The Wind
- Let's be friends.
You had never talked to me before. You had just been watching me from a distance. I didn't know you, and you didn't know me. Why would you want to be my friend? There are many others that like you, you're popular. And yet, you said those words to me with a big smile.
I didn't know what would happen then. I just knew that I wanted to be your friend.
If I would have known, what was going to happen. Would I have made something different? I never regret meeting you, but only if I knew then what I know now. I would have held you back, I would have chained you down. So that you wouldn't have to suffer, so that everything would have been fine. Why did this have to happen to you? You had never done anyone any harm, so why you? You never deserved what happened to you.
I can still remember your voice, your touch, the smell of your hair and your piercing eyes that were always watching me.
- Why are you crying?
- It's just the wind, it makes my eyes tear up.
- Then I'll shield you.
You stepped in front of me, raising your arms as if you wanted to embrace me. I remember as if it just happened, the smell of your hair, the dark green sweater which you fancied so much and your eyes, those beautiful eyes. You were smiling.
That was the last time I saw your smile.
Whenever the rain is falling I think of you, whenever the wind is blowing I think of you, whenever the snow falls I think of you. Everything makes me think of you.
Why do I think of you at these times?
When the wind was blowing you were always there to shield me from it so that I wouldn't have to cry.
When the rain was falling you'd always come over to me with that stupid red umbrella so that I wouldn't have to get soaked.
When the first snow of the year would fall, we would always run to the big cherry tree where we would kiss. Because if you kiss the one you love during the first snow their love would last forever.
So, why didn't it then? I know we were only fifteen, but I loved you so much. I still do. But you left me, because of what happened. I don't blame you, I was there, I could have stopped it, but I didn't. Why? Because I was scared, I ran to get help instead of dragging you out of there with me, I just looked at you, then turned around and ran away while I could hear you, screaming my name. I wish I could turn back time and change it, I wish I would have protected you, to have dragged you away from that place. I was weak and a coward.
I don't deserve you, but that doesn't mean I can stop loving you.
Because I do. Love you, that is. Even after fourteen years I still miss you everyday and wish that everything would have been different. After what happened I heard that your family moved away somewhere. I didn't get to see you again, until now. We ran into each other, here in London.
Just like that.
I could see your eyes tear up, and just when I was going to say something you took of into the crowd and you were gone, again.
Just like that.
I searched for hours, but I couldn't find you anywhere. I decided to look for you, your phone number, address, anything so that I could see you again and just apologize for, everything.
I found your address, you had changed your last name. I went there on a tuesday afternoon. I must have stood outside your apartment for at least an hour before deciding to knock. No answer. I tried knocking for a while, but there was still no answer. I decided to try again tomorrow, you could be out or something.
The day after I went early, around 9am. But this time there were a lot of cars outside the apartment complex. People in uniforms as well as civilians were gathered outside. I wondered why, I couldn't think of the impossible. I was too ignorant to draw any conclusion until I saw the black body bag that was now coming out through the doors. As I looked at it I couldn't breathe anymore, everything just went black.
I didn't want to wake up, I wanted to keep dreaming. It was so nice here, you were smiling at me, waving me to come with you. I tried but, it seemed as if I was stuck. I couldn't move. So instead you came closer, still smiling. It was snowing here. You embraced me, I could feel your warmth radiating from your body. You were alive, not dead. I was so happy, I held your face in between my hands, I started to lean in. We kissed, as we had done so many times before during the first snow. You let go of me first, taking a step back. I didn't want to let you go, but then I saw your smile as you raced your arms, as if to embrace me. Your brown eyes were looking into mine. Happy, you seemed happy.
Standing there, I could see that the wind was now blowing, but i couldn't feel it, since you were shielding me, protecting me so that I wouldn't have to cry. - Isa Sophie Ring