A/N: This turned out a lot longer than I intended. I don't usually post oneshots this long, but I didn't want to chop it up due to the ficathon...so you get to read it all at once. Crazy busy day for me on Monday, so I'm posting a little earlier than planned. 3 days!
"I don't get it," Charlie said, nodding towards the living room. "You'd think Mike would be happy now that Sid is gone. His career is saved. He's alive. I just don't get it."
The coffee table was littered with beer bottles and Paige knew without asking that most of those were Mike's and they were probably all from tonight. "Right." Paige nervously fidgeted, twisting her rings as she watched Mike waste away the night drinking. Her face flushed with guilt, because she knew she was the cause of Mike's drinking.
"What do you remember?" Jakes carefully asked, leaning forward.
Paige held her breath as Mike turned to look at her, this was the first time he'd acknowledged her since coming home from the hospital the day before.
"Paige came to see me in the warehouse and I rested for a while after she gave me my ID. I must've dozed off for a while, but I finally got myself to the hospital."
"Then what?" Charlie asked, moving to sit next to Mike, reassuringly placing her hand on his shoulder.
Paige blinked back tears, bracing herself for the inevitable fallout once it was revealed that she was the one that sent Sid after Mike. At the time, she knew why she did it. She was angry and hurt. Heartbroken that he failed her. Devastated that he lied. Betrayed that he sacrificed Lina for his career, but as soon as her rage passed, she realized how wrong she had been. It wasn't her place to play judge, jury and executioner. What right did she have to decide if Mike lived or died? What the hell was wrong with her?
"I remember going in for surgery and everything after that is a blur until Briggs was in my hospital room."
"Thank God, you got there when you did," Charlie said, reaching across the table to squeeze Briggs' hand.
The way that Mike held her gaze let her know he was lying.
Her betrayal wounded him deeply, but for some reason he was keeping quiet about what she did. It didn't really make any sense. And that was killing both of them.
Paige wasn't sure if Mike was protecting or punishing her, probably a little of both. They both dealt with it differently. She distanced herself from the house, not sure if she deserved to be there, so she buried herself in her work as if she was trying to validate staying in the house. Although, she was avoiding cases that involved going under deep cover, the cases she took were extremely risky and dangerous. Mike was doing the exact opposite, he distanced himself from his work, doing the bare minimum he needed to get by and spent more time staring down the bottom of a bottle than looking looking for his next big win.
Mike was throwing his career away because of her. He had his pick of any job he wanted in DC after taking down the Solanos and a ring of crooked cops. Instead he was here at Graceland, becoming someone she recognized even less than when she thought he was responsible for the massacre at the Solano compound.
"You're avoiding me," Mike said, slipping into her bedroom.
Paige kept silent, because it was true. She was avoiding him. She didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to fix things. Didn't know if things could be fixed. Mike remembered, she knew he remembered. From the way he looked at her, she knew that Sid told him she was the one that gave him up. But for some reason, he wasn't sharing that piece of information with anyone else. "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough," Paige whispered, trying to keep from crying. "Because I am. I'm so sorry, Mike. What I did - you know what I did."
"I want to hear you say it. Because part of me, what he said, I thought he was messing with me. But then I remembered what I said. Jesus, Paige. I was so out of it, but then I remembered what I said and then I knew."
As much as she wanted to deny it, she couldn't. After everything she did, Mike deserved the truth. Lifting her head to meet his gaze, she tearfully confessed, "I gave Sid your name. I wish I could say I didn't know what I was doing, but I did. I thought..." her voice trailed off and she shook her head, "It doesn't matter what I thought. Nothing excuses what I did."
Both of them made mistakes. But what she did was unforgivable and he was the one paying for both of their mistakes. Even after what she did, he was protecting her. Because if the rest of the house knew what she did, they'd never forgive her. At the very least she'd be kicked out of the house, if not turned in.
"What's going on with you two? I thought with Mike almost dying, everything with you two would work itself out," Charlie said.
"It's complicated."
