Death
'Oh my god, not again... why now? Why them? First him... and now them? What am I going to do? What about the kids? what about phoebe? Oh god... Phoebs! She's heartbroken! Worse even! There are no words to describe how she has reacted to this. She's so sensitive and she was so close to them. Prue was like a mother to her... to us too but mostly to phoebs. They seemed to just click to being mother and daughter and not sisters. Don't get me wrong when mum died when we were kids prue took it upon herself to help our grams look after us... All of us piper, phoebs and me. I was only a tiny baby when it happened so i have absolutely no memories of my mum at all only from what I've been told and through pictures, Phoebs was nearly two, so she has hardly any memories either, she remembers tiny little things like her long hair and smell of her perfume and she has one memory of mum rocking her in the rocking chair in the nursery. Piper was 5 and prue nearly 9! for some reason prue felt more connected to phoebe after it all as i was to young of just a few months 2 to be exact so prue let gram's handle me and piper sorta closed herself off, she didn't really understand she just knew mum wasn't coming back and with the child mechanism was in away oblivious to it all, she would just carry on like any other day so prue and grams let her. Whereas phoebe found it difficult as any toddler would. One minute mums there the next she's gone and all these other people are looking after me. she would be up in the night, every night having nightmares and waking up terrified so prue would settle her , she knew that gramms was busy with me so she felt she should do it. What I'm trying to get at here is that phoebe was the one who struggled the most with mum's death before prue of course. She missed her a lot and got sorry, gets upset sometimes when she thinks about her and I try my best to comfort her but that was prues job. After all how can you comfort somebody when they are grieving for somebody you never got the chance to know? Then when gramms died some years later it again took its toll on her, I just don't think she handles loss very well. So prue again looked out for phoebe still as well as me and piper but she felt that phoebe needed more guidance and support. Then things got raw and as they both got older they sorta clashed and started bickering a lot more often and the bickering became full on loud plate smashing, door slamming arguments! Then phoebe moved away I missed her so much! We are so close I hate being so far away from her for so long. I like to be close to her and feel the love that that gentle kind, sharing heart of hers gives out. But she moved back a year later thank god in the nick of time to turn prues attention and nagging from me and on to her! They started to get on a lot better and I began to calm down as the reason I was rebelling was back so there was no need anymore. They started to become close again. Back to mother and daughter again. And now this! now prue, the mother figure, the role model, the one to look up to, along with piper the referee, listener, career , are gone... just like that... dead! I suppose you want to know how? Well here goes! 2 days ago it was phoebes birthday solo we all thought it'd be nice to go out for a birthday meal anyone's treat but phoebes, the birthday girl should never pay for their meal. anyway we decided to take 2 cars as prue and piper were headed to pipers club afterwards to meet some guys, but I didn't feel like it and neither did phoebs she fancied a quiet night in so we'd agreed that me and phoebs go in her car together and drive back to the manor while prue and piper go to the club. anyway the meal was lovely, we chatted laughed until we cried etc. etc., the usual stuff you do with your siblings, until it was time to go, we said our goodbyes hugged and prue told us both sternly not to wait up for them to go to bed and sleep! So we went our separate ways. I and phoebe got back in the nick of time before a storm hit! And rain fell to the ground hard! we sat our tired self's in front of a dad and helped ourselves to prues secret stash of chocolate and pipers wine we figured we could use the fact that it was phoebes birthday as a excuse when we'd demolished it all, although we never did get the chance we'd got about a quarter of the way through the love film huddled up on the settee with tear streaks down both our cheeks when we were both startled by the loud ringing of the phone we both leapt out our seats and ran for it. Who would be calling at ten forty five at night time? I got to it first somehow; phoebe was always the quickest so I didn't know how id managed to beat her to it. I picked it up and held it to my ear
"Hello?"
"hello, is this a miss phoebe or Sinead Hallowell?"
"yes this is she, this is Sinead halliwell. can I help you? only it's late and I was just on my way to bed" I lied. I thought it was a salesman trying to sell me stuff
"this is nurse Phillips, I am calling from the am, it's about your sister's prue and piper halliwell, they arm... well ... they were involved in a very serious car accident due to the weather."
"oh my god!" I screamed
"are they ok? please tell me their okay?"
"Prue is in a pretty bad way right now." the nurse said showing pity in her voice.
"and what about piper?" phoebe demanded! by now I had switched to loud speaker so she could hear everything.
the nurse hesitated for a moment
"I think you should come and speak with doctor Wallace."
