Silent Confessions
By: Artichokie
It was a cool Saturday morning. The mid-morning sun sent rays of blinding light through the small window cut into one side of the room. Most of the sixth-year girls inhabiting the Ravenclaw dorm room were up and about, making sure they looked presentable. It was a Hogsmeade day, after all. It was also Valentine's Day.
One girl remained abed, however. Marietta Edgecombe was awake, but didn't bother to pull back the blur curtain surrounding her bed. Instead, her dark forest green eyes stared at the top of her four-poster, unseeing. Her curly strawberry-blonde hair was tied back with a scrunchy, but short tendrils managed to escape. They rested at odd angles along the edge of her face.
She had been dreading this day. Now that she was single, it wasn't exciting. Her last boyfriend, Robert Williams, had been a nice guy. He was a seventh-year Ravenclaw, intelligent, and so damn willing. He belonged to the stereotype of guys Marietta normally dated. Like her past conquests, however, she had lost interest in him quickly.
She had thought about finding a new type, but that would be difficult. The guys she chose now were easy, and were always excited about the womanly affection she showed them. They were just boring, is all.
Marietta heard movement from beyond her curtains. She registered the light filling the air outside of her haven. She knew today everyone was going to Hogsmeade. Robert would be there. Marietta had heard a seventh-year Hufflepuff had turned her attentions on him and that they would be going together. Marietta wasn't ready to see that, no matter that it was her fault they were apart. It's always been odd for her. At least, that was what she kept telling herself when she questioned her reluctance to greet the day.
A silhouette appeared on her curtains. Marietta knew who it was automatically. Cho Chang was the only one with straight hair in the dorm. Her hair hung from a high ponytail, moving with Cho's body as she tiptoed close to Marietta's bed. Besides, they had been friends long enough that they could recognize each other's shadows.
"Marietta," Cho said in a quiet, singsong voice. Marietta groaned inwardly and rolled onto her side. She watched Cho's hand reach out for the edge of her curtains and start to pull them back. When they were nearly halfway opened, Cho's face appeared. Her dark brown eyes searched the area in a curious fashion. As Marietta had assumed, Cho's hair was up in a high ponytail and swinging freely. Her face was covered in a generous amount of makeup, but nothing trashy.
It was like a painting, Cho's face. Ever since they had started wearing cosmetics, Marietta had admired her friend's face. It took to false color quite nicely, much to Marietta's dismay. Cho was always out-shining her, but it was something she had come to live with. Now, she just enjoyed looking at her.
Cho's face transformed when she smiled, Marietta noted as she watched her friend. It hadn't taken her long to discover Marietta's state of consciousness. Once she had, her mouth had spread into a genuine smile, and she stood erect. Marietta silently gasped and blinked rapidly, hoping her friend would mistake her reaction as being a response to the sudden change in light.
She did. "So, you're up, then," Cho said as she shoved the curtain completely opened.
Marietta rolled back onto her back and stared at the top of her bed again. "Looks like it."
Cho cocked her head. "Aren't you going to get up? It's nearly eight." Marietta shook her head, not bothering to glance at Cho. "What's wrong, Mari? Normally you're the first one up on Hogsmeade days, staking your claim of the mirror. Are you feeling okay?"
Marietta felt her bed dip under Cho's weight. She could feel her thigh pressed against her calf. Instantly, Marietta wasn't comfortable anymore. Every time they touched lately, a strange heat enveloped her body. Marietta couldn't explain it; she was afraid to define it.
She moved away from Cho and sat up. "I'm fine, just tired. I didn't sleep much last night." It wasn't so much of a lie; Marietta had had difficulty sleeping. She focused on her hands, which were curled in her lap.
Cho nodded. "It's not because of what today is, right? You're not lonely, are you?"
More than you know, Marietta thought as she glanced at Cho's hand. It was resting against the mattress, supporting Cho's slim frame. It was such a feminine hand for a Quidditch player--no sharp indents tainted it whatsoever.
Marietta's eyes drifted up the attached arm. It was clothed in a soft pink fabric that did nothing to detract from the shapeliness of her arms. Cho had always been proud of them.
She found Cho's eyes watching her, a tint of concern in their depths. Marietta struggled to remember the questioned. She failed, and came up with an alternative answer that would fit many questions. Or, so she hoped it would. "Why would you think that?"
