The Epic Tale of Near and SirMimsy Pompingdon

by Sir.MimsyPompingdon

And so, when the SPK thought they had gotten rid of Sir.Mimsy Pompingdon, they return...While Near goes away on a important trip to America Rester, Mimsy and some of the other members are left to look after the headquarters. But a new character has arrived...an acquaintance of Mimsy? The real craziness in about to start!

This Fanfiction was created by me the infamous Pompingdon and My friend, who I met over deviantart…^^)

Our amazing story has been derived from a picture she drew and the fact that I am almost (almost!) mentally insane.

I have been given permission to use this amazing picture, which is good because you need to see it to understand the story of how Death Note could have ended (this ending seems more amusing but don't go nitpicking at any implausible scenarios because this is here to make you laugh not to be accurate in the ways of physical possibilities etc…)

So here it is!

The Epic Tale of Near and Pompingdon

Written by: mojomee and Pompingdon.

(Note we took it in turns to write each part so excuse the difference between the writing styles or whatever you spot that makes you able to tell that two different people have contributed to this story)

Title of picture: Being the better one in at least one thing (it's the title picture you can find it on mojomee's account on deviantart ;) )

Pompindon: *pats Near on the head* There there.

Near: *No emotion*Thanks. Here, you can play with my Robo!

Pompindon: YES! MY TRICK FOOLED YOU! I NOW HAVE YOUR ROBOT! BWU HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *runs off laughing manically*

Near: Well, I saw this coming. So I gave you a cheap plastic robot. I'm sorry.

*Takes his beloved robot and plays around*

Oh, by the way, the likelihood that you're crazy is ca.90%. But I don't think that's bad. I like investigating crazy persons.

Pompindon: I think you'll find it's 92%! And I don't care if the robot's plastic for he is still Reginald the 7th!

Near: You named the robot Reginald the 7th ? Why? I have other cases to concentrate about, so I just can't research about you. I hope, you'll understand and answer my question.

(Straight to the point)

P.S: I don't care if it's 90 or 92 percent. You're crazy without a doubt or in this case without 2% more or less.

Pompindon: What question? Sorry I was too busy having afternoon tea with Reginald to listen…what's that Reginald?...He says your hair is fabulous.

Near: Thanks Mr. Reginald, I'd like to meet you again. I also have to introduce you to some of my friends. You'll like them. About the question, I just asked, why you named your Robo Reginald the 7th . Well, I hope to hear from you soon. Call me N.

(cilck)

Pompindon: 'N' sound like Tiger…are you secretly a Tiger in disguise…hmmm, that would mean…That the chair I met was, OMK! I've got to stop him! Goodbye N! *runs off with spade*

Near: Hmmmmmm…perhaps I am. But that means you're a parrot? Have fun with your chair. Bye Bye. *wink wink*

*Sigh* Commander Rester, I think, I have to concentrate on the case right now. But it was fun to chat with Sir. Pompingdon. I'll miss those distractions. *takes his duck and plays*

* Pompindon enters the SPK headquarters and tackles Rester with amazing strength*

Pompindon: BUBBBLESSSSS! BUBBBLLLLLLEEEEESSSSSS!

*starts hitting him with carrot*

Rester: Ow, Ow, Ow! Nooooooooooo! *runs away*

N: … -.-

Linder: N, what should we do?

N: … attack?

Linder: Fine. *takes out big watergun and tackles Pompindon with cold water*

*Linder then starts adding colour to Pompindon's hair and dries it*

Well, N, I think that's enough. Or should I do more?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon is totally drenched with coloured hair

Bubbles are flying around in the air

Near: …I think that's enough. I have to talk with Kira now.

*pushes microphone button*

Kira?

Light: Yeah?

Near: …

Light: …

Near: …

Light: Uh Uh Uh, I AM NOT KIRA!

*Near starts to eat the discarded carrot (previously introduced by Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon) thoughtfully. He then breaks of connection with Kira/Light.*

Near: Mr. Pompingdon, I'd like to welcome you to the SPK. Your imagination abilities could be very helpful to us.