"what? why won't you tell me how my sister is?" I was so scared and looking at phoebes face she was also. I was getting so frustrated with this nurse person, why wouldn't she tell me how piper was? why one sister but not the other?
" it's best if you get down to the hospital asp miss halliwell, if you got straight to the reception tell them your name and who you need to see and they will have someone escort you to where you need to go." the phone went dead. I looked up at phoebe tossing the phone on the sofa I saw in her eyes what I felt inside fear, confusion and worry.
we both quickly bolted for the front door. the weather was horrendous still! it took us a half an hour to get to the hospital. phoebe drove and we could barely see, we skidded everywhere and we could feel the wind pushing us! what should have been a 10 to 15 minute journey was doubled because of the weather. the journey was horrible we were both so worried and scared for piper and prue but also whether we would even make it to the hospital but we knew, we just knew we had to get there.
it was almost a half 11 when we finally got there I sprinted from the car to the reception holding phoebes hand so tightly not wanting to let her go dragging her along behind me, she was scared and she wasn't sure she wanted to go in there i could tell by the way she was dragging back, she hates hospitals enough as it is and is so fragile, and little you are scared to break her and always feel the need to protect her its almost asif shes the baby in the family and not me. but i pulled her in with me i needed to get in there to find my sisters and i wasnt gong to go alone! she was coming!
i got to the desk and impatiently waited for the man sitting there to acknowlege me, seconds passed and nothing so i coughed to get his attention still nothing i wasnt sure if he was ignoring me on purpose but i didnt have time for messing around so i shouted.
" Exuse me! exuse me!" i shouted tapping loudly on the desk with my free hand, the other still firmly gripping phoebes. she looked around nervously. i noticed this so i gave her hand a reasuring squeeze to let her know i was there with her.
the man finally looked up.
"oh, oh sorry miss how can i..." i cut him off i didnt have time, i needed to find my sisters
" prue and piper halliwell! were family!" i yelled nervously
the man gave me a solum look which i dismissed before he got up and escorted us to the ward we needed. that ward bieng intensive care. as we walked closer to the doors with the large sigh above them i knew this was bad! phoebe knew it too i felt her shaking as i still clung to her hand.
when we reached the door the man spoke in to a box thing on the wall.
" i have the halliwell family"
then a nurse appeared from around the corner aand opend the doors for us to enter the man simply nudged his head fowards so i stepped through the doors pulling phoebe again i had to really pull her this time. the nurse gave me a sad smile.
" dr wallace is through here." she guided us in to a office where the familliar face of our doctor sat starin at his desk with a pen on the brim of his lips. he looked up threw the pen to the desk and stood.
" phoebe, sinead how are you? well silly question erm.. take a seat girls" he gestured to the 2 seats opposite him.
i tried to take my had from phoebes so that we coud make our way to sit down but i couldnt. she now didnt want to let go of my hand her grip was strong and intended on staying. i looked at her and she met my eyes. she looked so scared. just by looking in to her eyes i knew she was telling me not to let her go so i didnt i simply gave her a slight smile i could muster at that time and turned towards the chair with her following behind. we sat down
" girls, i assume you want to know whats happened, well i shall be the one to tell you. your sisters were involved in a very serious car accident. at this moment it is beleived that a total of 8 other cars were involved so you can imagine the seriousness. the police have said that it was clearly a accident and due to the weather so no one is to blame. they said they think a car tried to stop at a red light on a crosss roads but could due to skidding it went straight in to your sisters car which then rolled over in to several othe cars before it stopped down a bank at the side of the road." i gasped at his words, phoebs was still shaking more so now. dr wallace continued .
"Prue is in a very bad way. she had severe internal bleeding which is now under control for now, she also suffered a blow to the head, a broken leg and arm but the main concern is her heart. a large shard of glass from the window screen was pushed in to her chest punctured her lung and got frighteningly close to her heart. we removed the glass but... what im trying to say is that her heart may not be able to cope with the pressure its had on it, it will be a mirarcle if it does and even then with only one lung in working order at the moment. it doesnt look good. im afraid i must advise you to prepare yourself for the worst." phoebe let go of my hand and bought them to her mouth she began crying hystericallly i just sat there staring. how could this be happening? just afew hours ago we were all together laughing and now... 'piper' i thought why hadnt he mentioned piper?
i glanced at the still crying phoebe then focused back on doctor wallace.
" what about piper? how is she?" i questioned in some way a little part of me knew the reason why he hadnt mentioned piper yet but i didnt want to believe it!
the doctor paused looking from me to phoebe then back to me again. i put my hand on top of phoebes which rested on the arm of the chair, in a somewhat attempt to calm her.