Cho shrugged. "This is the first Valentine's Day since we met that you haven't had a beau. I just thought you might be a little unsettled, is all."
Marietta glanced down again and pushed herself higher on the bed. "I'm . . . fine, like I said."
"Are you going to Hogsmeade?"
"No. I, uh . . . Robert will be there with Samantha. It's a little strange, and I'm not ready to face him yet." Why did that feel so weird to say?
"But, I thought you broke up with him?" Cho's brow fell down and her forehead crinkled.
"I did. He found a replacement quickly, though, didn't he?" Marietta wouldn't dare to comment on the relief she felt when she had first heard that. "Besides, it wasn't a pretty break-up. He took it hard, and I don't want to see the hurt in his eyes."
When had you ever cared before? she asked herself. It was the truth; she hardly paid attention to the widespread pain she had caused. It was another thing she kept telling herself, though. She hoped that, if she repeated it enough, it would actually become the truth.
"When are break-ups ever pretty?" Cho stood and walked to her own bed. "I have to go meet Shawn in about ten minutes. Are you sure you don't mind me going?"
Shawn, Marietta grumbled to herself. She barely acknowledged Cho's question, and hardly heard herself say, "Go ahead--someone might as well have fun today."
"Okay," Cho said, slight confusion ringing in her voice. "I brought you up some food since you missed breakfast." Cho picked up her purse and walked towards the door. "I'll see you later."
"Tell me all about it!" Marietta shouted after her friend. Cho waved her hand in acknowledgement, never turning around. Marietta watched her until she disappeared around the doorway.
Marietta blinked and stared at the floor. Shawn Schwartz was a seventh-year Ravenclaw who was a Beater on the house team. He was incredibly well liked by many, especially with the females. He knew he was gorgeous, too. One look at his smile and you could see the arrogance oozing out of his pores.
Cho and Marietta had both spotted him back in their third year. Ever since then, it was somewhat of a competition between the two girls to see who could get him to notice them first. Of course, Cho had the advantage--being on the Quidditch team, as well--but Marietta never let that hold her back.
Marietta had learned about Cho's Valentine's Day date the previous day. It came as somewhat of a shock to Marietta, but not for what she was expecting. Her emotions were rather frazzled at the moment.
She sighed and stood up, stretching her arms above her head. A yawn escaped her mouth, but it felt good to stand. She twisted her neck, attempting to get all of the kinks out. She had slept on it wrong again; she could feel her muscles tensing up.
She turned to her bedside table and opened the drawer. Inside it was a quill, an inkbottle, her journal, and her brush. She kept most everything else in her trunk. People liked to snoop through bedside tables. The only reason her journal was still there was because she had been too tired to put it away last night.
Marietta grabbed her brush and began to brush out the tangles in her hair. She was halfway done with the right said when Marietta stopped combing her hair in mid-stroke. She glanced down into the opened drawer and spotted her plain, velvet navy-blue journal. She had written everything in that journal since the beginning of that school year. Some of those she was uncomfortable to admit.
She recalled last night and her reaction to Cho's announcement about Shawn. She once again felt the surge of jealousy that filled her. She recalled blindly reaching for her journal, quill, and inkbottle. She vaguely remembered ranting in her journal.
Marietta had, of course, unleashed her emotions, though. The callous on the first knuckle of her middle finger did not throb for nothing. Setting down her brush, she reached for her journal and sat down on the edge of her bed.
She flipped through the pages until she found the most recent entry. As she reread her curvy, neat scrawl, all of the emotions she had felt last night came soaring back. Anger, jealousy, confusion . . . they were all present. The strongest and most out-of-place, however, was fear.
Marietta Edgecombe was afraid she was losing her mind.
She wished she could blame the words on her lack of sleep. She wished she could pass them off as a mild joke. She couldn't. They felt too comfortable, too right, for Marietta to kid herself. It only made her more afraid.
Without thinking, Marietta grabbed her journal tightly and tore the two-page entry out. She threw her journal back into the drawer and slammed it shut. She reached for her coat, which rested on top of her trunk, and pulled it on. She crumpled the pages in the process, but didn't care. She stood at the end of her bed and closed her eyes. She thought of the one place she found solace when she needed it. She was going to bury the entry, erase it forever; she needed to get rid of it.
