Revised

Ver 1.2 (23 Dec 08)

Not Responsible

Diary,

I know I have not written in you for a while now, and I'm sorry. Things are moving pretty quickly now, and I haven't really had much time. We finally managed to fill out the last of the menial type jobs the other day. Trying to get people to volunteer for those jobs was kind of hard though. Most of them didn't decide to come back just so they could hold a tedious job.

Asuka was at the meeting. She was looking more beautiful than I had ever seen her. She looked at me a few times, but we didn't talk. She has been busy doing her thing, and I guess I have been busy doing mine. It's kind of odd for her to attend meetings. I guess I got so used to her being gone at the Facility all day.

How in the world did it all come to this? How did we come from the brink of annihilation to a city of 4000 people? And how did I ever become a public official? That's kind of weird, don't you think? I never was good at organizing people before. Then of course, I was never really in that position. Maybe it's genetic. Father was good at this. I hope I didn't inherit anything else from him.

Lately I've been a bit depressed, and I think it has to do with Asuka. She is one of the first things on my mind in the mornings, much to my embarrassment, and her face is the last thing I see when I lie down at night… She wrecks me, but I still haven't been able to tell her how I feel.

I passed close by her at the meeting. God, she smells good.

When I first woke up on the beach, I thought for sure that I would be alone for the rest of my life. But Asuka was there. And then, so was Hadased. And Kensuke, Yevgenia, and Will. Only 6 months. I don't think a half a year has ever passed so quickly.

Shinji

Asuka watched Shinji through her un-bandaged eye. The sight of him crying was nearly more than she could bear. Whether anger or pity she did not know. That was something to sort out later perhaps. She couldn't really blame him; with all that he had gone through and seen even the most stalwart could break down.

Shinji's shoulders heaved, trying to expel the hurt and sorrow that he felt through his tears. He held his hands over his face, trying to hide from Asuka, then partially fell to the sand to her side, unconscious. Having seen the culling of all of the humans on Earth, and the subsequent unraveling of his reality, he had been propelled to the brink of his sanity. And then he woke up. In the end, the mind could only take so much.

"Get the hell off of me, Third Child!" Asuka pushed him off of her, and rolled him onto his back with her good arm. The tears still streaked down his face, but no longer was it twisted in grief. He looked calm, asleep. Whether he was unconscious or awake she did not know, nor did it really make much difference.

Asuka looked down at the boy, scowling. Why was he here? Why was she here, for that matter. And where the hell is this, she wondered. The blank stretch of beach went for as far as she could see in both directions. The hideous broken face of Rei Ayanami loomed out of the ocean on the horizon, wide eyes staring through her..

Shinji stirred, his mental exhaustion from the events of the last day receding with some sub conscious levels of understanding taking root. He was alive. He was in reality, and he was not alone. However, along with this came the burden of responsibility. He, and he alone, was responsible for allowing reality to remain reality, not just for himself, but for Asuka and who knows how many other people. Would that make him savior of the world? Or had he in fact doomed them all to the loneliness and pain that was life. The events of the past day were a lot to absorb, and perhaps the best way to deal with them would be to just not think about them.

As a boy just coming into manhood, it was inconceivably difficult for him to take responsibility for the entire world. The struggle within him finally subsided as he fell back into the comfort of apathy. But apathy was like running away. Shinji was tired of running. He seemed to hurt people no matter what he did. Best just to not think about it at all, right?

Asuka stood with some difficulty, and after a brief bout with vertigo, she turned around and tried getting her bearings. There was a wooded area not far from them, but it did not help tell her where she was.

Unwilling to leave Shinji alone, she sat back down. Her plug suit had long since run out of power, and with the LCL in her hair, she really felt gross. As soon as they… rather, she could manage, she needed to wash it.

Some time later, Shinji stirred next to her, turning on his side, and curled up some. She looked disdainfully down at him. Maybe a threat would bring him out of it.

