This is the 'what if -alternate ending' to Hayloft. What if Karigan had woken up?
This fic was inspired by a image by Efeona, at Deviant Art. The link to the picture is on my profile. Check it out. It's gorgeous.
He almost didn't hear her sobs over the thudding of his heart. This wasn't the best situation for any courtier to witness. Thankfully, Fastion was in the shadows of the stables and would deter anyone seeking him. It was far too late in the night; if he was summoned it would have to be dire, especially if they were to take him away from her.
He held the lantern higher. "Karigan?"
He could hear her try to restrain her sobs, and could hear the furtive wiping of her face on her sleeve. He didn't know whether to step forward or leave her in peace. His heart clamored for him to hold her and soothe her. His mind demanded that he leave.
His eyes spied the ladder, and his head warned him away. No good will come of going up that pathway. It will lead to heartbreak.
Zachary set the lantern down on the floor, pulling his coat off. He slung it over his shoulder and grasped the rungs. With each step that he pulled upwards he felt his heart surge into his throat.
Clearing the loft floor, he could see her huddled in the back where the hay was piled high. She had her head hidden behind her arms, her knees drawn up to her chest. The sudden image of Karigan as a child appeared into his mind. He crept closer, setting his coat down next to her.
"Karigan," he said, "I am terribly sorry. For everything, and more than I can ever express. I know you and Alton were close." For some reason those words were harder to say. He didn't want to think if his Green Rider and the Lord were close. He knew they were friends, but his mind shied away from any other possibilities.
She gave a tattered cry, and he could see how tense her body was; she was trying so hard to hold it together, to be strong. Sitting down next to her, his hands hovered. He didn't know what to do. Should he make the leap and touch her? Pull her into his arms?
She trembled before him, like a terrier he had once seen his brother get his hands on. Her tears were soaking her sleeve, and every couple of seconds she gasped for air, and gave a broken sob.
"I am sorry," he said again. He reached forward to touch her hair, the golden strands he had thought of running his fingers through so often, when her control snapped.
She unfolded her arms, her face blotchy with crying. She grasped the hay, as if she was going to bolt. She just cried the pain etched on her face, tearing her to pieces. She choked and stifled screams, and sobbed.
Zachary pulled her forward, leaning back against another pile of hay. She fit perfectly within the circle of his arms; her hips flush against his stomach. Unresisting his Green Rider settled into his shoulder, sobbing.
"Shh, shhh, Beloved, it will be okay," he murmured endearments, not caring what came past his lips. He stroked her hair, marveling at its softness and slight curl. Karigan convulsed in his arms, her tears softening, and finally dying out.
After a few quiet moments, the King realized that she was asleep. He continued to stroke her hair in the quiet, reveling in the feeling of her heart beating against his. This felt so right, felt that this moment should be somehow included in his life. His mind toyed with the images of holding her like this every night for the rest of his life. The thought made him smile.
"I think I'm in love with you," he whispered into her ear; kissing her temple. She did not stir; her grief had granted her the oblivion of sleep.
"I've been in love with you from the moment that I criticized your game of Intrigue. You stood before me, eyes flashing with indignation, and you had just met me. You told me exactly what I needed to hear, and I found myself falling into those eyes, into your refreshing honesty. You saw me, like no one else had. Each time I see you, it is something new, and I find myself longing to see you again. Your spirit, your determination, and even your stubbornness, I would not change."
He ran his hands over her features, down the contours of her brow, nose, cheeks, and finally her lips. He traced the soft cupid's bow parted in sleep and in a gentle motion, pressed his lips to hers.
Karigan stirred. She had dimly heard the King's voice as he spoke to her, the words fragmented, and disjointed, but oddly comforting. His warm touch soothed her emotions, and brought her peace. When she felt his lips against hers, her mind surged awake. Her arms, unbidden, rose and wrapped themselves around his neck, and she felt herself press against him, their lips becoming tighter.
Zachary froze when he felt her move, but feeling her draw him closer, he deepened the kiss.
Karigan's mind shouted at her to stop, but she ignored it. This was what she had been craving. She had thought she wanted him to leave her be in her grief, but his comfort had made her whole. This felt right, being held in his arms, kissed by him. It was as if she had been living her entire life, but this was the first time she had taken a breath.
It was the need for oxygen that halted their tender mouth play. They leaned against each other, forehead to forehead, breathing softly.
Zachary chuckled, causing his Green Rider to look up.
Karigan smiled shyly, her cheeks tinting with a faint blush.
"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered, cupping her cheek to run his fingers into her hair.
The Green Rider closed her eyes, enjoying the caress. Any moment now something was going to intrude upon this dream, or her common sense was going to get the best of her. Not now, not in this moment. It was like the Witching Hour of the stories, a time of pure magic and possibility.
"It's a nice way to be woken," she quietly admitted.
Zachary nodded. He couldn't believe that she hadn't bolted, yet here she was, still sitting in his lap, in his arms, enduring his caresses. Had she heard his declarations? What was she thinking?
"Did you hear what I was saying?" he asked, hesitantly.
Karigan shook her head. "No, what did you say?" she looked up, her hands still twined about his neck.
