This is my first Yami no Matsuei fanfic. I don't own the characters, except for the ones in America's JuOhCho. It's strictly a Hisoka POV and it's based mainly on the Anime.
Nothing Else Matters
Prologue
I can't see.
I can't move.
I think I'm lying on my back. I keep trying to move my limbs but nothing happens. Why can't I move?
I can't breathe either. I try to gulp in some breaths but it seems futile. Wherever I am, there seems to be no air.
I'm vulnerable. I'm alone.
A haunting face flooded my vision, scaring me. Not just because I wasn't expecting it. But because of the keeper of that evil face.
Muraki.
"I'm going far away," he told me, his sinister face twisting with a mocking grin. "You won't find me, bouya."
Going far away? I won't find him? Like hell I won't!!
"And the best part is, I can go about my business as I do so please. I can't see Tsuzuki-san for a long time, but I'll still be around."
I feel rage flood through me. I try to move again, desperate to seek my hands around that neck...
But I can't move. I'm helpless; completely at his will.
His full body floods my vision now. He brushes aside a few strands of hair before smiling at me scornfully.
"Ja ne, bouya." He makes a slow turn and walked away. And as quickly as he appeared he was gone.
I try to move again, but I can't. He was getting away!! He was so close and I let him walk away!!
No, I can't let him go. He said he was going away, where we couldn't find him. What the hell was he talking about?! I just want to stop him!!
I just want to wake up.
---
My eyes slowly slid open. I felt a slight sting in both of them that puzzled me. When I felt wetness glide down my face I realized I was crying. I scrubbed at my face, angry with myself for having such a dream.
Then again, I can never escape Muraki or that night. I can't escape the nightmares of him raping me.
I can't escape from seeing what he did to Tsuzuki.
I shivered, hugging myself. Not that my room was cold or anything. Whenever I see Muraki, dream or real, he always leaves this cold chill with me. He makes me feel helpless and vulnerable.
I hate him so much.
I slowly stand up out of bed. Out of all the nightmares I've had, this one freaked me out the most. I do want to dream of Muraki going away to dispel those nightmares I keep having. But not in the have portrayed in the dream. The way I want him to go away is by dying; not by walking away to spread his terror elsewhere.
I eyed the phone on my stand. I could call him and talk to him about this. Him, of course meaning Tsuzuki. I consider this thought and I reached for my phone.
My self-doubt reared its ugly head.
What the hell are you doing?! it spoke to me in that whiny voice. Why are you going to give him more traumas than he deserves?!
My hand stops.
He's almost completely recovered from that damn Kyoto incident and you're going to drop THIS on his shoulders?!
"It's just a dream," I murmured unconsciously.
Well DUH!!!! But you know how Tsuzuki takes to things!! He's so stupid he'll think it's a sign or something!! You've seen what's happened to him!! Are you going to spoil all that emotional dedication that everyone, mainly you, had put into making him well?!
I closed my eyes. I really did want to call Tsuzuki.
And have you look at the clock?! that voice goes on. It's quarter to two!! He either won't answer the phone or when he does he'll be too tired to give two-shits!!
I felt angry now. Tsuzuki wasn't that shallow. If I needed help he wouldn't ignore me so he could get some sleep.
Then again, he did go through a lot. He has enough grief of his own to worry about. He doesn't need mine.
That voice finally shut up as I headed back to bed. At that moment I really hated myself.
---
I rubbed at my eyes as I entered the office that morning. Everyone was going about his or her own business. I go right for the coffee despite not being a coffee drinker. I didn't get anymore sleep after that nightmare and I felt like shit. I needed energy for when we got a case.
I started gulping it down and nearly retched it back up. It tasted horrible!!
"Maybe you should try adding sugar next time," said a voice behind me matter-of-factly.
I turned around. Tatsumi stood there with a file tucked underneath his arm and a cup of coffee in his hand. As busy as ever.
He looked me over and his expression became serious. "I think you should step into my office."
I shrugged and looked around the room. Thankfully Yuma and Saya had an assignment and couldn't bother with those ridiculous dresses and hair ribbons.
I didn't see Tsuzuki though.
Tatsumi answered my unspoken question. "Tsuzuki-san is seeing Kachou at the moment."
I nodded, my throat feeling dry. Even though I didn't do it last night I really did want to talk to Tsuzuki about my dream.
