Whenever we touched, he wasn´t thinking of my name. Whenever we had sex (and no, despite all my efforts to covince myself otherwise, we were not making love) he never called me by my name. Much less mentioned it with passion.
It was the Superior´s name that recieved all those honors (and yes, I do consider it an honor).
I did knew that he only seeked me out to kiss the lips that were kissed by that bastard. I knew it well before we began with this pseudolove. But it´s not fair.
Whenever he sees me casually, never does he show any sort of affection. Never. Well, in a way, he never does. He only shows affection to his mental image of Xemnas in my body.
But still... it´s too much.
The way he speaks my name. The way he says it as if it was some kind common noun. I am no chair, no word. No flower.
I am Marluxia.
And there´s the way he speaks his name. With such passion, with such... love. Oh yes, he does refer to him commonly, but not by his name. Whenever it is not in front of my naked body, he refers to him as the Superior.
Because "Xenmas" is the name he loves. He cannot pronounce it without a passion that won´t ever be showed by him otherwise.
So much love wasted in someone who doesn´t appreciate it. Though, I am the same, am I not?
...It´s not possible. It´s just not possible to pretend he loves like this. It is just plain impossible.
And it is killing me. It is killing me because it´s making me hate him. And I love him too much to hate him.
It is paradox. A paradox much more painful than the circle of love it is born from. It might seem to be him the one with the worst position in the circle, considering Xemnas gets to touch me, I get to touch him, and he doesn´t get to touch Xemnas. Yet it is I who suffer the most. To Xemnas, I am but a toy. To him I am but a stairway. You see, I am the only one who is not loved (though Xemnas does not want love). I am neither a toy nor a stairway.
I am Marluxia.
Just as he is him. To me, he´s no moon. He is Saïx and that´s all I want him to be. Just as Xemnas is (a bastard) Xemnas. We are not a flower, the moon, and the sun. We´re people--at the least nobodies--and we have names.
And mine is not Xemnas.
And that is why I am doing this. Revenge. I am going to put an end to this fucked up circle once and for all. I am going to make him lose me.
He must be thinking it was Xemnas who wants to put an end to the circle by sending me on this suicidal mission. Yet it was I who asked (threatened) him to put it in my hands.
It´s not Xemnas who I am rebelling. His suffering is only a (sweet) byproduct of my personal mission. You see, it is Saïx who I am going against.
And the moment is near. I can feel it; the pain. This keyblade boy is killing me! This pain is curing all that suffering.
But something´s wrong. At last I am free of this life, and I am not smiling?
...Heh. Hahaha. So that´s it. It´s because only this rotten life has him. In the end it wasn´t revenge. I just wanted him to love me. And this is the only way.
Only by losing something dear can you realise its value, right?
There it is. A smile.
Can´t believe it. All he did to me, and I am smiling not because it will make him suffer but because it will make him love me? God, I am so pathetic.
Yes, my dream used to be him loving me. But no more. I have a new dream.
Him mentioning my name with passion.
Cool. This is the seventh MarSaïx story. I´ll have to make sure my next one is the eleventh one.
Anyway, I hoped you liked it. Since The Moon, the Sun, and the Flower focused on Saïx´s POV, I made this one in Marluxia´s. I know it´s not as good as TMtSatS, but you have to admit it´s pretty damn close. And if you noticed, Marluxia´s story is the contrary Saïx. Saïx´s gives a lot of emphasis in metaphors, whilst Marluxia´s kept on saying they are simply people with names--mostly due to the fact he wishes Saïx to view as Marluxia and nothing else.
I´d appreciate a review, you know?