" I am afraid piper didnt make it."
phoebe again gasped so loudly and cried louder.
my chest felt tight all of a sudden i was struggling to breathe let alone take in what he had just said i removed my hand from phoebes and put it to my chest pushing little breathes of air out to try and gain control.
" the fire crew got piper out of the drivers side but she was unconcious barely breathing, she had countless amounts cuts and gashes they lost her on the way here. they tried to bring her back but it was too late her heart stopped. i'm sorry for your loss girls i really am." he got up and left.
i was finding it more and more difficult to breathe now. i felt dizzy and drunk. phoebe had now slid from the chair to the floor and was screaming for it not to be true. i couldnt breathe i had to get out to get some air or something i just had to get out. i stood steadying myself as i did so. i quickly exited the room my vision went all blurry i couldnt see everything was just mixed up colours, i grapped the wall and used that as my guide out still clutching at my chest until suddenly i could breathe again but i stilll kept walking then i felt a lurch in my stomach so i grabbed it and fell to my knees where i then spuu'd numerous amounts of times. a nurse came quickly over and helped me to a chair and gave me a glass of water she sat by me while i drank it. i could still hear phoebes very loud sobs and sniffs. i passed the empty cup back to the nurse stood up i started to walk away until i stopped myself turned back to face her.
" thankyou, sorry for the mess." i said as i glanced at the mess id made. she just smilled and walked off.
i wiped away the visible tears took a deep breathe and went in to the room where phoebe still sat on the floor. i bent down to her and took her hand in mine while i wiped away her tears with my spare one although more kept falling in their place so it was a waste of time really. but i knew i had to stay strong for phoebe. after all if prue didnt make it id be the only one left to be there for her. we both couldnt break down at the same time one of us needed to stay strong for the other.
"phoebs sweatie, lets go see prue, she needs us." i found it so hard not to just scream out then. but i knew i needed to keep myself together for my sister.
" i...i... i dont wanna see her." phoebe said through tears
" i know sweatie neither do i but she needs us to be there for her, if shes not going to make it do you really want he to be alone? or do you want her to ake up alone, scared, confused?" i said i needed to be truthful i could go around giving her false hope.
" i dont wanna see her like that... all..all hurt and broken... its not...not like her."
i took my sister in to my arms holding her tightly
" i know baby, i know."
"i dont want... her to die. its bad en...enough piper but prue too! i cant loose her sinead.. i cant.. not her... i need her... she... she... i just need her with me!"
"oh sweatie, lets go see her. come on"
i let go of phoebe and got to my feet i held my hand out to her and she hesistantly took it i heped her to her feet then i put one arm around the middle of her back and the other on her elbow closest to me of the arms she had crossed. we walked out of the door and down the hall until i saw a door with a sign saying halliwell on the front. we stopped dead infront of it.
i took in a deep breathe my stomach was doing sumersaults. phoebe was shaking again.
"ready?" i asked
phoebe hesistated again but nodded. i slowly pushed the door open and we walked inside to be met with machines everywhere bleeping at diffrent rates and flashing numbers. phoebe broke free from my grasp and ran to prues side holding her hand and stroking he hair and forehead with her other hand.
i took in another deep breathe and joined them. i stood next to phoebs and looked at my big sister. she looked so vunerable and helpless. i just wanted to make her all better but i couldnt do anything i was useless, we were useless. then the thought dawned on me 'what if prue did wake up? how would we tell her about piper?' the thought was quickly interrupted by a voice, phoebes voice she was talking to prue.
" prue please wake up i need you, please dont die on me like piper, i need you to stay with me, to look after me, please dont leave me, i need you!" she said now sobbing again. my own tears fell i needed prue to she was my big sister, she looked after us all, what would we do if she died it'd just be me and phoebe.
phoebe continued to talk to prue in hopes to wake her.
i put my hand around her back to support her, she was still shaking.
" you cant die on us. you have too much to do, youve got work and the house and us to look affter , now erm pipers gone youve got more to do. come on prue wake up! please, i still need to pay you back for those jeans of yours i ruined, come on! and i still need to totally whoop your ass at cards again! you totally suck" she let out a little chuckle at the memory.
"seriously though prue, wake up! come on i need you ,ore than you know! i cant live without you prue i cant, i need you"
my heart broke when she said she couldnt live without her, what did that mean? would she do something? would i be left alone? i was bought out of my thoughts by a faint almost forced out voice it wasnt phoebes, i looked over to my bed ridden eldest sister, she was waking up her head moved slightly to face us and her eyes flickered open.