"Let's go to my office," said Tatsumi, sort of reminding me that he wanted to talk to me privately. So I followed him, not really worried about what he had to say. He couldn't fire me over looking like shit; I was on time today.
He sat down behind his desk. "You look like hell, Kurosaki-kun. If you don't mind my saying so."
I shook my head. "I didn't get enough sleep. Only about two hours."
Tatsumi raised an eyebrow. "Any reason why you couldn't get an efficient amount of sleep?"
I felt a headache coming on. I had been planning on telling Tatsumi about my nightmare but after I told Tsuzuki. But I could tell by the expression on his face that he won't let me go with an 'I'm fine.'
So I told him. It hadn't been a long nightmare so I kept it brief. He listened attentively, his expression never faltering. After I finished I hoped he would give me some advice about this.
Instead he flat-out asked me, "Why didn't you contact Tsuzuki-san when this happened?"
"He already has enough grief without me adding on to it," I said, hating myself for echoing the words my self-doubt told me.
Tatsumi shook his head. "Even with all the grief, Tsuzuki-san would try anything to help you out."
"How did you know I didn't contact him?"
"The fact that you got no sleep after having the nightmare. I'm sure if you had talked to Tsuzuki-san you'd be more alert."
I nodded, cursing myself for even doubting Tsuzuki's support.
"You may go," said Tatsumi, starting to flip through his file. "As far as I know you don't have an assignment. Speak to Kachou about letting you go home for the day. Tell him I recommended it."
"Arigato," I murmured. I started towards the door.
"And Kurosaki-kun?" said Tatsumi without looking up.
I turned back around. "Yes?"
"Heed my advice. And it's not just so you can get more sleep. Tsuzuki-san is an excellent listener. He's not very open as you know, but he is willing to listen to other people's problems."
I nodded to him before leaving. He didn't need to tell me it. I already knew it.
---
I talked to Kachou, even though I really didn't want to go home. I wanted to talk to Tsuzuki. I didn't really know why I wanted to talk to him so badly. Maybe because I hadn't seen him all day?
Kachou gave me the 'okay' to go home, much to my disappointment. Then again, even though I was sent home didn't mean I had to go right away.
Luckily for me Tsuzuki is waiting for me outside Kachou's office. I think Tatsumi told him to wait for me.
"Ohayo, Hisoka!!" he greeted with his usual cheerfulness. He always acted cheerful, though most of the time it was faked. Even as an empath I can't really tell the difference.
"Ohayo," I responded. It was then I noticed I just didn't look like shit; I sounded like shit.
Tsuzuki drew a worried expression. "Tatsumi told me he sent you home because you looked terrible. Not to be mean but you do."
"I only got two hours of sleep," I told him, starting to walk down the hallway.
Tsuzuki followed me. "Why?"
I stopped. Tsuzuki was always this nosy but I could tell he was worried about me. "I had a nightmare."
Tsuzuki stopped. "Was it about Muraki?"
I slowly nodded.
He reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I feel his worried concern flood into me but it doesn't hurt like his guilt or anger did in the past. "You could've called me."
Why was everyone telling me something I already knew?! "Sorry."
Tsuzuki sighed. "I talked to Kachou, but it wasn't for an assignment. He told us to steer clear of cases similar to Muraki's style for a while. He also told me to take you home. You can tell me about your nightmare when we get there."
I nodded. I felt guilty that I hadn't contacted him. But since he was completely awake I'm sure now that he can deal with it better.
I started walking again and he followed me. It was always a comfort being in his presence. Then again, he was the first person to ever understand me. I ever TRY to understand me. He was my first real friend. He helped me to care, even when I didn't want to.
I continued to walk with him. My thoughts are drifting off and though tired I feel relaxed...
"I'm going far away."
I gasped and clutched my head. The nightmare was replaying itself in my head.
"You won't find me, bouya."
I hear Tsuzuki asking if I'm all right, but it sounds so far away...
"And the best part is, I can go about my business as I do so please."
I think I'm falling. My legs aren't steadying me...
"I can't see Tsuzuki-san for a long time, but I'll still be around."
Tsuzuki. He caught me before I feel to the floor.
"Ja ne, bouya."
Finally, the nightmare fades. I'm sitting in the hallway.
"Daijobu?!" asked Tsuzuki, helping me steady.
I tried to nod but I couldn't. That wasn't normal. My nightmares had never done that to me before. At least, visions created by my own mind hadn't done that to me before. Which of course means one thing.