He lied and she sent someone to kill him. That was the simple part. The complicated part was that he was keeping quiet about it.
"Make it uncomplicated because if this goes on much longer, Mike isn't just going to trash his career and dreams of the Director's chair. He's going to destroy his liver and maybe his life. Briggs is this close to talking to Clarke about him if something doesn't change."
"I'll talk to him," Paige said. It was the least she could do, seeing how she was the cause of all this.
"Make it soon, because he's in serious trouble."
Paige sighed heavily. It was now or never. She took a few seconds to gather herself before walking over to him, trying to figure out what she could possibly say to Mike. How much of a hypocrite was she to tell him she was worried about him when she sent someone to kill him? Mike looked at her warily as she approached him and took a long drink from the beer in his hand. She noted that there was a six pack near his feet, with two unopened bottles. At least that meant he hadn't moved onto drinking something stronger. Making space for herself on the coffee table, she sat across from him.
His eyes filled with confusion as he watched her. Both of them were well aware that this was one of the few times she had readily approached him since he came home from the hospital. They had been avoiding each other, but obviously for different reasons.
It didn't used to be so out of the ordinary for them to want to be near each other. Even when they were just friends, they naturally gravitated towards each other. Nowadays, the only time they were near each other was when they had to be. If they just happened to be working together. If one of them was the last person to sit down at the table, their roommates knew things were tense between them but were still following the unspoken rule of them sitting next to each other.
Mike watched her carefully as he waited for her to say whatever it was she had to say. But she wasn't sure where to start, so they stared at each other for a few minutes, sitting in a very uncomfortable silence.
Everything used to be so easy for them. Talking. Working together. Challenging each other. Now it was a miracle if they could say more than two words to each other without fighting. She both loved and hated him for keeping her secret. He made it so she didn't have to deal with everyone second guessing her and being the house pariah, but every day she kept silent, her integrity slipped away and she lost a little more of herself. All those times she spouted off about Graceland being sacred and needing to trust who you were in the field seemed like a distant memory.
"You want a beer?" Mike asked, his words slightly slurred as he motioned to the six pack on the floor.
"No," Paige quietly said, resisting the urge to tell him that the last thing he should be doing was drinking. Mike was stubborn and telling him he shouldn't drink would probably make him reach for a bottle of tequila.
"Then what? I know you don't actually want to talk to me. You never want to talk to me," Mike said, his voice filled with hurt.
"You're scaring me." If she was going to get through to Mike, she needed to be honest with him.
"Isn't this what you wanted?" Mike asked, taking another drink of his beer.
"I never wanted this." Mike had given up pretending to be fine and was starting to spiral and he didn't care if anyone knew it. She didn't want Mike distant and coping with alcohol. She wanted him to be angry with her. She wanted him to fight with her. Yell at her. Tell her she was wrong. Turn her in. Expose her for a fraud to their roommates. Having him protect her made her feel even worse.
"You wanted me dead," Mike reminded her. "That can still happen. If I'm self-destructive, you won't have to deal with me."
"This isn't what I want! I did everything wrong, okay? Hate me forever if you have to, you have every right, but if protecting me costs you everything, then don't."
"I'm not - "
"Dammit Mike, don't lie to me! After everything we've been through, don't lie to me." Somewhere along the way, lying became their new normal. She was sick of having to pretend one thing when she felt another. Sick of sifting through his lies for the truth. "What you're doing for me, I don't deserve it. I should have to pay for what I did to you," Paige cried. "Why are you keeping it a secret?"
Mike stubbornly kept silent as he finished his beer. She wanted to grab it out of his hand and force him to talk to her, but if she pushed him too hard, he'd shut down on her and they'd be back at square one. At least they were talking. Somewhat.
"It doesn't matter."
"You almost died because of me. That matters." If Mike thought his life didn't matter, he was in worse trouble than she thought.
"Even if I did turn you in, nothing can be proven. You turned me over to a cop." Mike shrugged.
"We both know that isn't true."