"ph...phoebe?" both our eyes set on prue
"prue? thats it sweetie your awake!" i said grabbing her other hand phoebe had her closest one.
" im here sweatie , im here! sineads here too! were here sweetie!" phoebe said through loud deep breathes we were both so relieved.
even though prue was awake somethig still felt wrong. she looked so weak it looked like it was a effort for prue to just breathe.
"sinead?" she said though you could tell it was killing her to speak.
" yes sweatie im here? youre ok." i said through tears
"no... no im not... pipers gone isnt she?" she said through pained eyes
i couldnt lie to my big sister
" yes, im sorry prue" i said tearing up again
" she'll be ok i promise... up there i mean shell be ok"
i was slightly confused at what prue meant and by the look on phoebes face so was she
i sniffled " how do you know?" i questioned
" because i just do." she replied i could tell she was finding it harder and harder to breathe now the monitors were starting to bleep faster than before and the numbers on them were changing.
"you guys know i love you dont you?" she said her eyes were wartering like ours
phoebe nodded and sniffled
" of course we do prue. and you know that we love you"
she nodded and winced in pain
" I... i mean... it! i love... you guys... more than... ever .. i will ... never stop"
she was really struggling now and we could tell she was in pain her breathing was slowing niether me nor phoebe knew what do do.
" prue let me go get a doctor."
i went to leave but she grabbed my hand so i turned back to her
"No sinead! you both need to hear this!... please!"
"okay, okay but as soon as your done im calling for one!" i said starting to panic
"okay... im... so ...so proud of you both! phoebs with...your uni!.. youve always been so smart! use it phoebe.. use it!"
phoebe started crying we both realised what she was doing. prue was saying her goodbyes, she was going to die and she knew it.
"sinead, you are so...caring.. you put everyone else before you... i ... admire ... that! i know ... phoebe is safe with you... look ...after my baby for me... dont ...let anyone.. hurt her.. protect her.. be there ...for her.. promise?"
she looked at me with watery pleading eyes
i nodded through the tears
" look after the triplets for piper! theyre...back soon...and give that gorgeous baby of yours a big kiss... from ... me okay?"
the triplets! Alexis, Hannah and Leah! and mt Ella! in all that was going off i totally forgot about them. the triplets were away with their dad and Ella was with my friend. My baby was going to grow up not only with out a dad but without her aunties too, and the triplets without their mum and aunty!
she turned her head slightly to face phoebe again wincing in more pain
" look at you... sooo ... beautiful! my baby! youve... grown up ...to be ..a wonderful girl.. phoebs.. dont.. let anyone... tell ...you any diffrent! "
phoebe tried to speak through her sobs
"please...please...dont do... this.. i love you.. you cant.. do this... dont.. leave me please... dont.. i need you.. i need you more than you know... i do... please.. dont go... i need you.. i need my mum.. you i need you.. i .. cant.. loose...yo.. you... i cant ...live..with..without you"
my heart broke again!
"phoebs... i love.. you more than the world!... remember that... you are.. mine.. you ...always have.. been ...my baby.. my phoebe.. my daughter.. dont forget us!"
her eyes met mine
"remember... take .. her.. i...love ...you"
her eyes went back to phoebes. she pulled her hand from phoebes and lifted her arm to phoebes face she stroked phoebes cheek softly, she smiled as she did so.
" i love... you..my baby..."
Her eyes closed and her arm flopped to the bed the machines started bleeping like crazy and flashing.
"oh god" was all i could say before the sobs started. my hand went to my mouth and my legs felt weak and wobbly until they gave way and i was sitting on the floor sobbing what made it worse was hearing my only remaining sisters screams.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! please noooooooo! oh god noo!" she cried just then the doctors all came rushing in some pushing a trolley that nearly ran in to me who still sat on the floor i looked up at them all rush round my eldest sisters bed and one nurse pushed phoebe out of the way she nearly fell to the floor but steadied herself. just then word played out in my head ' dont let anybody hurt her' those words said by my now dead sister at hearing them i jumped to my feet and ran to phoebe taking her in to my arms to protect her.
"DONT PUSH MY SISTER! " I shouted i was angry and confused and devastated no one was going to go near the only remaining sister i had. the nurse just stared at me as i glared at her still hugging a hysterical sister.
all of a sudden the doctors and nurses stopped their rushing about and started writting things on files and turning of the machines when one came over to us. it was doctor wallace
" I'm so sorry girls, shes gone." he gave a gentle but sad smile and escorted everyone out of the room including himself. just then phoebe broke from my embrace and ran just ran. Before i could shout to her to come back or follow her she was gone. my eyes were drawn back to the now lifeless body on the bed. i slowly walked toward it and pulled the sheet away from my eldest sisters face. more tears fell as i brought my hand to her face. i brushed her hair away from her eyes and gently stroked her face.