"Shinji, get up! Don't make me kick your ass." She smacked him lightly with the back of her hand. She "hmmph"ed him resignedly and sat watching the waves lapping at the sand with brows furrowed in frustration. What would they do now? Was there anyone left? How would they live? Would they live?

A few minutes went by and Shinji interrupted her thoughts without moving from his spot.

"Asuka?"

"Yeah, what is it?" She answered, frustrated with his need for acknowledgement.

Silence for a few seconds, and then very quietly, "I'm sorry if you're angry that you are back here." His eyes were open once again, but they were clear. He studied the sand intently trying not to meet her gaze.

"Why?", she almost yelled. Then in the far off tone that belied the enormity of the question, "Why didn't you let me die? You could have just let me die. You could have been rid of me for good." She glared at him, then sighed and looked back at the water. "My mother was there, and I wanted to live, and when she was gone, I wanted to die. I wanted to."

"I'm sorry Asuka. I didn't mean to." Shinji sat up and scooted further from her. He could almost feel the angry heat coming off of her.

"Come on, Third Idiot. I am tired of sitting here on this stupid beach." Asuka stood up and started marching off in the direction of the woods. She was curious about the lack of pain in her eye and arm, but wanted some privacy before exploring the issue.

"Where are you going?" Shinji asked standing up. The sand of the beach had invaded his clothes. It was abrasive against his skin, especially in his socks.

"I'm gonna find some civilization. I want to get out of this thing, and wash my hair, and eat something and go to sleep" she said indicating her plug suit.

Shinji's stomach rumbled in agreement.

The woods went on for a while, but then they came to a highway. It was empty and looked little used or maybe just really new. Regardless there was a large sign nearby. Coming around to the other side, they found that it was in Chinese and had a smaller English translation on it. Jen-Shan 20 Km and Hong Kong 125Km it said letters that looked like they were pealing off.

"Hmm. That figures. China. And neither of us know Chinese." Asuka looked around disgustedly.

"I - I know a little. I am not very good though."

"Yeah yeah yeah. I know, here you are to save the day, oh 'But I am no good'. God, Shinji, you know, you really do piss me off!" Asuka started walking toward the outskirts of Hong Kong, her plug suit creaking at the joints. The pads of the feet were already starting wear away. Most likely in a few miles, it would be worn through and she would be on bare feet. Plug suits were not really designed to endure much wear and tear.

Shinji trotted to catch up. Asuka was walking pretty fast, and not showing any intention of slowing for his sake. After a few minutes they rounded a corner and the woods came to an end. A housing development had been steadily encroaching on the wooded area. At first it was just foundations, those gave way to half completed houses, and then turned into houses that had just been recently completed, all laid out in nice exact grids. Occasional breaks marked schools, clinics, small commercial areas, and emergency services like fire and police. On the far side of this new housing development, a large highway from many tributary roads lead to a very large squat structure on the horizon.

Maybe a kilometer down the road the green of vegetation resumed abruptly signifying that area had been completed for some time, and likely had people living there. All around them, however, it was quiet. Even more than quiet, it was silent. Nothing moved. No noises. For a couple of teens that had been surrounded by the bustle of day-to-day life in a city their entire lives, it was disconcerting. No cars moved, no people to be seen, no noise.

"What the hell is this?" Asuka looked around puzzled.

"Uhhm. Everybody is gone, Asuka. For now at least."

Asuka looked at Shinji warily, asking "What do you mean by that?"

Shinji was silent. His brow was furrowed and she could see that he did not intend on answering her question.

Asuka scowled then looked around. The sun had come out a minute or two before, and it was really hot. Red and black where not exactly cool colors either. "Well then they won't miss it if I get some clothes." Asuka looked back at the boy. He was lost in thought, likely related to his last comment. She took his wrist, and half dragged him with her. "Come on, Shinji."

The first two houses that they broke into must have belonged to older people. They were both furnished with antique furniture and old-ish clothes. The third had belonged to a family that had several children.

Asuka thumbed through the clothes in the girl's dresser, and grumbled. She selected several garments and went to the bathroom to bathe and change. All of the electricity was off, but there was still running water.