"I lied." Mike shook his head, tears freely flowing down his face and she had to stop herself from reaching out to brush them away, unsure how he would react if she touched him.
Mike's lie devastated her on so many levels, but what he did paled in comparison to what she did. "That doesn't excuse what I did. You - "
"Nothing can be proven. I lied. I hurt you," Mike whispered. "You have to believe me, that's the last thing I ever wanted to do. You don't deserve to suffer more than you already are. I burned her body, Paige. Fuck, Paige, I covered up a murder and I lied to you about it. I should've told you, I did everything wrong. I failed. I failed your girls. I failed you."
He sounded broken. Defeated. A far cry from the rock star that showed up earlier this year, hellbent on shutting down a cartel over a weekend trip out to California before continuing to climb his way up the ranks of the FBI. "You didn't fail me."
She could admit that now. Unreasonable didn't even begin to describe how she had treated him after he brought her home from Sylmar. She had been so focused on her girls that she couldn't see the big picture. Couldn't see that Mike was doing what he thought he had to do to shut it down for good. As driven as Mike was, he wasn't just focused on his career. Sure, that was part of his motivation, but he wasn't like Jessica. When Jessica came out here and reassigned resources, her goal was to get a win. Her girls hadn't even been on her radar. Without a definite location, they didn't rank high enough on her priority scale to warrant a team.
"Yes, I did, because otherwise..." Mike's voice trailed off for a few seconds before reaching for another beer. He struggled with the cap for a few seconds before getting it off and taking a drink. Mike waved his beer bottle at her. "What you said to me about forgiving me, you lied. I knew you were lying, but I wanted to believe you so badly."
"You know, I forgive you for everything that happened and for everything between us. I forgive you, so, if you're going in there for me, don't." She wanted to forgive him, but couldn't. Mostly because she was stubborn and didn't want to admit she was wrong. But she was legitimately concerned about him. While she had her doubts about his priorities about the case, she didn't doubt he was dedicated to ending this. He was living and breathing this case. One wrong move and his life would be in danger. What she and Briggs were about to do, put his life in more danger unless she got him out of there.
She could see him over thinking her words, doubting her sincerity, and she didn't blame him. She had treated him horribly the past few weeks. He was right to doubt her, because she was lying. But she needed him out of there and this was the only way to get him out.
"My own bed. Some real rest, huh? You're right. Okay."
"I won't apologize for getting you out of there." It had been wrong of her to lie, but she wanted her girls out of there and knew Mike couldn't be there when it happened. Because the moment he found out, he went back in there to save Sulla. He ran into that hellhole unarmed to save a monster and nearly got himself killed in the process.
"What's wrong with me?" Mike asked. "I was so in love with you. I still love you." Mike bitterly laughed shaking his head, before softening his tone. "I thought - I thought you loved me too. Do you really think I'm a monster? Is that why you couldn't love me?"
Her heart broke when she heard the desperation and insecurity in his voice and saw the sadness in his eyes. Taking a risk, she moved off the coffee table to sit next to him. "Nothing's wrong with you." Paige took a deep breath and hesitated before continuing, not sure she wanted to share this with Mike, but it was the least she owed him. "I'm the messed up one. Every guy I've ever loved, let me down and broke my heart. I'm the one that's messed up, not you. Because you..." Paige touched his chin and gave him a sad smile, "You're so open and upfront with how you feel. I've known how you felt about me since the first time you saw me and that terrifies me, because I feel the same way." That was why she never got together with him that first summer. He was way too into her and she couldn't deal. Then he left and came back. He was only supposed to be here for a few weeks at most, she figured her heart would be safe if they had a summer fling. Only, once they started sleeping together, things got serious fast, despite their best efforts to keep things casual. And as the lies built up between them, her heart was anything but safe. So she emotionally shut herself off from him, but she was too far gone by then and that had done nothing to protect her heart.