"Dont worry, ill take care of her for you, you look ater piper for me. ill miss you. bye prue i love you" i leaned over and gently placed a kiss on her now cold forehead before i left in search of phoebe.
as i walked away i heard dr wallace calling after me but right now i needed to be with phoebe so i shouted exactly that as i carried on walking not looking back. i kept walking out in to the rain i hadn't found phoebe inside and i knew she wouldn't be in there she hated hospitals and now two of her sisters were lying dead in one. as that thought hit me it made me want to be physically sick. i began to cry again right then i just needed to be held and the only person that could hold me was my last remaining sister and i had no idea where she was or did i? Right then i realised where phoebe would be either at 'the beach' but with the weather this ferocious and the fact that it was 2 30 am so the tide would be in, i opted for the other option, that bieng the manor. Prues bedroom to be exact.
i walked up the steps toward the manor it looked abandoned for some reason. i was soaked from the long walk back home. drenched cold ad shivering i opened the front door
"phoebs?" i called out i dont know why i did when i think about it now as i knew where she was and i knew she wouldnt hear me from there. i ran up the stairs stopping halfway as a picture on the wall caught my eye a picture of all of us me, phoebe, prue, piper, the triplets and ella. it had only been taken a few weeks back and prue had put it in a lovely frame just a few days ago! i looked at the photo my eyes fixed on two people stood next to each other. two people that were no longer there anymore. a drip of water from my wet hair dripped in to my eye bringing me out of my daze and back in to realitly i quickly carried on up the stairs i heard phoebe sobbing in prues room i quickly ran in to my room changed my clothes and threw my wet ones aside pulled my hair up in to a bobble and made my way to the door of prues room i took a deep breathe and opened the door to find phoebe lay on prues bed holding a photo, the same photo i saw just minutes ago just a miniture version and snuggling what i knew as prues favourite cardi her face burried in to it as i got closer i noticed another peice of clothing next to phoebe it was that of pipers dressing gown. i crawled across the king size bed to phoebe and lay behind her wrapping my arms around her and kissing her cheek.
"im here baby, im here" i said through my own tears to let her know i was there for her.
she let the photo fall to the bed and used the now free hand to grab my hand. i squeezed it tight.
she sniffled "don't ever let go"
i was slighty confused by what she meant by this but i took it as she didnt want me to ever leave her like they had.
"ill never let go, i promise" i replied.
i held her for what felt like hours until she cried herself to sleep, but then i still needed to be close to her so i kept hold and eventually fell asleep myself.
The next thing i knew i was alone on prues bed still but alone i looked around, the picture and clothes were still on the bed but no phoebe, i sat up looked at the clock it said 7 30am. 7 30? was it really that time. it felt like i hadnt slept at all. i didnt know how long i had slept for but the last time id seen the clock it was 5 .30 and phoebs had just fell asleep.
"phoebe?" I said as I got up off of the bed although I didn't really want to, I just wanted to be near to my eldest sister and now bieng in her room was the only way. In getting no reply from phoebe I headed in her room and what I saw scared the hell outta me I just stood and stared I didn't know what to do. There in the middle of the room was my big sister phoebe my only remaining living sister blood dripping from her wrists a bottle of pills emptied on the floor with only afew sprawled out on the floor, blood also dripping out what looked like a stab wound! There she stood or the right word would be hung. Yes my phoebe tried to kill herself.
I screamed
"noooo! Phoebe! Oh god no!" I ran over to her I looked around for something to cut the rope she had tied around her neck when I saw the blood covered knife at her side on the floor. I quickly grabbed it and started cutting away at the felt like id been hacking at it for days but it really was only afew seconds when suddenly the rope snapped and I grabbed my sister to try and beak her fall, shes always been small and light so it wasn't as hard as it would look.i quickly got up and knelt at my sisters side I checked to see if she was still breathing, she was but faintly, so I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and dialed 911 panicking about the amount of blood that was spuing out of her fragile body I pressed the loud speaker button and shoved my phone on the floor. I then grabbed a t- shirt from phoebes bed and wrapped it around 1 of her wrists I then ran to her drawers and and grabbed to more i wrapped one around the other wrist and pressed the othere down on her stomach wound.
A voice came from my cell phone
"hello? 911 can I help you?"
I took a deep breathe still pushing down on the stab wound
"Erm…. Yes… my sister…. My sister shes hurt…. Bad… I need an ambulance quick!"