Shinji waited downstairs. His own LCL soaked clothes had started stinking with the addition of sweat and heat. He had some clothes he had taken from the boy's room. The house was nice, there was carpet on the floor and it was nicely furnished with conservative furniture. Pictures of the family hung on the wall.

Now that she was alone in the bathroom, Asuka took a moment to remove the bandage on her eye that had largely been disregarded by Shinji, probably because he knew that if he said something about it, she would hurt him. The skin underneath was puffy and a little painful, but otherwise unbroken. She could see through the eye too, even if it was a little blurry from being covered. That made her wonder.

She took the fold of bandage that was tucked at the top of the wrap on her arm, and started unraveling it too. Like the eye, the skin of her arm was smooth and did not even show a scar from where she could have sworn it had been bisected lengthwise when she was fighting.

Every now and then the house would pop a little as it heated in the sun. Upstairs Shinji heard the water run for a minute or two and then stop. With the quiet that pervaded the house, he was allowed a chance to really think about things.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he had been going over the events of the last day, more about the actual mechanics of it, and not so much the importance. It had all been so surreal, and yet the things that he had seen had really happened. Deep in his chest he felt the loneliness that he had become accustomed to most of his life. But it was worse. He had felt minds brush past his while he was still in Unit 01. Watching through the eyes of the beast that his mother had held sway over for so long. The whirlpool of souls circling inexorably toward their huge melting pot. He had felt them. Hundreds, thousands, millions, who knew how many. And then they had gone away.

"Hey, jackass, wake up. It's your turn!" Asuka nearly yelled right in front of Shinji.

"S-sorry." Quickly Shinji bolted upstairs. It was dark in the bathroom, and he hoped that the clothes he picked out landed on the sink counter rather than falling off onto the floor or the toilet. He disrobed and jumped into the shower to wash off the traces of LCL.

Asuka was back upstairs again looking at herself in the mirror. The clothes she had picked out did not really fit her well. In fact there were a couple sizes too small. Maybe they should have gone to a house further down. Oh well, she supposed a horizontally striped red and white shirt that made her boobs look huge and a pair of red shorts that were a little on the "too-short" side would have to do until they found something better.

As she left the room she saw Shinji exit the bathroom. His clothes were of slightly better taste she supposed. He wore a blue shirt that said "Time to make the Doughnuts" in very faded English letters, and a pair of blue jeans. It almost made him look like a regular kid. Except for the tired look in him. She had seen that look before. Sometimes he looked like the oldest man alive. Well, of course now he is the oldest man alive, at least so far as she knew.

He had seen things that were not for people's eyes, and he had witnessed atrocities, that would scar him forever. And if they did not, they would at least remain in his memory that long. He heaved a great sigh, and looked up and saw her. His face brightened a little for a moment.

"Hey! Are you looking at my breasts!"

"What? No!" Of course now he was. There is no easier way to get someone to do something than by asking if they are doing it.

Asuka smiled inwardly, but she berated Shinji, falling into the comfortable and familiar old routine they had always followed. Asuka accuses, Shinji denies, Asuka considers, Shinji grows a small spine and counter accuses, and so on. It felt good. It was almost like it used to be. But there was no one to share it with. The other Two Stooges were not here, and even though she hated them too, they did give depth to the "conversation". And Hikari. Hikari had been one of the only girls who would talk to her. Everyone else was too stuck up to deal with Asuka.

As they left the house, the argument raged on. "Shinji, just admit it, you were locked on and you didn't even see me. Hell, I bet you didn't even notice the color of the shirt. Only the shape."

"Ha! Shows what you know! It's red!" This only after looking to make sure.

Asuka's stomach rumbled rather loudly, and that stopped them short.

"Ugh. Man, I need food. I haven't had anything since…" She looked sideways at Shinji. "Since… I was admitted to the hospital." She turned a little from him. She hated having been put in there. Though, it was her own fault. Still that was a very weak and vulnerable position.