Mike suddenly pressed his lips to hers. His kiss was sloppy and aggressive. He tasted like beer and she knew this was wrong, but she couldn't stop herself from giving into temptation, even though Mike was spinning out of control. His hand circled around her waist, pulling her closer and as his fingers inched underneath her shirt, she reluctantly pulled away. It couldn't go further than this.
Even with Mike being as drunk as he was, he would never push her. Because beneath his drunken exterior lied his iron clad control and he would never take things further than she wanted them to go. Resting her forehead against his, she stroked his hair as she rested her lips over his, lightly kissing him again and again. She needed him to know his feelings weren't one-sided, that this wasn't some mistake, that despite everything they had been through she wanted him. Considering how much they had already hurt each other, being anything other than friends was probably a disaster waiting to happen, but she had tried once to pretend he meant nothing to her, she wouldn't do that again. Mike's eyes closed and he relaxed against the back of the couch and she moved with him, not wanting to break their connection for even a second, content to just be in this moment.
Charlie reached out to grab Briggs' arm, preventing him from going in the living room, when she caught sight of MIke and Paige in each other's arms. "Let's head out for Chinese food."
"I thought you wanted to order a pizza," Briggs said.
"I'm pregnant and now I want Chinese food." Her expression softened as she focused on Mike and Paige on the sofa. They were holding each other tightly and Paige was talking softly. She had gone upstairs a while ago to give them some privacy while Paige talked to Mike and was surprised they were actually working things out. She was even more surprised to see that they weren't fighting because ever since Mike had come home from the hospital that was all they ever did.
"What's going on with Romeo and Juliet?"
"Looks like they're working things out. Come on, let's give them some privacy."
Briggs watched them with interest for a few moments before motioning towards the door, "Chinese food?"
Charlie nodded, "Yes and you're buying."
Paige lightly scratched Mike's beard that was definitely a few weeks past being sexy scruff, she wondered if she could convince him to shave. It probably wouldn't take much. With the exception of the case this summer, Mike almost always gave in to her. Not that he was a pushover, but when agreeing to disagree didn't work, he was usually the one to cave. A knot formed in her stomach as she thought about how she had treated him this past summer. How could she think what she did? She knew Mike. Knew him better than she knew anyone. Even though he lied about Lina and made her think she was losing her mind because she couldn't prove anything, she knew why he did it. Not that his reasons absolved him from blame, but Mike was a good guy. He tried again and again to beg for forgiveness after she wrote him off when the only thing she needed was for him to shut it down.
But he wouldn't. Even at the expense of their relationship, he refused to give up on his case. And she hated him for it. But he didn't stop trying to fix things for her. Didn't stop him from moving in there to try to keep her girls safe, even though he was technically the one keeping them in there. He wasn't responsible for bringing them into the US and putting them on those buses.
"I need you to take this, okay, and show no one," Paige said.
"What what what is - you said you help," Lina stammered.
"I need you to take this and go to Sylmar." She was going to get her out of there. But even though she wanted to drag her out of this bus station, she needed to get the rest of those girls out of there.
"You knew," Paige whispered, pulling her hand back from his face.
She put Lina on that bus to Sylmar, not Mike. She spent weeks blaming him for Lina being in there. Because he bought her and not Lina. And he shouldered that blame. Never once shied away from it. He said he'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant getting her out of there, never mentioning that she never should've been there in the first place. Definitely not mentioning that she had the opportunity to save Lina before she got to Sylmar. But he knew. He had to have known. Mike knew every detail about that case, but he kept silent.
Mike's eyes opened and he sighed, reaching for her hand, pulling her back to him. "Knew what?" He slowly kissed her, gently coaxing her into relaxing against him. She kissed him back despite knowing he was trying to distract her.
"About Lina."
"We talked about this. I told you everything. I'm not holding anything back. You know everything I do," Mike said, his voice filled with exhaustion.
"You knew it was my fault. The reason Lina was in Sylmar, was because of me and you knew."
"Paige..." his voice trailed off and he squeezed her hand. "We don't - "
"Why didn't you say anything?" Paige asked. "All those fights we had about her and you kept silent. Why?"
