Warning: Slash.
Disclaimer: South Park doesn't belong to me. This is a FanFiction, hence why it's uploaded here.
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It feels like we've started over. Right from the start, before we'd even met. I see you every day, and you're hanging out with Kenny and Cartman, just like you always did before, except you're not four years old anymore, and there's no mystery to you because I already know everything. I know that your favorite colour is dark blue, and I know your birthday is October 19th. I know you refuse to eat beef, but will quite happily eat a whole bucket of KFC. I know you play the guitar when you're complacent, and I know that your voice isn't amazing but you can hold a tune, right? I love your voice.
I know really personal things about you, too. I know that you get upset incredibly easily. I can tell, because you always rub your hands together, or play with whatever is in front of you. I know that you take three tablets that you don't need every day at 4:00pm. I know you have really sensitive shoulders. I know you can use both hands (Jesus, don't I know that).
You know everything about me too, don't you? Everyone knows that you know me better than I know myself. That means you know how much you're killing me.
I walked right up to you on my first day of school. Of course, I don't remember this, but my Mom says that I just let go of her hand and ran over to introduce myself. It's like that now, except I don't have anyones hand to hold onto, and I don't think it's as easy as just walking up to you and saying hello anymore.
"Hey Kyle!" Butters yells across the cafeteria in that overly happy, sing song voice of his. He's wearing a giant grin on his stupid face. I can hardly believe that he's who I'm hanging out with now, but I appreciate him all the same. At least I've stopped eating in the car park alone, right? I smile and wave at him, and cross the room as confidently as I can, just in case Stan looks over to see whether I'm a wreck. I talk as loudly as I can and grin as much as physically possible. My shirt is on inside out, I realise.
Tweek's at the table, too. Craig must be ditching school today. He's quiet and jittery, as always. I haven't spoken to him much since... well, ever. But he looks at me and nervously asks:
"H-how are you coping?" like he knows everything that's happened between Stan and I. I nod for no reason and shakily reply that I'm fine! In fact, I'm brilliant! I couldn't care less about anything! ... Tweek looks disappointed but he holds his tongue and fusses with his shirt.
The bell rings.
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I think that maybe Kenny will talk to me. I've never really been that close with him, even though I class him as my second best friend. Since the break up, Kenny has been the only one who's bothered to make eye contact with me. So I decide to corner him.
"Hey..." I call after him as he pulls books out of his locker. He turns to look at me and I realise he's talking to Stan. He hasn't worn his hat for five weeks because it's in my bedroom, and I still sleep with it. Is that creepy?
God bless Kenny. He walks towards me without another word to Stan and I feel a wave of gratitude hit me. When he reaches me I realise that neither of us really have anything to say to each other, and that I just wanted him to be close to me so that everything felt normal again. After almost a minute of silence he gives in and says:
"What's up, dude?"
My eyes are stinging and I feel absolutely pathetic. Ridiculous. I nod, shake my head and shrug at the same time, and Kenny sighs. He moves a thin arm around my shoulders and walks me to the boys bathroom.
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"You broke up with him, though." He points out after ten minutes of me rambling.
That's the worst part. This is all my fault. No one is to blame except me and maybe a few too many hours of thinking things over. I'm insanely stupid. Nothing makes sense and I rub my eyes like a child.
"I-I know. It was retarded." I stutter. Kenny nods in agreement.
"Why don't you apologise and see what happens?"
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I don't want to apologise, though. I want to sit in my room and listen to my music. That way I can stop thinking. I don't even like this band, but you love them. I think I'm an emotional masochist.
I barely hear my Mom yelling up the stairs. I'm lost, you see. But then you open the door and find me.
"S-Stan?" I question. You look at me and for once I have no idea what you're thinking. You're a blank slate and I'm terrified that this is my fault. I open my mouth but you beat me to it.
"Can I have my hat back?" You ask as though it's just one word. Dejectedly I get out of my computer chair and pick it up off my bed. I bet you're wondering why it's there, right? I answer:
"I miss you." You look so startled but I'm glad I said it. I know it won't make anything better, fuck, I probably just made things a whole lot worse, but at least you know now, right? There's a million things I want to say in the silence that follows, but wording them is impossible and you're about to leave the room with out a goodbye.
I put my arm out to stop you. I still have nothing to say, so I repeat myself. Over and over again. I sound psychotic but it's all I can think of. I'm desperate, and talking stops me from breaking down.
"You broke it off." You say weakly. I nod too much and my neck is sore.
"What do you want from me, dude? You break up with me for no reason and then after a few weeks of ignoring me you tell me you miss me?"
I really, really just need to hold onto you right now, but I decide against it. Instead I wrap my arms around myself. I can't give you an answer. I know I'm being ridiculous. You're sympathetic and pull me towards you. I can't breath against your shoulder but I don't want to anyway.
"You've really hurt me." You say blankly. I don't need to hear that. I don't want to hear that. "I'm an idiot, because I still want you."
I kiss you without thinking and five weeks of misery just melt away.
That was the second time we broke up.
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A/N: If Stan and Kyle ever did get together, I think they'd have loads of little break ups like this. Coz they're BFFL's and BFFL's argue all the time. So yes. I'm bored of writing how they got together and stuff, I wanted to write something different :3