And you'll get lots of robots who could accompany Mr. Reginald.

What do you think?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: …

Near: …

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: …

Near: …okay…

*Near turns on connection with Kira*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Hi Lord Kira!

Light: W-who is this?

Near: … Are you confessing to being Kira?

Light: Wh- NO! How many times do I have to tell you?! I'm not Kira!

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Why is my hair pink? Linder is your first name Richard?

*rolls around the rooms stealing multiple weapons from SPK members, the turns to Rester*

Rester: …

*stares at Rester for a very long time*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: YOUR TURN!

*throws dice at Rester's face*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Where's that Peanut-butter Jellyphone? Damn! I must've left it on the motorbike *grumbles*

*spreads out across the floor like a starfish*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: William, William, Henry, Stephen, Henry, Richard, John, OI! Henry Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich II then three more Henrys join our song-

Linder (to Near): -What is that person doing?

Near: They seem to be reciting the kings and queens of England since William the first aka. William the Conqueror

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: And then my postbox will return

Light: …You do know I've been here this whole time…

Near: Oh yes, we forgot to turn off the connection, not that any information was leaked

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: *sits up and turns to Near*

The second Kira was Misa Amane, the third was Higuchi (but everyone knows that) Light Yagami is the first Kira who is currently working with Kiyomi Takada, a well known new anchor who is also Kira's spokesperson (after Demegawa). Light Yagami also has a third person in his party called Mikami who is currently in possession of one of the Deathnotes. The Deathnotes are tools used by the Shingami (in the realm of the shinigami) to kill humans and gain any remaining life left from said person's lifespan. The shinigami who originally came from Light's notebook is a shinigami called Ryuk, Misa Amane's shinigami was called Rem but it died after saving her, to do that Rem had to kill the original L which is how Light convinced the other Members of the NPA and L's investigation team that he was not Kira however he was in alliance with Misa which allowed him to associate with Rem (which led to L's death).

*long silence*

Light: SHIT! I have to kill you! FOOL! I still have another plan, don't worry! KILL KILL KILL MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Near: I think has gone mad. Mr. Azaiwa, please arrest him.

Light: Noooooo,NOOO, *waves Deathnote around on the other side of the connector* I'll kill you all! So shut up!

Aizawa: What should we do N?

Near: Don't worry, and I have already solved this issue...

The Deathnote is a fake.

Light: Nope, it isn't. This is the real one. The Deathnote you thought was the real one was actually a fake, MUHAHAHAHAHA

Near: Well you should select your fellows more wisely…Mikami screwed up, if you like you can test the Deathnote you have at the moment.

Light: … Shit! MISSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A!

Near: Arrest him Mr. Aizawa.

*Near waits while playing with finger dolls*

Your hair is an interesting colour Sir. Pompingdon, Good work Linder. The pink suits you better Sir. Mimsy.

Aizawa: Done.

Light: Buhuhuh, *sob sob*

Near: *emotionless* Great

Rester: How did you know about the Death note switch?

Near: Because…I'M N! And I had help from Sir. Pompingdon. Thank you for solving this case with me! Maybe you'll also get a letter, P? Or M? (wait Mello's M)

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: But Mello is dead, was one not aware? I do have a taste for chocolate (although not with cake…) Now…Mr. Aizawa

Aizawa: …Me?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Yes…Where did you park my car?

Aizawa: Your car?... I didn't-

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Don't lie! I left the keys to you! You better not have stolen it because it's got a porcupine in it and I am most fond of the rainbow on the bonnet!

Light: *sob sob sob*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: SHOE!

*throws shoe at Light's head, it hit's him*

Rester: …Where did you get that shoe from?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: I found it.

Rester: Where?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: …In a draw…

Light: *groans* Oww…

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: BE QUIET YOU FOOL! I EXPECTED MORE FROM 'THE GREAT LORD KIRA!'

Near: You're acting more rowdy than usual Sir. Pompingdon, why is this?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Because everyone forgot the pumpkin pie!

Rester: The what now?