"Ok I need you to tell me five things ok? I need you to tell me first your name, your sisters name her age, your address and what is wrong with your sister. Can you do that?"
I nodded although I do not know why as I knew full well that the person on the other end of the phone could not see me
"erm…. My name is sinead, my sisters name is phoebe, she's 20, our adress is 1329 Presscott street San Francisco….. and shes erm… she tried to kill herself… shes got a stab wound on her stomach deep cuts to her wrists… shes overdosed on some pills and shes hung herself…. Oh god please hurry! I cant loose her too! Not now not ever! Please hurry!"
Fresh tears fell quickly from my eyes as I sobbed still applying pressure to the wound on phoebe.
"The ambulance is on its way to you is your sister breathing?"
I checked her breathing again
" she was barely breathing before now its getting slower" I sobbed again
"ok, have you applied pressure to her wounds?"
"yes …. I …. Ive tied clothing round her wrists and am applying pressure to her stab wound now is it coming yet? I can't lose her"
"yes it's just coming round the corner now"
Just then I heard the sirens and before long footsteps through the manor
"theyre here" I said and my phone bleeped the battery had died
I leaned over to phobe pulled one hand away from her wound and stroked her face
"theyre here now sweetie! Hold on wont you! Don't die on me aswell"
Just then two men in bright clothes came rushng in with a stretcher and bags full of equiptment
"please help her" I said as I stood back to let them do their job
"we will do our best" one man said as he looked at me while the other began working on phoebe
"whats your name?" he asked
"Sinead… my name is Sinead"
"and who is this?"
"phoebe…. My sister phoebe can you help her?"
"we will try our very best to help your sister sinead. How old are you both?"
"Erm… she's 20 and I'm 18"
"okay, am I right in believing your sister has tried to take her own life?"
"yes … I found her she was up on that rope and she was bleeding and shes taken pills too"
As I said that I pointed to the empty pill container and the man picked it up and looked at it he then got a see through bag and put the container in there.
"do you have any idea how many pills she has taken?"
"no I didn't see"
"okay that's okay. I know I'm asking a lot of questions I'm just trying to get a background n the situation. Do you know why phoebe might of tried to end her life?"
I looked from him back to the near lifeless body on the ground my tears fell again I looked at the ground and nodded
"yes"
I said quietly
"can you tell me why?"
"to make the pain go away" I said still my eyes set on the ground
"what pain is that Sinead?"
I sniffled
" the pain of losing 2 sisters in one day"
Tears fell freely again
The man looked at me confused
" prue and piper our big sisters they both died in a car accident last night"
"oh I'm sorry for your loss. So you think that could be why phoebe did this?"
"I don't think, I know, she wanted to be with them, she didn't care that id be alone she just wanted to be with them, she was going to leave me, when she asked me to promise never to leave her!"
I started to become somewhat angry at phoebe, I didn't want to be but I couldn't help it, she did ask me to promise never to leave her and I wouldn't dream of ever leaving her but then she went and did this? Knowing full well shed be leaving me behind.
"Okay she's stable let's get her in!" the other man yelled and just then the other man started helping him put phoebe on to a stretcher and they carried her out of the manor as I followed them in to the ambulance.
The man gestured for me to sit down on a seat next to my sister so I did so they had bandaged up her wounds as best they could. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it to let her know I was there.
"Why phoebs? Why?"
I whispered.
When we arrived at the hospital doctors rushed around phoebe and wheeled her off in to surgery and I was taken to a waiting room where I sat for hours on end pacing the room, drinking endless cups of coffee, staring at the same page of a magazine, when a doctor came in it was doctor Wallace again, did he ever even go home.
He sat down beside me before I had chance to get up and walk toward him.
"Sinead, it is indeed very unfortunate that you are here again. Ive been meaning to call you as I wished to speak to to discuss which funeral home you will be want….."
I cut him off right now I just wanted to know how the sister I had left was
"How's phoebe?"
"they're just bringing her in from surgery. We had to stitch up her wounds and she lost a lot of blood so we had to do a blood transfusion and obviously because of the overdose we had to pump your sisters stomach. Theyre bringing her in to intensive care now, when she wakes up, shell find it hard to breathe and talk because of the bruising and swelling from the rope on her neck. and because we pumped her stomach its common that anything she eats will not stay down for long until her stomach settles back down, this can go on for a matter of days, now i know the first thing shell want to do as soon as she wakes up is get out of here as shes terrified of hospitals, but due to the extent of her injurys and based on how quickly she recovers shell most likely be in here for atleast 3 days after today."
