Hi, I'm a little annoyed that we didn't get to see Jen say all this and we haven't seen anything of Tilly since so I thought id write my own take on what could've happened. Sorry for any typos! Please leave me some feedback and if you like it ill write more enjoy, Alexa xx
She just doesn't leave me alone. She stares at me, her eyes following me around the room, I can feel them tracing up and down my body and they don't leave until the bell goes and then still she's following me around the corridors just watching me. It's creepy. She makes excuses to stay behind, falling behind with work purposely asking for help when you and I both know she's more than capable. I started getting random text messages from a number I didn't know, saying she misses me and loves me and we should meet up. Look. I knew it was her. She must have gotten my number out of Sinead's phone or something as she has it in case of emergencies because I live with them, I'm not sure. She also emails me, saying how amazing I am, sends me love poems shes written I have them all here. When I'm not at college she's there, in the coffee shop staring again, she's even slipped a sketch of my face through my door, you see this. At first I thought it was just a little crush and she needed some comfort after her friends passing away and the whole Esther situation and I was someone there just to talk to but it's escalated from there and I've had no other choice but to report it before it gets anymore out of hand. I feel horrible doing this as she's such a bright student but I don't want to risk being in such a situation. I am her teacher and she is my student, It's so wrong and I don't want any rumours to start circling Mr Keeler. Matilda Evans is harassing me.
Harassment. Harassment! Oh god, what the hell have I just done. I can't breathe, struggling to get the air into my lungs. I feel numb. She's going to hate me for this. So kind hearted, smart, mature beyond her years,never in a million years would she be capable of that. I said she was creepy.I feel sick. I've ruined her, taken away her innocence and trampled all over her perfect reputation. What have I turned into? Ruining a beautiful,young,talented A* students life and any chance of getting into one of the most prestigious universities in the country just to save my own stupid back. Set fire to her hopes and dreams without even a second thought about how it's going to damage her. What have I turned into.
I stood and watched another student in such a state alone with no one to turn to, attempting to take her own life and what did I do? Again I walked away to save myself. How selfish have I been. Shes right, how can I look at myself in the mirror? I chose to risk my job, I chose to have an affair with a student, I chose all of this knowing the repercussions but yet I couldn't take it, I ran again. Watching her walk away from me, tearing up her future in front of my eyes, so much hatred laced across her face, her eyes burning red and sore clearly from all the crying and pain I had caused. I felt numb. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to burst right out of my chest and flop onto the floor, my eyes blurred with the forceful flow of tears gushing from them, my knees trembling struggling to hold myself up until they gave way and I crashed hard to the ground sobbing for what felt like hours but was just only a few minutes before I had to force myself back into teacher mode again. I don't even deserve that title.
But, what was done was done. There was no way my beautiful Tilly was going to forgive me now. No, she wasn't even my Tilly anymore. No, and never again not after this, I've well and truly screwed this up and there's no going back. I've lost the love of my life. My soul mate.
I just don't understand why she hasn't denied it?