Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or the
wonderful world they exist in, J.K. Rowling does, I only borrow them
for my stories.
A/N: No clue where the idea for this came from, it's kind of a
sequel to And You Think Harry Has It Bad (I really need to change that
title). Anyway, it's what Josi is thinking a few days after Ruby
was killed (this won't make sense unless you read the other story).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey Josi,
What's up for you? I'm in Divination, why did I ever take this
stupid class… You're in Ancient Runes I think, I hope you're having a
better time of it than I am in Divination! Anyway, remember we were
doing conjuring in charms? Well, I used my new found knowledge to get
these for you, I hope you enjoy them. Anyway, I guess I better get to
the point before anybody here *senses* that I'm not paying attention.
I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful, and I love you.
Love,
Kit Allerdeck"
Then on the flowers it said, "Just for you, because I love you." They
had appeared on my bed sometime between break and the end of my Ancient
Runes class, it was after dinnertime now and I was still crying on my
bed. Not because of what the note said but because nobody had ever
done anything for me because they loved me, or at least they hadn't
told me about it. This kind of thing had bothered me more ever since,
well, the business with my mum, NO! I'm not going to think about
that any more, I'm was sick of waking up at night thinking about it.
Really I had been happy with my mother, or at least I think I was,
when my mother tried to kill me it had damaged my memory, only now,
that I had seen my mother killed and the whole story had come out was
I starting to remember bits of my life before I was 6 years old. Most
of all now I remembered Ted, oh God, here it came, the memories, *… *
"Jo, hey baby! Come see me…" God, I didn't want to remember this, but
I did… "How's my baby today, such an angel!…" and then he always said,
"Never do what I did…" and left. It would get worse, now, "Damm my
mum, damm her all the way the bloody hell!" I yelled out, knowing the
dormitory was empty, everyone else was at dinner. "Go on Josi, I
know its early, but my meeting is tonight and you know they don't like
you to be at the meetings go on into your room now!"… I decided it
wasn't worth fighting, although all I really wanted was to see Ted
before I had hide in my room for the evening. "SHIT! I don't want
to remember this right now; I don't want to remember this ever! Why
did that all happen to me? I wouldn't wish it on anybody, not even
Tom, But God, why me!" I thought, pacing the room violently. I knew
what would come next, I was starting to remember *THAT NIGHT* I wished
I hadn't stayed up trying to watch that meeting but I had, I was going
to remember more clearly than ever, any moment now…Ted stood up
outraged, "My lord, she is only a child, how can she be threat to you?"
God Ted, you bloody idiot, why did you have to protest, it could
have been only my life taken that night, why did you have to love me….
O.k. well, I guess someone did do something for me once before, just
because they loved me, Ted died for me. God, I still remember
…Voldemort turned on Ted enraged he lifted his wand aimed and calmly
as if listing off a grocery list said "Adarvada Kadarvera", the
killing curse. I had been secretly watching from my room and was
terrified, I couldn't understand why my Godfather was lying on the
floor all still like that…I was only 6, I didn't understand about
death yet, what 6 year old does? Then we went for our *last walk* as
I now call it, we always walked together, this would be the last time,
I didn't know that Voldemort had told my mum to kill me, I hadn't
been paying attention, I had been worried about what was wrong with
Ted. We walked into an alley and then I don't remember anything for
the next 48 hours, they say I'm lucky, or even special, like Harry
Potter, but I know somehow, that really my mum just lost her nerve and
didn't hit me with the full force of the curse, I have a scar though,
right above my ear, I have a bloody scar and no mum, nice trade! God
Damm you Voldemort! Damm you all the bloody way to "HELL!" I
screamed that last bit, and now people were coming back from dinner,
wondering where I was, ha-that's a laugh if only they knew. Ari came
up, my best friend in the world, but even she can't share this with
me, she has both her parents, I'll grant her older sister is a death
eater and tried to kill her, but she can't understand how hard this
is to keep reliving over and over again in my head the worst
experience of my life…God imagine me with a dementor, I'd be a wreck.
Here she comes now I hear her "Josi, is anything…wrong? You came up
here after runes and I haven't seen you since, are you O.K.," God no,
I'm not o.k. I'm going to tell her, straight out, that I'm not ok; in
fact I'm the worst I've ever been, "No Ari! I not bloody O.K., if you
want to know where I've been I'll tell you, I've been 10 years in the
past, reliving the worst night of my life…no, I'm not effing alright.