Near: Pumpkin pie. It's a type of desert, I heard that it is given at American thanksgiving or at the Hogwarts feast in the famous 'Harry Potter' novels. Perhaps Mr. Pompingdon is an American citizen?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: THAT'S SIR TO YOU! And I am British! …

AND THEN THE LITTLE TEAPOT WANDERED INTO MY HERB GARDEN IT SAW A TROUT WHICH BROKE IT'S SPOUT AND THAT IS WHAT CAUSES KITTENS!

Rester *to Near*: You can't seriously be thinking of recruiting this guy? They're a total nut-case.

*Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon removes sock and advances towards Rester*

Rester: …H-Hey, take it easy!

*Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon shoves the sock in Rester's ear*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Now you will forever hear the tormenting echoes of cheesy whispers for making such a rude remark.

*Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon pulls a toy bee out their pocket*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Hello Brian! *BUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZ *

Near: You must learn to tolerate some people Rester , If Sir. Mimsy becomes too much to handle then I'm sure we can find some way to calm them down…

Rester: Like what?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: LIKE FLANNELS *carries on buzzing*

Rester: …

Near: Please just take it and carry on with your life

*Rester looks at sir Mimsy with the sock still in his ear, a strange pink liquid begins to ooze out*

Rester: MMMMMPF!

Near : Linder, could you please erase any complaints.

*Linder shoves an apple in Rester's mouth and begins to skilfully braid his hair into pigtails*

Linder: Done.

Near: Thanks. Sir. Pompingdon, please continue with your craziness. I love having some life around.

*Ryuk leaps into the SPK headquarters*

Ryuk: APPLES!

Near: Hello Shinigami.

Ryuk: Oh, hi (…apples, apples, apples…there are apples…*drools*)

Near: Can I introduce you to someone Mr. Shinigami?

Ryuk: Only when I get my apples!

Near: Mr. Pompingdon is new here. I think you two will like each other.

Ryuk: *looks at Pompingdon*WAAAAHHH! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!

*starts giving Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon peaches, basketballs, babbling ducks, and balloons in a maid dress*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: You forgot the hoisin sauce

Ryuk: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Near: Well that was unexpected.

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: What where you expecting? Pumpkin pie? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WAS EXPECTING! *runs to corner and cries to self*

Ryuk: Hyuk, Hyuk!

Near: (what did all that mean?) Well, Mr. Pompingdon, since you solved our cases so quickly with your incredible intelligence, could you help out with some other stuff?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: *muttering* I just watched the anime…

Near: Which anime?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: You seriously don't know? It's famous! Everyone knows your face and real name! Purely because two certain persons stalked you all round and wrote a story about it

*glares at Ohba and Obata who immediately hide behind a lemon tree*

Nevertheless your being famous and stuff makes you a sitting duck for any other crazy murders or potential Kiras.

Near: *shocked*…what?

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: BUT THAT IS A TALE FOR ANOTHER DAY! *runs after babbling ducks taking a yellow balloon with a crazed face laughing like Kira*

THIS IS THE LAST YOU HEAR OF ME POMPINGDON! ALSO KNOWN AS…THE PHATOM RASBERRY BLOWER OF LONDON TOWN *blows raspberry and disappears*

Linder : …*shocked*

Aizawa: …*shocked*

Rester: MMMMPF! *wasn't paying attention*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: …*shocked*

Ryuk: …*shocked*

Linder: Near did you just show emotion?

Near: *immediately puts pokerface on* No, I didn't.

*Rester stares at Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon wondering if anyone notices they are still present*

Ryuk: …hyuk hyuk, Y'know Near that was kinda cute…for a human...

Near: *blushes* ¬¬ What's with anime anyway?

*Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon is frantically running round the room trampling on Near's completed puzzles in pursuit of a green balloon*

*Near stares at Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon*

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: *stops* …what?

Rester: MMMPFF!

Near: Rester, please put a sock in it...oh wait you already have...

Rester: …¬¬

Ryuk: Oh! Apple! *Sneaks over to Rester and begins to poke at the apples in his mouth*

Rester: *panics* MMM! MMMMPFF!

