A/N: A companion piece to Without Words..if you choose to see it that way. Not as good, but still, okay? Let me know!! BTW..Thanks for all the reviews from Without Words. Been having a tough time lately and appreciate the kind words from your reviews!!!
As usual, none of the characters are or ever will be mine. Just borrowing for fun.
Speechless
She has never been speechless. It seems, she always has something to say.
//
When she was very young, maybe six or seven, she learned a valuable lesson. Wanting her mother's attention while dinner was being prepared, she proceeded to talk only to be interrupted by the moody complaints of her older brother. Opening her mouth again, it was quickly shut by her little brother spilling his juice on the floor, making him cry and her mother sigh with exasperation. Trying again, her sister this time came in, ranting and raving about her "dorky clothes." Alex became angry and pulled on her Mother's shirt. Then her mother turned around, took her by the shoulders and gave her those words of wisdom that would last her a lifetime. "Spit it out Alex. What do you want to say? What do you need? You're gonna have to learn to speak up for yourself in order to be heard amongst the chaos."
Words of wisdom indeed. Her mother may have been talking about their home, but it was a lesson Alex applied to life.
//
In the beginning, she thought it arrogance. That he didn't really say much when they weren't in the presence of a perp. She thought he thought she couldn't keep up with him.
//
One time, in high school, she caught the school slut making out with her boyfriend. They had both pulled apart very quickly and tried to explain. Alex looked at her boyfriend and the girl and simply said "I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean. Just look at you, Josh. Like father like son. Your dad's a garbage man, and it seems you, too, like to take out the trash."
Oh yes, she had learned the power she could wield with just her words.
//
After a year or two, she realized it wasn't arrogance at all. He was just better at figuring things out in his head. She knew that his stammering was due to his brain moving faster than his mouth. She got him.
//
There were times, however, when she couldn't use her words to protect herself. More recently, she had been gagged. Literally. Hanging from a rusty hook, thinking it might really be the end, she realized she had so much more to say.
When he came to see her that night, lying in the hospital, not dying, yet unable to breathe she was so happy to see him.....she still couldn't stop the sarcasm. "You look hell."
She hoped he could hear what she was really saying.
//
Of course, she didn't always get him. Why, for instance, why was she constantly translating for him with "the outside world"? For heavens sake, it wasn't as if he couldn't speak several languages. Sometimes, she wanted to smack him. She wanted to say "I'm not a mind reader, Bobby. You have to tell me how you feel." Sometimes, the fact that he wasn't good with words simply wasn't enough for her. Sometimes, she got tired of trying to find the words for him.
//
She was never without comment. Later on, after they had worked together for some time, he told her he appreciated her way with words. She looked at him skeptically for a minute, not sure whether he was truly complimenting her or what. "No, really. You know what you want, know what you need and you say it. You're a 'straight shooter'." They both got a smirk out of that one.
She responded "See Goren, you have a way with words too."
//
One time, after going out with Logan and Barek and some other detectives from the squad, she realized how quiet Bobby really was. Logan was a talker (clearly, he liked to hear himself talk) and she could see how women could find him charming.
Later that night, she thought about how she preferred Bobby's quiet to Logan's constant chatter, or, to just about anything.
//
She was aware of Bobby's sensitivity. That's why she held her sharp tongue when talking to him, about something that affected him personally. When he would share with her (a rare event) something insensitive that his mother had said after a difficult visit, or something mean his brother had said, she struggled with herself. She wanted to tell him "Bobby, goddammit, why didn't you say this...or that..." or a million other things that were at the tip of her tongue.
They treated him like crap, and he never said a word.
//
Then there was the time she didn't hold her tongue. Oh no. She let him have it. She shot him with her words, and, oh, how happy she was when she saw his discomfort. "A Direct Hit" she thought afterwards. And he deserved it. She didn't even care that her voice was cracking as she continued the assault.
It seemed no one was immune from her weaponry.
//
Watching him now through that window, it was all too much. Gage, explaining himself, his plan, his madness becoming more and more apparent with each word. Watching Bobby shifting around in such pain she thought she would just about die herself.
After Gage was taken away, she walked over to Bobby. Something happened then, that had never happened before. Her mind was blank. Say something to him, anything. But nothing came out. She placed her hand over his for a second and turned to leave. But at the last second, he grasped her hand tightly.
"You're all I have left" he said so softly, she could barely hear him over the sound of heart breaking.
She turned back towards him and knelt down next to him. For the first time in her life....
She was speechless.
-fin-