Title: Ultimate Pwn4g3
Date: December 1, 2006
Authoress: Urchin Power
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or terms used in this story.
Category: Humour/Parody
Summary: It's a typical day. Going on quests, stocking up on potions, saving the world from the evil forces of the Horde, and the likes. Not to mention that Atobe hates n00bs. WoW Parody.
Pairings: None. Possibly Ore-sama the night elf and his wife Applechu also a night elf.
Warning: Nerdiness, stereotypical gamers, online character marriages, n00bs, …
Note: Be prepared to be nerdified.
Ultimate Pwn4g3
It was well past midnight, and Atobe Keigo had no intention of going to sleep anytime soon or at all. This was made perfectly clear as he cracked open another can of Red Bull and quickly drank its contents. Besides, he was Ore-sama and he could do whatever the heck he pleased.
He was currently sitting in a velvety plush seat facing a large screened computer with his right hand over the mouse and the other hovering over the keyboard. He crossed his legs waiting for the rest of the party to arrive. He was getting impatient.
"I'm sorry," He could hear the Seigaku tensai's soft voice transmitted through the headset he wore, "I had to go to the bathroom."
"No problem." Atobe smirked and replied into his mic, while holding down the hot key he had created especially for the tensai as quoted: 'For private conversations outside of team speak.'
"You better go to before everyone else logs on." Fuji warned with a slight chuckle.
"I'll go when necessary." Atobe replied smoothly.
"Are you sure? We'll probably be questing for five hours straight again." Fuji pointed out.
"I can multi-task." Atobe reassured.
"Well enough bladder talk. I'm logged on… Saa… Where are you?" Fuji questioned.
Atobe frowned as he moved his mouse around, changing the camera angle focused on his character. He just saw a bunch of humans, but still no sign of Fuji. It was then that he saw a pale blue skinned night elf running towards his character. She had long dark blue hair, glowing eyes, and a new cloth dress designed for the priestess class. And when he placed his mouse cursor over her, her username read: Applechu. It was Fuji.
"I found you," Fuji said brightly, "but I still haven't seen the others."
"We'll wait." Atobe replied. He crossed his arms, as he stared into his computer screen. His character, a proud level 60 warrior night elf (fully geared with max stats), was idle for so long that he began to shift around, as did Fuji's character.
"Someone named PoT-Rox42 is talking to us." Fuji informed. Atobe frowned and looked towards the upper right corner of his screen. He arched an eyebrow in irritation and read:
…
pokemon4ever 'waves' to luvsbattlestargalactica
PoT-Rox42: Ore-sama n Applechu wanna join us on quest?
K0ry: any1 hav xtra healing potions to donate?
…
"Loser n00b." Atobe muttered into his mic.
Fuji laughed.
Atobe glared at the level 2 dwarf in front of him and challenged him to a duel. It was declined. Atobe challenged him once more. Again, it was declined. Atobe read:
…
PoT-Rox42: Ore-sama too strong
PoT-Rox42: Applechu wanna join us on quest?
PoT-Rox42: Applechu wanna join us on quest?
…
"How annoying." Atobe muttered as he moved his warrior night elf to stand in front of Fuji's character, perfectly blocking away the dwarf. He typed in 'hug/' a command for his character to hug Fuji's.
"Aw! What was that for?" Fuji questioned, a smile heard in his voice.
"You're my in-game wife." Atobe replied simply.
"You make the perfect in-game husband for Applechu!" Fuji said cheerfully.
"Of course. Ore-sama is perfect in every way." And for once Atobe wasn't talking about himself, but of his online character.
"Ah! Eiji's online!" Fuji exclaimed the three of them created a group team speak.
"Hey you two. Keep it PG." The redhead announced. At that second, another male night elf ran up to the pair. Though Kikumaru had chosen to make him a rogue, which most who knew the redhead would say that it was the perfect class for him.
…
Applechu 'waves' to stealthnekoninja
…
"Have you seen any of the others?" Fuji asked on team speak.
"Nope. Shishidou said he'd be coming late. He told me he's going to run to the pharmacy to buy some PEP pills before logging in." The redhead replied.
