DREAM BOAT
Closing eyes and breathing deep, is how I drift off to sleep.
This slumber is not the same as going to bed each night, these hours for dreaming are a time of pure delight.
But sure as day I'll wake up with my mouth paper dry, and I wonder whether I have died,
There is no such luck.
Fuck.
The ocean laps at the side of the rowboat, begging for entry. Besides the lantern glowing softly rocking back and forth on the bow, the stars and moon give the only guidance.
Sasuke looks at the sea.
He hardly ever says anything to me.
Except sometimes he says I'm and idiot, or tries to make me feel small.
I call him a bastard and I imagine that I can see a smile upon his lips.
Sometimes I stare at the water with him.
Sasuke is waiting for the Itachi fish to come back, so that he can kill it.
The Itachi fish, which he had once loved as a pet, has swallowed his whole family, leaving a lonely Sasuke behind.
He won't admit that he's lonely though.
But I know lonely when I see it.
Bleary eyed, I sit up.
I have left the place where I want to be, and I am back at the shit hole I call home.
Two girls I have never met before are lying next to me, naked.
Though they seem familiar somehow…
I prod one of them.
"Have you got any stuff?"
"Go ask big forehead over there!"
The pink haired girl shoves a plastic bag of green plant matter in my face.
"What did you fucking call me Ino pig?"
But I can barely hear them already.
I hold the joint to my lips.
I breathe the smoke in deep.
deep….
Sasuke is still gazing at the water.
Sakura is latched on to his arm.
Sakura is real pretty.
She comes to visit us on the boat sometimes.
Sakura is real pretty and I thought that I loved her for a while.
Sakura is real pretty, but I think Sasuke is prettier.
Don't tell him that though.
It's a secret.
My stomach rumbles.
I am starving.
There is half a burger on the floor from I don't know when.
It smells disgusting.
I eat it anyway.
What a great life I have, huh?
I crave something stronger than grass.
I drop a tab of acid.
That hits the spot.
Today Kakashi has come to visit.
He is teaching us how to fish.
Kakashi is a good teacher.
I show Sasuke the small fish I've caught.
I try to make him kiss the fish.
He punches me in the face.
I punch him back.
He pushes me so hard that I almost fall out of the boat.
"Now, now boys. Don't rock the boat."
You probably think that all I do is take drugs.
Not so, it's just that today is a bad day.
Actually, everyday is a bad day.
And I want to see him so bad.
I wake up and I don't know how long has passed,
Time doesn't really matter to me anyway.
I stretch and go outside.
The sun is setting.
People are starting to flock to the city to dance in crowded clubs and listen to dodgy techno music.
I also go to one of those crowded clubs, but I go there to work.
I can see the disbelief in your eyes.
Yes I do work.
It's probably where I found those chicks from the other night.
Not that I remember exactly.
The owner pays me to help him bartend sometimes.
I think he knows what I do with the money, but he doesn't judge.
I think he might know what it's like to want to go somewhere far away.
He's a pretty weird guy.
His hair is grey, but he's only in his twenties or something.
And he only ever shows one eye.
And he's the only person who's insane enough as to employ me.
It's an uneventful evening as always.
By the time the club closes, it's very early morning.
I greedily grab the envelope full of cash that my boss gives me.
I grunt a thanks and leave.
I grab a burger from some fast food outlet.
I really want to go home.
I really want to see him again.
My dream boy.
It's a sad life, isn't it?
Tonight we are alone under the stars, with the boat swaying gently to and fro.
I sit next to him, my bare arm touching his.
"Hey Sasuke?"
"…Yes?"
"Why aren't there any oars on your rowboat?"
He doesn't say anything, but I realise that there are some things that are best left unsaid.
That was one of them.
"I'm sorry."
He doesn't say anything.
"I like being on this boat with you. I don't care if we aren't going anywhere, honest."
I think I see tears rolling down his cheeks.
Tears from cool, calm and collected Sasuke?
I must be going mad.
But sure as day is sandwiched between night, Sasuke is crying.
Silently of course.
I take his hand in mine, but he removes it as quickly as possible.
For no reason in particular, I go to the park today.
The sun is shining, always a bad omen for me.
I'm just minding my own business, making mothers fear for their children's safety, when I see familiar blue-black hair.
I go step closer to him, and he turns around.
It's my dream boy.
Life has finally begun to be worthwhile.
"Good morning" he says as he smiles.
My heart sinks to my feet.
This isn't Sasuke.
Sasuke doesn't smile.
Sasuke wouldn't say good morning to anyone, let alone a stranger.
"Good morning…" I manage to murmur back, before I turn around and bolt back home.
I wash the few sleeping pills that I stash away (just in case) with the bottle of Scotch that I keep in the bathroom.
I roll myself a couple of joints and smoke them in the living room.
I… am… sleepy…
The sea is calm as always.
"Hey Sasuke. We've been here for a while."
"Hn."
I wonder if he is still upset.
A cold breeze blows past us, and I shuffle closer to him.
I grasp his hand in mine again.
This time he doesn't let go.
He looks away from the water for the first time that I can remember.
He presses his lips against my forehead and he goes right back to gazing at the water.
Closing eyes and breathing deep, is how I drift off to sleep.
This slumber is not the same as going to bed each night, these hours for dreaming are a time of pure delight.
But sure as day I'll wake up with my mouth paper dry, and I wonder whether I have died,
There is no such luck.
Fuck.