Once she pictured it, she snapped open her eyes and flew out of the Ravenclaw tower. In the hallways, she didn't meet many people. Most were at Hogsmeade while others were taking refuge around the nearest fireplace. It was a chilly day, Marietta thought as she swiftly strode down to the grand entrance of the castle. Her body was numb, anyway.
Once she hit the grass of the surrounding fields, her pace grew into a flat-out run. Her eyes were set upon the lake. It was her favorite place to think. She had a specific place she went to when she just wanted to be alone.
The spot was a grassy knoll right next to the lake. On the side facing the lake, a huge boulder jutted out, creating the perfect sitting perch to observe the lake. The Hogwarts castle was to the sitter's back; no one could see them unless they looked closely for the top of a person's head.
Marietta stopped and caught her breath next to the rock. Her hand still clutched the small pieces of paper. Sweat had snaked off of her palm and now dampened the journal entry. Upon remember it, her hand clutched the parchment tighter; a look of pure disgust contorted her facial features.
She wasn't jealous of Cho. She finally admitted that much to herself. She didn't feel betrayed by her friend anymore. She knew this day would come, knew it from the day they both professed their lust over the jock. Marietta didn't care about Shawn, though. She cared about . . .
Cho was a gorgeous young woman. Men would always fawn over her. For as long as that happened, Marietta was afraid she'd feel this indescribable need to scare them off.
Was she crazy? She recalled this morning. Every time Cho touched her, a pool of heat formed in the middle of her stomach, and quickly moved lower into other regions. It was hard to force herself not to touch Cho. The craving for her was so strong within Marietta. Did that make her crazy?
No! They had been friends for a long time. Cho was just someone she craved. If she was jealous of the guys Cho dated, it was only because she longed for the old days when they were always together. She wasn't crazy!
"I'm not crazy!" Marietta's voice echoed off of the nearby forest trees. She hadn't meant to shout it, but she had. She took a deep breath. And, damn if she didn't feel better now.
"Mari?" Marietta froze. She knew that voice, knew it well. Her eyes closed tightly shut. She prayed her instincts would be incorrect, and Cho would not be standing behind her. She feared her new convictions would not stand up against the object they were built against. Marietta decided then that she was pathetic.
As she slowly turned, Marietta found Cho standing on the top of the knoll. Her eyes were wide in mild shock. Marietta could tell Cho didn't know if she should be more confused or afraid. It wasn't often when Marietta shouted to nothing. In fact, this was the first time she had ever shouted at anything.
"Are . . . you all right?" Cho asked, holding a rose before her. God, but she was beautiful, Marietta couldn't help but think. There was a glow around her person that made her hair shine and her eyes sparkle. Marietta felt the familiar heat form.
"I'm fine," Marietta lied. If the truth were told, she was anything but fine. She shifted on her feet uncomfortably and clasped her hands behind her back. Marietta would drown herself in the lake behind her before she told Cho what was written on those papers.
"I saw you running across the grounds as I came back through the gate," Cho said as she took a step closer. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
"Yes. How was your date with Shawn?" Marietta didn't like the probing look Cho was sending her.
"There wasn't a date," Cho said, a vicious sneer forming on her face. Marietta nearly groaned, her relief was so strong. "I mean, we did go together, but I didn't stay long. There was something about him that . . . didn't sit well with me." Her expression suddenly changed again to one that was wary. She was eyeing Marietta again. "Mari, are you positive you're all right?"
Oh, how Marietta hated that look, no matter how attached she was to that face. "Fine." Please go away! Marietta silently pleaded. "Why?"
"You're grinning, is all. I didn't expect it." Cho's eyebrows lowered in puzzlement as she started to chew on her bottom lip. Marietta's attention was instantly drawn to those plump cherry lips. The heat grew in intensity, as did her fear. Marietta wasn't sure how much longer she could control herself.
"If you're happy Shawn annoyed me, then—" Cho began to say, but Marietta cut her off.
"It has nothing to do with Shawn!" she snapped. She didn't mean to be rude with her friend, but it was the only way to channel her emotions. She rolled her head back and glanced at the wispy white clouds floating above their heads. She sent a silent plea to the heavens above for control. Rolling her head back down, Marietta knew it was a plea made in vain.
