I don't know when I made this, but I recently decided to post it on the site. It'll be a one-shot for now, but I may or may not add more chapters later.
I don't own Inuyasha. However, I do own Ronin, Shigekazu, and Hiroshi.
xXx
Inu-Puppy, I have a story to tell you. It happened before our father met that...--cough-- wh --cough-- ore..ange...mother of yours. She was wearing orange. In fact, all she wore was orange. I called her the orange doorhinge, fo shizzle...
Anyway... This happened during the winter. Father was very upset because his winter's supply of honey and chocolate milk had gotten frozen. And my mother was constantly killing game so she could skin them for their hides. She did this so often in the winter, she perfected the technique where she could do the entire process in less than seven seconds. That is why you never see my tail in the winter. Her ghost haunts me and will shave it if it is visible to mortal eyes...
Now, father was trying everything to thaw the honey and choco milk. Not even the fiercest of fires could return it to its liquid state. He was on the verge of breaking down at this time. Everyone was convinced he had gone insane. I had to resort to hiding behind potted plants, and inside pies. I had to get the honey and milk unfrozen, but mother was on her fur-finding rampage. The other lords had gone on vacation to escalator world, and the princesses had been stuffed into rabbit holes by the princes. The eastern, southern, and northern princes were my only hope. The Ladies had joined a 1,000 year sewing circle, but my mother preferred fur. The princes, Ronin from the East; Shigekazu from the South; and Hiroshi from the North. With their mothers sewing, they agreed to aid me.
Ronin was a cat demon, Shigekazu was a water demon, and Hiroshi a thunder dragon demon. Ronin suggested we burned fossil fuels and coal, invented oil refineries, causing the temperature to increase because of global warming. Shigekazu implied that we should take a long nap, and wait until spring when the milk and honey would thaw. And finally, Hiroshi believed it best to steal my mother's fur skins and wrap them around the milk and honey. Ronin's plan would take too long, Shigekazu's was tempting to do, but Hiroshi's was genius.
First, we sent an invitation to my mother to a fur department store. It did not exist, but I wrote down that anyone who showed up with no fur skins, would get enough skins to cover them even in transformed state. In truth, it was a map to Burger King. Mother would naturally see the King, and assume he stole all of the fur, the engage battle with him using fresh fish. The battle would last long enough to get the honey and chocolate milk to their original state. Just as planned, mother left with none of her furs. At first, we wrapped ourselves in them and took a long nap, as Shigekazu suggested.
But I reminded them of the reason we were here. Father had been staring at his honey and milk for hours straight, hoping he would acquire lazer vision. That was not enough. After transporting all 127,845,233,546,232,656,765,450,354,001 of the furs, we wrapped them around the milk and honey. When they thawed, the honey had stuck to the fur, and the milk was sour. Father was enraged, and sent us to the room with a moose for 501.5 years. And to this day, my mother still battles the Burger King. For all I know, she is no longer alive.
I hope you have learned something from this story. For, the fish will never drive if he decides to jump rope while eating tacos and IM'ing the prime minister of Russia.
Sincerely,
Your Great and Powerful Brother Sesshomaru
P.S. The moose still haunts me.