"Typical." Atobe muttered.
"So many low levels around." Kikumaru noted aloud.
"Well, we are in Goldshire." Fuji replied.
"It's annoying. Let's hope the rest show up fast." Atobe commented.
"There's Tezuka, Inui, and Oshitari." Fuji informed. Soon enough the group was joined by a paladin male human, a female human arcane fire mage, and male human frost mage.
…
dataman 'hello' to stealthnekoninja
tennispro joins group channel
dataman joins group channel
tensai_rox_glasses joins group channel
…
"We're only missing Shishidou now." Inui observed.
"What abilities does your ring have?" Oshitari questioned Fuji.
"Mana boost and plus 32 agility." Fuji replied.
"Think I can borrow it for this quest? I need the mana boost." Oshitari asked.
Before Fuji could reply, Atobe answered, "No. I gave it to Applechu on her wedding day."
"Night elves… Always so stubborn." Oshitari let out a sigh of irritation.
"I'm going to sleep." Tezuka muttered.
"But you just logged on buchou!" Kikumaru whined.
"I have a life to get to tomorrow, early in the morning." Tezuka replied monotonously.
"That's why you're only a level 38." Atobe smirked. He never spared the chance to insult the other tennis captain whenever possible, in the World of Warcraft and in the real world.
"Fine." Tezuka sighed.
"Yay! V! V! V! Oi! Inui, do you have any extra healing potions? I used up all mine on the last quest." Kikumaru exclaimed excitedly into everyone's headset.
"Of course. Might I add that my new Inui juice has the same effects as some of the potions in this game?" Inui replied.
"Yea, but no one wants to drink your Inui juice." Kikumaru replied.
"I think its good." Fuji commented.
"You like Wasabi." Kikumaru replied with a bit of disgust in his voice.
"It's Shishidou." Oshitari informed the group. And surely enough, a level 58 human joined the party.
"What's the hold up?" Fuji questioned.
"PEP pills." Shishidou replied, "Plus, my parents are worried that I don't socialize much."
"Just tell them you're on an MMORPG. You're socializing right now!" Kikumaru replied cheerfully. "Well now that we're all here, let's tackle a quest." The redhead announced vibrantly, "Say… the Silithus? … The night be quiet, as the night elves sealed the silithids in Ahn'Qiraj during the War of-"
"We did that last night." Shishidou interrupted.
"Nya! But it was fun!" Kikumaru pouted.
"I say the Blackwing Lair." Shishidou suggested.
"I like that. That way Tezuka can finally level up." Fuji added.
"I have a life. I play tennis. You on the other hand skipped practice all of last week to play this stupid game." Tezuka replied seriously.
"It's not stupid. We're making a difference… in the World of Warcraft." Atobe replied angrily.
"Who cares for the World of Warcraft? I want a hundred laps from Fuji, Kikumaru, and Inui for skipping practice. Nationals are coming up and I expect my teammates to be in the best condition." Tezuka replied.
"We're fine." Kikumaru sighed out of exasperation.
"Nothing to worry about." Fuji smiled.
"Yes," Inui agreed, "Applechu is level 60, stealthnekoninja is level 60 with amazing agility I must say, and I the dataman is at level 60 as well. We're all fully levelled up. If anything, you need work."
Tezuka didn't reply.
"Good, now that that's settled, let's head to Stormwind City." Atobe ordered.
The group began to leave Goldshire on their respective summoned mounts. Though, once they entered the outskirts of the town, much to his distaste, Kikumaru and Shishidou both dismounted and began to kill the surrounding boars. Atobe wasn't a patient person, "What the hell are you two doing?"
"It's so fun! Now that we're at a much higher level, it's just one hit kills." Kikumaru explained.
"We don't have time for games." Inui lectured, "You get no experience points for killing the weak."
"That's pretty deep Inui." Oshitari acknowledged.
"Spoil sports." Kikumaru complained. Nevertheless, he rejoined the group as they walked southwards.
"This is a waste of time." Tezuka said in the team speak after the group had been travelling for the past five minutes in real time. The rest of the party ignored him.
