"I hate you, Near."

I said that to him before I stormed out of Wammy's House. Those were my last words to him until 4 years later. They meant to leave an impression, though I doubt they made him think of anything other than his usual remark of "Mello is too emotional."

He never really saw me as a rival, despite however much I tried to make myself be. No-one was a match to him at the institute, not Matt, not me. He looked down at everyone, and looked up at no-one. He respected no-one other than L. L was our God. Our goal, our purpose, our meaning of life and our common item of ambition.

But now even that respect had vanished when L was killed by Kira. Now Near respected no-one. I want to make that change. I don't want him to be the top. I selfishly desire that he would look at me and acknowledge me. I want to be better than him. I always had. Near was my goal, not L. I didn't think so back then at Wammy's House. Perhaps that was the mentality we were all brought up to have. Now I know otherwise. When L died all I thought was "Now he would have an heir. Will it be Near?" And I desperately wished that it wasn't. If it was Near then that meant the end for me. There would be no way for me to catch up to him. Or to surpass him.

But L didn't choose Near. He didn't choose anyone. Roger suggested that Near and I work together to resume the Kira case. I wanted to process as such, but I knew that I would be no more than a tool to Near in this case. He would be the brain all by himself because I was not needed in the first place. I knew and he knew.

But I wanted to prove him wrong.

That was why I left, before I even turned fifteen, to seek my fortunes elsewhere. I even joined the Mafia, though the gang was only useful to me for a short period of time. They helped me retrieve the Death Note and I learnt of the fake rules from the shinigami Shidoh who was the original owner of the Death Note that was in our hands. However, Kira and the NPA uncovered me and I was forced to flee and seek aid from Matt.

Matt. I never really took notice of him back at the institute. He was below me so I never really cared. Maybe Near didn't give a damn about me because I was below him, for the same reason. I felt slightly guilty about my negligence at that.

Matt didn't mind though. He was always carefree, not a worry in the world. He never cared to surpass me or Near, but thinking back now, he probably could've if he'd tried.

So Matt helped me to stalk the Kira model, Aname Misa. I didn't want to endanger Matt. I didn't want him to be killed – a lot of unnecessary deaths had happened because of me. If it had been Near things might've turned out differently.

Near again.

I don't want to think about him. All my life I've been so obsessed with him it's stupid when I think back now. What else couldn't I fix my mind on? What was Near's worth?

No.

Near is my goal.

He is my ultimate goal, my reason for living. I have to surpass him. I have to prove myself to him. I have to make a difference in the turn out of events.

Halle just rang me about Near's plan for January 28th. Yellow Box Warehouse. He will be confronting Kira and bring an end to the case. Near solved the case. All by himself. I didn't do anything other than be used by him to reach this ending. I've been so useless. I couldn't beat Near. Again. And Again.

Wait.

Something's not right. If he will be confronting Kira face to face he will be in danger of having his name written in the Death Note. Does that mean Near replaced the one that Kira is now using? But then the murders are still going on. It's true that there are other Death Notes and that another Kira, the real one, and Aname Misa who can carry out the judgements, but what if the current Kira has two, a real Death Note and a fake note?

If there was another note, Near would die. Then it would be the end. I know that I can't do anything as I am now. If Near dies Kira will win.

Takada. That woman is connected to Kira. Does she know about the Death Note? Does know how it works? Does she have one?

"Matt, what you're going to do may get you killed. Are you sure you're cool with it?"

"Hey, Mello. Of course I'm not cool with it, but what can I do? If Near dies and you die, I won't be able to catch Kira. So if I work with you and you work with Near, together we can do it."

Work with Near. I never thought of it that way. I what I'm going to do will get me killed but then Near would know. Yeah, Near would definitely know, because Near knows everything. If he doesn't work it out, he wouldn't have been worth my energy to work to surpass.

And here I am now.

Matt is dead, shot all over when he caused distraction for me to kidnap Takada. And the news announcer had written my name in the Death Note. I'm certain that she did. Or else the current Kira would've killed her by now with the real Death Note he hid somewhere. Or he can still be waiting.

Either way, I know that the notebook Near replaced is a fake. It has to be. Kira who won against L wouldn't be so easily tricked.

So at least now I figured something that Near hadn't. Or maybe he already knows and I'm just making an unneeded sacrifice. I don't know. I don't anything anymore.

I just know that I'm going to die.

I feel a jolt of pain in my chest. I knew it would be coming. My body slam forward into the steering wheel and through my clouding eyes I can see the name printed on the deadly sheet of paper.

Mihael Keehl.

Near, you have to realise. I know I've lost, but if you win, we will win. I know my fate. I've alway known but I just kept runnign away from it because I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want it to be so. But I can't change what is meant to be, can I? I've been so shallow. No, I'be just been so persistant because that gave my life a meaning. But the truth is here.

The second can never be as good as the first.