention this or anything to the others though."
"Gotcha," Holly answered before leaving the two of them alone.
"Well," Rimmer said.
"Well what?" Lister responded.
"Do I need to?"
"Need to what? Change the records?"
"Yeah. Do I need to change the records?"
"Well it depends?"
"Depends on what?"
"If you're asking."
"Asking? You mean if I ask you out?"
"Yeah."
"Oh ok. Erm... Well, erm... Will you erm.. go out with me?" Rimmer stammered. He couldn't believe he'd done it but he knew if he got the chance to do this again it'd be exactly the same.
"Yeah. I will," Lister smiled and kissed Rimmer again.
"Yay," Rimmer exclaimed, he was quite happy. He shook his head a few times.
"What's wrong?" Lister asked.
"I'm checking I'm not dreaming," Rimmer smiled. Lister hadn't seen him smile as much as he had while this had been going on.
"Rimmer," Lister said, "You might not wanna smile so much out there. They may notice."
"Oh ok," Rimmer said and stopped smiling.
They headed out to change the records to say they were together. Holly knew of this change but didn't say anything. He knew it had taken lot for them to admit this to each other and admitting it to the crew would inevitably take a lot longer.
A/N: The three steps are from a song by Mika called 'Step With Me' There's actually six steps but only the first three were ones I could use.