Mike sighed and she could see him fighting with himself, trying to choose his words carefully because he was afraid of her flying off the handle if he said the wrong thing. "Just let it go. It happened, we can't change what happened."
Paige stubbornly shook her head, "Tell me," Paige demanded, pulling her hand away from his. She wasn't sure where they stood, but if there were more secrets between them, they couldn't move forward.
"You know why," Mike quietly said. "I didn't want you carrying that guilt. I could handle it."
"Are you saying I couldn't?" Paige cried, knowing she was probably putting words in his mouth, but she couldn't stop herself.
"You are the strongest woman I know," Mike said, his voice filled with sincerity. "Paige, you feel so deeply. Those girls weren't just a case to you. If you felt like you had failed one of them - I didn't want that for you."
Again and again he protected her from the fallout of her actions and how did she repay him? By shutting him out of her life and sending someone to kill him. And when that failed, thankfully, she spent weeks avoiding him. And he kept protecting her.
Paige squeezed her eyes shut, horrified at what she had done. What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she keep punishing him for things that weren't his fault?
Her eyes shot open when she felt Mike's hand on her face, "It's not your fault. You thought you were going to be able to get her out that same night along with all the other girls."
She shook her head, pushing him away. "Don't," Paige whispered. "Don't make excuses for me. She died because of me."
"Come on," Mike soothingly said, resting his hand on her knee. "You didn't know."
"That's not an excuse! I should've known. I should've traded spots with her then. If I had..." her voice trailed off as she pictured how differently things would've gone if she had traded spots with Lina and not Anika. It would've changed everything.
Mike gently squeezed her knee, before pulling her in his arms. She struggled against his embrace, not feeling like she deserved his comfort. After everything she did, the last thing she deserved was his comfort. But Mike was persistent, holding her tightly against him until she finally broke down in his arms. He kissed her near her ear, whispering to her that it wasn't her fault.
"I'm sorry," Paige whispered between sobs, feeling like she could apologize everyday for the rest of her life and it would never be enough. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologize," Mike murmured, rubbing her back until she stopped crying. He hadn't wanted her to carry this burden. This case affected her like no other case had, it consumed her and she had been desperate to get her girls out. He understood her focus and needing to do whatever it took, it was one of the many ways they were alike. But he knew if she realized she was responsible for Lina being in Sylmar, she would be devastated.
He loosened his hold on her, kissing away her tears. He framed her face in his hands, gently kissing her. He should be the one apologizing. He had gotten so far over his head with that case. Had too many failures to count. He did everything wrong. But what weighed on him the most was that he lied to her, over and over again. Lies of omission. White lies. Elaborate lies. Again and again he lied to her. About Jess. Lina. Everything.
Paige blamed him for not buying Lina. That was his fault. And he'd do it again if given the opportunity, because Paige had no business being in Sylmar.
He thought he could get Lina out and when Sulla killed her, he made the decision not to tell Paige. Mostly because of the case, but part of him couldn't bear the thought of telling her he failed. He started to call her, he even dialed her number, but he ended the call before it went through. He knew that she would've shut down the Op so fast, he would've lost any hope of tying Sulla to Solano. But more importantly, he knew Paige wouldn't get over Lina dying. He hadn't wanted to take the chance that she would examine every encounter she had with Lina, wondering what she could've done differently. She had been so focused on him keeping her in there that he hadn't wanted to risk her remembering her first encounter with Lina, when she put her on that bus. So he made the decision to carry that burden, even if it meant she hated him for it. He never imagined that things would turn out the way they did between them. Never even considered that Paige would give him up to Sid, much less want him dead.
If he had suspected that things would become so broken between them, that her response to finding out he lied about Lina escaping would result in her sending Sid after him, he would've told her the truth sooner. It wouldn't have been a complete surprise. She had been suspicious about his story from the second he told her that Lina escaped. Looking back, heading straight back to Sulla's probably didn't help his cover story with his lie, but he had been concerned for the other girls. Sulla could absorb the cost of losing one girl and wouldn't kill all of them, but that wouldn't stop him from torturing and assaulting them.