"ill be with her" i said even though she was willing to leave me i wasnt going to break my promise.
"good, she needs you, now more than ever, to help her to get through all of this, and you need her just as much. Now sinead about your other sisters, i know yu dont want to talk about this now, and you shouldnt have to at your age" he looked at me with a pityful loook
"but phoebe is obviously in no fit state to do so and your the only other, now i know you dont really know what to do or how to handle these things so i took the liberty to start it off for you, as you know i was very close to your grandmother and i attended both her and your mothers funerals so i know that they both went with San Francisco funeral service department as your grandmother knew lenny who owned it so ive arrangeed for them to take your sisters and organise a funeral all you need to do is pick a date within the next 3 weeks, and choose flowers, reefs, songs and alert anyone you wish to come to the funeral, now i know that will be hard whic is why i have put a obituary in the local paper for you it will be in there for the next few days. now do you want to have to separate funerals or have them together? its on both your sisters will testiment that they both wish to be buried so it is possible to do both at the same time."
the doctor went on as he put a comforting arm around my back.
"together, they'd want it to be together" i said through tears
"okay thats fine, right you wont be able to see phoebe just yet so while i go and check up on things why dont you write a list of the songs and flowers and reefs you think theyd like there and then ill come and get you as soon as you can see phoebe?"
i sniffled as he handed me a pen and paper
"okay" i took them from him and began to think about what they would want i dont know what i would do without doctor wallaces help with this.
" if you have time aswell why dont you write down the names and numbers of the people that need to be told and a date then once its all set in motion i will ring them for you"
he said as he stood and offerd me a gentle smile
" are you sure?"
"yes, i wouldnt of offered if i wasnt. i just want to help and if this helps then i will do it, you shouldnt be doing this at your age anyway, your still only 18"
"thankyou" i said as i sniffled once again and began writting things on the list.
"not a problem" he said as he left th room
About twenty minutes later he returned
"hey, hows that list going?"
i looked up and gave a little smile.
"finished. can i see phoebe now?" i asked hopefully
"yes as soon as you hand me that list i shall take you to her"
"is she awake yet?"
"not fully but the nurses have recorded movements and mumbles which mean she should soon be."
"thankyou, for everything i mean" i said as i handed him the list and he opened the door to the room which phoebe was in.
"my pleasure, now go, be with your sister" he said as he nodded toward the door and i entered.
i sat down on the chair beside her and moved her hair from her face, i grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed it only to met with a squeeze back a very weak small one but indeed a squeeze. it was like de ja vu all over again except with a diffrent outcome.
"phoebs?" i said praying she would then wake up
"hmmmm..." she mumbled slowly turning her head toward me.
"its me phoebs... its sinead..."
"sinead?" she spoke so very quietly and struggled with every word
" yes sweatie its me"
her eyes began to flicker until they were fully open and i was met by the big brown pained eyes that filled with water so very quickly
i smiled at her
"Hi baby!" i was so glad she waas going to be ok
"I'm... i'm sorry..." she began but i cut her off.
" Its okay baby girl, we dont need to talk about that now, just as long as your okay, you just need to rest now sweatie." i said as i ran my hand through her hair.
I didnt want to talk about that now, i couldnt, i was still so confused, scared, hurt and angry.
"bu..." i cut her off again. if we talked about it then with th way my emotions were right then i knew i would nd up loosing it and arguing with her and i didnt want that and she didnt need it.
"No! not now! you just concerntrate on gettting better and getting out of here okay!" i said sternly at that moment in time anybody would think i was the eldest of us both.
she nodded and closed her weepy eyes. i waited a few minutes until i knew she was asleep and i flumped back down in the chair and sobbed, sobbed harder than i had ever sobbed before, i hadnt really started to grieve properly as i was too busy trying to look after phoebe and be a least bit strong for her and now all this had happened i couldnt bear it, i couldnt hold it in any longer, the father of my baby had killed himself just 4 weeks ago, then i lost my two big sisters on the same night just last night, and now my only remaining realative, my wn sister had also done all she could to kill herself, to join them, to leave me all alone, to abandon me. it was all to much. i calmed down after what must of been over half an hour of hysterical crying, i looked at the so vunerable, little body that lay on the bed, i took her hand in mine starig at it.
