Note: having won the Outstanding Vocal Performance by a Female Soloist award Rachel gets to perform a song for the audience (as well Jesse for winning the male soloist award) before Regionals wraps up. Vocal Adrenaline still won and Quinn went into labor. After the award ceremony the rest of the glee club (minus Mr. Shuester and Finn) went back to the hospital.
Also this is AU from the end of the competition, while the events of the first season remain unchanged I have made Rachel a junior in this story. It will be a future-fic and I need the timeline to fit my storyline.
Although the first chapter may seem like a song fic, it's not. This is meant to be a performance to set up the rest of the story. Also don't expect Finn to stick around for long, Rachel will be safely leaving him behind in Ohio.
P.S. if anyone knows a beta/is willing to be a beta for my story I'd really appreciate it! (Sorry about the formatting, the site won't let me add more breaks)
Us Remains Impossible
Rachel unfurls her hands and lets out a shaky breath as she sits down on the piano stool. She turns to the audience and quickly scans over the faces in the front row where the Choir Directors and leads from all three teams sit. Mr. Shue smiles encouragingly at her as Finn mouths out I love you.
Rachel winches slightly, she has yet to respond to his first declaration, let alone this one – she's unprepared for either of them. Shelby and Jesse sit a few seats away from the smiling pair, and while they also have smiles plastered on their faces (for show, not for her) neither can meet her gaze directly.
Taking a deep breath she places her hands on the ivory keys and begins to play.
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Her dulcet tone voice weaves the story for the audience as the words slip from her mouth in a soft whisper. Rachel tenses and her eyes widen, her body reacting as if she truly felt raindrops pelting her shoulders. Allowing the music to permeate and consume her is the only way she knows how to sing – the only way she is willing to sing.
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...
Her fingers skip along the keys as her body gently sways. She turns her face back to the audience, the corners of her mouth lifting into a smirk as she says 'name.'
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
She captures Finn's gaze with a look of steely determination. Confessions of love or not, he'd hurt her more times than she could count. There was only so much Rachel could forgive one person for, and quite honestly Finn has finally met his quota.
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sins
She quirks her eyebrow as the last word passes her lips scathingly. Finn's face contorts from confusion to horror as realization hits him – oh yes, Rachel Berry knows your all about your tryst Finn Hudson - did he think Santana would keep quiet forever?
Rachel is the first to break the gaze as she her head back towards the piano. She blinks back against the prickling of tears. She will not cry; he's no longer worth the effort.
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...
Head thrown back with soft curls tumbling around her shoulders, the glow of the spotlight warming her body and soul. In this moment she's breathtakingly beautiful – she feels beautiful - as her voice carries the last line high up into the rafters like a prayer.
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
This, she thinks is not real love. High school crushes and indiscretions are not the stuff of epic romances.
Only under the cover of night - as she cocoons herself in a blanket and clutches a pillow to her chest - does she actually allow herself to consider that maybe some teenage romances are epic. The kinds involving handsome boys in leather jackets with tousled curls and beautiful voices…she'll never admit it out loud.
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Rachel's felt Jesse's stare through out the entire performance…it burns hotter than the spotlight overhead.
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
Her head turns again to (finally) meet Jesse's stare. This time he looks at her straight on, his green eyes a tempest of emotions - Anguish. Love. Tenderness. Hurt – her brown eyes mirror his.
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
She offers up a weak smile.
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save…
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...
She looks away as she finishes up the song. Now his eyes only convey pain and it hurts her too much to maintain the connection. Her body buckles slightly. Jesse once said only Sondheim could express his melancholia, Rachel seems to have found her own conduit of sorrowful expression.
As the applause begins she stands and takes a bow. There is no basking in the adoration of the audience this time around. She just smiles – it never quite reaches her eyes – turns on her heels and walks off the stage. Grabbing her bag from the stagehand she mutters a thank you before making her way out to the parking lot and into her father's waiting car.
"I'm done, let's go," she whispers as she buckles up and rests her head against the window. The prickling sensation is back, and this time she doesn't fight back the tears.
"Nothing left to save, there is nothing left to save," she whispers to herself.
As her father drives onto the main road she doesn't bother looking back.
...
The song is Your Ex-lover is dead by Stars (Final Fantasy Mix)