DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
There are also two sentences that I "borrowed" from The Nanny. See if you can spot them!
This was written for and is dedicated to the most wonderful friend anyone could have: Urs.
Special thanks to my beta who's going to Florida! Have a wonderful time!
No Laughing Matter
It was a bright and cheery afternoon with no cloud in sight. It was a perfect day for a picnic, a stroll in the park or to just relax out in the sun.
This could not be said for the occupants in the private room of The Leaky Cauldron, for they were anything but bright and cheery.
"This steak is a little tough," one Ron Weasley said.
"So is life," a pause, "and then you die," the blond Draco Malfoy retorted.
"Could you please give it a rest?" Pansy Parkinson commanded more than requested. Both men shot daggers at each other (though not literally).
Silence ensued for a couple of minutes; the only sound heard was the cutlery scraping against plates.
The reason that the three of them were sitting together in a dark room instead of being jolly on their own in the sun is simple: Ron and Pansy had recently become engaged and Pansy wanted Draco to get to know Ron better, him being her best friend and all.
Pansy initiated some idle chatter which led Ron to start telling jokes.
"What is the difference between Jupiter and a blonds head?"
"I don't know, Weasley, What?" Draco drawled.
"Jupiter isn't hollow!" Ron guffawed. He had to wipe some tears out of his eyes. He thought his joke hilarious. He then told his favourite joke.
"What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?" Draco didn't even bother to respond. "Frostbite!" Ron laughed again, but after a few seconds, he said, "You're not laughing."
"Oh, I am," Draco replied. "On the inside, where it's dry." He then took a napkin and wiped away some the spit that had landed on his face from Ron's laughter.
Further silence engulfed them and reached a point where it became so unbearable that Pansy couldn't stand it any longer.
"Oh, stop acting like children! You'll most likely be related soon enough in any case."
Both men sat and stared at Pansy, occasionally opening and closing their mouths. Then it hit Ron like a beater hit a bludger.
"You're seeing my sister!" he roared and jumped up from his seat while pointing a finger at Draco.
"No, I'm not," Draco ground out while shooting daggers at Pansy.
"Don't lie! I know you are;" his eyes shone triumphantly.
"Oh really?" Draco raised an eyebrow. "How do you know this?"
"Pansy said so."
"And you believe everything Pansy tells you?"
"Of course."
"Ah," he drawled.
Pansy promptly stood up and grabbed both men by an ear and said "If you don't start acting like adults, you'll both find yourselves with a few limbs less, I'm quite willing to tear some off for you and hand you two to Molly so she can tear off the rest."
"Yes, Pansy," both men said in unison and sat down.
Ron mouthed "Just wait till Pansy is gone, I'll get you back for that," when Pansy wasn't looking.
"I look forward to it," Draco mouthed back.
"Draco!" Pansy scolded.
"What?" he nearly whined, but managed not to.
Ron started sniggering at which point Pansy just gave up, rolling her eyes and saying "Men!"
A/N: Reviews are appreciated!