Sensing a sudden drop in temperature immediately around him, Shinji decided that they could check out a convenience store that he thought he had seen on their way down the road and voiced the plan to Asuka. He also noticed the absence of the bandages, and the fairness and smoothness of the skin on her arm.

"Uhhm …" Shinji started, then thought better of it.

"What? What is it, Shinji?" Asuka started in her most exasperated tone.

"Nothing." Shinji led the way to the store. On the way they saw a car that had crashed into a now downed electrical pole. The power lines were jumping on the ground spitting out hisses of electrical power like snakes writhing in a pit.

Shinji looked pointedly at Asuka, then back at the car and power lines. And as he looked close this time he realized something was draped over the steering wheel. They crept a little close, and it turned out to be the arm of a dress shirt. It was stained with the sickly yellow color and disgusting smell of LCL.

"Umm, Shinji. Just… just leave it alone." Not only did Asuka just want to get something to eat, but there was also something a little creepy about the liquid remains in the car. Something was weird when you thought about the fact that this liquid is what you were made of, and that the stuff in the car used to be a person.

Across the street was the small convenience store. The front doors stood open for a moment, they tried to close. They were partially blocked by a pile of clothes, and when they closed on them, the doors opened again. Fortunately there was a regular door off to the side. Asuka did not really feel like stepping over that "person" either.

The air-conditioning inside beckoned to them. Inside they found that it was a little better stocked for real eating than many other convenience stores were. In addition to snacks there were some fruits and vegetables and processed meats and such. Asuka headed immediately for the drink cooler, while Shinji headed for the little deli that was set up. There was no telling how long some of the stuff had been out. But they had a pretty good selection which had hams and pepperoni. So tasting the meats first and finding them acceptable, he made a couple of sandwiches.

Asuka was already sitting outside, so he went out to join her. She had a package of candy called "Mouth Joltz" and a soda. He offered her a sandwich and she declined at high volume. He also found that she had not gotten him a drink. Perhaps he should have not just expected her to get him one. After retrieving a drink for himself, he returned and sat on the curb a few feet away.

The sandwich was pretty good, but it needed a little more spice to it. None of the condiments inside where enough. Asuka's candy had her feeling sick a few minutes later. Just because it tasted good, she could not hope to get the nourishment she needed from candy, especially on an empty stomach.

" Helloooooooooo !"

Startled, Shinji nearly choked. Someone off in the distance was calling out. Shinji recognized it as English, but it was with a heavy accent that he did not know.

"Helloooooooooo ! Iss derrr anyone around?"

Jumping up quickly, they both peeked around the corner of the building. Walking up the road, they saw him. He was nearly 2 meters tall, and very skinny with a dark complexion.

"Delag solghergay ! Wudaregha serdaneen !"

"What is he saying?" Shinji looked back at Asuka.

"What are you asking me for! I don't know!" Asuka glared at Shinji in her best "You are so stupid" look. It had taken a long time to perfect that look.

"Shhh. Be quiet, Asuka. He'll hear us." They both turned back to see the man. He had what looked like a bed sheet wrapped about his waist, like he had found it somewhere to cover himself. And then he saw them. Really only their heads, since they were peeking.

He started walking quickly towards them, a smile on his face, waving his arms and calling to them.

"Hey! You! Can you help me! Wherrrre is everyone?", he cried in somewhat broken English.

Shinji thought a moment about running, but they would not be able to outrun him. Besides he looked friendly enough. Finally when the man was only about 50 meters away, he spoke up. It came out a little mixed up, while he tried to remember the weird subject verb arrangement of English.

"Umm. Alone… are we, around is no one." Asuka pushed him out of the way.

"No stupid, subject first then verb then object." Then she turned to the man. "Everyone is gone. You are the first person we have seen."

"What has happened?" The distressed look in his eyes was difficult to miss, and his excitement made him more difficult to understand.

Asuka looked at Shinji, who just shrugged. Go on and tell him if you think you can put it into words. "Well, I assume you have heard about the Angels?"