"Crap! I'm lagging." Shishidou cursed.
Atobe tsked, "You own a cheap computer. You should upgrade your video card at the very least."
"How?" Shishidou questioned.
"I don't know. I've never tried it. I have servants and technicians to do that. Besides, if one of my computers do have a problem, I usually just buy a new one." Atobe replied smugly.
"Uninstall your old graphics card, turn off your computer, open it up and slide the card out. Then slide in the new one and put in the installation disc. It'll take you from there." Inui informed.
"Seems like too much trouble." Shishidou hummed.
"I'll do it for you. You just need to buy the card." Inui offered.
"Aa. Thanks… Wanna accompany me to the store? I want to check out the World of Warcraft game manual while we're there." Shishidou replied.
"It's a date." Inui confirmed.
"… I remember a similar 'date' scenario... Hey Inui, do you remember that time you called Kaidoh and used those exact words?" Kikumaru recalled.
"It was a date." Inui replied.
"What's your definition of a date?" Fuji questioned.
"When two people go out together." Inui answered.
"Eiji… I don't think he gets it." Fuji giggled into his mic.
The redhead was also laughing, "Clueless!"
"Are we there yet?" Tezuka interrupted and complained in frustration.
"Such a whiner." Atobe commented.
"This is a waste of time. I could be sleeping." Tezuka retorted.
"If anything, sleeping is a waste of time. Nothing productive is ever accomplished when asleep. But protecting the Alliance and our territory from the Horde makes all the difference." Atobe argued.
"Hey… Aren't those members of Horde?" Kikumaru questioned aloud.
"Crap… it is." Shishidou cursed.
"Check out their level…" Inui mumbled, "They're all ranging between level 55 to 60!"
"There are five of them. This is going to be tough." Fuji commented.
"Plus we have this near n00b here with us." Atobe scoffed.
"I'm level 38. That's nowhere near n00b." Tezuka retorted.
"Inui, raise our intelligence, especially Tezuka's." Atobe ordered.
"Hold it…" Inui mumbled, "Casting… there."
"Everyone double check your hot keys. We can't afford to let our guards down." Atobe reminded.
"..." Tezuka was awfully silent.
"Oshitari get ready to cast frost bolt." Atobe commanded.
"Right." Oshitari confirmed.
"We'll charge them. And Fuji, stay behind where it's safe and get ready to heal our party." Atobe explained.
"Don't get hurt." Fuji warned, "Applechu can't live without Ore-sama."
"Ore-sama doesn't die." Atobe smirked.
"Watch out!" Shishidou yelled as a burst of fire headed towards the group. Luckily Fuji was ready with the heals.
"Let's go!" Shishidou growled, "Everyone right click! Right click!"
Atobe immediately went for the large level 59 warrior tauren. They kept exchanging sword blows, as he kept his eye on his life bar. Next to him, Shishidou and Kikumaru were also engaged in battle with an undead warlock, and the warrior troll.
"Casting frostbolt." Oshitari informed. The spell directly hit the level 57 undead warlock.
"Concentrate your attacks on demonkill3r." Inui advised, "His speed will slow down 60 percent for eight seconds!"
Atobe quickly brought his cursor over the undead character and began to right click and press all his offensive attack hot keys for spells, as did Shishidou and Kikumaru. From afar, Applechu managed to cast Holy Fire on the forsaken warlock they were battling; completely ignoring the damage they received from the four other Horde members.
Soon enough demonkill3r fell to the ground.
"Tezuka, make sure you have-" Atobe paused mid-sentence, "Where the hell is Tezuka?"
"AFK. We lost him. He's probably sleeping. Forget him and keep fighting!" Inui yelled.
"I used up all my potions." Shishidou informed the group.
"Crap!" Kikumaru exclaimed as his computer screen was engulfed in a wave of orange and white.
"Shit!" Atobe cursed as well. It turned out that the enemy's troll fire mage managed to cast a flame strike over the enemies within range. His health bar was low and he was sure that Kikumaru and Shishidou's were no different.
"Casting Prayers of Healing over party." Fuji informed, "Greater heal over Shishidou."
