Ok, let me get one thing straight with you people: I never meant to get attatched. Never. Got that through your skulls? Good. But you know what they say about "the best laid plans of mice and men," right? Well, these plans didn't just go awry; they were out of control, roaming the city, and setting household pets ablaze.

Confused? Well, join the friggin' club.

I guess I'll start from the beginning. Just need to figure out where the beginning is. I suppose that my coming to this god-forsaken island is where the story has its roots. I'm sure you've heard it before: Shameless heartbreaker who never took any relationship seriously falls head-over-heels in love and winds up understanding the error of his ways and discovering for himself the pain he's caused others. It's not exactly a new theme. You can guess by now that the heartbreaker was me.

The love? One word: Sora.

He was amazing. Innocent, kind, incredibly attractive. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that I had to have him.

I think you know where this is heading. Yes, I was stifled every step of the way by an admittedly good-looking but thoroughly disagreeable nusiance by the name of Roxas. That little blond bastard hampered my every effort to move beyond friendship with Sora. To this day I have no idea what Riku sees in him. More on that in a moment.

After about a year of constant cock-blocking, I found myself in a most peculiar situation. I was in love. My attraction to Sora had only deepened as I discovered more about him. He was good natured, suprisingly smart (though quite naive), and he had the uncanny ability to see any glass as half full. What was once simply lust had mutated into something much, much more.

But, I never really stood a chance with Sora. He'd known Roxas for much longer, and thus was inclined to fall for him. It wasn't really a suprise, but I was crushed none the less.

And that's when Riku stepped into the picture. Well, technically, he'd always been in the picture. He was Sora's best friend since childhood. And as it happens, he nursed a long-unrequited affection for Roxas. So as we put on our happy faces to the world, identical knives had lodged themselves in both our chests, twisting with every loving look that past between the happy couple.

Even now, I'm not quite sure how it happened. Maybe sad, lonely losers naturally migrate toward one another. Either way, we were two unlucky people, who wanted what they couldn't have, and were desperate to escape the crushing ravages of lonliness.

Ok, so that's a tad dramatic. Poetic license. If you don't like, well fuck you too.

Speaking of fucking, that's what we did. A lot. At first, it was really all we had in common. A kind of two-way pity screw is the best way I can describe it. It didn't really matter who was putting what in who, so long as it look our minds off our shared failures. A kind of catharsis, releasing all our frustration and anger during a sweaty romp between the sheets. It was a twisted agreement of sorts; when one of us was feeling particularly shitty, the other would lead them to a nice deserted bedroom, bathroom or backseat of a car, and oh-so-helpfully "take away the pain," so to speak.

Eventually (and I still have no clue as to how), our mutually benefical arrangement transitioned from "fuck buddies" to "fake real relationship." There were dates, shared holidays, kissing outside of sex. It was almost sickening, how easily we could fake this affection. We would never aknowledge it, of course. It was our unspoken lie. Use this parody of love to escape the real one you can never get. In retrospect, it was bound to bite me in the ass sooner or later.

I first realized two years into our...thing...that something had changed, and dramtically so. It still hurt to see Sora kissing that bastard. Probably always will. But it had dulled. I found myself more and more eager to see Riku, to see Riku's eyes sparkle happily, to hear Riku's laugh. I wanted, more than anything, to be with Riku.

I had fucking fallen in love.

And as if that weren't bad enough, I (stupidly) decided to ask him how he felt.It was nothing more or less than I had expected. Typical Riku, really: blunt, and painfully so.

"I'm...not happy with you." That was it. Once again, I had had my soud crushed to powder and scattered to the wind. I was about ready curl up on the floor and cry right then and there. And then I heard what may very well be the sweetest words ever to reach my ears.

"But...I think maybe...maybe I could be..." That look in eyes, one of pure exhaustion and weakness is something I'll never forget. I knew as soon as I saw it that he wasn't just trying to lift my spirits. It was honest, raw.

Incredibly sappy? Yes. And I don't care.

I sure as hell know that I'm happy. And I'm going to try my damnedest to make him happy, too.

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Kumquat Queen: Oh what a pain in the ass this was to write. Five AM, no sleep, and a desperate desire to create something fueled this little foray into the mind of Axel. It's a companion, of sorts, to my other Axel/Riku one-shot, "Make Me Happy," generally exploring the other side of the issue: MMH was about Riku's reluctance to accept Axel as more than an escape. This is more backstory than anything, and Axel's own confusion as well as the reaction to Riku's answer. Remember folks, love is all you need. Or some such.

And does anyone else think I made Axel sound too poetic. Almost Xemnas-ish, if you ask me. But I'm happy with it.

Goes without saying that this is dedicated to Rosalyn Angel. She is the queen of Axel/Riku-dom.

Reviews are my life-blood, peeps. Flames are most welcome. Get mean. I'll write you a fic if you can make me cry. But they gotta be tears of sadness, not joy or laughter.