The story took so long that they had raided the convenience store again. This time Shinji had put the meats and cheeses and other perishables in the cooler. If it stayed on long enough, they could make good use of that food.

Presently they were outside the store, sitting at a table in a corner of the parking lot, which was empty. The sun was quietly abandoning them, and it would only be about an hour or two before it was gone fully.

"And so far as I understand, this Lillith… thing caused everyone's AT Field to dissipate, and everyone's soul was released." She looked at Shinji for a second. "Initially we thought maybe we were the last, but with you here, maybe anyone can come back to reality.. I guess some people would choose to stay. You know it all sounds really dumb when you try to say it, doesn't it?" She raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

Shinji and the man, Hadased, nodded, one agreeing, the other absorbing. According to Hadased, he came from Bahrain. He had been just getting up to open his store, and then it happened. He had come to in the water, which he now knew to be the South China Sea. He had been resting in the sand with the water at about neck level, and to his distress, he was naked. Now he sat in a short sleeve shirt and shorts that he had gotten from another nearby house.

"So, why was God so angry with us that he would have send these… Angels? What had we did to deserve such punishment?" Hadased asked.

"I'm not sure. Seems like I overheard someone at NERV saying it was because we had started meddling in genetics where we weren't supposed to, after we finished mapping the Human Genome. But who knows."

Shinji looked down at his watch, then at the descending sun. "You know, we ought to find someplace to stay. It's going to be night soon." Shinji realized he said it in English, and supposed that with practice he was getting a bit better.

"What if there are more?" Hadased inquired, looking around.

"More what? People who come?" Asuka thought for a minute. "We could make a beacon or something. Like a radio playing music loud or something like that."

"How about a bright light at night. I don't want to be up all night listening to music." Shinji said throwing their trash away.

"Dat is not a bad idea. But where will we sleep?"

"Yeah I don't want to sleep in someone else's bed." Asuka was more repulsed by the idea of dead humans than she was of dead Angels. "We could just get some blankets and stuff and sleep in someone's living room." It was not really a suggestion; it sounded more like a set plan.

That night, the first night of the new era, they slept in a nearby house, laying out on the floor of the living room. Outside, a light shone up into the air, casting a long white streak into the dark blue sky. The red splash of blood on the moon and arcing through space still caught light and shone brilliantly also.

Shinji and Asuka both had nightmares. Hadased slept soundly enough, of course he had not recently experience the traumatic events that the two children had.

In Shinji's dream he was confronted by an endless stream of people none of whom he knew. They accused him of making the wrong decision. Of choosing for them. He tried to explain that they really had a choice. He had given them a choice. He had given everyone, even Asuka, a choice, and they chose for themselves.

In Asuka's dream she was walking alone in a city full of people. She did not see any danger, but she felt it; there was pain too. It was getting closer. Then her mother stepped out of the crowd and took her hand. Together they pushed past everyone in the city and ran for the country side. But her mother wanted go even further, and pulled at Asuka to come with her. She looked back at her daughter and smiled.

It was not a smile of regret or malice. She saw that Asuka wanted to go back to the city. Back to the people and the danger and the pain. She was sad that Asuka would not come with her, but she loved her with that smile. Asuka left her mother there, on her way to the country, and returned to the city, and just as she woke up, she saw Shinji. "Shinji!"

"I didn't do it. I am not responsible." Shinji lapsed into silence, moving back into a deeper sleep. Asuka saw that his cheeks were damp like he had been crying in his sleep.

Touching her own cheek she found that she had too. The pain of the loss of her mother this second time was still there. She had wanted to be with her so much. And then she was gone again. Sighing, Asuka turned over and tried to go back to sleep. The clock radio they had brought into the living room of this house said it was 04:00. It would be light in a little while. Another day in another world. A new world. Maybe they could fix things where they went wrong before.

With thoughts like those it was easy to find sleep. It stole over her before she knew it, and this time it was restful. Outside, a half mile away, a girl and a boy still unknown to each other were both making their way to the light that streaked across the sky.