"Thanks." Kikumaru replied.
"They're tough." Shishidou grunted.
"Careful of their tauren warrior." Atobe informed.
"Need another heal!" Kikumaru said, his voice panicky.
"On it." Fuji replied.
"Casting blizzard." Oshitari informed.
"Fuji, Oshitari, I'm going to amplify your magic." Inui warned.
"Crap! This DaBest is powerful!" Shishidou growled.
Fuji screamed, instantly grabbing the attention of the group. They watched as the orc shaman finished casting frost shock, then lightning bolt on the priestess night elf. Atobe swore under his breath as he targeted the orc, rather than the tauren he was concentrating against. This gave Fuji enough time to heal.
"Casting Ice Armor on Ore-sama and runnin-wid-sciss0rs." Oshitari informed.
"Thanks." Shishidou replied.
"Arg!" Oshitari cried as the large tauren rushed at him. Oshitari's next reply was panicked, "This guy… TheEMPEROR has mana burn on his sword."
"Get out of there!" Shishidou yelled.
"I can't. He keeps following me. Casting Cone of Cold." Oshitari informed.
"Unya… I'm coming." Kikumaru yelled in concern.
"I'm casting Smite over uB3r-puRpl3." Fuji said to Atobe, not over team speak.
"I'll keep slashing him." Atobe replied as Ore-sama continuously brought his sword down on the shaman. A flash of light caused him to wince due to its brightness, as Smite was cast. Still, the orc was standing.
"Healing." Fuji informed.
"Heal me too once you're done." Atobe reminded, "Shit! Chain lightning!" From his screen, he watched as the trail of lightning struck him first before jumping to strike Applechu, then their next closest ally standing nearby that turned out to be dataman.
"Get back." Fuji ordered, "I'm casting Greater Heal over you."
"Thanks." Atobe muttered.
"Do you have any potions left in your inventory?" Fuji questioned.
"I used them all up." Atobe replied.
"Oshitari's gone. TheEMPEROR killed him." Shishidou informed the group.
"Damn…"
"I'm low on mana." Inui notified, "I'll cast one last pyroblast before I'm as good as dead."
Atobe let out a sigh as he continued striking the shaman. He reached over to grab a potato chip (in real life). He glared, "He should almost be dead."
"Aa. Casting Smite." Fuji replied. Atobe nodded as he continued to right click on uB3r-puRpl3, watching from the corner of his eye as Fuji healed the entire party, before healing Kikumaru and Inui once more.
"One of their trolls is heading towards us." Atobe warned, "His username is lucky13, fire mage. I suggest we focus on uB3r-puRpl3 first before he has a chance to heal."
"Aa. When their shaman's down, they'll only have potions and basic healing spells before going down." Fuji added.
"Heal yourself." Atobe ordered.
"On it…" Fuji mumbled.
"Think you can cast Holy Fire over uB3r-puRpl3?" Atobe questioned.
"I don't have enough mana. I'd rather save it up for healing." Fuji informed.
"Good thinking." Atobe replied. After several more hits, uB3r-puRpl3 collapsed to the ground.
"We lost Kikumaru." Shishidou informed.
"TheEMPEROR sure is a pain in the ass." Inui muttered.
"Keep it cool. Don't lose your focus." Atobe said to the group.
"Fuji, come over, I'm going to transfer all my mana potions to you. I'm as good as dead." Inui informed. Fuji gave a small nod and made Applechu run towards the female arcane fire mage.
"I wonder who these guys are." Shishidou growled.
"Probably fat nerds." Atobe replied, "Let's all target lucky13."
"Right. I need a heal." Shishidou informed.
"Give me a second." Fuji replied as she kept the mana potions in her inventory and placed some on Applechu's hot bar.
"These guys just don't die easy." Shishidou muttered.
"Casting Holy Fire on lucky13." Fuji informed.
"Keep hitting him." Atobe urged.
"Fuji, cast another Holy Fire over him." Shishidou advised.
"Okay, doing it." Fuji replied as the female night elf prepared for another spell.