" I yell at her through the curtains around my bed…Stupid Allerdeck,
"Just For You…" see all the trouble he's caused with his sentimental
crap. He was there though, he saw my mum killed he heard Voldemort's
voice call out the curse to strike her down, I remember her face,
terrified, she knew she was about to die, she'd come to apologize to
me for what she'd done…lovely…another idiot gets herself killed for
my sake, thanks mum, lots of good you did me, I thought as I remembered
what she'd said to me that day in Diagon Alley…My mum grabbed my robes
and said in a frightened voice, "Josi! Oh my little girl! I can't
kill you! The Dark Lord wishes it, but your my own baby, I can't do
that! I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you! Now he's
coming to kill us both, please go to your fath...." Suddenly there was
a loud crack and the street was flooded with green light for a moment,
then my mum dropped over dead! I saw her but only as if in a dream
as she fell, her long red hair, so like my own, streaming out as she
fell, she bright green eyes, which would never twinkle with delight
again, open and terrified. What was her unfinished message? If it
was go hide with you father, she can forget it, I'm going to grow up
as a human, I'm not accepted with the centaurs any way, they don't care
that ½ of me is them. I came straight back to Hogwarts to tell my
father, Orion, the centaur, he of course being a centaur showed little
emotion, but in his eyes, deep and brown you could see the pain, pain
caused by Voldemort, it all comes back to him doesn't it, families
and lives torn apart all for the sake of one selfish pig of a man,
no he's not a man he doesn't deserve even that he's a just a bloody
little sod who ruins homes, families, and lives…the bastard. Well
I can't do much sitting up here being pissed at the world, I'll go
down to the common room and thank Kit for the flowers, God, do you
suppose he even realizes how amazing it is to be told something is
"Just for you, because I love you…" never since Ted died have I gotten
that feeling…I'll go talk to Kit, tell him everything then he'll
understand. Before I leave the room though I will say one prayer for
Ted, "Thank you, I know you're out there watching over me, and I hope
you're happy now, I'm still alive and don't intend on getting myself
killed any time soon, too many people died to keep me alive to make
it worth throwing all that away…Thank you Ted, I love you…my godfather."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n: Well, I know it's weird, but I started writing and it just
sort of took shape, oh well, yet again my finished product is
totally different from what I started to write. I hope you enjoyed it
anyway, depressing, as I know it is! Please review, all reviews are
welcomed, even flames. Also if it didn't make a lot of sense go read
my other story!
wonderful world they exist in, J.K. Rowling does, I only borrow them
for my stories.
A/N: No clue where the idea for this came from, it's kind of a
sequel to And You Think Harry Has It Bad (I really need to change that
title). Anyway, it's what Josi is thinking a few days after Ruby
was killed (this won't make sense unless you read the other story).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey Josi,
What's up for you? I'm in Divination, why did I ever take this
stupid class… You're in Ancient Runes I think, I hope you're having a
better time of it than I am in Divination! Anyway, remember we were
doing conjuring in charms? Well, I used my new found knowledge to get
these for you, I hope you enjoy them. Anyway, I guess I better get to
the point before anybody here *senses* that I'm not paying attention.
I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful, and I love you.
Love,
Kit Allerdeck"
Then on the flowers it said, "Just for you, because I love you." They
had appeared on my bed sometime between break and the end of my Ancient
Runes class, it was after dinnertime now and I was still crying on my
bed. Not because of what the note said but because nobody had ever
done anything for me because they loved me, or at least they hadn't
told me about it. This kind of thing had bothered me more ever since,
well, the business with my mum, NO! I'm not going to think about
that any more, I'm was sick of waking up at night thinking about it.
Really I had been happy with my mother, or at least I think I was,
when my mother tried to kill me it had damaged my memory, only now,
that I had seen my mother killed and the whole story had come out was
I starting to remember bits of my life before I was 6 years old. Most
of all now I remembered Ted, oh God, here it came, the memories, *… *
"Jo, hey baby! Come see me…" God, I didn't want to remember this, but
I did… "How's my baby today, such an angel!…" and then he always said,
"Never do what I did…" and left. It would get worse, now, "Damm my
mum, damm her all the way the bloody hell!" I yelled out, knowing the
dormitory was empty, everyone else was at dinner. "Go on Josi, I
know its early, but my meeting is tonight and you know they don't like
you to be at the meetings go on into your room now!"… I decided it
wasn't worth fighting, although all I really wanted was to see Ted
before I had hide in my room for the evening. "SHIT! I don't want
to remember this right now; I don't want to remember this ever! Why
did that all happen to me? I wouldn't wish it on anybody, not even
Tom, But God, why me!" I thought, pacing the room violently. I knew
what would come next, I was starting to remember *THAT NIGHT* I wished
I hadn't stayed up trying to watch that meeting but I had, I was going
to remember more clearly than ever, any moment now…Ted stood up
outraged, "My lord, she is only a child, how can she be threat to you?"
