A/N: Greetings everyone! It's been so hot lately...gosh. Heat really needs to get a life. Oh well. sits by air conditioning all day
So the other day, I had a meeting with the rest of the Sohmas.
I had an important announcement to make.
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They didn't know…about an IMPORTANT holiday…
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"You know, Kureno, Angsty Emo Day is just some made-up holiday where people wear 30 pounds black eyeshadow, 60 pounds mascara, and 3745542-0548937535gt43563 pounds of black clothing, and they all go around in circles shouting "AH AH AH AH STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN ALIVE."'
"…Okay, so what's your point, Yuki?"
" (breathless)"
"…"
"…PLEASURE RAPE ME!"
"Yay!"
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So I almost did it.
But right before I did, Stupid Kyo had to barge into the room.
"WTF KURENO"
"WTF KYO"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE"
"A SEXY BIRDY LIKE ME MUST PLEASURE RAPE YUKI"
"ONLY I CAN PLEASURE RAPE HIM"
">>> "
"QUIT CAPING EVERYTHING YOU SAY YOU DIDNT EVEN GET THE DOT DOT DOTS RIGHT"
"THEN LETS USE PUNCTUATION AND STOP SPEAKING IN CAPS"
"Okay…"
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But that isn't satisfactory.
I mean, what can beat speaking in caps without pUnCtuati0n?
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Hey!
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I just had an idea.
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I will become CHTSPK GANGSTA KURENO.
That's hot.
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For you must speak CHTSPK to be gangsta.
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"What the hell are you talking about?"
"y0y0 ky0 ma mayn sqz lts rob sum bnks kk i wul letchu hav ma h0mfri beanie kk lts g0"
"…"
"Cherries"
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Then Kyo bitch slapped me for saying the name of one of his favorite fruits.
After all, this IS Fruits Basket, right?
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I like to say 'bitch slap.'
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It sounds smexable.
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The only problem is, Shigure likes to say that, too.
He even declared himself a bitch.
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"I am a bitch"
"Go away, Shigure."
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Now I must continue to be CHTSPK GANGSTA KURENO or I'll lose my dignity.
…And my sex life.
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Oh well. Akito took my most precious thing away anyway, so why does it matter?
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"Kureno, will you rape me?"
"n0 i wud nvr rp any1 lk u akit0 ur 00glay"
"…Then what if I start speaking chtspk?"
"Then I would never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never not except."
"I am God."
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OH. MY. AKITO.
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Akito is God in bed.
Yay!
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Oh no. Shigure's heading this way.
He's gonna start speaking his 'bitch' nonsense.
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"I am a bitch"
"Shutup Shigure."
"I am a bitch"
"Yes you are."
"I am a bitch"
"(singing) Oh, I thought I told you to shut the trap!"
"(singing) I am a bitch"
"(singing) Oh no, you ain't comin' far!"
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Hey.
That was catchy.
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Me and Shigure can make…
AN ABULM.
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Haha, you thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?
Why, you perverted little…
Um…
Smexy scumbag.
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"I am a bitch"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DAMMIT!"
"BITCH SLAP ME, DAMMIT!"
"(bitch slaps)"
"…(sad)"
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Yay! He stopped!
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I ems da GANGSTA CHTSPK KURENO.
Phr me kk
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Hey look! It's Hiro on a stick! Fresh lamb chops!
A/N: Wow. That was strange...very strange.
Reviews welcome!
Neptune