I didn't create the nightmare. Muraki did. This means he plotting something. And we're not included in the equation.
Nothing Else Matters
Prologue
I can't see.
I can't move.
I think I'm lying on my back. I keep trying to move my limbs but nothing happens. Why can't I move?
I can't breathe either. I try to gulp in some breaths but it seems futile. Wherever I am, there seems to be no air.
I'm vulnerable. I'm alone.
A haunting face flooded my vision, scaring me. Not just because I wasn't expecting it. But because of the keeper of that evil face.
Muraki.
"I'm going far away," he told me, his sinister face twisting with a mocking grin. "You won't find me, bouya."
Going far away? I won't find him? Like hell I won't!!
"And the best part is, I can go about my business as I do so please. I can't see Tsuzuki-san for a long time, but I'll still be around."
I feel rage flood through me. I try to move again, desperate to seek my hands around that neck...
But I can't move. I'm helpless; completely at his will.
His full body floods my vision now. He brushes aside a few strands of hair before smiling at me scornfully.
"Ja ne, bouya." He makes a slow turn and walked away. And as quickly as he appeared he was gone.
I try to move again, but I can't. He was getting away!! He was so close and I let him walk away!!
No, I can't let him go. He said he was going away, where we couldn't find him. What the hell was he talking about?! I just want to stop him!!
I just want to wake up.
---
My eyes slowly slid open. I felt a slight sting in both of them that puzzled me. When I felt wetness glide down my face I realized I was crying. I scrubbed at my face, angry with myself for having such a dream.
Then again, I can never escape Muraki or that night. I can't escape the nightmares of him raping me.
I can't escape from seeing what he did to Tsuzuki.
I shivered, hugging myself. Not that my room was cold or anything. Whenever I see Muraki, dream or real, he always leaves this cold chill with me. He makes me feel helpless and vulnerable.
I hate him so much.
I slowly stand up out of bed. Out of all the nightmares I've had, this one freaked me out the most. I do want to dream of Muraki going away to dispel those nightmares I keep having. But not in the have portrayed in the dream. The way I want him to go away is by dying; not by walking away to spread his terror elsewhere.
I eyed the phone on my stand. I could call him and talk to him about this. Him, of course meaning Tsuzuki. I consider this thought and I reached for my phone.
My self-doubt reared its ugly head.
What the hell are you doing?! it spoke to me in that whiny voice. Why are you going to give him more traumas than he deserves?!
My hand stops.
He's almost completely recovered from that damn Kyoto incident and you're going to drop THIS on his shoulders?!
"It's just a dream," I murmured unconsciously.
Well DUH!!!! But you know how Tsuzuki takes to things!! He's so stupid he'll think it's a sign or something!! You've seen what's happened to him!! Are you going to spoil all that emotional dedication that everyone, mainly you, had put into making him well?!
I closed my eyes. I really did want to call Tsuzuki.
And have you look at the clock?! that voice goes on. It's quarter to two!! He either won't answer the phone or when he does he'll be too tired to give two-shits!!
I felt angry now. Tsuzuki wasn't that shallow. If I needed help he wouldn't ignore me so he could get some sleep.
Then again, he did go through a lot. He has enough grief of his own to worry about. He doesn't need mine.
That voice finally shut up as I headed back to bed. At that moment I really hated myself.
---
I rubbed at my eyes as I entered the office that morning. Everyone was going about his or her own business. I go right for the coffee despite not being a coffee drinker. I didn't get anymore sleep after that nightmare and I felt like shit. I needed energy for when we got a case.
I started gulping it down and nearly retched it back up. It tasted horrible!!
"Maybe you should try adding sugar next time," said a voice behind me matter-of-factly.
I turned around. Tatsumi stood there with a file tucked underneath his arm and a cup of coffee in his hand. As busy as ever.
He looked me over and his expression became serious. "I think you should step into my office."
I shrugged and looked around the room. Thankfully Yuma and Saya had an assignment and couldn't bother with those ridiculous dresses and hair ribbons.
I didn't see Tsuzuki though.
Tatsumi answered my unspoken question. "Tsuzuki-san is seeing Kachou at the moment."
I nodded, my throat feeling dry. Even though I didn't do it last night I really did want to talk to Tsuzuki about my dream.
"Let's go to my office," said Tatsumi, sort of reminding me that he wanted to talk to me privately. So I followed him, not really worried about what he had to say. He couldn't fire me over looking like shit; I was on time today.
