Fragments
by TalesOfTheLee
She had realized, that some nights were harder than others.
For much of her life, the more difficult nights were the ones when she was youngest. Nights filled with endless reading and re-reading of texts until the words themselves felt burned into her retinas, cross-referencing a dictionary alongside her father who dotingly encouraged her scientific ambitions during that stage of her life.
A published scientist by only the age of eighteen, at twenty-one, she had a promising career available in quite likely any lab she should choose. From the United States, to Japan, to even SERN, which much to her liking had remained purely devoted to particle physics, and had not in fact delved into the Pandora's Box that was time travel in the present world line. Even she would grudgingly admit that there was some knowledge that mankind simply could not be trusted with. Knowledge that only she and a select few were aware of.
To her peers, she was nothing short of a prodigy, the world of science's answer to music's Mozart. An accomplished theorist in the realm of neuroscience, with a heavy dose of physics to back up her intellectual acumen. If the world were to one day truly be defined in cold, scientific fact, the average member of society would put her name forward alongside the likes of Steven Hawking, Isaac Newton, even Einstein to contribute to that definition.
In truth though, Makise Kurisu could safely say, her worst nights never got close to the ones she had witnessed firsthand.
Her first clue came in the form of a loud shout, and a jerk of motion across the room from where she sat. A long night of refining her notes, interrupted by an unwelcome, if sadly familiar event.
She was surprised, but she'd recognized the content of the scream. "Mayuri!"
She couldn't help but jump in her seat, the comfortable silence of the Future Gadgets Laboratory being broken suddenly by the lab's only other occupant at the time, screaming the name of the lab's lovable cosplay artist.
Her heart was beating with fear induced rapidity as she faced the source of the noise, hand on her chest to slow her own breathing, her burgundy locks hanging past he face as she tried to right herself in the seconds after the lab's resident "mad scientist" had his newest outburst.
"Okabe? It's okay!" She called as soon as she could, seeing him in a remarkably similar stance to her, his body leaning forward, a hand pressed to his chest, a no doubt cold sweat glinting off his face as he struggled to come to his senses after what must have been a vivid dream, or more likely a memory.
"It's okay, Okabe, Mayuri is fine, she's home asleep." She explained, keeping her voice low and level, both in an effort to calm him, and herself. She watched as he turned on the couch, planting his long legs on the floor, and placing his head in his hands.
She could easily discern the reason for the outburst. Even with three years having passed, some wounds were significantly harder to heal than others. The sheer number of times he'd likely used the Time-Leap Machine to save Mayuri Shiina, his oldest friend, and failed, had no doubt left scars on his psyche of a far more tangible nature than the Hououin Kyouma personality he maintained, more as a habit than a true sign of psychological damage. While the "mad scientist" persona was more a figment of his own creating, a guise to sate his own theatricality and to give Mayuri a reason to exist when they were children, the dreams were far more insidious in nature. His mind no doubt still carried far more images of his beloved friend dying than he carried to admit, and with those very real images came lingering traces of Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder. Not even counting the final one where he was directly responsible for his now girlfriend's death. Unwitting killing the ones you loved left marks, no matter how hardy the body.
She stepped over to his seat on the couch, pulling Mayuri's Upa cushion up and sitting down beside the man she'd been dating for nearly three years at that point, careful to smooth out her lab coat to avoid wrinkles. She gently offered him the fluffy mouse-like cushion, much in the way it's owner would, silently encouraging him to squeeze it and let go of the stress he was holding while she worked a different angle.
"I'm here Okabe." She stated softly, having grown more than a little experienced at dealing with the man's terrified outbursts. While he had certainly healed physically, and his mind was well and truly on the mend, there were still moments that she could see him react to stimuli learned on the other world lines. He was always careful to hold her hand near the train station now, his body going rigid as it would pull into the station.
"A-Another memory. Nothing to worry about, Assistant. No need to stop your work." He stuttered, rubbing his eyes before taking the cushion she offered, clutching it to his T-shirt clad chest despite his assurance that all was right in the world, even using one of his nicknames for her.
"Okabe." She stated his real name only, letting him figure out the fact they were alone from it. In any other circumstance, she'd have snapped back with her fierce wit, to which Daru Hashida, the lab's resident hardware guru and hacker, would no doubt remember to call her a tsundere for, even if he was aware of the relationship between the two. "They're just notes. I can finish them at any point in the next day and still present." She explained, reaching over to drape an arm around his bony shoulders, giving the opposite side a gentle squeeze of reassurance.
Silence followed the action, words being unnecessary to convey meaning between the two when the ritual was one that had been repeated several times before. Minutes ticked by on the clock, showing a digital 3:02 AM in red along the face, giving off the only other illumination aside from the computer she had been typing away at a moment before.
"You know, I don't think Mayuri blames you, or even remembers for that matter." Kurisu led off, trying to help get him back to sleep. She was correct too, Mayuri hadn't shown many signs of remembering the other world lines, She'd mentioned them as dreams once, but for her they were far less traumatic than Okabe, and she'd summarily forgotten them just as quickly as she'd remembered, preferring to fill her mind with cosplay ideas, adorable anime, and an undeniably sunny disposition, rather than dark brooding memories of lifetimes that both were and were not real.
"That's...That's good." He stated, his voice reflecting how tired he appeared as he sat the Upa cushion on the ground.
She withdrew her arm from his shoulders and slid off the lab coat from her back, the garment being larger than really necessary for either Okabe or her, having originally belonged to Daru who was a much larger man than either of them.
She draped it across Okabe's shoulders, "Let's go to bed. I can finish in the morning." She stated, gently pushing him onto his back and snuggling into his chest, the oversized lab coat forming a makeshift blanket for them.
She knew he wanted to fight her on that. Even if he was a silly man when they were in the presence of the other lab members, she knew he valued her knowledge greatly, hence why she was the only one to know the entire story of what had happened to him during those many Time-Leaps.
Instead of arguing with her though, he simply stated "I'd like that," as he wrapped an arm around her waist, his face buried in her hair.
Moments slipped by as the two lay upon the couch, still dressed in their lab outfits. She could feel her eyes growing heavy, and just as she was about to slip into sleep, she could hear him mumble. "Thank you, for everything, Makise Kurisu." Although whether he was asleep or dreaming, she couldn't know.
"You're welcome, Okabe Rintaro." She whispered, feeling more than a little blush creep into her face. After all, he'd chosen her. Even when the choice had become the life of his oldest friend, or her, he had tried to find any way around removing her from his life, even subjecting himself to the mental torture that caused the nightmares that often plagued him. He'd subjected himself to both physical and emotional trauma purely to keep her in his life.
If she could repay that price he'd paid with love and compassion that was reciprocated, she had to honestly think she still received the better end of the deal.
Finally, Makise Kurisu drifted off to sleep, wondering just who the real mad scientist was between the two of them.
Author's Notes:
Yes, I'm back, for now. And after marathoning through the entirety of Steins;Gate in the span of about eight hours, I can safely say this is one of my favorite anime series out there. And finding that it's woefully underrepresented here on ffnet, I figured I'd start a short segment.
I think I'll write a few disconnected scenes for this. Not a long cohesive plot, just a series of one-off scenes. Yes, connected by plot, but not in a really linear fashion.
As a bit of a teaser, I'll say that I do have a plan in mind for the next chapter, and it'll involve two specific 25 year old scientists, rings, and the help of several other lab members.
Anyway, read and review at your own leisure.