Ryuk: My lovely apple…*sniffs* I want to eat it…

*Sidoh enters room with bag of apples*

Ryuk: OH! YOU'VE GOT APPLES!

*grabs bag and takes a bite of the whole thing*

Ryuk: *chomp chomp chomp … spits out mouthful* YUCK! These are shinigami realm apples aren't they! I refuse to eat them!

*starts running after bubbles that happen to be floating around the room*

Sidoh: …where am I?

Near: I don't think we can house all these shinigami…and it could take a while to get the place back to order, (especially Commander Rester). However I think our alliance with Mr. Pompingdon will be most fruitful

Sir. Mimsy Pompingdon: Akuma.

Near: …I sense another case coming along, Linder gather the SPK members and do something about Rester. Aizawa you're already here so you can help clear up and rid the headquarters of...

*looks around at completely trashed headquarters with ridiculous amounts of random objects*

...of the unnecessary madness, we have our fair share with Mr. Pompingdon here.

*turns to new puzzle in front of him and starts to complete it*

And so the SPK member combined with the former NPA investigation team became a random person with pink hair, a extremely emotionless teenager, and appleholic shinigami who refused to leave, a very much disturbed commander Rester (we are still unsure what happened to that sock in his ear) and finally a blond lady who always does what N asks.

And the Kira case was magically solved by the awesome newcomer, Mimsy Pompingdon!

Random Narrator: You forgot the 'Sir'

Oh, my bad! By the newest guy at the Police called; SIR Mimsy Pompingdon.

The End

…

Random Narrator: Since when where there two narrators?

I don't know?

Random Narrator: And how come I'm addressed like a character? What's all this random business?

I don't know…

Near: Please just end the story I'm sure the readers are already confused as it is

Random Narrator: Okay

Okay

…

The actual (decreed by the word of the newest best detective in the world-Near) End

Authors Note:

And so ends that epic…slightly random tale, there are a few references I must point out to the perhaps confused or merely curious readers,

c.a- is another term for approximately, why am I telling you this? Because I had to look it up to find out what it meant, if you already knew then well done.

The Kings and Queens song- Is from the CBBC children's show 'Horrible Histories'

Harry Potter- Belongs to J.K. Rowling and the title of the book (as well as the aspect of pumpkin pie) was used in this fanfic, however it has nothing to do with Deathnote. While on the subject the name Pompingdon has no relation to the character in Harry Potter Sir. Nicholas Mimsy-Porpington (most commonly known as nearly Headless Nick) for I was unknown of this full name at the time I created the final name for myself Sir. Oswald Mimsy Pompingdon.

The maid dress- if you are unsure if the items given to Pompingdon was in a maid dress or were given to them while Ryuk wore a maid dress…then your guess is as good as mind because I don't know either

Hoisin sauce- a plum sauce that originates from China (very nice on duck^^)

Ohba and Obata- are the author and illustrator of the Daethnote manga novels (if you were confused about those names)

The Phantom Raspberry blower of London town-Was a comedy put on by the sketch show 'The Two Ronnies' on BBC one (1976)

The line 'I just watched the anime' (from Pompingdon- created by mojomee) is slightly inaccurate because I actually read the manga books however in the final editing of this I preferred mojomee's interpretation of that line and kept it because it sound more amusing.

Akuma- Is the Japanese word for 'demon' it has no relation to Deathnote and is once again pure randomness (despite the fact that I watch Man- another anime which originally started off as a manga, owned by Katsura Hoshino)

If I made any spelling mistakes or continuity errors during the typing/writing/editing of this then I apologise. I hope you enjoyed this rather random affair and if you did not then complain to a weasel about it, or even better Itachi Uchiha.

Itachi Uchiha- Is from Naruto and is owned by the author and illustrator Masashi Kishimoto

Special thanks to my good friend mojomee who provided the picture for this fanfic and a large amount of the material (I apologise to them personally for editing the ending quite a bit ).

However with those last words I hope you did enjoy this story and have a good day.

P.S. This isn't the real ending to Deathnote if anyone is wondering you'll have to read the books to find out