Being a child was being able to go outside and play hide and seek. It meant never to worry about all the insecurities that adults face. It also meant enjoying the simple objects in life: toys.
He was such an energetic boy, full of life. Ruben was one of those children who, no matter if you had a bad day or not, always brought a smile to your face. His brown eyes twinkled when you promised that you would take him to the park for a game of football.
I'll admit that I was exhausted when he knocked on my door that morning at 7:30 am. After working a full 12 hour shift, all I wanted to do was sleep. But all Ruben had to do was grin from ear to ear and I was hooked. He came over for one reason that day: to bless his bike and I was more than happy to take him to the church.
Rikki, his mother, trusted that I would take care of him. Never more than friends, we always joked that Ruben trusted me more than his absent father. At that, I was grateful. We walked to the church and stood in line for Father Allen to bless Ruben's bike. The holy water splashed on Ruben's nameplate and it was confirmation that the bike was blessed. He was so excited.
After the ceremony, we went down the street with both of us with different goals: I wanted sleep and he wanted to watch cartoons. Both activities would bring us some peace in this ungrateful world. He began to race ahead of me and I told him to slow down. That's when I heard the shots at the Bodega. I told him to go home and at that time, that's what I thought he went.
My cop instincts took over and I raced to the Bodega. Later, I began to process the scene, trying to focus with the lack of sleep on my brain. I didn't know at the time that it was the beginning of my own personal Hell.
The gurney was rolled in and on it was the body of a boy, a boy named Ruben. That essence that made up his own spirit was gone and was replaced by darkness. I just lost it. Hawkes hold to pull me out of the morgue. This was all my fault. He was supposed to go home. Why was he here?
Lindsay saw me and I had to wave her off. I wasn't angry at her; I just had to leave the area. The anger and sadness now over came me and I let out a scream of anguish. Angry that I left him and angry that I let my cop instincts take over. Why didn't I just follow him home?
She caught up with me in the locker room. I know this was hard for her. After she witnessed her friend's murders in Montana, it was hard for her to face the death of children. She sacrificed all her feelings for me. I kissed her soft lips, kissed her forehead and told her that it would be alright. I would talk to her later.
I know had to tell the truth. The truth was that I had to face Rikki and tell her that Ruben was gone and how was I going to face myself in the mirror after this?
the end...