She would never be able to control these tumultuous emotions as long as she kept them silenced. Marietta could never voice them, however, for she knew Cho would freak out. So, forever silence shall the words remain.
Cho had taken a step closer. Marietta sighed. "Look, Cho, I don't mean to be callous, but I did come out here to be alone." She shook her head and looked off at the Hogwarts castle in the distance. "I appreciate your concern, but I just have some things I need to think about."
Cho's eyes instantly lit up with concern, Marietta noted as she watched her from the corner of her eye. "Do you want to talk about it?" Cho asked.
"No." Yes, Marietta thought. "It's nothing important." Liar!
"Are you sure?" She was back to eyeing Marietta. "We used to talk about everything."
"We also used to be twelve and only cared about whose wand was longer," Marietta bit out as she glanced back at Cho. She could feel her resolve slipping, but could do nothing about it.
"Something is wrong," Cho said thoughtfully. "I really will listen, you know."
"There is nothing wrong!" Marietta shouted. She no longer cared about anything except getting Cho away from her.
"Yes, there is!" Cho shouted back emphatically. "Don't lie!"
"I'm not lying!" Exasperated tears started to well up in Marietta's eyes.
"You wouldn't be shouting if everything were fine!"
"I'm just confused, all right?" Marietta nearly screamed just as one tear slowly slid down her face. "I'm so bloody confused!"
Cho smiled with understanding. "Now, we're getting somewhere." She walked closer until a mere foot separated them. Cho rested her hands comfortingly upon Marietta's shoulders. "So, what's the problem?"
The contact was too much for Marietta. She pulled away from Cho and walked towards the lake, her hands clasped in front of her. She stared down at her journal entry and gave it a sardonic smile. She turned and held the entry level to her face.
"This is the problem," Marietta stated quietly, the mocking smile still in place. "This is the problem!" All of her emotions finally tumbled down upon her. "These words are what is causing me to act this way! I don't understand what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling it! I don't want to know! I can't control it! I'm so scared, but I can't turn to anyone because they wouldn't understand!"
Marietta held the paper and tore them into halves, then fourths, then eighths. She continued tearing them until they were too small for her to grasp with four fingers. As she destroyed them, she shrieked, "They just wouldn't understand!"
Cho stared at her. "Mari . . . I think you're just a tad bit hysterical."
"Hysterical?" Marietta let out a sarcastic chuckle. She felt like throttling her long-time friend. How could she be so dense? "Of course I'm hysterical! How would you act if—" Marietta instantly put a stopper on her words. She had almost blurted out that she had been thinking of Cho in terms that friends shouldn't be doing. She turned away again.
But Cho wouldn't take a hint. "If, what?" she prompted. Marietta groaned. "You can tell me," Cho urged.
"No. I can't," Marietta whispered, her strength now gone. She just wanted Cho gone before she did something she might regret!
"Yes, you can," Cho insisted.
Marietta turned her head to glance at Cho over her shoulder. She sent her a dubious look, "You wouldn't understand."
Cho lifted a brow. "Try me."
"Try you?" Marietta's expression now matched Cho's. A wave of humor engulfed Marietta. Try her, she says? Marietta laughed silently. She threw the torn-up entries into the lake and turned to Cho. Without thinking, Marietta walked to her friend. She grabbed the sides of Cho's face and, before she could say a word, attached their lips together.
Marietta felt Cho stiffen, and she knew she was the only one involved in the kiss; the taste of Cho was enough to distract anyone. Cho's lips were so soft, and so very warm. Marietta could taste her cherry lip-gloss, and it left her wanting more. Even though Cho wasn't responding, Marietta found that she could do this all day.
That's what brought her back to reality. She was kissing Cho! She pulled back and stared at her stunned friend. Cho's eyes were wide open in shock, but she didn't look disgusted. She didn't look thrilled, either.
Marietta took a step backwards. "Oh, my God," she whispered. Without taking another breath, she started to dash across the grounds. She never once looked back at Cho, embarrassment making it impossible.
Once inside the castle, Marietta leaned against a cold, gray stonewall to catch her breath. She knew she would have to deal with Cho later that evening, but it could be avoided for now.
Cho.
The name sparked the memories of her most recent kiss. Marietta brought her fingers to her lips and smiled. Cho's mouth tasted better than she could have imagined.
-Fin-
Please R/R.