Soon enough lucky13 fell to the ground. The three of them cheered simultaneously, there were only two left: the level 59 tauren warrior TheEMPEROR, and the level 58 troll warrior DaBest.
It was an epic battle…
Two hours passed before DaBest was finally defeated. Their life bars were low, they had no more healing potions, and Fuji's mana was dwindling. They had to remember that there was one more enemy left. Five minutes later, and Shishidou's character was down.
"Fuji, stay back and let me handle him. Wait for your mana bar to recover a little over halfway." Atobe ordered.
"Sure thing hubby."
He continued to battle the tauren one on one this time, both exchanging blows. He didn't know who this person was… but he was strong. He let out a sigh of relief as Fuji cast a healing spell over him. TheEMPEROR was one tough opponent.
"Casting Holy Fire." Fuji informed. Much to both their delight, the tauren stumbled back. Atobe quickly rushed his character to attack the other warrior.
"Casting again."
"Keep doing it." Atobe nodded in encouragement. After their onslaught, TheEMPEROR finally fell to the ground defeated. "We pwned them." Atobe smirked as their fight was over.
"That was ultimate." Fuji agreed.
"Hurry up and revive the others." Atobe ordered.
"All right… and done." Fuji notified.
"Good job you guys! You did it!" Shishidou exclaimed.
"Unya! Those Hordes are awful." Kikumaru whined.
"There was a 34 percent chance we'd win. It's a good thing we went against those odds." Inui muttered.
"Let's all head to Stormwind City." Atobe announced.
"… What do we do about Tezuka's character?" Shishidou asked. Surely enough, tennispro was shifting around from side to side, as Tezuka was nowhere to be found. The group frowned.
"… Let's all head to Stormwind City." Atobe repeated.
"Give me a second before you guys leave. I want to check on Yuuta… I heard him swear from his room… He must have fallen off his bed in his sleep or something." Fuji told the group.
"You should stop fussing over him. He's a grown boy." Oshitari replied.
"… I suppose you're right." Fuji mumbled.
"Well then, let's all head to Stormwind City." Atobe repeated for the third and hopefully last time.
They all typed in: cheer/
Yuuta couldn't believe it. They were actually defeated. Sure, they were outnumbered by one, since that human paladin wasn't really doing anything. And sure their opponents were at a high level, like them… but it wasn't fair. They were slightly stronger (especially with that level 38 n00b they had with them) and they had bought amazing armour and weapons. They were prepared to ambush members of the Alliance. He just couldn't believe that they lost.
"This sucks." Kirihara complained into team speak.
"I wonder who they were…" Mizuki mumbled… and was most likely twirling a strand of hair around his finger.
"How unlucky…" Sengoku commented.
"We'll just have to work harder." Sanada announced, "One day I'll come back for that Ore-sama. We'll be back and we'll defeat them. But for now, we must get stronger because as we learned today: even the strong sometimes fall."
"Well, can we continue in about three hours? I need some sleep." Yuuta muttered.
"Sounds reasonable. We'll all take a three-hour break. Training starts at 9:30 AM. Be there, or so help the World of Warcraft." Sanada commanded.
And together they all logged off.
Urchin Power typed: End/
Clarification: You're all probably confused about who was who and what was what.
Alliance: Atobe was a male warrior night elf named Ore-sama. Fuji was a female priestess night elf named Applechu. Ore-sama and Applechu are married online in the game. Kikumaru was a rogue night elf named stealthnekoninja. Inui was a female human arcane fire mage named dataman. Shishidou was a male warrior human named runnin-wid-sciss0rs. Tezuka was a male human paladin named tennispro. And finally Oshitari was a male human frost mage named tensai_rox_glasses.
Horde: Sanada was a male tauren warrior named TheEMPEROR. Kirihara (for the short time he appeared) was a male undead warlock named demonkill3r. Sengoku was a male troll named lucky13. Mizuki was a male orc shaman typically named ub3r-puRpl3. Lastly, Yuuta was a male warrior troll named DaBest.
Ending Note: And there are the PoT boys as World of Warcraft fanatics. Hope you all enjoyed reading this!