Zachary leaned forward, and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you," he said against her mouth, as he had done before.
The movement of her lips let him know that she was smiling. She moved her hands, one resting over his heart, and the other tilted his face to look her in the eye. "Really?" she asked.
Not trusting his voice, the King nodded. Did she not feel the same? Did she not want him to say anymore? His heart anxiously began to beat faster.
"I think," Karigan began, in a quiet voice full of self-doubt, "that I began to love you the first time I lectured you on the kingdom," her cheeks deepened in color, "and how I saw you give everything that you were to your people."
Zachary smiled, and stroked her face with his fingers. He loved the sound of her voice.
"I loved sparring with you, with Drent, and when I was hurt, and you seemed so upset, I wanted to comfort you. I loved how we could talk to one another, how I felt so at ease with you. When Shawdell was possessing Amilton and I saw you begin to die, I was terrified." She gripped his tunic, her eyes anxious. "The thought of something happening to you was unbearable and I," her eyes widened as she realized she was pouring out her soul much like she had her grief.
Zachary felt her begin to pull away, and he wrapped his arms tight around her midsection, settling her firmly against him. "Don't run from me," he pleaded.
Karigan stopped struggling for a moment, her eyes wide and tearful again. "I'm sorry," she choked.
"No, there is no reason, Beloved," Zachary reached up and brushed a gathered tear away. "I love hearing it, I love knowing that I am not mad to have these feelings, these thoughts. To pray for your safety every time you leave on an errand, to crave your presence, to wish for nothing but that this moment could continue for eternity, and that every night I would fall asleep with you in my arms, and wake beside you each morning."
The blush that Zachary was becoming very attached to colored Karigan's cheeks again.
"I love you, Karigan G'ladheon, and now nothing will ever be the same," he whispered before kissing her again.
"I love you too," Karigan whispered sincerely. She leaned forward, capturing his mouth in a passionate kiss, throwing her emotion and feeling into the act.
Zachary clutched her to him, knowing that he could not have lived his life without loving this woman.
Neither was aware of the black-clad figure that had stolen up the ladder to check on them. Fastion, seeing his King in an embrace, slid back down the ladder silently as he had come. Being a well trained soldier, tracker, and protector, he had seen the sparks between the two. Much of him was relieved that they could finally express their feelings. The other half of him was concerned that they were in for a rough road ahead.
He waited until the dawn was beginning to approach, making a point to let the ladder squeak on his ascent. He needn't have bothered. Both King and Rider were still in the circle of the other's arms, sleeping peacefully.
Fastion cleared his throat.
"Majesty."
Zachary woke with a start, making Karigan's eyes fly open.
"Majesty, Rider," Fastion greeted again, the amusement plain on his face.
Karigan looked from the Weapon to Zachary, unsure.
"It's all right, Kari," Zachary whispered, nuzzling her neck, "Weapons are trained for their discretion. They are trusted completely."
"And to be perfectly honest, Sire, it's about damn time," Fastion said, grinning, before bowing his head and sliding down the ladder. "It is almost dawn," he called up, heading outside to wait. Though he did have to stifle his urge to whistle.
Zachary and Karigan shared an embarrassed chuckle.
"It is a good morning," Karigan whispered shyly.
Zachary smiled, touching her face before bringing her in for a soft kiss. "The best I've ever had," he sobered, "I do have to go; the last thing I want is someone causing trouble for you." He kissed her again.
"I know," Karigan agreed.
In the middle of the night he had pulled his greatcoat to cover them both, and sliding it back he began to creep towards the ladder. Karigan's voice stopped his progress.
"What happens now, Zachary?"
The somewhat stricken look on her face caused him to pause and pull her back into his arms. "I will find a way, I promise. I will not be without you, not now."
Karigan relaxed in his embrace. He said exactly what she needed to hear.
"I have to go, I love you," he said with a parting, passionate kiss.
"I love you too." She watched him climb down the ladder, a happy grin on her face. Looking down, she realized his coat was still draped across her knees.
"Zachary!" she called out.
His head popped back up the ladder. "What is it?"
"Your coat!"
A mischievous glint lit the King's eyes. "Keep it; it will give you an excuse to come see me."
Karigan laughed. "I will then, Sire."
The Green Rider basked in the new day dawning. Never had she faced a day like this.
Then again, Karigan thought, I have never spent the night in a hayloft before either.
"It's an old story," Lil said, suddenly appearing beside her. The apparition of the first Rider smiled at her, her eyebrows raised in the morning light.
"Of death?" Karigan asked, her mood dimming thinking of the deaths of her friends.
"Yes, but also of love," Lil was silent, looking out of the stable door where Zachary had disappeared.
"You aren't going to try to convince me to not be with him?"
Lil's brow rose even higher. "You are speaking to the wrong person, hey?"
Karigan smiled. "I suppose I am."
The First Rider barked a laugh. "He might be no Jonaeus, but I must say, your High King would be worthy to serve," she said with a knowing smirk.
Lil disappeared before the hunk of hay Karigan chucked her way could pass through her.
I really would like to finish a fic! Jeez...well, at least finals are over!