God Ted, you bloody idiot, why did you have to protest, it could
have been only my life taken that night, why did you have to love me….
O.k. well, I guess someone did do something for me once before, just
because they loved me, Ted died for me. God, I still remember
…Voldemort turned on Ted enraged he lifted his wand aimed and calmly
as if listing off a grocery list said "Adarvada Kadarvera", the
killing curse. I had been secretly watching from my room and was
terrified, I couldn't understand why my Godfather was lying on the
floor all still like that…I was only 6, I didn't understand about
death yet, what 6 year old does? Then we went for our *last walk* as
I now call it, we always walked together, this would be the last time,
I didn't know that Voldemort had told my mum to kill me, I hadn't
been paying attention, I had been worried about what was wrong with
Ted. We walked into an alley and then I don't remember anything for
the next 48 hours, they say I'm lucky, or even special, like Harry
Potter, but I know somehow, that really my mum just lost her nerve and
didn't hit me with the full force of the curse, I have a scar though,
right above my ear, I have a bloody scar and no mum, nice trade! God
Damm you Voldemort! Damm you all the bloody way to "HELL!" I
screamed that last bit, and now people were coming back from dinner,
wondering where I was, ha-that's a laugh if only they knew. Ari came
up, my best friend in the world, but even she can't share this with
me, she has both her parents, I'll grant her older sister is a death
eater and tried to kill her, but she can't understand how hard this
is to keep reliving over and over again in my head the worst
experience of my life…God imagine me with a dementor, I'd be a wreck.
Here she comes now I hear her "Josi, is anything…wrong? You came up
here after runes and I haven't seen you since, are you O.K.," God no,
I'm not o.k. I'm going to tell her, straight out, that I'm not ok; in
fact I'm the worst I've ever been, "No Ari! I not bloody O.K., if you
want to know where I've been I'll tell you, I've been 10 years in the
past, reliving the worst night of my life…no, I'm not effing alright.
" I yell at her through the curtains around my bed…Stupid Allerdeck,
"Just For You…" see all the trouble he's caused with his sentimental
crap. He was there though, he saw my mum killed he heard Voldemort's
voice call out the curse to strike her down, I remember her face,
terrified, she knew she was about to die, she'd come to apologize to
me for what she'd done…lovely…another idiot gets herself killed for
my sake, thanks mum, lots of good you did me, I thought as I remembered
what she'd said to me that day in Diagon Alley…My mum grabbed my robes
and said in a frightened voice, "Josi! Oh my little girl! I can't
kill you! The Dark Lord wishes it, but your my own baby, I can't do
that! I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you! Now he's
coming to kill us both, please go to your fath...." Suddenly there was
a loud crack and the street was flooded with green light for a moment,
then my mum dropped over dead! I saw her but only as if in a dream
as she fell, her long red hair, so like my own, streaming out as she
fell, she bright green eyes, which would never twinkle with delight
again, open and terrified. What was her unfinished message? If it
was go hide with you father, she can forget it, I'm going to grow up
as a human, I'm not accepted with the centaurs any way, they don't care
that ½ of me is them. I came straight back to Hogwarts to tell my
father, Orion, the centaur, he of course being a centaur showed little
emotion, but in his eyes, deep and brown you could see the pain, pain
caused by Voldemort, it all comes back to him doesn't it, families
and lives torn apart all for the sake of one selfish pig of a man,
no he's not a man he doesn't deserve even that he's a just a bloody
little sod who ruins homes, families, and lives…the bastard. Well
I can't do much sitting up here being pissed at the world, I'll go
down to the common room and thank Kit for the flowers, God, do you
suppose he even realizes how amazing it is to be told something is
"Just for you, because I love you…" never since Ted died have I gotten
that feeling…I'll go talk to Kit, tell him everything then he'll
understand. Before I leave the room though I will say one prayer for
Ted, "Thank you, I know you're out there watching over me, and I hope
you're happy now, I'm still alive and don't intend on getting myself
killed any time soon, too many people died to keep me alive to make
it worth throwing all that away…Thank you Ted, I love you…my godfather."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n: Well, I know it's weird, but I started writing and it just
sort of took shape, oh well, yet again my finished product is
totally different from what I started to write. I hope you enjoyed it
anyway, depressing, as I know it is! Please review, all reviews are
welcomed, even flames. Also if it didn't make a lot of sense go read
my other story!