"why phoebs? why?" i whispered
for the next four days that phoebe spent in hospital i never left her only to go to the toilet to get food and to wash ect and thaat was onl when she was asleep. shed kept trying to talk to me about what shed dne but i still couldnt face it so everytime i avoided her. until that morning , four days after shed done it, shed been discharged from the hospital earlier than the doctors wanted but she hated hospitals and didnt want to be in there anymore so theyd allowed her home but she had been ordered to rest up and to avoid stress and not do anything to strenuos. she was still in quite abit of pain from her stomach wound and found it difficult getting up stairs etc so i helped her in to the manor and hung up my coat, my emotions were still all over the place and i was so tired i hadnt slept much over the past few nights. i left her to make herself comfy in the living room while i walked off in an attempt to put the kettle on. but she stopped me.
"sinead, i know yove been avoiding the subject for days now, but can we atleast talk about it..." i cut her off again, i had done that alot over the past few days
"No phoebs! not now okay?" i yelled i dint intend on shouting but i just did.
"No sinead! its not okay! we need to talk about it, we need to sit down and talk about everything thats happend in the past few days!"
"i said not now okay!" i yelled again
"But why! why not now!"
i sighed i was angry now my emotions were at boiling point and i was about to boil over
i took a deep breathe in an attempt to cal myself
"Phoebs, dont do this okay? just dont" i pleaded my eyes filling again
this time she raised her voice
"Why? sinead? why dont you want to talk about any of it!"
That was it i boiled over
"WHY? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I DONT WANT TO TALK ! DO YOU! WELL LET ME SEE MY BABYS DAD KILLED HIMSELF ONLY FOUR WEEKS AGO! THEN MY TWO ELDEST SISTERS BOTH DIE! AND THE ONE HOPE I HAV LEFT! THE ONE FAMILY MEMBER I HAVE LEFT! ASKS ME TO PROMISE TO NEVER LEAVE HER AND THEN GOES AND TRIES TO KILL HERSELF! YOU DIDNT CARE THAT YOU'D LEAVE ME! LEAVE ME ALL ALONE WITH NO ONE LEFT! I'D BE ALL ALONE AND YOU DIDNT CARE YOU JUST WANTED TO BE WITH THEM! YOU DIDNT CARE ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME! I NEED YOU! PIPER AND PRUE ARE GONE! YOUR THE ONLY ONE LEFT! I NEED YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW! I CANT LIVE ON MY OWN!I'M ONLY 18! I CANT LIVE WITHOUT MY SISTERS! I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU! I THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSE! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU BUT YOU JUST ABANDONED ME! WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST YOU LEFT ME! AND YOU DIDNT CARE! YOU ABANDONED ME!"
I screamed endless tears falling! she stood there gobsmacked tears also running down her face! i ran up the stairs and in to her room, i dont know why, i just wated to go in to phoebes room so i did i slammed the door shut behind me and threw myself on to her bed, curling up in to a ball i lay there sobbing my eyes out.
i heard the door open and footsteps walk toward the bed i didnt need to look who it was, i knew and besides it could only be one person now anyway. she sniffed and theni felt the bed move a little and i felt her awkwardly come toward me as she was stillin physical pain, not that she wasnt in pain emotionally as she was we both were. i felt her embrace me as her armwrapped around me grabbing my hand and her other arm moved my haair from my cheek, she kissed it gently before she rested her head on mine so our cheeks were touching
i needed that, i just needed her to hold me and keep me safe.
"I'm soo sorry baby! i shouldnt have done it! i didnt think about what would happen to you, my baby sister, i should be the one looking after you not the other way around. i should of been there for you, protected you. im soo sorry" she said trying to hold back the tears as she kissed my cheek again. i closed my eyes and held tightly to her hand.
i moved so that i was now facing her and she again put her arms around me and held my hand.
" i was so scared. i thought i was gonna lose you too, dont you get it, you know what billy did you know how he died and you nearly did the same! he abandoned me and ella and so have piper and prue and you were gonna do the same! was it not enought that i lost 3 of the four remaining people in my life you made it so i nearly lost four so i nearly lost you too!"
she looked at me guiltily and saddened.
"i know, im sooo sorry babyi really am"
"you asked me to promise to never leave you and i did but then you weNt and nearly left me"
i said through sobs.
"i cant loose you phoebe! not now not ever! i need you! more than you know, im so scared i dont know what to do i cant loose you" again i sobbed harder.
"I know im so sorry, you wont loose me i promise, im here now and im going to look after you no matter what. its me and you!"
she held me still for a long time afterwards and we grieved for our losses together.
and that brings me to now. sitting here remembering all that has happened in the past week. piper and prues funeral is tommorow and the kids are back in a few hours. what and how are we going to tell them, i do not have a clue, but me and phoebe wil face it together that is something i do know.
THE END!