DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS.

A MESSAGE FROM HEAVEN

Watching you everyday denying your suffering. Hiding behind the mask of a bastard and closing your heart to everyone is too much to witness.

I should be at peace, no longer able to feel the pangs of human emotions, yet daily my heart breaks.

Every time you choke back a tear from a memory that should make you smile, I cringe. I should've been more vigilant.

Every time you hide away in the basement, drinking your bourbon and sanding away your misery, I die all over again.

You were never one to believe in apologies, though you were quick to forgive. I can't tell you I'm sorry, but I am Gibbs.

I'm sorry I left you and took our little girl from you. Selfishly I'm glad to have her with me, always, but I long to know what her life would've brought for her and for you.

We didn't need to go out that day. Kelly was getting antsy being inside for too long. A short trip for some ice cream to cheer her up was the reward for her being such a good girl. You'd have been so proud. Despite all the restrictions she hardly ever complained; instead she made friends with all the NIS agents, delighting them with her stories.

They were all wrapped around her finger, just like you. Somehow they helped her deal with missing her daddy, without replacing you. Every night at bed she still prayed to see you the next day, but thanked God for keeping you safe from the 'bad guys'.

I look at her and see your blue eyes looking back at me. Many people would comment on how much she and I were alike. But what she got from me in looks, she gained from you in personality. She is still stubborn and loves mischief. Of course here there's no trouble to get into. It's so peaceful.

One day we'll be together. But not until it's your time. Keep safe. Don't be afraid to love again. You deserve to be happy my darling. So much joy you had given me is a gift to be given again.

You won't be tainting our love, you'd be celebrating it. You opened yourself to me and I embraced all of you. Don't wallow in sadness.

Forgive me this one last time and then forgive yourself, though you're blameless. Love. Remember us in fondness not despair. We died knowing you loved us. Live knowing we still love you.