"After everything I did, why are you still protecting me?" Paige whispered against his lips as she crawled onto his lap. "You said you failed me, but I failed you. I'm so sorry for everything I did."
Mike held her tightly, never wanting to let her go. Not having Paige's support or friendship had been the worst part of all of this. He had felt so alone for the longest time. Alone in his mission to bring down Sid. Not that the rest of his roommates didn't have his back, but their focus had been on the Solanos and Paige had been on her girls. Then when Sid framed him, it was clear he didn't really have their support. The people he thought knew him better than anyone, didn't really know him at all. And that hurt. It almost hurt as much as Paige's betrayal. It hurt that she thought that about him. That because he had burned Lina's body, suddenly it meant that he was capable of murdering all those other people?
"I never wanted to hurt you, but I did." A year ago, she accused him of being lost, but he hadn't been. At that moment, he was preoccupied with work, she was right about that. But she was wrong about him being lost. Since the moment he saw her, he wanted her. And even now, even after what she did, he still wanted her. Any sane man wouldn't trust the woman that sent someone to kill him, but he loved her. Maybe he was insane. Maybe getting involved with Paige again was a mistake. Maybe he should walk away from her before either of them got hurt again, but he couldn't. "All I did was lie to you. I'm sorry." He knew how hard it was for her to trust people and he destroyed that trust, and she destroyed his. But now, they had a second chance.
"Levi's drunk again," Jakes said, motioning towards the couch, where Mike was passed out amongst his empty beer bottles.
"But we're burnouts?" Johnny muttered, still clearly bothered by Mike's comment from when he first came back from DC.
"Cut Mike some slack, he almost died," Jakes said, uncharacteristically defending Mike. He felt for Mike. He nearly lost his life. His career. He did lose his girl. But for some reason, Mike stayed out here instead of heading back to DC, where he could probably pick things up with his other girl and work his way up the ranks, looking for solace in the bottom of a bottle. He could relate all too well with that.
"He brought home some random girl," Johnny said. "Charlie's gonna kill him."
"Charlie? Forget about Charlie, Paige is gonna be pissed." Sure enough, there was some woman with her arm wrapped around Mike. He wasn't so drunk that he didn't forget that civilians weren't allowed upstairs, but that didn't mean he got to have a sleepover downstairs. He didn't care if Paige was ignoring Mike or that their fling was over, she was not going to like that Mike brought home another woman. Although he suspected that if this woman hadn't brought Mike home, he might be lying facedown in the sand somewhere.
"I think that is Paige," Johnny said. "Isn't she wearing white nail polish?" Johnny quietly walked further into the living room, peering closely at Mike and his companion, nodding at Jakes for confirmation. "I thought they were still fighting."
"I can't keep up with them," Jakes said as they moved into the kitchen.
"She's barely talked to him in months."
"She's been acting even stranger since Mike came home from the hospital. They're avoiding each other too." He thought with Mike almost dying that Paige would forgive Mike, but she hadn't.
"Paige is stubborn as hell. Mikey too. She didn't say anything to you?"
"About Mike? Nah. Hasn't said a word." He wasn't sure he'd ever understand the back and forth with Paige and Mike, but whatever was going on between them, they were on-again.
Mike groaned, his head was throbbing and his mouth was dry. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting at the sunlight that flooded his eyes. He achingly lifted his hand to cover his eyes, taking note of the numerous beer bottles on the coffee table in front of him. He started to move off the couch when he felt an arm loosely wrapped around his waist. Even if he didn't recognize the white nail polish and rings adorning her fingers or the bangles on her wrist he'd know it was Paige. Now that he was a little more coherent, he could feel her curled up behind him, essentially using him as a human body pillow. Her face was buried near his shoulder and one of her legs was tangled up in his.
