Hair in the microwave
You want to know something? I'm happy! Not because I poured soda in my mothers underwear drawer, not because I de-tuned my step dads' strings on his guitars, not because I rigged the hair dryer to shoot toothpaste, not because I put vaseline in the wine, not because I poured hot chocolate mix in the toilet, not because I made prank calls to a dude in sweden, not because I accedentally used some guys' credit card number when I didn't even know it was legitimate one, notbecause I put a clay model in the freezer, and not because I put Extra minty toothpaste in my mothers' deoderant. No, none of that. The reason why I'm happy, is because I'm putting my hair in the microwave. My Dandruff riddled, long as heck, brown, saliva stuck together, hair. I've been thinking of what would happen if i ever did put my hair in the microwave. Would it: Burst into flames? Curl up? The Dandruff melt and make the hair melt? Well, I measured my hair, and one strand is at least 4 inches long. I'm not sure. But what happened was: It got imbedded into the bottom of my french fry box that was in the microwave. I just imagined what the fab five from "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" would say. Jeez, I'm shuddering at the thought. But, I have to do this. I just turned off the "My Name Is Earl" marathon, and I'm getting ready to cook my hair. I wank out a strand of my hair, then I walk to the kitchen. I almost get to the microwave when my mom comes up. "What the explative are you doing alex!" she yells. "uhh, I was going to make popcorn?" i say nervously. Yes! It worked! my mom went back to the couch with none the wiser. But, In order to keep up to what I said, I had to make popcorn. Talk about a way to ruin a plan! But, I'll have to. or do I? "Hey mom," I say. 'I think the microwave may be broken, can I give it a test?" "Okay," She says. "Just don't break it more!" "Okay!" I yell. I then stick the hair in the microwave. I turn on the power button. I'm now watching the hair spin round, and round. But nothing happens. So, I go into the garage. There's an extra microwave in the garage. I then take that hair from the microwave in the kitchen then I take it into the garage. I put the hair in the microwave. I watch as the carosel microwave platform spins the hair around and around and around. Suddenly, I'm dizzy out of my mind. I think when I was watching the hair go round, and round, I may have watched the hair so long that it got me sick. I'm holding back vomit while I'm still watching the hair. But, I can't take it. I run to the side of the garage, ingnoring the smell of kitty litter, which only makes me more sick. I yank open the side door on the garage, I run into the rocks, and I throw up. I swear, this is the only time this has happened to me. I return to the garage. I'm still watching the hair, but there's a little problem: the hair has dissapeared! This then got me thinking: "Hmm, If the microwave in the garage made my hair dissapear, I wonder what would happen with a can of beer?" So, after thinking that, I took a can of beer from the fridge and I jammed it in the microwave. I set the timer for 10 minutes. After 4 minutes, I noticed something was wrong, the beer can had swollen up like a balloon, getting ready to explode with such force that it would knock your eyes out. By then, the microwave had turned into a bomb. It was do or die time for me. I chose do, of course. So, I grabbed a nearby fire extinguisher And I threw it at the Microwave, (did you think I was going to spray it? you thought wrong my friend.) Bad idea. The beer can exploded with such force that it blew up the fire extinguisher, broke the wondows on my step dads' car, and made a giant hole in the old washing machine. Beer, Glass, Fire extinguisher foam, and debris was launched all over the place. But that's what I saw when I came to. Because, I was knocked out by the explosion. Then, the hair that "dissapeared" floated down to my lap. " Crap" i said in disgust.