He sat down behind his desk. "You look like hell, Kurosaki-kun. If you don't mind my saying so."
I shook my head. "I didn't get enough sleep. Only about two hours."
Tatsumi raised an eyebrow. "Any reason why you couldn't get an efficient amount of sleep?"
I felt a headache coming on. I had been planning on telling Tatsumi about my nightmare but after I told Tsuzuki. But I could tell by the expression on his face that he won't let me go with an 'I'm fine.'
So I told him. It hadn't been a long nightmare so I kept it brief. He listened attentively, his expression never faltering. After I finished I hoped he would give me some advice about this.
Instead he flat-out asked me, "Why didn't you contact Tsuzuki-san when this happened?"
"He already has enough grief without me adding on to it," I said, hating myself for echoing the words my self-doubt told me.
Tatsumi shook his head. "Even with all the grief, Tsuzuki-san would try anything to help you out."
"How did you know I didn't contact him?"
"The fact that you got no sleep after having the nightmare. I'm sure if you had talked to Tsuzuki-san you'd be more alert."
I nodded, cursing myself for even doubting Tsuzuki's support.
"You may go," said Tatsumi, starting to flip through his file. "As far as I know you don't have an assignment. Speak to Kachou about letting you go home for the day. Tell him I recommended it."
"Arigato," I murmured. I started towards the door.
"And Kurosaki-kun?" said Tatsumi without looking up.
I turned back around. "Yes?"
"Heed my advice. And it's not just so you can get more sleep. Tsuzuki-san is an excellent listener. He's not very open as you know, but he is willing to listen to other people's problems."
I nodded to him before leaving. He didn't need to tell me it. I already knew it.
---
I talked to Kachou, even though I really didn't want to go home. I wanted to talk to Tsuzuki. I didn't really know why I wanted to talk to him so badly. Maybe because I hadn't seen him all day?
Kachou gave me the 'okay' to go home, much to my disappointment. Then again, even though I was sent home didn't mean I had to go right away.
Luckily for me Tsuzuki is waiting for me outside Kachou's office. I think Tatsumi told him to wait for me.
"Ohayo, Hisoka!!" he greeted with his usual cheerfulness. He always acted cheerful, though most of the time it was faked. Even as an empath I can't really tell the difference.
"Ohayo," I responded. It was then I noticed I just didn't look like shit; I sounded like shit.
Tsuzuki drew a worried expression. "Tatsumi told me he sent you home because you looked terrible. Not to be mean but you do."
"I only got two hours of sleep," I told him, starting to walk down the hallway.
Tsuzuki followed me. "Why?"
I stopped. Tsuzuki was always this nosy but I could tell he was worried about me. "I had a nightmare."
Tsuzuki stopped. "Was it about Muraki?"
I slowly nodded.
He reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I feel his worried concern flood into me but it doesn't hurt like his guilt or anger did in the past. "You could've called me."
Why was everyone telling me something I already knew?! "Sorry."
Tsuzuki sighed. "I talked to Kachou, but it wasn't for an assignment. He told us to steer clear of cases similar to Muraki's style for a while. He also told me to take you home. You can tell me about your nightmare when we get there."
I nodded. I felt guilty that I hadn't contacted him. But since he was completely awake I'm sure now that he can deal with it better.
I started walking again and he followed me. It was always a comfort being in his presence. Then again, he was the first person to ever understand me. I ever TRY to understand me. He was my first real friend. He helped me to care, even when I didn't want to.
I continued to walk with him. My thoughts are drifting off and though tired I feel relaxed...
"I'm going far away."
I gasped and clutched my head. The nightmare was replaying itself in my head.
"You won't find me, bouya."
I hear Tsuzuki asking if I'm all right, but it sounds so far away...
"And the best part is, I can go about my business as I do so please."
I think I'm falling. My legs aren't steadying me...
"I can't see Tsuzuki-san for a long time, but I'll still be around."
Tsuzuki. He caught me before I feel to the floor.
"Ja ne, bouya."
Finally, the nightmare fades. I'm sitting in the hallway.
"Daijobu?!" asked Tsuzuki, helping me steady.
I tried to nod but I couldn't. That wasn't normal. My nightmares had never done that to me before. At least, visions created by my own mind hadn't done that to me before. Which of course means one thing.
I didn't create the nightmare. Muraki did. This means he plotting something. And we're not included in the equation.