He wasn't exactly sure what happened if he was still drunk or imagining things, but if this was real he didn't want to move. He had a vague hazy memory of Paige giving him aspirin and water.
"Here, drink this instead," Paige softly said, prying a beer of his hand. She held out her hand, offering him two aspirin.
Too tired to argue, he took the aspirin from her hand and downed the glass of water. "Thanks," he mumbled. Paige was kneeling next to him, running her fingers through his hair. Leaning back against the couch, he closed his eyes, soothed by her simple action.
She pressed her lips to his forehead like she'd kiss a child, but he didn't mind. After the summer they had, he welcomed any sort of affection from her. "Get some sleep Mike," Paige whispered as she started to climb off the couch.
His eyes shot open and he reached for her hand, pulling him back to him. "Don't go. Stay with me," he pleaded. He was pretty sure he sounded needy and pathetic, but he didn't care. He felt so alone these past few weeks. For the first time in a long time, they were finally on the same page and he didn't want it to end.
Paige met his gaze and slowly nodded. Leaning forward, she lightly brushed her lips over his. "Always," Paige promised. Resting her hand on his chin, she ran her hand along his beard. "I want to shave all this off in the morning."
Mike nodded and moved over to make room for her. Paige shook her head, "I'm not risking you getting sick on me."
"I'm not that drunk," Mike insisted. Besides, he was usually the big spoon unless she crawled into his bed after he fell asleep. It had been months since she shared his bed.
"Yes, yes you are." Paige tapped his shoulder and he slid forward a little, allowing her to maneuver herself behind him. She gently nudged him again and he settled himself in front of her. Paige wrapped her arm around his waist and kissed the back of his neck. "Night."
Mike rested her hand over hers, lacing their fingers together. Paige stirred slightly and he held his breath, not wanting her to waken. He could feel the warmth radiating from her body and for the first time in a long time he didn't feel so alone.
Mike drifted back to sleep for a little while and when he woke up again, Paige was still sound asleep behind him. Mike carefully eased away from her and laughed softly when she protested him moving. He knelt next to the couch, watching her sleep. A few days ago, he wasn't sure they would ever be able to work things out. Not that they figured everything out last night, but it was a start.
Trying to fix things with Paige was one of the reasons he didn't run to DC after everything happened with Sid. Even after she tried to have him killed, he still wanted to fix things with her. As insane as it sounded, he forgave her. He had a while ago. It was part of the reason why he kept silent about what she did. In his mind, what she did canceled out what he did. But he thought she would forgive him. But she hadn't been able to. So he drank to numb his pain and frustration, because he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he was in love with a woman tried to have him killed but was unable to forgive him for the lies he told. As much as he wanted to protect her, he desperately needed her forgiveness. Paige already had his, even if she didn't realize it.
After he brought down the Solanos and Sid, he regained his rock star status and could've had any job he wanted back in DC, but the longer he stayed at Graceland, the less important his career became and he couldn't go back to DC a failure.
He underestimated the toll of being around Paige but not having any sort of relationship, friendly or romantic, would have on him. What started out as him having a drink or two to unwind, turned into him drinking to pass the time and it wasn't long before it started affecting his job. As he dove further into depression, his drinking got worse and suddenly his dream of being the Director of the FBI one day, didn't seem to matter as much as it used to. He knew he had to get his act together, but he couldn't crawl back to DC a failure. So he stayed out here. For the first time in a long time, this was starting to feel like the right decision.
He would happily sit here and stare at Paige all day, even if it meant the entire house made fun of him for it, it would be worth it. Mike lightly brushed her hair out of her face and reached for her hand.
Paige's eyes slowly opened and she offered him a sleepy smile. "You're up."
She started to get up and he kissed her hand, "It's early. You don't have to get up. I'm going to take a shower. I just..." He remembered most of what they talked about last night, but knew they needed to have this conversation while he was sober.
Paige squeezed his hand and tugged on it, pulling him closer until he was leaning over her. "I missed you," Paige quietly said, cupping his face in her hand.
"I missed you too."
THE END